Twins and Kindergarten

Dear L., congratulations on your beautiful twins. It is clear that you are a loving and thoughtful mother. My recommendation would be to focus on their unique needs as individuals right now, which you appear to be doing. Lots of growth and development can take place in over a year, so try not to worry too much about the future just now. Keep on responding appropriately to each as an individual, and all will sort itself out.

Good luck!

J.

My daughter started Kindergarden when she was 4 and turned 5 the week after starting. She did great. No problems being the "younger" one in class. Just wanted to add that since most of the posts seem to be suggesting to hold back the children if they are near the cut off date. I think it really just depends on the child. In regards to holding your son back I agree that it is a little too soon and he might progress so much in the next year in a half and be ready when your daughter is. :) Thanks.

I have twins too and an older son. I guess you are the one who knows the best. Consult the day care teachers and pediatrician. In my case, even though my twins are in the same class in Kindergarten, they really are two different people and can go to two different classes -- in daycares a lot of times they went to different teachers and it did not matter to them. So, if you think one is ready and can go -- I do not see any point in holding her back. One of my twins is much ahead of others in Academics but the second twin has extremely good social skills and he is very mature in many matters. They are different so just treat them like you would have treated each one individually if they were not twins.
Oh, couple more things -- My older son is born end of Sep. but when he was in Kindergaten, the teacher thought he was mature enough to go to 1st grade -- so around X-Mas he was moved to 1st grade and he is doing fine in 3rd grade now. So age factor is relative and really depends on the child.

I, when I was a child, finished my Masters before my 18 months older sister -- because I jumped grades too. However, you have to be careful that it does not impact them in any other way when people ask them questions ..
You praise them for what they are -- I tell each of my children that they are born with different strengths and personalities and that's why they are special and no one else is like them in the world, so there is no competition.

Take care

L.,
What a difficult choice! I don't know that there's a right answer, but here's my 2 cents. Their birthday is in July, so they're obviously going to be those "just before the cutoff date" kids. My son's birthday is September 6, so he's just 6 days off of the cutoff date. Fine with us since a) he's a boy, and I've heard/read/learned the running theme that lots of boys aren't ready for Kindergarten until they're 6 and many wind up held back for starting too soon and b) gives him more advantage in "growth" so that he'll hopefully be a bigger kid in school, not one of the littler ones. He's in pre-k now, at age 5, and is definitely towering over all of the kids in class. Since you have a girl, that's maybe something not in consideration. But having twins may be even more difficult of a decision, obviously. My first instinct is to say hold her back until they're both 6. How tough to be separated from a twin. But a couple of questions come to mind... is it likely he'll "catch up" and be ready for kindergarten in 2009 like she is? Is his speech delay the only problem? Seems that with therapy, he may be ready for K by 2009, if that's the only thing holding him back. That's a year and a half from now! You know how quickly kids catch up when they're a bit behind. Are there other reasons? Is it something that is likely to keep him back a bit for an extended period? If so, I'd wonder about holding her back. If you can get them to approximately the same level in the next year and a half, help him out with his learning catch-up, and still supplement her education at home so she doesn't feel bored, then I'd say wait on Kindergarten a year. If there are questions about whether he'll be ready then, I'm thinking just go ahead and let her start.
Not an easy decision. I wish you the best and hope you have a great support system all around. Best of luck!

Hi L., Have you had your son tested for Sensory Processing Disorder? Some of the things that you mentioned makes me wonder if he doesn't have this. Here in Orlando there is a clinic that works specifically with kids with this condition (I happen to work at this clinic - I don't know if I can say it outloud but it is in Winter Springs and begins with the letter L). If you google this - you will come up with a lot of information. As for your question - I would not hold back your daughter so maybe you could find a school that has a Pre-K program for him. At least they would be at the same school.

I am all for keeping kids who are on the 'border' dateline for school registration home another year. I think that their maturity needs to grow for them to be able to handle school.

As far as sending your daughter and not sending your son, will this cause problems in the future when people ask why your twins are in different grades, and is it because your son failed a grade, which is what people will assume. His self-esteem needs to be taken into consideration.

From what I understand (personal experience) with my friends children and also my nephew. It is much more common for boys to be held back in the first years of schooling, than it is for girls. I recommend holding him back if you don't think he is ready yet. As a mother YOU WILL make the right decision. Pray about it also and God will help you make this decision. But you don't want to just "push him through" Think it through and use the utmost discernment when making this decision. Ask God for help he will also guide you in the right direction! Hope you have luck with your decision! God Bless!

Don't stress so much now..It is quite a bit away..your son may be ready by then..However that being said..I would not hold her back if they are not on the same level..She needs the added stimulation...I have 3 1/2 year old triplets and they are not all on the same level...

Well,
I am no expert on the twin connection. They have a very strong tie. They are also individuals. I assume that if they were not twins you would have each child in the class that is appropriate for them./

My son was held in preschool an extra year because he JUST MISSED the cut off date. He's very smart and ahead of the class in many ways EXCEPT for socially. He's shy and becomes a loner at times.

Being held back will be really good for his confidence level for the rest of his years. Also, I am planning on supplimenting his education with science and animals...extracurricular things he is "into". Each child has a special purpose. Different strengths and different weaknesses. I would focus on what the twin with the speech and circle time issues is doing really well. I would emphasise that a lot and try to find a way to tie it in with staying in preschool another year. I don't know what that would be, but you turn a negative into a positive. Life does that for us all the time. For instance, I told my son "honey, the reason you have seizures is because you have SO MUCH POWER in your brain. You are meant to become something great. Your head can barely contain all that power! I wonder what you'll turn out to be!"

He loves it. He had seizures, he's 90% better now through natural remedy....

Anyway, I think you have to treat the children as individuals and be patient with the twin bond. Try to engage them to help each other.....explain to them that every person has a different path. Who knows? Maybe the reason that the one who stays behind is that someone wonderful comes into your lives. There's no telling. I wouldn't feel bad about keeping my child back even if his twin were to move forward. They have a whole life ahead, they can't live at the same pace all the time. Also, I wouldn't want to keep a child who needed to progress from doing so just because their sibling wouldn't be able to do the same.

Good luck. Twins are so awesome! Good job.

Hi L.
I do not have twins but I have been in your situation on
birthdays being right at the cut off. My 2nd daughter's
birthday is July 23 so she just made the cut off. She was
in Pre-K and entered kindergarten when she was 5. She
was the baby of the class and always seemed to struggle. We
even had her in Catholic school and she had extra help. Finally in 3rd grade we held her back to repeat the grade.
After that she had caught up and graduated with honors. Then came my 3rd daughter, who's birthday is August 5th. From past experience with Tarra we decided to hold Kalley
back and she went into kindergarten right after she turned 6. She is now in the 8th grade in all honor classes. So sometimes it is a good thing to make sure they are ready for school. I do not think it is a bad thing for you to hold both children back and let them go to kindergarten right when they turn 6. Twins have a special bond and even tho they might end up in different classrooms it is important that they "be together" in the same homework, friends etc especially when they are young. Your
daughter will only have more knowledge when she enters school at the same time as her brother. And like someone else said he will probably catch up in the next year. It wont be a bad thing for you to hold them both back and make sure they are ready, it'll just be for different reasons and peace of mind. You also do not want to go through brother/sister fighting with one saying they are smarter than the other and your son feeling he isn't as good as his sister. We learned the hard way when our daughter had to repeat 3rd grade and all her friends advanced. We made the right decission with Kalley. If you can make school a more pleasant experience where your
children are not struggling it is to everyones benefit.
Good luck to your family and
God Bless
V.

I would suggest waiting a year and see how much progress has been made. Check with their preschool than to see if they think they are both ready. You can also go over the standards for kindergarten and if they are meeting or close to most of them I would let them both go. If he has a special need then look at the areas outside his special needs and make sure they are up to par. Schools should have accommodations in place for those issues, but if he is behind in other areas also you may want to wait a year. As for putting one in before or holding her back also, if he isn't ready that's totally up to what you feel is best for both of them. I don't see a big reason to hold her if she is ready. If he isn't ready then hold him, but work with him.

