Toddler Bedtime Battle Help

Is he potty trained at nighttime?

We dealt with this--to an extent-- with one of my twins. One was wearing underwear all night, while his brother was still in diapers for bedtime. With DS2 (the one that would stall going to bed) what ultimately worked for us was making a clear rule around bedtime: aside from going potty prior to laying down for bed, he got ONE opportunity to go to the bathroom, once they were down for the night. After that...well, if he *genuinely* needed to go (and most of the time, he didn't--but was just stalling) then, he had a diaper on.

We always made an exception, for if he needed to go #2. But, if he's up more than once in the night, needing to pee, we draw the line there. His brother, unlike DS2, is a VERY light sleeper...and having one wake up the other all night long is a huge no-no for us.

Have you considered cutting out the naps, if possible? I know that's a hard thing to lose...but, it may be contributing to him not wanting to go to sleep as easily at night.

My kids used to nap for 3 hours. They also went to be around 10 or 11.

i don't know what time your son is getting up in the morning, but my suspicion is that you are simply putting him to bed about 2 to 3 hours before he's ready. Typically, 3 year olds need 10 to 12 hours of sleep each day (including naps). So if he gets a 2 hours nap, he really only needs 8 to 10 hours of sleep at night.

It's important to be paying attention to what your child needs, rather than what the clock on the wall says. I would consider letting him go to bed later.

What time is his nap? If he's taking that long nap in the afternoon, there is just no way he would be tired until later at night. Either it's time to give up the nap, or it's time for a later bedtime.

How old is his brother? It might be time for them to have the same bedtime, or even for the 3 year old to go to bed later than his brother. If his brother thinks that's unfair, then assure him that someday they will enjoy each other's company while going to sleep at the same time, and for now, you have to do what is best for each boy to get the sleep they need.

Does his brother like him in his bed? If so, I'd let them go to sleep together, but remind the 3 year old that in order to have that privilege, he has to go to sleep. My hope would be that if he's tired enough, he will fall asleep more quickly. If he continues to want to use the bathroom, pretend to be an animal, etc., just don't react much, remind him that he can play in the morning and ignore him. He should tire of the game if no one else is playing. Remind him that the only thing he should be doing after lights out is sleeping and/or going to the bathroom, not annoying his brother, not eating, not playing.

Whoa - too long of a nap for sure! Cut the nap back to 1.5 hrs, run him ragged in the afternoon/evening with outside play, and I think you need to step up a bit with managing the behaviors. I'd put a chair in the bedroom between/next to the two beds (or if bunk, I'm assuming the 3 year old is in the bottom). I'd put him to bed and sit (do NOT engage) in the chair. If he gets out of bed, calmly walk him back in. If he talks, don't answer. If he falls asleep, when the older one goes to bed, you need to be back in that chair making sure that he is staying in bed. You leave when he is actually sleeping for the night.

Your nights will suck for a couple nights but then the problem will be solved. Versus spending a few hours a night dealing with the issues for who knows how long.

Good luck!

your last sentence is the most telling. clearly he no longer needs that long afternoon nap.

your bedtime routine sounds fine.

my main worry with this is the disruption to the older child's sleep. can you put him in a cot in your room while you work through this with the little guy?

then be relentless, implacable, and consistent. no talk, no scolding, no explanations, no pleading, no praise. march him back to bed silently. every. single. time.

this too shall pass.

khairete
S.

Run him ragged in the afternoons.
Fresh air, playground, running through the sprinkler, kicking a ball, etc are great ways to burn off some energy.
Our son was always afraid he was missing something if he went to bed before everyone else.
Fortunately we were all tired so turning off the house and everyone going to bed when he did pretty much convinced him that nothing was going on.

While I think your 3 yr old enjoys his brothers company it's kind of not fair for the older brother having to put up with the 3 yr old all the time.
It would be great for the older kid to have a room of his own but then the 3 yr old would be bothering you - which is probably more fair seeing as having a younger sibling was not the older boys fault.

Get the 3 yr old up same time every morning no matter what time he eventually fell asleep the night before.
He'll be cranky but exercise him in the afternoon and he should fall into a pretty deep sleep come bedtime.
You might want to try putting them all to bed at the later boys bedtime and see how that works.
But if you are still up then he will continue his performance for as long as you are awake and will be his audience.

Now years ago my sister and I wouldn't stay in bed.
Once we were old enough to know better our mom put her foot down and said if we got up for no good reason (like we were not sick or needed to barf, etc) then leaving bed before the sun rose would earn us a spanking and she followed through with it.
No one does that now but we learned quickly to stay in bed unless it was a real emergency.

I just posted a tip we had from a child psychologist about children's bedtime struggles.

Kids who lay in bed who aren't tired aren't relaxed and it has the opposite effect. He's waiting for his brother. He's annoying him, and getting amped up waiting for him to come in. By then, he probably does have to use the washroom one more time ..

I'd just keep him up and have him go to bed with his brother or afterwards. He can brush his teeth early and get jammies on. Have his quiet time with his brother, and read to him after brother goes to bed - on your bed. Tuck him in once big bro is asleep.

Good luck :)

It really depends on the child but 12 hours seems a reasonable, total time a 3 year-old should sleep in a 24 hour period. You do the math. Adjust the nap time or the bed time. Exercise - like a walk around the block - is helpful too. If those tweaks seem too easy, review his life and whether there are any notable changes that might be cause for concern, reasons why he's fighting sleep. Good luck.