Toddler Hitting Herself

Updated on June 24, 2009
J.L. asks from Los Angeles, CA
18 answers

In the last month or so, whenever my 15 month old daughter is extremely tired, hungry, or frustrated, she hits herself on the head or starts banging her head on the back of her chair. I hold her hands down and tell her to stop and that it's not good for her. But, this continues at least once a day and I don't know how to change her behavior. Also, she won't eat the same foods she used to devour (ie. oatmeal for breakfast). Is this just a normal part of the growing up toddler process?

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

She could be getting a little crazy due to allergies. NAET.com for allergy eliminations.

Also, books from Amazon.com on Indigo & Crystal children, and Prodigy & Advanced Children.

Be well.

N.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Yes, normal, my daughter who is almost 5 yrs old did the same thing, she would just hit herself in the forehead every time she was frustrated! It passed after about 6 months or so and never again has she done it!
J.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

This is a baby's way of communicating... when a baby does this, they are expressing frustration or stress, tiredness etc. You mentioned that yourself.
By the time a child is outwardly doing this... their are either (1) tired and in need of a nap or quiet time (2) they are OVER tired (3) they are OVER stimulated.
THEN, they need a change of pace or even just doing nothing and letting her unwind. I would suggest that she get a nap... or fed if she is hungry.

There is nothing "wrong" with this. It is age appropriate and the way that they can communicate at this young of an age. ALSO, at this age, they do NOT have any "coping skills" so, they either act-out or hit themselves or something else.
Its not about "changing" HER... but about observing your child's "cues" and needs, and then supplying them with that or helping them to adjust to something else by redirection. Babies/children this age, are NOT able to do things at-will much less "problem-solve" on their own... thus, scolding them/punishing them for this is not going to really "change" the behavior. RATHER, you can "teach" her to communicate... teach her about feelings and what the names for it are, ie: angry, frustrated, happy, sad etc. THEN as she gets older, she can communicate that and talk with you about it without fear of being scolded for having feelings. A child this age... is not exactly a full-blown "Toddler." They don't know many things... and need us to help them learn. "Feelings" and frustrations are "abstract" concepts for them... so, they cannot circumvent that "properly" and are only trying to make their way in the world.

KEEP every "expectation" age appropriate... otherwise, a child will continually be frustrated and the Parent will continually be disappointed of frustrated with the child in return. Expecting something of a child that they "cannot" yet do or have not yet "mastered"... is self-defeating.

15 months old, is a (1) growth spurt time (2) a time when they hit more milestones (3) they are changing in cognition (4) they are developing more emotions (emotions at this age is NOT fully developed yet) (5) their awareness of others and themselves is changing (6) their understanding of things is not yet developed. They also will not understand verbatim, wordy explanations or "reasoning" that may make sense to and adult...but to a 15 month old... it cannot be expected that they "can" do it. Children this age do NOT even have full "impulse-control"....thus, they cannot just "stop" something at-will and then remember it and remember "why" 1 week later or even 4 hours later. Their memory recall and "logic" does NOT work that way at 15 months
old...

I recommend the book "Your One Year Old" which you can get at www.amazon.com and the book- "What To Expect The First Year" which you can also get anywhere.

BUT, the thing is, your daughter's behavior is NORMAL. She is also sending you BIG hints and cues about why she is hitting herself.... she is tired/hungry/or frustrated. So, alleviate her of it and she needs to nap, or fed then put to nap... and a hungry/tired baby gets VERY frustrated and at the end of their rope. A child who hits themselves or screams/tantrums... ALSO is a baby's way of "shutting out" external stimuli and the environment (especially when they are over-stimulated or have to keep to something they simply can't anymore)... BECAUSE they have had enough. Its their way of communicating this.

And yes, their food preferences changes ALL THE TIME. This is just the beginning of it. There will be MANY more food preferences at each age juncture.

All the best,
Susan

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

You might want to try giving her more protein, rather than the oatmeal. It could be low blood sugar and possibly a headache associated with it. It also could just be her. But try giving her some sort of protein every 2 hours and see if that helps.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hey J. - I asked my doctor on the same thing. I have an 18 month old girl and she would do the same thing. ANd i would try to "reason with her" but my DR said you cant reason with a child under 3yrs since they can "reason" yet. so you ignore the behavior since all they want is attention. so i have been walking away once m daughter does it and she has probably only been doing it a couple times a week - rahter than several times a day!
E.
www.babyurprecious.com

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi J.,
My son also went through this face. I kept grabbing his hands, in a gently manner, saying no and began walking with him and distracted him. At first it didn't work, when he realized I was more stubborn he started giving in. He stopped, don't ask me how long it took him to stop, don't remember. I don't recommend letting it go, theyy get to a school age and they continue doing it. I have fifth graders, and I have a couple of kids that I am still working on with this issue.
Best of luck,
ceci

R.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

hi J.,
well my 23 month old boy went through the same thing a little after he turned one, i went online and searched and found that they do it because they are ashamed of what they did or they are not happy w/ themselves because they think they disappoint you. there is nothing you can do to stop it, how i got my son to stop doing (after time of course) is just let him know he is doing great to not hit himself. for example if he is doing it because he wants something just simply remind him that its ok and that he needs to ask for things and you will give it to him. it may seem that talking is useless, but they are smarter than you think and they truly do understand what they do understand right from wrong for the most part.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

hey J.. my son goes to a special preschool for autistic children. he never had that problem, but many of his classmates to. i don't mean to alarm you but it is something to keep in mind. especially because she is at the age when autistic symptoms will start showing up.and giving up favorite foods can SOMETIMES be a sign of autism. i'm sure i'm way off base but just maybe mention it to her doctor because if it is a disorder then early intervention is key. good luck to you and feel free to message me if i can answer any questions. she's probably just trying new ways to get attention. good luck!

