Toddler Rejecting Dad

Your husband needs to try (so hard!!!) to not take this personally. It's such a normal response from a toddler! But very painful for dad. You can help tremendously, too. Talk positively about your husband all the time to your son, and basically MAKE him spend time with his daddy! When he pushes dad away, don't give in. In a chipper voice, say, "Daddy's helping you, I need to go ____________." Then walk out of the room. Even if he screams and tantrums. (He will!)

Keep doing this! Also, your husband should take him out for dad and son outings a ton. Breakfast at a diner, to a museum, etc.

Finally, create a routine now that incorporates a lot of daddy into it. This will help you so much when the new baby is here! If it's always daddy who comes and gets him in the morning, for example. And if it's always daddy who gives him a bath. Those types of things will keep your son understanding what to expect, as well as give you the time you need with your newborn!

Your son is scared and insecure about this new baby. That's totally understandable! So he wants to suction himself to your side and never leave. :) But he'll figure it out, with a little help. And your husband has to take the high road here, even though his heart is a bit bruised.

Hi C.,
It's normal for kids to have a "preferred parent" for a while. I would say to not make a big deal of it, but to give opportunities where dad must be the caregiver. Be busy at bath time or story time, and let your son know that you can't devote that time to him now, that he doesn't have a choice of which parent is doing bath or story. Be out of the house at these times, so that your son only has dad to take care of him, and this may remind your son what a great and fun guy dad is.
Good luck

It's so hard to be rejected by your own child! Hannah and Miranda have great suggestions. Our kids are 13 months apart so we've dealt with a lot of rejection (a lot from my son of me). We have a routine of each putting one kid to bed every other night. Sometimes our son (the 2 year old) freaks when it's Daddy's turn and he wants me, or vice versa. Often, when this happens, we will do bedtime together with him or share the duties. "Daddy's going to read you books and sing you songs, then Mommy will come in and sing a song too and pat you." The hardest thing is sticking to your word - if it's Daddy's turn then I need to help promote that by saying good night and leaving the room, even if he's crying. Almost always he calms down within 20 seconds and then is fine. We don't assign tasks of "mommy always does this and daddy always does this" because our kids were so close in age and you never know what each moment brings, especially in those first 6 months. So alternating gives a sense of routine and security but adds in the flexibility aspect. When the new baby comes, be sure that you both take special time with your 2 year old - together (during newborn naps) and also one on one. And above all, make sure your son knows you trust Daddy to do it right. Children really sense emotional stuff between their parents. Good luck!

I agree with sheila M. You need to look at the situation and determine if its something your husband is doing (or not doing). I'm not in any way suggesting he is not being a good father b/c I'm sure he is. Sometimes the fathers don't get the big picture though. My 22 month old is doing this to my husband right now. Its terrible. I feel bad for my husband and my husband feels bad too b/c the highlight of his days are with my son, and now they are difficult. Its disappointing for him. I think the probelm is because they aren't relating to each other properly. My son in becoming very independent, he has a lot to prove right now and he is experiencing power struggles all over the place and I'm not sure my husband is understanding of that or knowing how to effectively deal with it. My son's not a baby, but he's also not five years old and it seems like my husband forgets both and doesn't always treat him age accordingly. My husband is a more stern and usually my son cooporates, but now its evoking a power struggle. My husband isn't as patient as I, so thats creating upset feelings when my son is trying to do something himself but my husband just goes ahead and does it b/c he doens't realize my son WILL eventually do it on his own. My son and I have time together before my husband gets home from work (I work f/T too). When he gets home my son is happy but he doesn't seem to like the interruption of what we were doing. Then my husband has to eat dinner, shower, and whatever else so then my son gets upset b/c not only have we been interrupted but now he's not getting the attention he needs from both of us - b/c now I'm doing things like getting my husbands dinner ready and cleaning up etc. My husband put on his sports stuff too - when my son was watching his good night show and that makes him mad and I told my husband - thats rude - I HATE IT TOO so I don't blame our son for getting upset. LOL! Another thing - my husband and I have disagreements - not so much arguements b/c they aren't that, but my son knows when my husband is bugging me and he inevitably always takes my side, so I am trying to be aware of that and be sure that even if we are disagreeing on something that its respectful so my son isn't getting the wrong message and treating my husband disrespectfully b/c he's being overprotective of me. Maybe your son is feeling overprotective of you and the new baby.

My husband and I have discussed this and we agree on all of the above. Its not that my son dislikes him obviously, they just aren't relating to each other. I sometimes have the same issues with my son, but I'm more aware of it. So my husband made great efforts this morning to adjust his behaviors and I have to say - my son was much more receptive to him. Theres obvious lines of course that can't be crossed and some actions are just not allowed no matter what - like hitting (my son hitting us, we don't hit him at all) or my son being fresh to my husband - like he uses his first name when he's mad at him - so not acceptable!!! They can disagree and not get along but my son still has to respect him - bottom line is they have to respect each other.

I hope this helps. I'm sure there will be a time when your son wants your husband more than you - It happens to me often b/c I seem to always be the one making my son do things like get dressed, go to school , wash his face, etc...things he doesn't like but for now I'm not the bad one (so to speak) so I am ENJOYING my time in the parenting spotlight - LOL!

