Getting My 4 Year Old to Help

I feel for you on this one (4 year old daughter as well)! We tried a bunch of things, but two things have worked for us, one is we make it a race and if she finishes cleaning up her mess before I finish cleaning up my mess she wins. If that doesn't work then I warn her that whatever she leaves out goes in the garbage. I tell her that if she can't take care of her things and pick them up then she is not old enough to have them and they will be thrown away. She has seen me do it before, so that usually gets things moving pretty quickly! Good luck!

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my new thing is to watch the super nanny for tips and tricks....she had one that involved setting a timer and using the time to clean up and all items needed to be picked up before the timer went off....like a game almost.
I am going to try it with my son as the play area is a HUGE mess again today....and I am tired of picking up the toys...I will see how he does with it.

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We made a "trade out" the toys/crafts rule. I kept some of the toys/crafts just our of reach and if they wanted to play with them they had to pick something that was already out (all over the floor) to "trade out". They have to clean up whatever they are done with in order to get the desired toys/crafts out. And now I can leave everything pretty much within their reach and they remember the "trade out" rule. It's perfect, but most days it works pretty well. We also made the clean up before you leave rule. Although, the dried out markers still make me crazy too.
Hope this helps.

A little about me: I am the mother of a 3 year old, 2 year old and 8 month old...all boys!

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My 4 yr old does the same thing. I figure if she can pick up a little of the mess then that's good enough. Maybe easing up a little would help. Sometimes being told what to do will push them the other way. Just have her pick up, say, the scissors and paint then praise her for helping out. evetually she will learn that helping out is a good thing and it gets rewards. I also sing a song that goes " Clean up, Clean up every body, everywhere. Clean up , clean up everybody does their share." Make it a happy thing and not something that is a boring chore.
Hope this helps,
A.

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Hi - My 4 yr old son does help but when he makes a mess, always wants "help". some things he didn't want to do (silly things like throw a ball to the dog for a few minutes after we get home) Anyway I am a flybaby (story for another time!) and there's a related website to teach kids how to be organized & clean. I wasn't going to use this program myself but i had noticed that he would always pick up his mess when I get out the vacuum (we play a game called chase & run) So after we checked out the videos on the house fairy website - he is much neater and doesn't complain about cleaning!!!I would suggest checking out the house fairy website. It makes it FUN for the kids!! www.housefairy.org

Good luck!

check out http://www.housefairy.org/

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R.,
Having a clean up time or more than one clean up time works well. Another thing that works is to tell your child that she may not play with anything else until the previous mess has been cleaned. This of course works best if there aren't too many toys out within reach. Then the mess doesn't become to overwhelming for her. It also means that she needs help getting some toys. She would have to ask and your response would be, OK, as soon as you clean your mess I'll get that toy for you.
I hope this helps!

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This works well with my son:
"I'll put it away, but I'm going to put it where I think it belongs." The first time - I told him I thought it was trash, and he didn't pick something up - I threw it away. I refused to buy another one - and said he didn't take care of his first one. He was able to use his his b-day money.. but not mine. :-)

He now picks up his things if he wants to continue to use them... All it took was once.

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Set the timer for the amount of craft time you will have. Tell her that because you are the one cleaning up, it will need to be 5 minutes earlier, so that you will have the time to clean.

I used to tell my kids that I was going to get Kirby(our vacuum) to help clean up. They knew it sucked up everything in its path and they would be instantly motivated to clean!!

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You need to find as way to make this fun, not an awful chore. There is a Clean It Up sing by Laurie Berner (and they sing ones like it in Pre-SChool). Maybe get her an organizer for her crafts? like a carry tray.

Thee is a show called 'Neat' and on their website it shows ways to organize things so it si easir to put away..

Good Luck,

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Hi R.,
I'm a mom of 6, soon to be 7, so picking up after them all is not even an option. There's no time like the present to teach them to pick up. What I do when they leave a mess is set the timer for what I think is a resonable amount of time for them to pick up, then let them know that if they don't have it picked up by the time it goes off, the stuff becomes mine. No argument, no discussion, and no getting it back. This sounds harsh, and it's hard to stay consistent, but it works. Just picture them as teenagers, and you as their maid -- it's a good motivator! :) Good luck.

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Hi R., My 5 year old would not clean up after her projects. I finally told her that if she can't clean up after herself, she would not be allowed to do any art projects. I started out helping her pick up when she was done. If she does not clean up after, take all her supplies away and "put them in the trash". I really just put it away for a few days. She might come around. Good luck!

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My sister puts her kids' toys in time out if the kids fight over them or refuse to pick them up, I think it's pure genius. She also just threw some crayons away once after her 2yo drew on the wall - she'd tried the time out thing and that didn't work for him but throwing them in the trash (in front of him) really got his attention.

