Two Yr Old Behaving Bad

A great book that may help you is Parenting the Strong Willed Child. It has lots of great tip[s to help with disciplining young children and trust me they work! My son is very headstrong and we had lots of issues with him (and sometimes still do) but using some of the tips in this book helped immensely.

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child-Rex-F...

I love the advice of Dr. Harvey Karp on how to get on a toddler's wavelength: : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6KnVPUdEgQ&feature=re...

Once your little boy realizes you do care about what he wants, he's more likely to be able to calm down and cooperate with what you need from him. And there are lots of positive ways to approach this, rather than just saying no to a child. They hear no so often, and they can be so frustrated. So look for ways of saying "yes," and save "no" for those occasions when he might be doing something dangerous. Here are some tips that help:

1. Give him advance notice when you'll want him to be doing anything differently, especially when he's grooving on his activity/play. With my grandboy, we let him know at least a couple of times that a change is coming ("We're going to go to the store / have lunch / take a nap pretty soon." … and then a second alert one minute before making the change.)

2. Whatever the next activity is, make it sound as desirable as possible. Give some detail about the ride in the car, or a favorite food at lunch, or sweet snuggles before nap. Be positive and enthusiastic. And be calm. Desperation will show, and even though your son is too young to deliberately engage in a planned power struggle, he will quite naturally sense any cracks in your resolve. And this is where future power struggles truly can begin.

3. Get to know his most likely trouble-spots, and plan ahead. In your son's case, it sounds like this is when he wants something. Be prepared with a distraction – for example, another toy he likes when you have to take your cell phone away from him. Or a healthy treat when he wants a junky snack. Laughter, introducing a new game, a few twirls and bounces, hugs or tickles can help break into his obsession toward something he wants.

4. Avoid bribes, but let him work toward occasional rewards. Don't try to buy his cooperation with "If you'll do X, we'll let you have Y." Instead, phrase it as if he gets to assist in advancing something good for himself: "Hey, as soon as you help me get X done, then we get to do Y." It sounds like a small distinction, but it's important.

5. Be sure he gets lots and lots of physical activity during the day. If he has pent-up energy, it will have to come out some way, and that way is likely to add to both your stress and his.

6. Expect less cooperation if the child is tired, hungry, over-managed, overstimulated or bored. Toddlers have very little ability to choose other behaviors for themselves, and that's completely normal. We teach that to them gradually, and it works most effectively to do this by example, consistency, and noticing the positive.

7. Whatever you are trying to teach will need to be repeated hundreds of times over the next few years. Spanking and time-outs don't work for every kid, and will actually backfire sometimes. Consistent, calm reminders of what you DO want from him will work better than punishing for what you DON'T want him to do.

Little kids are just following their most natural inclinations, and experimenting with every automatic strategy possible to get their natural needs met.

There's a wonderful book that your son is just about growing into: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. As your child increases his ability to communicate, the wisdom in this book will make it a resource you reach for many times for reminders. It's the single most effective parenting book I've ever read, and I've read quite a few good ones.

Dr Sears has some excellent advice on this. The thing is, that grandma and you need to be consistent with each other's discipline, so grandma needs to support your discipline too. Time out can still work, you just need to be calm, and firm.

Dr. Sears book:
http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Book-Better-Behaved-Chil...

and his website with some of the same discipline techniques:
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060100.asp

You and your mom need to get on the same page just as you would if it was you and his father. You need to be consistent. Also, calmly tell him that he does NOT yell at you. Let him know that you understand that he is frustrated, but yelling at mommy is not the way to deal with it....what can he do instead if he is frustrating, etc. I really liked "raising and emotionally intelligent child". I won't lie and say everything is perfect now, but I see my son in a different way and am able to handle him better now.

In addition...boundaries. You are living with your mother, so you have a mother-daughter dynamic that puts her in charge, whether conscious or not. You probably feel like she is judging you on your mothering. You and your mother need to get on the same page about the hierarchy in the house. You are the ultimate authority with your son, period. If you need her advice, get it away from him, so he doesn't see you deferring to her. When he goes to her, she should send him right back to you. If she's in the same room while you're dealing with his unwanted behavior, she should ignore him and let you do your job. The more you do it, the more confident you'll be in your role, wedged between being his mother and her daughter.

Hi C.,
Hang in there. A great website with amazing discipline tips is www.ahaparenting.com
Dr. Laura markham also has a daily newsletter.