My kids went though the same thing with me and it broke my husbands heart. They were so bad if he tried to get up on the weekends and do breakfast I would hear them say "We want Mommy, she doesn't cut our toast like that" I would never give into that I would tell them this is how daddy makes it and I would eat what he served in front of them. It is important to take a united front and support your husband through this time. I think it is so normal for kids to go through this and as fast as it comes is as fast as it will go. My husband would look at me with such a hurt look on his face so I would always reassure him and tell him not to take it personally. I was a stay at home mom so I was the one that was home with them all day. I would just keep supporting daddy by just telling your son that daddy will do it, or daddy will help you, it's daddy's turn etc. and do not give into it. Good luck with your wonderful growing family!!

C.,
Hannah has great advice! My children are 22 mos apart and at times (more in this past year) the older one rejects the dad. He also has shown signs even with I was pregnant that it was that he felt his Dad was taking too much of my time, so he was going to try and get as much of my time as possible. My son is such a sweetie and this happened only occasionally and he loves his new brother. I also responded to a similar request not long ago about the child lying about what goes on with the father... Anyway we did/do make sure that each child gets individula time with each parent, last wknf my DH had both of them while I went OOT and it was GREAT for all of them! My husband also used to travel a lot for work when this was going on. I encourage him to make things for his father, call him, email him, we talk about fun things with the dad a lot. Let them do some boy thing together, then everyone go on and on about how fun that *boy time* was. Tell your DH not to feel bad. It happens to many!

This is absolutely normal for the age but especially for the fact that you are expecting #2. Your son knows what is going on and he is trying to get in his last quality moments with you before the baby comes. Luckily for me, my daughter immediately put daddy first soon after the baby came, because all of mommy's time gets consumed by baby.

Your hubby needs to just accept that this is a phase. But it's not a bad idea to create some boundaries too. You can let your son know that hurts daddy's feelings and create family time where you are all snuggling and rubbing the belly. Maybe reading stories to your son "and the baby". It's a good habit to get into for when the baby comes. Any foundation you can create will help your son transition more easily when the baby comes. He doesn't know what to expect, he just knows his mommy is changing and he is losing lap time and to an extent losing the mommy he's always known.

Good luck and feel free to email me offline to talk more. ____@____.com

M.

what i've noticed with my daughter, who is now 3, is that she tends to show her love for one parent or sometimes grandparent, by rejecting the other. she really did do this alot at age 2 and is much better and more grounded with it now. so, say if she was really into me one day, she would be mean as can be to my husband and vise versa. it was very rough on me because she was usually into daddy and rejecting me. we would be good all day until daddy got home and then she seemed to not like me at all and be nearly abusive. if was pretty apparent to me that this is why she was doing it to prove her love. think about it when your son is doing this and see if it seems to make sense. i would just explain to her pretty regularly that daddy knows she loves him and that she doesn't have to prove it by hurting mommy's feelings and that i still love her. it was tough, but she really just seemed to "grow out of it". it seems like a maturity thing to me. plus with you being pregnant, your son probably feels protective of you on top of it. he probably can sense that things are going to change and wants to secure himself as your special boy.

Sounds familiar! My son is 2, and I'm expecting at the end of April. We went through a period like this where he was rejecting dad. It's hard to know why--he may notice your body changing and sense that everything's about to change? With my son, I had a feeling it was because he wasn't seeing much of dad. I figured this out because he would tend to warm up to my husband by the end of the weekends. But on Monday nights when dad came home, my son would reject him. Sounds silly, but I started to talk to him about how Daddy has to go to work everyday so we can get things like diapers and food and toys. But that Daddy will come home at night to play with him. We also visited Daddy at work one day and had lunch, and my husband tried to be a little more involved in the evenings, and to get home a little earlier whenever he could (he works long hours and has a long commute). We talked more about Daddy during the day (don't know if you're a SAHM mom or not?) For example, yesterday we saw a snowman, and I commented that he'd have to tell Daddy all about it when Daddy got home. Also, when my son would reject my husband, I would tell him it was not nice. If I happened to be holding him at the time, I would warn him that if he wasn't nice to Daddy, Mommy would put him down (and then I followed through). Good luck--I look forward to reading other responses to see others' ideas.

Before assuming it's a phase, be objective and observe. You should take a look at your husband's behavior to see if there's something that upsets your son. Perhaps in his effort to bond he's being too authoritarian or something. No one is perfect and it could be that your husband is causing this somehow. doesn't mean you'll have the answers and lecturing your husband how to act towards your son might not be great for the marriage!! Point is, kids are mysterious. It may be just a phase, or your son might be trying to communicate something to both of you, he just doesn't have the words yet.

2 y/os go through stages of clinginess (is that a word?) and then independence. There's no telling when they will switch. Both of you parents have to understand this. However he should NOT be allowed to be rude, mean or disrespectful. If possible have his dad take him for special treats, the park or playground or for ice cream. But don't worry, tomorrow he might not want either one of you, so enjoy his hugs today.