Three Year Old Who Won't Play on His Own at All

My daughter is 3 and seems to only play by herself when my 8 month old son is napping. I recently read that preschoolers still think of Mom as #1 playmate until age 4, and then they begin to prefer playmates their own age. Having said that, our house seems to run a bit smoother when I let my daughter "help" me around the house: dump the detergent scoop into the wash, perss the button to start the dryer, wash the ducks in the sink while I clean the bathroom, etc. It takes longer to get things done, but she feels like she is being a helper and is generally much easier going when Mama is not saying, "NO, don't do that, don't touch that, ARGHHH!!!" all day long. That makes for a happier Mama, too.
GOOD LUCK!

Hello L., Your son is having more of an issue with just wanting your attention. He did get his nose nipped 10 months ago when you presented him with a brother. Keep him with you as you move through the house, put a few toys in each room that he loves, and only let him play with these toys when he is in that room as you work. Talk with him as you work, IF and only IF he is playing well. Ignor him completely if he is having a melt down or using bad behavior. Attention is attention, positive or negitive. Don't re-enforce the bad behavior by giving him attention for doing it. But give him lots of attention when he is playing well. When you are ready to leave the room you are working in, have him put his toys away, with your praise, incouragement, and joy. Try playing kids tapes that you two can sing to while you work. You will find that you two will bond so much deeper when you interact with him like this. It may take longer to get things done, but at least you are investing in the most important part of your life as you are doing everyday things. These investments will last a lifetime. I hope some of this helps. Happy holidays.

L., yes this can be very hard, you cannot expect a child to want to play by himself us humans are social creatures, he wants your attention, sit down with him and play you need to play with the toys, or feed his imagination, with an imaginary freind, or pet, you have to start it, its ok to do this, it feeds their little minds, to get him to clean up he might never do that, ahhaha however singing songs about cleaning up may help, barney has one, i used to sing it to my boys, when we all were cleaning together, maybe you have to get creative when it ocmes to cleaning, like put the things you want him to do on a peice of paper, and have him draw them out of a bowl, like pick up 10 toys, and count them as he does, also put in the bowl, things like get a snack, or a drink, just have fun with it, the toothpaste thing , you need to lock such things and toddler proof your home, if you read the toothpaste label it says to contact poison control if the normal use is swallowed, im sure he is ok, but it would be smart to call, just in case he gets sick, too much flouride can make one puke, so just so you know, why he might get sick, i'd call. any way , enjoy your active child, they will bring you much happiness, sometimes dont fret over cleaning things and spend time with him and his brother, and or make a day and have the little one watched and take him shopping or spend the day with him, he sounds like he loves to be social, and enjoys others, its not a bad thing, find the good in it, and it will also find you , D. s

My hubby works midnights so he sleeps alot during the day and he also works 6 days a week, so it seems at times that I'm a single Mom. I do everything with my kids and for my kids, I have three. I'm the one to give baths, make dinner do parent teacher conferences, DR appts. you get the drift...Well what I have found is to either bring the baby, he is three down to the basement with me while doing laundry and he likes to stand on the pipe next to the washer and throw the clothes in the machine as I hand them to him. I also have him help me sort out the clothes for the next load. We also have toys down there that are strictly basement toys that he likes to play with. When I'm doing dishes he sits at the table and has a snack or I make homemade playdough (easy reciepe on the web) and give him a ton of cookie cutters kid scissors my rolling pin and old cups and he has a ball. We are still working on all the kids picking up the toys, I'm kinda anal about how they are put away so I usually end up doing it myself:) You could always set up a box of "special toys" that only come out when you are busy doing Mommy work. For bill paying give him his own box of papers to write on and a calculator and maybe an old magazine to have him practice cutting, just make sure you have one eye on him so he doesn't cut hair though LOL. Have him tape or gule things to papers. Just a few ideas, you have to get creative with the active ones, like my daughter and baby are!

Hi L.!

I'm going to sound like the worst mom in the world here (because computer time is one of those "bad" things like TV,) but have you tried computer learning games? I have a four year old who is the youngest of four by a lot. Her siblings are all in their teens. Very early on, she insisted on doing her "homework" on the computer like her brothers and sister. She's obviously modeling the behavior of my older children, but she's very serious about it and has become amazingly adept. There are great games available free online that teach letter and shape recognition, early math, memory skills, etc. She LOVES the fun and challenge of trying a new game and doing well.

You asked how much a 3-4 year old should be able to play by themselves. Some days I feel like she only needs me to fix meals, so we're kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum. Just know that TV and computer time is always part of her day, but when she finishes her "homework," she rewards herself with time playing with her animals, babies and Barbies. She will stop and ask me to read to her at some point and there are times when she just wants snuggles, but, for the most part, she's self-sufficient like her brothers and sister. I think much of that comes from being in a household of "adults." She's older than her years because that's what she knows.

Good luck! L. R. (also)

I have sooo been there. I think that it is partially due to jealousy. My daughter is the same age and we were having the same problem. In my case when I put the baby to nap, I try to take some time and spend just with her, on many days it doesn't help. I decided to instigate "quiet time". When I put the baby for a nap, and after I spend 1/2 hour or so with her, then I send her to her room where she can play quietly or read books, she has to stay in her room though, often I tell her to stay on her bed. Then I can get my work done, or rest myself, she gets a little down time, and even if she isn't much better after an hour or so, at least I am better at handling it, because of the break. Good luck.

The same thing happened to me when I was a nanny for a 3 year old and a 1 year old. What I did was set out 2-3 activities and set a timer for 15-20 minutes at a time. I explained that he had those choices while I gave his sister attention (bathing, feeding, or even cooking or cleaning). When the timer went off he was to come get me and we would then have 15-20 minutes of play time while his sister napped or played in her swing, bouncy seat or on her own. We did this 2-3 times a day. I gradually increased the timer.

Another idea when you need time to your self is have him entertain his sibling. Have him build blocks and let his sibling knock them over.

Cleaning up toys...divide the toys in half and have a race or turn on a song (or sing) and see if he can have them picked up before the song is over.

Good luck!

My son just turned 3 and I'm having all the same problems. I play with him constantly, take him places, he goes to Sunday school and a reading playgroup. He gets plenty of attention from all of us but we may have spoiled him because now he will not play alone. I actually thought he might have ADHD because he will not play with his toys, destroys things, and is always getting into trouble and throwing tantrums. I haved tried everything as well. The only thing I can do now in order to get things done is to put him in his old high chair and strap him in. He learned how to unbuckle the seat belt about a year ago but I use a different strap that buckles in back of the seat that he can't get out of. I turn on a movie for him and give him a snack while I get my chores done. By the time the movie is over, I'm done with my work. It's wonderful!! I have also used the chair as a time out chair when he misbehaves. Try it. It's a lifesaver!! Good luck because being a mommy of a 3 year old sure is tough. 3 is much worse than 2 in my opinion. :(

P.S. - I think computer time and tv time are great! My son has learned so much from both. Sesame street, Caillou, Barney, are all available with games on the computer. PBSkids.com is great. My son already knows his alphabet, numbers, colors, and shapes. He loves it!