Toddlers Twice Rushed to Hospital While in MIL Care

I certainly don't know all the facts, but a seizure? I'm darn glad she called 911. A high fever after a vaccination? Hey, better safe than sorry.
Your post seems to me to imply that your MIL was responsible for the childrens problems? Many kids do run high fevers after vaccinations. As for the seizure, I would imagine the doctors and parents will be getting to the bottom of the causes for that. If your MIL is responsible I am certain something will happen. As a parent, I would just be glad she got them to medical care instead of waiting for me to get there to do it.
She raised your husband(?) and his (siblings?). Now she's too dumb to take care of kids, especially yours? She's probably a lot more relaxed about it than you are because she does have experience. Is your Mom allowed to have only supervised visits as well?

5 moms found this helpful

I would say that both of those events are medical events, neither needing an ambulance visit. Neither of them MIL's "fault". I wouldn't use these events to support not leaving a child in her care. If anything, she was OVER-REACTING to the event and being extra cautious.

And for the record, I have a child that is now grown that had seizures, we called the ambulance. It is horrifying, but as explained really relatively benign.

I've also experienced a true life-threatening medical emergency with another of my children where she had a heart attack.

4 moms found this helpful

I wonder which incident happened first. If it was the seizure she may have been badly scared and over-reacted to the high fever one month later. I know that seizures are not medically dangerous and would not require an ambulance, but they are scary. Maybe your MIL was a little trigger happy from being scared about the original emergency call. My Mom is a great Grandma but she freaked out when the dog had a seizure! Don't judge her too harshly she's just looking out for your kids!

3 moms found this helpful

you made the comment that you aren't sure of your mil's knowledge of caring for infants/toddlers....how did your husband grow into an adult?????

2 moms found this helpful

So...you're not talking about YOUR child (ren)??? You may not be blaming her outright, but you are certainly intimating that she is at fault in some way.

It is fine to have reservations about her ability to care for toddler or babies--not everyone operates on the same wavelength and, as mothers, we rarely believe that someone else can do as good of a job as we can. In previous posts, you've certainly given the impression that you're not crazy about her. That's okay, too...we don't have to love everyone in our lives.

Based on the information that you gave, I don't necessarily consider it peculiar. A seizure is nothing to mess with...especially if you don't know to what expect from it or don't have experience with them.

A "high" fever needs a little more qualification. I wouldn't be calling the ambulance for a fever...but it only takes 1-2 degrees before a high fever causes a febrile seizure in some kids. I rarely medicate a fever 102 or less in MY daughter...any higher and I know the puking is going to start. But that's something I know from experience with MY kid. Every kid is different.

As another has said, she may not feel comfortable driving in an emergency. I've had to take my daughter to the ER with an allergic reaction a couple of times...I was a wreck trying to drive and make sure her airway was still open (luckily she responded well to the Benadryl and was breathing fine by the time we got there).

Your husband probably is leaving out details...most men just seem to miss the finer points.

2 moms found this helpful

OK I think I got it - putting in context of some of your other posts. It's clear you don't have a great relationship with you MIL to begin with, and the two toddlers you refer to were not your children but rather her other grandchildren. I have to say that the fever after vaccination is clearly nothing your MIL could have provoked or prevented and I would understand her getting alarmed.The seizure - you'd want to know what was thought to have caused the seizure but as long as it wasn't due to the toddler ingesting some poison at your MIL then I wouldn't blame her either (not that you are). It certainly does seem to be a rather odd co-incidence but may simply be just that.

The more relevant concern you have seems to be about allowing her to care for your child, and I think you have every right to make the decision that she cannot have un-supervised visits if you feel she isn't up to it. I completely agree that having a grown son is no proof whatsoever that she can raise children - and you are not obligated to allow her access to your child especially when you have legitimate safety concerns.

One things I would stress is that you & your husband should be on the same page about this - you don' t have to disparage your MIL to him (and I wouldn't recommend it - never goes over well for son's to hear their wives saying anything negative about their Moms) but you should certainly agree on the ground rules about visits with Mother in law.

Best of luck!