K.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi J.,

This sounds like she could just be learning, growing, experimenting. One thing to watch out for though is if she starts to lose skills, language/words. If she does then this is a reaction to vaccines and you need to stop the shots and get her to see a doctor that treats vaccine injured children and autism spectrum disorders.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.N.

answers from San Diego on

Hi, i beleive it is a normal part of growing up. They do not know how to express, or shall i say not express frustrations! My 16 mo old just started sorta rubbing/smacking her face....she looks out of control. I too am trying different ways to deal with it. Lately when i just look at her calmly and tell her its ok, not a big deal, no need to get upset....somehow it ceases. Every child is different. She has no learning/growing issues. She is happy/healthy. But i do find it interesting about the protein comments. I will look into that as well. Good luck! Just don't ride the waves of emotion with them!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.F.

answers from Reno on

My now-11-year-old used to get mad/tired/overly hungry, sit down and pitch himself backwards, landing with a thump on his back and head. Since we had a fully carpeted house, my husband and I weren't overly concerned. We told him that wasn't ok, redirected him, etc. and moved on. On his first day at a new day care (we had recently moved), he did this and sliced the back of his head open on a heater vent lever (one that was set into the wall, just above the floor).

A trip to the ER and two shiny, silver staples in the back of his head later, my son decided that wasn't a good way to express his emotions. As much as we mamas don't like to admit it, pain can be a very effective teacher.

It was about this time we started the every 2-3 hour infusion of protein (we used a glass of milk) and noticed a significant improvement in his behavior. Even now, 10 years later, my son needs regular shots of protien to get through his day. That's definitely something to think about.

Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.N.

answers from Los Angeles on

All of this is very "normal". My 22 month old son went thru the same thing. He is still a picky eater (he must look at something first, inspect it, and then will consider eating it - very frustrating) but getting better. He went thru the phase of hitting himself in the head as well. He stopped after he realized that he could hurt himself (now when he sits his head on something, he apologizes to himself - its too cute). I thought my sons tantrums were bad until I saw my friends daughter throw a tantrum that trumphed anything that I had ever seen. Try to find the positives with your daughter and it will make her "toddler-ness" a bit easier to take. My mantra is... this too shall pass! :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

T.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

If it is any consolation, my uncle did this type of behavior until he was about 3 years old. Then the behavior just extinguished itself. My grandmother was told that it was akin to biting ones nails or any other nervous habit. Today he has a MA degree and is just fine.

It sounds like a self comforting behavior. I would take her to see the doctor, just to be sure nothing else is going on, but please don't be too worried. Children do all kinds of quirky things.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.B.

answers from San Diego on

Around the same age, my DD went through the same phase. She would also pinch herself and others just to see what happened. We at first tried to dicipline her, but the doctor suggested ignoring it and redirecting her to play or sing or something that would take her mind off of what she was doing. It worked and she outgrew it within a month. Her eating habits sound very normal too. All the mom's in our playgroup are complaining about it right now. My DD has changed from eating bananas and avacados daily to not touching them now. Just when I find a food I think she loves (waffles, watermelon, turkey meatballs etc) she decides she won't eat them at all. I just offer a lot of variety. It ends up that depending on her mood, she sometimes loves a food one day and detests it the next. I think that is normal everyday life with a toddler!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

I taught my son how to take a deep breath & I get him to do it in the middle of his tantrum to help him calm down. I also hug him tightly. I recommend talking to your pediatrician about the change in eating habits & the self-injurous behavior. Also let them know if other things have changed such as sleeping habits or activity levels.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Reno on

J. L

You should consult your pediatrician about this behavior, you are correct that this is not the proper behavior when "extremely tired, hungry, or frustrated." You may need to pursue the possibility of counseling for this behavior as she could have some medical problems causing this. Has she seen someone else do this? It sounds like a tantrum, but I could be wrong. most children rub their eyes, cry or stomp their feet, for this reason I would suggest speaking to your doctor before she hurts herself. Many disorders can be diagnosed early and the earlier the better for many children. I hope this helps.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Mine does something similar - but it's when he gets angry, he'll go to a wall or table edge, whatever's handy, and purposely bump his head on it. He's so silly, he get's all surprised when it makes a louder noise than he wants but he's pretty hard-headed and it doesn't seem to hurt him (he doesn't cry). He's 18 mos old and has been doing this since about 14 mos old. He also slaps his own face when he's tired. During all of this I just smile at him and say "are you mad?" or "are you tired?" because I want to teach him to recognize and then verbalize his feelings so he doesn't do this for the rest of his life. But I never "freak out" because I believe attention to the behavior, negative or positive, will only make it worse. That could cause him to think that it's a great way to get attention for himself. I also believe it is perfectly normal and it will go away over time, they most likely will grow out of it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.Y.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm sorry I am so late in responding to this. If there is nothing else going on, this sounds very normal. Just don't react to it. Redirect her attention and fix the problem (nap, eat or source of frustration). Just make sure she can't REALLY hurt herself (like by pitching backward off a high chair or banging her head on a brick fireplace or sharp object or something like that). When she stops getting a reaction from you and/or she bangs her head hard enough to hurt (but with no lasting damage), she will probably stop.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches