Tween Behavior!

Are there particular things that you do for her that she doesn't ask for you to do, that you just do because she needs them to be done? The next time this happens, DON'T do something for her. When she asks why, tell her why. Rachet it up until she "gets" that this attitude of hers about the board is affecting her in a way she doesn't like. That will help. You'll probably have to have this discussion several times.

Good luck!
Dawn

Wow, you're really nice. I think "eye for an eye" would be a perfect response to this. When she says she wants to go to the movies. Take her to the movies, then bring her back home. Let her know she didn't explicitly say "watch the movie." And do several of those things to show her how much of a spoiled brat she's being.

Her literal interpretation of your chores is ridiculous. Be the parent, and stand up to your child. Is it your house or hers? Those are her responsibilities. Just like feeding and clothing her are yours.

If she persists, buy her uniform clothing. No need to buy her the latest trends, because in her literal world, it should just be clothing. I think she needs a big fat dose of her own medicine. But, you'll have to be one step ahead and quick on your toes! Wishing you the best of luck!

"I'm punishing you for being a smart-alack. You knew what I wanted you to do when I told you to put that dishes away, but you chose to be nasty and use my words against me to try and get out of your responsibility. That is what you are getting punished for."
Or
"You know what I mean/meant, now go do it properly this time."

This can even be done as you remove all the "dishes" replacing them in the dishwasher and making her do it all again. But that's a little nasty.

My daughter is 5 and she does this already. I usually use the "You know what I want, now go do it."

I'd call it a lawyer in the making.

Hi - I think that a lot if the suggestions you already received are good but I do want to add something else here. When I look back at the questions you've asked over the past month regarding this child they are always from the "problem" perspective. Things tend to be her problem and you're the victim of her behavior. Have you considered the role you may play first in a bigger perspective. For example in some posts you refer to her as your daughter and in others your stepdaughter. If you're inconsistent about how you view her online are you that way with her too? Are you ( and your family) completely clear about your status as "mom" not "step mom"?

I don't think that kids should be disrespectful. But it seems to me that she doesn't respect your role in the family. She may feel that she does not need to accept discpline( not punishment) from you because signals that she's getting in the family is that she doesn't have to. Also, really take a look back at the messages you've written and ask yourself if you see your daughter/step daughter as a joy or a pain. If you see her as a pain and treat her behavior as a pain she'll do the same to you. It won't get better with time- it will become a deeper rift in your relationship.

Too smart for her own good.
Have a discussion about how 2 can play that game, but it will not be pretty, since you are older and have more experience being a smart alack.

I used to remind our daughter, I was not asking her to do anything I have not done a million times on my own.. and if she wants to enjoy continuing to have freedoms and entertainment, we will not be playing these reindeer games. Especially with me.

Daughter - "Can I go to the movies?"..
Mom~ "Sure"

Then when she says "Ok, I am ready to go to the movies!" "I will need some money...".

tell her, "sorry, you did not ask to be taken, you just asked if you could go. You also did not ask for money.." {{{{SMILE}}}}

Our daughter new better than to pull this with me.
I watched her friends pull this and I was usually able to enlighten their parents.

Hi C.-

I would simple change what I wrote on the dry erase board!

Example:

"When dishwasher is clean...empty and put away all clean items"

I would also have her on a schedule to 'look' (and initial dry erase board) at certain times of the day...

That way she has a regular schedule of 'looking' and reading any updates...

But goodness...don't you have a chance to 'talk' with her? Chores in my house are kind of 'fluid'...and when something 'extra' happens...I just say "_______, could you help with______?"

In a family...at least mine SH!@ happens...and part of being family is chipping in when it does.

Is something else going on?

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

I would start being more general in the title of the chore. Such as all items in the dishwasher must be put in it's home when the dishwasher has been run and the dishes are clean. All laundry in the dryer must be either folded, hung, or put up in it's home when the dryer is finished.

On my son's laminated chore list includes the following:

- Help with projects
- Lend a hand when asked

Why?

Because this is the kid who, as a toddler, would be quite serious about being sent to his room and not to come down again until told to or the timer went off.

"But in the eventuality of a fire? Burglers? My roof collapsing? If someone else calls me down? The police come? A spider infestation? Snakes? Stomach flu?" AD NASEAM Dozens and dozens of reasons why he might NOT be supposed to stay in his room until I called for him or the timer beeped.

Sigh.

I shortcut the 20 minute list with an "All the usual exceptions apply."

It's just a way of life 'round here. Plan for the off the wall. So his chore list essentially includes "When I ask you to do something, do it."

Many days they're freebie chores, and gets checked off as a matter of course. Other days, I'm asking a lot of him.

Just an end-run thought

A lawyer in the making?

my 4 year old does this. and I can't fault him for it. I just remember next time to be very specific with my requests. (i.e. put the entire contents of the dishwasher away).

Get one of those magnets that says "dishes are dirty, dishes are clean" and stick it to the front of the dishwasher. Tell her when it says dirty it's time for her to do her magic.
She's old enough to argue with you which means she's old enough not to need the dry erase board too and should be intuitive enough to know when the dishes need doing.
Strict parents have obedient children. And they turn into more organized adults instead of willy nilly.

My 11yr old does the same thing and smart a$$ talk and behavior results in being grounded because I won't tolerate it! She is old enough to know better and that you meant the silverware too even though you didn't specify. It's just their way of being in control of themselves. If she wants control, give it to her. She is in control of her own clothes (washing, drying, putting aways), her own dishes to use-cup, bowl, plate, fork, etc and she can only use them and she has to wash them. She'll either A) not like the idea when you tell her (mine sure as heck doesn't!) or B) will do it and it won't last long and she'll be begging you to let her have the chores back again.

S.

Similar attitude from my 11-year old daughter + lots of eye-rolling. I'm trying to learn to pick my battles. However, if she says "no", she isn't doing something, I tell her that it's fine and I'm not going to make her do it. However, I also make it clear (and I stick to this) that her priviliges will be revoked accordingly. The fact that she's very social is my strong card, but whatever your daugher holds near & dear can work for you (cell phone, computer time, TV...). I know we haven't even gotten to the full-blown teen years, but I'm trying to pace myself. Good luck!