All the Best, Jilly

Raising a child alone is so difficult. This is the time to stop feeling guilty and start being consistent. Trust me, I know! Time out never worked for my boy and neither did screaming or spanking but every child has his price. Start taking toys away that he likes until he can show you that he is behaving better. Be ready for full on fits. More importantly...be ready to ignore them. You also need to sit down with Grandma and let her know that you are the final word for your son. She can not keep sabotaging your place as his mother and disciplinarian. I know you want to give your child everything and part of you may feel guilty for many things but guilt doesn't belong in parenting. Children are built for manipulation, it's their survival mechanism and if they sense a way in, they will take it. All and all, you're doing him a grave injustice letting him have his way and preventing him from knowing that sometimes in this world we don't always get what we want. It's ok for him to be sad and angry or disappointed but it's not ok for him to throw a fit. The best defense is to ignore it. Walk away if you have to. Don't feed into it at all and don't let Grandma do it either. As soon as he realizes that no matter how he reacts he is not going to get his way with anyone, he will stop.

You've gotten some good advice but I wanted to put my 2 cents in bc I've been there. I was a single mom from the time my son was an infant to 5 years old. First and foremost you and your mother need to get on the same page and when he goes to grandma she needs to say "What did mommy tell you to do" or "What did mommy say." Right now she is the second parent. She can't pull Grandma rank until y'all are no longer living under the same roof. Then if she wants to spoil him when yall are visiting she can.

There are tons of books and I haven't read any of them. Timeout doesn't work for every child. I've also thrown toys in the trash, I've made him take toys to goodwill, he's been spanked - bottom & hand and he's lost cartoon time. All depending on what he was doing wrong. Throwing a toy - "if you throw your toy it will go in the trash. If you throw it you must not want it anymore." The majority I've only had to do a handful of times and he figured out that I was going to follow through on what I said. Some parents don't believe in spanking but most of them have very unrulely children as well. I used to babysit them and have friends with children that act up alot. Bible says if you spare the rod you spoil the child. Any time my son would start yelling at me I would tell him "Mommy can't understand you when you scream at me so when you are ready to calm down mommy will listen to you." and then walk into the other room. If he continued I either ignored it (only at home, inpublic he was spanked) or spoke to him almost in a wisper telling him he needed to calm down and speak to me with respect. If he can't hear you he'll stop screaming to hear what your saying. My second son now 19mths is a screamer. I say a lot of "Don't scream at me you use your inside voice to tell me what you need otherwise you won't get it." "Why are you upset, tell me/show me what you want." "You are a big boy and big boys don't throw tantrums when they go to bed or over xyz." The wisper works a lot with him as well. Just some food for thought and a few suggestions. Whatever you use be consistant and do what you say.

Hi C., toddlers and preschoolers are HARD. From the responses you've gotten, there are 2 camps that people seem to fall into - 1) disciplining with being stronger and finding what they want to avoid as a tool to get them to do what you want. or 2) Coming from a teacher who sets things up so they are attractive and desirable.

I chose #2 because I want to strengthen my family and not put us on different sides. It's odd to learn at first, but it really does work. Harvey Karp is a good place to start. So is "Playful Parenting" by Cohen. Have fun with what you want him to do and he will want to do it. Need to get to the car? Be a train and chug there. He'll join in the fun. Time to brush teeth? Look for uckies and pow-pow them out with the toothbrush. Save yourself tons of battles to come by approaching things with excitement and fun.

He is your family. Show him love and teach him kindness. He will always be grateful for that and return this in kind to you. He has a LOT of growing to do and that includes growing into being able to manage his temper. I had such a little two year old hot-head, but now as he's grown into a school age kid, he is very kind and has learned better manners because of my example on managing myself and also from all our conversations about it.

Be sure to give him focused attention when he is acting GOOD so that he doesn't try to get your attention from acting bad.

I am about half way through the book called The New Strong Willed Child and it has made a HUGE difference in how my 22 month old and I relate. I've always been a big Sears supporter and that worked well with my 4 year old, but my younger one is a lot stronger willed and more defiant. I'm amazed at the difference already and feel like there is a lot more love and cuddling between us because we aren't constantly having a battle of wills. I also don't feel like a terrible mom anymore because I'm not raising my voice near as much. Highly recommend.

Check out Love and Logic. Link with info below. Good luck!

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/08/11/...

You need to talk to your mother and tell her to ask you first before she gives him an answer to what he wants. I had that dilema with my daughter. Just start taking away his favorite things and tell him (w/o yelling or raising your voice) he can't play with them until he learns not to yell. The time out deal, I got her rocking chair and put it in a corner that I can see her at and make her sit there. She would cry and yell but I would just ignor her because it's the attention she wants. She be really stern about him getting out of that chair, if he does don't get mad. Just put him right back and walk away. Let him know that you are the boss and just because grandma is there he can't flip the script.
Good luck!
:)