2 moms found this helpful

Reading your request carefully, it's impossible to tell whether you are speaking of incidents you heard in the news, or from someone you know, or whether this MIL was the same woman in both cases, or whether these were two separate families. At any rate, you don't seem to be speaking of your MIL – is that correct?

Yes, it is an odd situation if the same MIL rushed two separate grandchildren to the hospital. I can think of two contributing factors.

One is simply coincidence. Any particular MIL (also known by the less biased term of grandmother) is not likely to have been the cause of either a seizure or a high fever in a toddler. Though negligence could have been a contributing factor, both incidents could have happened with little warning, even with very good care from a parent or grandparent.

The other factor could be that the grandmother became alarmed, and called for the medics to be sure the child or children got the best and quickest care possible. That could be interpreted as very good judgement.

If you have reason to believe YOUR husband's mother is not likely to give your children the careful oversight they deserve, that's a reasonable thing for you to be concerned about.

2 moms found this helpful

I guess I don't understand why you have reservations about her care when she called an ambulance to help children during a seizure and a high fever. She may have saved the child's life during the seizure. I would have driven the child to the doctor with the high fever, but as she is older, perhaps she was too nervous about driving while upset and chose to call an ambulance instead - kudos to her. Her behavior is a ton better than the lazy babysitter who doesn't watch the kids and doesn't even know about the seizure or fever, or the one who calls the mom on the phone and says "You come deal with it - I don't know what to do."

You don't seem to like your M-I-L very much, since you only let her see your children with you there. I wonder what your husband thinks of that. Your own kids may feel that way about you watching your grandkids one day if you aren't careful.

D.

2 moms found this helpful

I guess I'd want to know what the doctor's said. If all indications are there truly was a seizure and the fever was high enough to warrant concern then I guess I'd be happy that she reacted as she did. If she over-reacted to more minor medical events then I would probably want to let her know what emergencies I might think warrant a call to 911 and what she can just call me on my cell phone about (and I'd want to make sure that I was absolutely reachable at all times).

To take this to the extreme, are you concerned about something like Munchausen where she might be causing or making up medical emergencies for attention? I actually have a sister in law who does this. She uses herself, not others but she is always going to various doctors with all kinds of new symptoms. This is why I'm wondering what the doctors said after examining the toddlers.

Good luck,
K.

EDIT: Regarding your comment about not recognizing an ear infection it's sometimes easy to miss. I myself have taken my child to a routine checkup only to be told by the pediatrician that he has an ear infection. I have friends and family members to whom this has happened as well. My sister in law just had this happen this week with my niece's 2 year check up. Not all children react to ear infections with noticeable symptoms. Your MIL may not be a great person to leave the kids with, that's up to you, but that fact that you said (in all caps) "my child goes nowhere without me" makes me think in your eyes there is no one good enough to watch your child. Again, that's your call but it certainly makes life a little more difficult if you will NEVER leave your child's side.

2 moms found this helpful

I think its just coincidence.

Next, your reservations about her are another different issue.
But go with your gut instinct. If it is NOT anything to do with her or your getting along with her... or maybe she is too old to be cognizant or able to care for babies... then be smart, and get a more able baby-sitter.
If you feel she has lack of knowledge about caring for kids or her home is not safe enough for kids or not baby-proofed etc., then that is your 'gut instinct' about her. Is it? Or do you just have a dislike for her or not liking the way she handles kids? Or is it her all around ability?
Overall, I would just get a different baby-sitter, that YOU choose.
You need to be comfortable with the care-taker of your kids... and if you feel you have to only have your kids visit her while in your presence, then that is just too uncomfortable. For both sides.

all the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful

She sounds loving and careful. You sound judgmental and harsh. Maybe the ambulance didn't need to be called. Maybe it did. But how on God's green earth can you blame her for seizure and fever?