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I have the same issue - the mess drives me batty along with dried out markers! We've tried taking away drawing/coloring privilege when this issues arises. It works for a bit for us but we seem to keep going back- maybe we don't stick to it long enough......but perhaps it could work for you.

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This technique worked really well with a little boy i was working with that was just really oppositional. We turned following directions into a game. Every time he would do what I asked I would give him an uno card (the type of card or the item doesnt really matter, its just what I had on me at the time. Poker chips work really well too). First I would start by having him do something really silly like turn in a circle or jump up and down. Every time he complied he would get a card. If he made a certain amount of cards then he would get a reward, for him it was gum (his parents didnt mind). When he didnt comply right away, I took a card away (which he didnt like) but gave him another opportunity to earn it right back.

Doing this we went from a 2 hour homework session to a 45 minute homework session. It works (usually) for anything u want a young child to complete. It keeps them motivated as long as u have a happy or silly attitude about it. And give LOTS of praise every time she picks something up for you.

Also only let her take out a few things at a time to save u some headache.

Hope this helps.

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Hello,

Make cleaning up fun! Try doing a race to see who can clean up the quickest or sing a silly song while cleaning up. My 5 year old had a big problem with cleaning up after herself so we would make it fun for her. How many toys can you pick up in a minute, let's sing and dance while cleaning up and now we barely have to tell her to pick up the messes she has made and she also is aware to put away one mess to make another. Good luck.

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Sometimes the preschool teachers have little songs about "It's clean-up time" - just build the clean up into the activity like it's part of it. We eat dinner, but we do preparation and we do dishes. We get up, but then we make the bed. If she cleans up quickly and without argument, then there is more time for the next activity. Otherwise, there is arguing time and no next activity. I agree you shouldn't do it for her. You cannot reward her for not doing her job. There are sticker charts and all those behavior modification tools - you can try that. We did put all my son's toys in the attic when he didn't clean - we left his stuffed animals and his books, but took the cars and trucks. Those are big boy toys, we told him, for kids old enough to take care of them.

You could consider a little table in the kitchen for her to use - like a Little Tikes table. She can keep her stuff on the table but if she wants to do a new activity, she'll have to clean it up. That keeps it off your kitchen table. The container stores and WalMarts sell little drawer units (plastic) that can hold crayons in one drawer, paper in another, scissors and punches and glue sticks in a third, etc. Those might be fun to use and help her organize in sensible ways. I cut out the picture from a box of crayons and taped it to the crayon drawer, put a picture of scissors on the scissor drawer, etc. so my son could figure it out for himself. I also put his toys in big totes and put pictures on the outside - trucks and cars in one, trains and pieces of track in another, etc. You could do that with the Barbies. Then stand your ground and don't allow TV or a trip to the park until she does it. I used to stand with my coat on and say I'm ready to go to the park whenever you are ready. I'd sit there with a magazine or a crossword puzzle and just wait. After a half hour, I'd take off my coat and say, "Well I guess there isn't time to go now after all. You wanted to argue, and so that's how we spent the day."

She's a little too young - maybe - for you to make excuses back at her about why breakfast isn't ready or why you didn't wash her clothes. That works great when they are older.

Definitely don't give in to the blackmail though! Good luck - we've all been there!

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Hi
Take your daughter to the $ store and let her pick out a couple of bins-just inexpensive ones and talk with her about the fact that these will be just for her barbies and artwork. Remind her that when she plays with her toys she needs to pick up and put her stuff in her bins, before she gets to move on to the next activity. She really should not get another toy out until she picks up what she had out first. I am the director of a school aged child care program and see this every day-my children are 24 and 21 and I have a three year old granddaugher and a 1 year old grandson. Good luck and don't give up!

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Hi R.,
I have found four year old little girls can be very strong willed. I have three girls 16, 13, and 4. With my first two girls I had a little more trouble with getting them to pick up their toys.(The barney clean up song always worked prior to four years old.) We want them to learn to pick up after themselves and be neat adults, but with my four year old daughter now I have learned that she will happily clean her toys if we do it together. As mothers we have so much to do in a period of 24 hours,( you have two babies to take care of also) but another five minutes to clean up toys together saves you a battle and some stress. You are still teaching her that we must clean up after ourselves, but you are making it a little more fun and she is doing something with Mom. At 16 and 13 my older two still don't like cleaning their rooms, but who really does. As the oldest daughter I'm sure you will find she will be a big help to to you in so many ways as time goes on.

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Hi R. -

I saw this neat chore board at Target. It has magnets/the days of the week/ and simple chores for little kids. Everytime they do a chore you and your daughter put a magnet on the board. What I would do is offer her a treat when she has picked up her toys and done her chores. Make it a fun kind of game instead of punishment for not doing it.

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