Someone said that it isn't as much of an issue being held back in the early years like K or 1st. I was held back in 1st and I think that was very embarrassing telling kids that I failed 1st grade. It made me think they must think I'm real dumb if I couldn't pass 1st grade. I know when I got older if it was discussed I often got comments like, "How do you fail first grade?!" So I think it is an issue no matter what grade you are held back, but before K, I doubt it would even occur to them.

One last thing, if she is really wanting to go to school, asking when she's gonna start K, I would strongly consider her wishes.

Hello L., I have a daughter with a July 13th Birthday. We too struggled with sending her or keeping her home/part-time pre-school. She did very well in pre-school and was mature enough for Kindergarten. However, she started having seizures and a profound hearing loss her Kindergarten year. The teacher felt she would be bored if she repeated Kindergarten. We had gotten the hearing corrected and had her in tutoring over the summer between her K and 1st grade. In 1st grade she started having seizures that caused memory loss. ANYWAY, to make a long story short in March of her 1st grade year WE (my husband and I)called a conference and insisted she be held back. She did not have the foundation to continue. We have ABSOLUTELY no regrets about sending her to Kindergarten when we did nor do we regret retaining her in 1st grade. Better 1st than 4th or 5th when it is much more a social issue.
Keep in mind that while your children are twins they are also individuals. Don't push your son and don't hold your daughter back. Girls do tend to do things earlier than boys. You do have another year and a half and who knows, your son may just soar over that period of time. In a year if you have concerns talk to your pediatrician and see if you could get him evaluated and make your decision then. Hang in there, it is good that you are thinking about this but there is no need to worry. Have you spoken to other parents of twins/multiples?

I'm just curious if you've had your son evaluated by a specialist, such as a psychologist. I'm also wondering what other behaviors he has. Without trying to overanalyze what two traits you've described, I would seriously consider having him evaluated for Autistic spectrum disorder. If he has ritualistic behaviors, hates routine changes, has a hard time with transitions, has a very long attention span for things he feels are important (like building blocks for hours), dislikes touch, has other noticeable social issues (such as discomfort as circle time-it's hard to be so close to all those other kids), then you should. Mine was diagnosted at 4. He also had speech issues and potty training issues, and was very bright. There's also something called Sensory Intregration disorder that I believed sounded like my own child, so that got me on the search for what it was.

Don't hold your daughter back if she's ready. They may be twins, but they are two different people, and she shouldn't have to stay back because of her brother. Kindergarten is still a long way away. Good luck!

You need to treat them as individuals not as one child. If one is ready to move ahead you shouldn't hold her back. YOu should always encourage their individuality and embrace who they are. YOu need to do what is best for each individual child. What is best for your daughter is to go to kindergarden but it appears that what is best for your son is different. If you hold her back your son might still be held back in school and then where did it get you. They are going to have their own interests and friends and things they are good at. If she wants to be a doctor would you say no because her twin brother doesn't. Think about it logically, it doesn't make sense. You need to look at them each separately and do what is best for each of them. Good luck!

I agree that it is a very difficult decision. I know it would be hard for twins to be in different class years. On the other hand, while keeping her back a year may not seem like a big deal, I think it really depends on her personality. If she is very bright and on the advanced side of academic learning, then I really believe that keeping her back may just make her very bored when she does get to kindergarten/1st grade, etc. If she is really ready (not just borderline-ready), then I think you should let her go to school. As one of the others said, they are two different people. You would hate to turn her off to school before she even got started... I've also never quite understood why it's such a "good thing" for boys to tower over other kids. Start them when they are ready, test your son to make sure he doesn't have any other issues, and see if he catches up halfway through the year; perhaps he could be moved up mid-year. There's no rule that says he *has* to go to preK -- maybe by age 5 they will be ready together. Best of luck.