2 moms found this helpful

I haven't had any emergencies while the kids where in someone else's care but i'm not sure you can blame your MIL for these. When your child had the seizure did it happen after a fall/head trauma due to your MIL not paying attention to your child? If not, then you really can't blame her. A seizure can just happen for absolutely no reason at all (epilepsy). As for the child having a high fever after the vaccination that isn't her fault either. High fevers are a possible side effect to several vaccinations and if the child never had that problem in the past how can any one know. If it did happen before then the child should have never been given a second dose of that vaccine! Maybe she didn't need to call an ambulance. She was probably very scared. Did the child lose consciousness due to the fever? That would have made me call for an ambulance. If it makes you feel better to always visit Grandma together then continue to do that...but Grandma will probably notice and it may cause tension between the two of you. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hey, I'm with you on this. I think it sounds strange that they were rushed to the emergency room.

I don't trust my MIL either. Did she raise my husband and his three brothers? Yes. Did she raise them well? No. She DID, after all, leave her middle son outside of the cabin in the cold in Colorado when everybody went skiing. Not on purpose but because she just doesn't think. She keeps begging to keep my kids by themselves and I just wonder why. All my inlaws do is sit around and watch TV and every once in a while remember that they have some grandkids running around.

I know my second paragraph was not an answer to your question, but I wanted to give the others out there that were questioning why you felt the way you did an example of a MIL to be worried about. You are not alone in feeling that. My kids will have to be old enough to fend for themselves before they stay with the in laws!

1 mom found this helpful

Are these your kids? I'm confused by your post.

Is it possible that MIL is just an alarmist type and goes to the ER rather than call pediatrician for advice, try Tylenol, etc?

1 mom found this helpful

I don't trust my MIL with my kids either. She is a drunk. On the other hand, my neighbors were watching their grandson and he had a seizure and they called 911. They found out later he had an ear infection and the fever came on very fast and was the cause of the seizure. They are wonderful, caring people and love that baby. It just happend in their care and the did the right thing by immediately calling 911.

1 mom found this helpful

I would question the use of an ambulance if there isn't an emergency.
A few questions: If they are only in your presence, then how did this happen? Did you decide to be present because of past events? What did the hospital say about their condition? Did it merit a visit to the emergency room? Or was MIL overreacting?
Honestly, without that information I'm not really sure what it is that you are asking.
Added: Ok. I see now. The kids at the hospital were someone else's.
Again, you would have to know if there were any actual problems with the kids before you could make a judgement.

1 mom found this helpful

I had this same problem with mine (she is now my ex MIL). My son eventually died in her care at the age of 3. He had a seizure at her house when he was 1. He was life flighted from her house. He was taken to the hospital once after that for getting into her diet pills. I didn't even find this out until after my son died and I was going through his medical files. They never told me. Then he drowned in her care because she left him alone. She would always say to me "I've raised 4 kids, I know what I'm doing". All that time I knew in my gut that something would happen to my child. Go with your instincts before it's too late!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Your entitled to get the medical report from the Hospital. I think if I had any questions they would be answered that way. If your not comfortable leaving your little ones at her home. Then do not, follow you instincts. Your a good mom, but I would find out what happen through records.

How can she have a lack of knowledge in caring for infants/toddlers? She's your MIL so therefore raised your husband

If you don't feel comfortable leaving you child in her hands, by all means, don't!!! No matter who she is! It sounds like your child has severe reactions to vaccinations, which is not uncommon. Hopefully you've already done tons of research on this topic. Check out www.ipca4kids.org for more information and stats on vaccination reactions.
Hope this helps!

Updated

If you don't feel comfortable leaving you child in her hands, by all means, don't!!! No matter who she is! It sounds like your child has severe reactions to vaccinations, which is not uncommon. Hopefully you've already done tons of research on this topic. Check out www.ipca4kids.org for more information and stats on vaccination reactions.
Hope this helps!

Emergencies happen, so I don't know if this is peculiar. Febrile seizures aren't too uncommon and some children are quite susceptible to them. Fever after vaccination isn't uncommon either.
Maybe she is hesitant giving them fever reducers... many people are hesitant to give their kids drugs, I wouldn't say that speaks for a lack of caring... she might just need direction on how to deal with a fever.
Nope, I don't think it's too unusual, maybe the kids have some underlying medical condition that you don't know about (may even be undiagnosed) or as you say, you just don't have enough information on what actually unfolded (maybe she's just extra careful or freaked by a high fever, especially after the first experience).
Since they aren't your kids, I'd say stay out of it.