Introducing TIME OUT

Supernanny will show you step by step how to do an effective timeout.

The only caution I would give is to consider what really warrants a time-out and what is normal toddler behavior. I have a parent in my daycare right now who wants to (and wants me to) give a time-out for her two year old for EVERYTHING. Over doing time- outs renders them ineffective after a short while.

Good luck!

In the two instances you cited I suggest that redirection would've stopped the action without the need for a time out. You want to reserve time outs for more serious events. When a toddler is doing something you don't want them to do remove them from the action and start them doing something acceptable.

I started DD in a corner when she was 18 months old, but then it shifted to the kitchen rug. The rug was in a central location and she had defined edges. I would tell her to "go to the rug" and set the oven timer. You can buy a small rug to be the time out mat if you think it would be helpful - kind of the modern chair facing the corner.

Now that we've removed the rug, she still sits in the same area. One minute per year of age. If she gets up, the time starts again. I just pick her up and reset the timer. In the beginning she would not stay put so I picked her up and put her back, and back and back til she understood that she was not going to win this.

I think that this first time he's finding the boundaries of the punishment. He'll get it, though. Some friends make the child be quiet before Time Out starts. I did not do that, though depending on the noise, that might be its own infraction (she does not get to yell at me from Time Out - backtalk is not allowed - I tell her that if she does not stop immediately she will get one more minute). How many repetitions? Depends on the kid. Remember to warn him first and then tell him what he's in time out for, don't lecture him while he's in time out, and then talk to him at the end, get an apology and a hug.

IMO, part of time out is to get them away from the thing they were messing with or to stop doing that behavior. And it may also be helpful later to put things in time out, too. Like a toy he and a friend cannot share. Put it on a high shelf or take it away to your room and make them play with something else.

I personally did not use her bed as time out (though if she wants to have a big fit, she can go in there since I do not give tantrums an audience) because I wanted to be able to put her to bed at the end of the night without it being a consequence and I wanted her to know I'd find a place to Time Out anywhere. The end of an aisle in a store can be a fine place for sitting and contemplating your navel. I think you are on the right track there. I wouldn't hold him there, though, because then he's got your focused attention.

As with many parenting things, take the overview and tweak the specifics for your kid. The big thing is that you are doing something to teach him what to do/what not to do, which is something some parents never do.

Three cheers!

We are in the same boat with our 18mo. We also just intro'd time out.

It felt very weird the first time, as I'm sure little man had no idea what was going on - but it only took about 3 or 4 time outs before we could mention it and he auto-corrects.

We use it wherever - at a golf outting this weekend I just sat him down on the gravel about 10 feet away from everyone.

We tend to talk through the time out, calmly explaining that swinging upside down from the chandelier can hurt little boys, and daddy told you to get down, but you did it again and that's why you're in time out.

Sometimes he cries and tries to walk away - actually that's only happened twice now that I mention it - and I physically held his hips in the chair.

We do wait until he's calm, which after the introductory time outs, really hasn't been an issue. Oh, and we really don't time it unless he outright defied us (looked us in the eye, sneered and did forbidden action). Neither of us wear a watch, so we range anywhere from 15 seconds to a full minute.

I haven't seen a behavior "extinguished" - but I have seen him now take a glance at me before he engages in it again and a raised eyebrow now does the trick. Well...shoot, again now that I mention it after about 3 timeouts for playing with the electrical cord for his brother's swing, he hasn't touched it in a few weeks.

I think that if we do it right (consistent, swift and certain discipline) - then we're really only dealing with the normal toddler trying every so often to push boundaries - and that's easy peasy compared to other toddlers I've seen (family).
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Just read some of the responses mentioning NOT holding him down. I took that from some of the other moms on MP from a question about tantrums when changing a diaper. Quite a few of the moms mentioned changing a diaper solo (as I imagine we all do) and they didn't hesitate to put child on floor and throw a leg over child to hold the upper body down.

Not hard or kneeling on child, but enough to get the diaper changed. So that's where *I* felt it was fine to hold his hips down in those first few time-outs so that he knew he could not get up. Only did it twice, and haven't had an issue since.

Also, when we first started time-outs (just a few weeks ago), it seems like we were over-doing it (4 to 6 per day). I think it was more of him finding his boundaries as now we only have a time out maybe once every couple days.

For a very strong-willed child, two is old to begin discipline, so if he's responding to time-outs at all you know he's a fairly easy child, not a strong willed one which is a good thing.

In my personal opinion this method will take a very long time to be effective in general, because "sitting somewhere" is not unpleasant and hugs and loving reinforcement right afterwords is rewarding. For difficult kids this is NOT a strong enough deterrent for avoiding bad behavior quickly. BUT, if he's easy by nature, then it may work. A great book on how to implement time-outs and in which situations they will be most effective is Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Time-outs do tend to be most effective in older kids (3, 4) who do not want to be removed from a fun activity, especially when you are in public and can't be more firm (I saw a family successfully implement one at a McDonald's play yard once, and asked how they got it to work so well, and they said it was because the child knew if he did not comply more serious discipline would be used). They're also good for daycare teachers etc. They're not often very effective for disobeying and dangerous things at age two at home with mom and dad based on what I've seen. But again, if he's an easier child and responding to them, then great. Don't be frustrated with him if they aren't firm enough though and read up on some other options as he gets older and more difficult (every month counts, my son is 4.5 and very spirited and time-outs would have never succeeded in making him the well behaved child he is, and he's still a big challenge).

