Trouble with Going to Preschool After Birth of New Baby

Hi B., When I was pregnant with #3 my oldest was going to pre-school, my middle one was at home with me or at the babysitters when I was at work. When we had #3 (in Feb) I decided to pull her out of pre-school and let her stay home until kindergarden in the fall rather than fight with her about leaving me. I had to return to work the begining of may and all three went off to the babysitter's with no problems at all. You haven't wrecked her world, you've changed it and she has to learn to adjust. Think about it, for 4 years (her entire life) she has had your undivided attention and you have been the center of her world. Suddenly, even though you told her, she has a sister...and that is really hard to adjust to! And you want her to leave to go to school? Wow, now that's not asking too much is it? Now I don't think you should spoil her or "baby" her, but really...is missing a couple of months or pre-school going to effect her in the long run? No...not at all! And the bond you could be helping along between sisters will last a lifetime. So encourage her nurturing feelings towards her sister and keep her home!! You'll have a more peacefull household in the long run...in stead of starting some possiable long term resentments! Best wishes.

I've heard that some kids after the long holiday break act like it's the first day f school all over again and your situation is also impacted by the new baby as well.
Maybe plan some special baby-time for her after school when she can help hold/change/love on the baby. Tell her that the baby will be waiting for her and missing her while she's at school but she also wants her to go and have fun with her friends at pre-school! Good luck. I'm sure it's O. of those things that she will adjust to as time goes by.

My advice would be to make pre-school a special place for only "Big Girls", so that she can take pride in going there. She needs to realize that she is just as important as the new baby and that school is an exciting place that she gets to go. Also let her know that the baby will want to do the things that she does, because she is the "Big Sister", and that is an important job. So she can show the baby how to go to school like a big girl, she have the spotlight at dinner and tell the family all about the fun things that she made or learned at school.
Good Luck

This too shall pass...

You did turn her world upside down, but that will eventually be a good thing. She will be fine and will adjust to the changing situation. Think how much harder change would be for her later on if she never had changes now.

I do wonder about adjusting how you are presenting this to her, though. You said, "I made a calendar for her, so that she can see what days are school days and what days we get to do things together, just her and me, like going to the library or to the pottery store." That makes me think that school days are bad days when I don't get to spend time with Mommy. I would emphasize that school days are SO much better than staying home with a silly 6 week old baby who can't do anything but cry and sleep and eat. Boooring! School days you can play and be loud without waking the baby up and eat all kids of stuff that babies can't eat... etc., etc., etc. And mommy can rest on school days (ha ha) so she had lots of energy to go play at the park and paint bowls, yadda yadda.

At 4 I'm sure she likes to be a big kid and a helper, so I'd go with that tact. Maybe send treats she doesn't normally get to eat or buy some special school clothes, etc. Or maybe get her a cheap digital camera (they have some pretty kid-proof ones) if the teacher is ok with it and make a photo book of her day at school to show you (and the baby.) Or a sticker book/allowance for days she goes to school? I'm not into bribery, BUT I don't get up, get dressed and go to work for free... it doesn't have to be money, but there should be some small compensation for doing things we don't want to do! :-)

Dear B.,
I noticed a four year difference between your daughters. I think that bonding between siblings is more delicate, the greater the age difference. My brother who is four years older than me is still not entirely over it that I intruded on his happy kingdom! :) I don't think that it would be so terrible to let her stay at home with you and her new sister. I personally think that kids who are able to stay at home with their mom are very lucky. It is increasingly a rare and precious thing in today's world that Mom is at home. Frankly I don't understand the rush to have them go off to school. My son suffered of stomach aches every day when it was time to get on the bus and he had three older sisters getting on the bus with him. I decided to home school (just) him in second grade and when he went back to school in third grade he did exceptionally well (now he is at Pitt School of Engineering). Each child is unique, and we parents have to be able to change our parenting style to give each child what s/he needs.
Good luck,
N