L.
THANK you for asking about your twins and advice! I have 13yr old twins...five all together! and YES, no matter what anyone says...it matters and its a HUGE DEAL!!! As it is, twins are unique and placed in a class all by themselves; judged, scrutinized (good and bad)...they are always on display. Girls tend to mature at a much faster rate...just look at the average classroom AND look at your daughter. If you "allow" the school system to dictate their pace...you will lose and the kids will suffer. Your son will have to deal with "yes, she's my twin, but I was kept behind ,etc"...issues that will hurt his sel-image, self-confidence. if he has a medical condition, that is one thing..but with all things being equal...keep them at home..let her excel and bring him along. I kept both my boys at home for two years...put them in 2nd...because of maturity issues...to this day, they are always "compared and contrasted" in EVERY area...so the more you can "help" your son with his self-image..and give him a boost...the BETTER! otherwise, he will have to explain and deal with questions and situations that make him feel "less of a person" and sis always being "smarter or faster or brighter"...issues you don't want to have to add to the mix if at all possible. ALso, know that boys will grow at their pace...a lot of times RUN past girls...at a later date. When he is ready..you will know. Until then...I ran my boys raged from age 5-6; 5 or more hours at the park....they simply could care less about school or learning on any level..they hit 6 and BOOM! ready! but its different for all kids...that is where "mom's wisdom" kicks in....and dont get pulled in to "theory" and "what is best" based on some outsider's ideals! YOu control his future...now...give him ALL the help you can muster...it will all be fine and his elementary years will be full of fun and joy, not sadness and self-doubt...
God gives you the insight...go with it...and stand on it no matter what anyone suggests. Just for the sake of being "twins" there are so many other factors to consider that seems to alude people when discussing these issues...twins are different all together...whether folks agree or not...until you have them and deal with the school system and evaluations and scrutiny...that does not happen to singles...you have no idea. Sure, they can deal with it when they are in their 20's but NOT at 5 and 6....when they start to establish who they are and "why"...As one mom said, you wouldnt judge one for wanting to be a doc and the other not...but again, that is when they get to that stage, until then, build them up, build her up, let her excel...but dont rush to quickly in to separating so early...the bond is beyond words or wordly "ideals" and until you see it from their level and understand it fully...you cant know all answers or throw them in to ONE category! EVER! I am their mother, gave birth, and yet I don't understand the depths of their relationship...its amazing and NOT for me to change or manipulate manually...just because i CAN!!! You are to govern their entire wellfare at every level...dont jump to conclusions and don't jump in with the crowd...All are quick to give advice but rarely deal with the consequences of their "ideas"...I am so thankful that I did not allow society dictate what they deemed best for our twins...they are all the better for mom being mom and not allowing "generalities" to govern them! Take your sweet 'ole time and let it play out with discernment! Your twins, just because they are twins, deal at an entirely different level than singles...remember that...alot of "unspoken" rules and regulations...situations you must consider before rendering judgement or placement...they are in a class all by themselves...even when amongst their peers...Iv'e seen it for 13 yrs up close and personal...and its beautiful...as long as you see it that way!
Blessings!

If she is able to go to Kindergarten, then by all means send her when she is of age. Just because they are twins doesn't mean that they have to go to school together, be in the same class, etc. If he were an only child, you would not be asking this question. In your heart, you know it is right to keep him behind until he is ready. If your daughter is advanced, then she should be able to go ahead and excel. If you do not separate them in kindergarten and it becomes necessary in a later grade, it will be that much harder. I recommend doing what is right for each child individually, not together as a unit.
K.

As a disabilities specialist who works with preschoolers, I want to commend you for having your son in speech therapy. Early intervention is key in resolving speech and other learning problems. I also think you should get a psychological evaluation on your son. I'm not trying to scare you or tell you something may be wrong. However, the fact that he has little speech, is resistant to potty training, and does not participate in group activities could be an indicator of a greater problem. Again, I'm not meaning to scare you. It's just something you may want to consider. As far as kindergarten, I would not even worry about that now. Children grow so much between the ages of 3 and 5. With the therapy your son is getting, I bet he will grow and blossom so much in the next year, you will be amazed. I would suggest talking with the speech therapist and find out what techniques he/she's using with your son. That way you can work with him at home too. It makes a big difference when parents are involved in all aspects of their children's education. Just be patient with him. Don't worry about kindergarten. He'll come around at his own pace. Hope this helps! :)