Time to Tame the Tantrums, but How?

She is way too young for time out to be effective. She does not yet have the cause and effect thing down.

You are doing the right thing and she is just trying to get her way. You can say to her things like "I know you are upset, but mommy's phone is not a toy and you may not play with it. Here is what you can play with" Redirection is the best thing at this age.

I would continue to ignore the tantrums and try to say no without actually saying no.

Good Luck!

Personally, I think 18 mos is too young for time out. I think 2 yrs is the appropriate age, depending on the child. My son is almost 23 mos. What we do is redirect him & try to refocus his attention on something else. When he's not listening or continuing an unwanted behavior, we get down on his level & look him in the eyes & tell him "relax" & "I know you are upset & frustrated because of -x-". If he's got something that doesn't belong to him, we say, "that's Daddy's phone" & give him his toy phone & say, "this is your phone". I've noticed that calmly talking to him on his level helps. This stuff doesn't work every time, but it's a jumping off point for discipline. It's hard to truly discipline a child at this age. I'm waiting for after he's 2 to try timeout. Then it should be 1 minute of timeout for every year of age. Best wishes & good luck. I know how you feel!!

Say yes much more often than you say no: "Yes, you can have this or this (offer two items it's OK for her to have, not something you don't want her to have)." Yes we'll go to the park when we finish lunch." Yes you can play: here's your blocks or your dollie--which do you want to play with now?"

Discipline is teaching, by definition, and guidance, not punishment or a power struggle where the adult wins by physical aggression or force and the kid loses.

Oh my goodness, I remember 18 months!! It was the worst! My son is now 23 months and doing so much better, so there is light ahead:) I had the exact same question at that age. What we did was the time out thing. We would just set him down in the same place and tell him to stay there, if he would move we just took him right back. He cried and hated it but he would stay after one or two times of being put back. We also started putting him in his room. We would tell him he had to stay until one of us came for him. Then we would ask if he was ready to behave and let him come out. What we have found works really awesome is to get right down on his level, look right in his face and calmly talk to him. We read to do that somewhere, and wow has it worked. Like if he's screaming, just get down, take his little face in our hand and say, "stop screaming please." It seems to really get their attention if you get that eye contact. Also, when you need to take something away from a child that age you can say, "say bye, bye phone" they will say bye and tend to accept that the phone etc. is going away. It really works, it is a Montessori trick and we use it all the time. I was told if causes the child to feel the object is gone as opposed to it is there and they just can't have it, it has been a wonderful trick to avoid meltdowns before they start. Anyway, you will get through this! Best wishes, I am sure you will get a ton of great advice:)

Hi P.,

I agree with Jen B. I started timeouts at 18 months with both my children. I think the more time you let go by without some consequences the worst it will be later to get them under control. For timeouts we use 1 minute per age year. So an 18 month old would sit for 1 1/2 minutes on the time out. I would say start with one minute since this is a new experience as the child understands the process increase the time. We also bought cheap little mats that is the designated time out area, that way you can take them with you on a trip to relatives or vacation. We use a timer so the child knows when they can get off the mat, however if they are still crying at the end of the time they have to stay on the mat until they calm down. After the time out session is over I get down on the child's level and explain why they were sent to the mat and I tell them I don't like that behavior and I always tell them I love them and give them a hug. My two year old throws crying fits when she doesn't get her way as soon as she does I warn her, "Do you want to go to your mat?" She usually says no, then I say. "Then you need to stop crying." Sometimes she does but sometimes she doesn't when she doesn't I escort her to the mat and she knows she has to stay there. Once she calms down I let her up, I know that some kids just need a good cry sometimes. This happens only because she has seen her older brother be sent to the mat and because we started the mat use at 18 months so she definitely knows it is not a good thing to go to the mat. Be patient and consistent with using the mat. In the beginning use the mat, don't threaten to use or the child will learn it is a useless threat. Also before you implement the mat tell and show the child what it is and what it is used for so that the child begins to understand the concept.
In the beginning and for a few months depending on how quickly the child learns escort the child to the mat so they learn what going to the naughty mat or time out means.

Hope this helps.
H.

Time out was extremely effective at this age for my son. Most of his time outs when he was that young were only 30 to 60 seconds or so. The rule of thumb is a minute for each year they are. The act of doing it and letting them know it's not going to fly went a long, long way.

I was fortunate that when we started time outs, he had already witnesses other kids and I'm sure himself at daycare. He pretty much taught us. I would take your daughter by the hand and set her against the wall on the floor. I would sit down with her and look her straight in the eye and calmly tell her, "We are in time out because you were ... We do not do that and we have to sit in time out." I then would look to the floor and take eye contact away and start the count down. When the time was up, I would relook her in the eye and tell her again why we were in time out and say, "Time out's over. I need some BIG loves and hugs." And we would give great big hugs and resume.

Now, there was a time or two or more with my son that screaming and crying interfered with things. I would start with showing him how to breath deep and catch his breath and teaching him how to sigh and express how he's feeling. Most of the time, we could go to the location where time out was going to be held, and I would stop and just hold him and hug him and calm things down. Then we would proceed. Sometimes, time out was all screams. The process has to be gone through though. It may take several time before she understands, but she'll get it and a lot quicker than you think. You MUST be consistent and never threaten time out, just do it. I'll never forget about that age in a department store. My son was ready to run around like a chicken with his head cut off. We did our time out right there next to the clothes rack. It was maybe a whole 10 seconds. He got up and started running around again. We did it again. I took a couple times, but that's the only time he has ever misbehaved out shopping. He's now three and a half.

Hi P.,

Welcome to the terrible twos! Your baby started early, be prepared with a lot of patience because it may last only a year or maybe two.

I really recommend, as a lot of other moms in this website a book called "1,2,3 MAGIC" it really works.

Good luck and hope it helps!
M.

If you are going to use time out remember 1 minute per age and the minute starts after they stop screaming and geting off their time out spot. My daughter who has a 21 month old and a 32 month old use two small pillows that sit on a shelf until needed. First off she got down on their level and explained what unaccepable behavior was, no pushing, hitting, etc. Then she explained what the pillows were for. Sitting on. The first few times they would not stay on the pillow so she took them back to the pillow, sometimes you have to take them back until they stay (many times). Some times she has to tell them when they stop cring she will talk to them. It took a few times for them to understand and know that mon (or dad) was going to be consistant. After they have sat their minute or two she talks to them about why they were on time out and then she tells them they need to say sorry, It's kinda cute to see one of them tell the other one sorry then give them a hug. This does not mean they don't get time out again but they are getting it. It takes time...

Do remember that if you put your daughter in time out for throwing a tantrum it means everytime she throws a tantrum she needs to go on time out. You have to be consistant and kind in your words. Also besure to praise her when she uses good behavior. good luck