Age two is CRUCIAL to be EFFECTIVE if you want him to avoid extremely difficult behavior up through age 5-7. After three it can really be a losing battle with a spirited child if you have not been effective. You will know if time-outs are working if you continue to be calm and consistent and your son is learning to respectfully follow your directions and act well. If you are calm and consistent and his behavior gets worse and worse and he does not care what you say to him as he approaches age three: they're not working.

ALSO, if time-outs are being used as a tantrum chamber, as in, he wails as long as he wants in a time-out, this is enabling him to practice tantrumming while you sit by and ignore it-AKA condone it- and this can get UGLY as time goes on for very spirited kids. So if I had a tantrummer who was tantruming in time-out (you don't mention tantrums so this may not pertain to you) I would not use time-outs and would be more firm and immediate regarding tantrums as well as wrong behavior.

Have we introduced it correctly? YES, but the "rule of thumb" is one minute for every chronological year.

Do we have to wait for him to calm down before releasing him? YES, you cannot provide the behavioral reminder of the expected behavior if he's not under control.

what are we supposed to say before hand and afterwards? YOU GIVE A PRECORRECTION WHEN POSSIBLE "LITTLE B., WE USE WALKING FEET INSIDE." IF YOU SEE THE BEHAVIOR STARTING TO OCCUR. PROVIDE ONE REMINDER "WALKING FEET OR TIME OUT". IF NEEDED, YOU THEN USE THE TIME OUT. AFTERWARDS YOU REINFORCE THE SPECIFIC BEHAVIOR YOU WANT, NOT WHAT HE DID WRONG. "LITTLE B., REMEMBER THAT WE USE WALKING FEET IN THE HOUSE".

Are we going about this correctly? YES, BUT THE SWIVEL CHAIR HAD DISASTER WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!

How many repetitions will it take before a behavior is extinguished? THERE ISN'T A NUMBER, IT'S ABOUT CONSISTENCY (IT ONLY TAKES ONE TIME OF LETTING IT GO UNCORRECTED FOR IT TO COME BACK!)

Can kids make generalizations- i.e. will they get the point that no means no and one has to mind mommy & daddy, regardless of whether its the cupboards today, or the fish tank tomorrow YES, ABSOLUTELY!

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things.

We started time out in our house when the kids were about 18 months olds. I can't remember holding our kids down....but I won't say we never did it, I just don't recall it. It takes a little while for kids to "get it" and cooperate. When our kids got up from time out before being released we always put them immediately in time out "You are in time out for doing X. Mommy (or Daddy) will tell you when time out is over." At the end of every time out we talk about what they did wrong and what a better choice may be. Our kids usually apologize, but we don't "require" it. And we always end with "I love you. Now let's make better choices."

One minute for each year. In our house the timer does not start until our children are calm. Crying and being upset it ok. Screaming, getting up, fighting, yelling, rolling around are not ok...the clock starts when you are sitting nicely and relatively quiet. If you get worked up...the clock restarts.

At two, time outs sometimes turn into a game. Either they act like they don't care, or they turn it into a game of chase. Don't give in. Be consistent.

We have a spot in our house where we can see the kids, but they can't see the tv or much of what's going on in the living room. Find an area with little distraction for your son.

After he fully understands what is expected, you will be able to do time out anywhere. I once gave my son a "time out" in the car on a ride home, in a moment of frustration. He was silent and then finally asked "Can I get out of time out now? I will make better choices." I didn't even realize he was "serving" a time out in his car seat. :)

Watch supernanny, they show how to do a proper timeout on EVERY episode. If you follow her steps exactly it really works. My only thing is if my kids do anything violent, like hitting or throwing a toy at the other, they dont get a warning and go straight to timeout.

Hi-
It sounds like you did well. I have an almost two-year-old and we've been using timeouts for a few months, and I've found it to be very effective. There are so many different philosophies and ideas about timeouts-I've done quite a bit of reading about it and honestly can't remember whose "plan" I ended up using, but what we do is:
1. A warning (unless is is an ABSOLUTE no, which is hurting someone on purpose, then no warning)
2. I calmly carry her over to the wall and sit her down and say, "You are on timeout for ____." I keep it really simple-not a ton of explanation for this age.
3. A 1-2 minute timeout against the wall and out of the action (like you said, this location can be used anywhere). Walk away and ignore until time is up.
4. When the timeout is over, it's over. I just repeat what I said at the beginning (ex., You were on timeout for pinching the dog. We do not pinch the dog). I don't do any more explanations, because I already explained once at the beginning, and at this age I feel like less is more. I also don't do hugs, kisses, I love you's, etc., at that time, we just move on with the day.

One tip-I wouldn't hold him in place (maybe I read wrong, but it sounds like that's what you did at first). I would just put him where you want him and leave, and if he moves, just go back silently and move him back to where you want him (repeating as much as needed-if you want to say something, just say the same thing over and over again, like "you are on timeout"). You want him to learn to develop the self control to stay there without you. It only took a couple times of doing this and my very spunky daughter got the message and stays there.

I think kids can generalize. Often now I just have to say, "You're not listening, are you needing a timeout?" and my daughter stops the behavior right away (not always-she's two! :)).

Good luck!

You are certainly off to a good start, but make sure the time out spot isn't a fun one ( a swivel chair could be seen as a fun spot ).

If your little guy has a hard time calming down help him to take deep breaths by using your arms and acting like a balloon blowing up and deflating. Sometimes they get so worked up they just don't know how to calm down.

M