This Whole Formula Thing Brings It All up Again

You hang out with the wrong people! I'm a big advocate for breast feeding.... Extended and all but I never shame a friend for their decisions.

Just ask them "So, along with your great breastmilk will their also inherit your rude and disrespectful, holier-than-thou attitude, and lack of tolerance toward other people's decisions?"

Next time they bring it up, say "You know what's really bad for a baby? Maternal fatality. Good thing I'm alive to be a mother to my daughter"
Sheesh! Let them know that they're comments are hurting you even all these years later. It's not silly to feel that way. If they continue, then the fact is that they are just being insenstive jerks when it comes to this.

Stick up for yourself! When they say awful things to you, say back to them..."why do you continue to say hurtful things to me like this? How is that helpful?" And just stand there and let them find an answer. They sound like awful people and I'm sorry you have to deal with them all these years later.

For the record, I breastfed one child -- tried to breastfeed my adopted daughter and it "sort of" worked -- and the one who got the most breast milk was the sicker one of the two. Reactive airway disease, recurrent pneumonia, ear infections, sinus infections. Your sisters are hateful and deserve to be called out on this. Don't let them continue to bully you!

I'm in your boat. I had pre-eclampsia and my daughter was born by emergency C-section because I was misdiagnosed for two weeks before I nearly colapsed in pain and had to be rushed to the hospital. I was in the ICU for a couple of weeks hooked up to IV's and machines. My daughter lived in an incubator for over a month. I pumped as much as I could as long as I could but it was never much and it didn't last long before I dried up.

The boob nazis did get me down for a while, pretty much telling me I wasn't committed enough to get a good milk flow, that in a nutshell it was my fault. In the end, both of us are alive and happy. You can't control what other people say or do so the only thing to be done is to grow a thicker skin. I just laugh it off now. Just remember opinions are like assholes. Everybody has them and in the grand scheme of the universe at large, we are just tiny little specs of nothing floating on a slightly larger spec of blue and green, lost in a vast sea of rocks and stellar dust. In one hundred years, no one on this earth will give two craps about whether or not your kid ate off your boob or from a bottle.

Just smile, and nod at the righteousness of those that think very little before they engage their mouths. Or, if it'll make you feel better, tell them how you are feeling and what you think about the things they say right after they say it.

Clod: "Jeeze, she's sick a lot. I'm glad MINE won't be because I breastfed."
You: "Breastfeeding is just one factor in determining immune system viability. To think your child is now resistant to disease because it drank from your breast is frankly, ignorant. Good luck with that though. I'll cross my fingers for you that your run of good luck continues."

Breastfeeding does not a good parent make.

Screw 'em.

These are your sisters? They're obviously feeling very self-righteous in their choices and undoubtedly have other parenting insecurities. It's hard when someone puts it right in your face that you are incapable of caring properly for your child--that's how it can make you feel, anyway. It's hard to separate, but please know that this is not at all about you. This is about their latching on to something that they feel right about. I feel like such a rock star for being able to still nurse my baby at this point. I feel liek I have got it down, and I am beyond proud of it. However, that is strictly MY story. I would never put that on somebody else. I would never think that I am a better parent or person for it. I don't even think of it in terms of being "better" for the baby; I think of it as just practical, if you can and want to do it.

How comfortable are you talking to them about it? "Hey, you know it seems like you want to put me down because I didn't breastfeed like you. You know what I went through, and what's done is done. When you continue to bring it up like this, it feels like you're tellign me that I didnt' do right by my child. Is that what you think?" This will put them on notice that you hear them when they say it, and hopefully, a little consideration will be triggered when they're ready to mention it again.

You're upset because your sisters are acting all Mommier Than Thou with their Mommy Drive-Bys on breastfeeding. They're proud of their choices and that they had the ability to breastfeed for so long. They don't realize that many women aren't able physically (or even emotionally) capable to realistically breastfeed the way they did. I suggest you tell them the next time they make comments like, "She's so sick all the time, she wouldn't be if only you had nursed her longer! Mine won't ever get sick like that!" that their words hurt you. Tell them straight out. "When you make comments like that, it hurts me. You know I breastfed for as long as physically possible but you make it sound like a choice. I already feel guilt about it even though it was out of my control. I would appreciate it if you kept in mind the struggles I had with breastfeeding because it really hurts me, even 12 years later."

And to be honest, life is going to slap them in the face when their kids are sick more often than they anticipate. They'll be eating crow when one of their children develops asthma.

I understand your struggles because although I breastfed two of my babies, it was a huge struggle. I naturally had poor supply and even with hospital grade electric pumps could. not. pump. I literally couldn't pump with the electric more than 1 ounce in THREE OR FOUR HOURS.

Out of guilt, I kept on and kept on and kept on with my first daughter because I was Mommier Than Thou about breastfeeding. It was agonizing and rather than bonding with my daughter, it KEPT me from bonding with her. I hated it. None of the advice from my LLL person helped. I cried at the thought of having to feed her. She got so little milk without supplementing that she cried all the time and attempted eating every 15 minutes for WEEKS. Nothing I did to boost my supply worked.

The LLL woman got my husband on the phone and told him to go out and buy formula and bottles and to feed the baby so I could sleep. She then told me that in order to preserve my relationship with my daughter, to preserve my health and sanity, to allow my husband to feed my daughter with the bottle, and that her advice was likely to get her fired. She told me that it sounded like my supply issues were too severe, and there would be no blame if I chose to switch my daughter to formula. She was, and is, extremely healthy. Changing her over was the best thing to for both of us. I physically healed and was able to bond with her. Her ADHD issues were visible early on before she switched to formula (backed up by our neurologist)

The experience traumatized me, and I couldn't bear to breastfeed my 2nd daughter so I didn't even try. I feel some guilt for that because I wonder if her Autism and ADD wouldn't be so bad, but in hindsight I do know that there were signs of her problems at birth and even in the womb (against, backed up by all of our doctors).

With my 3rd daughter, I had the guilt that this was my last child and I had to try. I wasn't going to, but I did. I had supply issues but not as bad... but bad enough that I had to supplement. Supplementing isn't what minimized my supply. I supplemented when she couldn't get milk from me. She became so frustrated about my lack of supply that she self-weaned from the breast by 6 months and moved entirely to bottles. I was heartbroken.

My harshest critic was myself.

That is just plain sh*tty. Sorry. But I'm so sorry that your family and others would make you feel bad for not breastfeeding.

As a Mom who was able to breastfeed my kids, I think you did fantastic. I can't imagine anyone would make a snarky comment like that. Your sisters seriously need to re-examine their motivation for a comment like that.

YOU are amazing.

J.

I would tell my sister(s) to pound sand. I would say something like - good thing I didn't die, right? you forgot about that, right?

There is NO correlation that I can see- my daughter was formula fed. She got sick. My boys were breast fed - Greg for 26 months and Nicky for 12 months - they both get sick. Each child is different.

DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD!! Do NOT give them this power over you. Tell them to pound sand, buzz off or what ever. But do NOT LET or ALLOW them to treat you this way. Walk away.

Yes. your sister's ARE awful people. i cannot imagine saying such things to ANYONE - let alone my sister who has been my biggest fan for years...

Your sisters should be presented with a trophy, they really should, and then they need to get a life.

As a three time, long term breastfeeding mama all I can say is it's AWFUL that your sisters continue to make these kinds of comments. Formula fed babies can be and are perfectly healthy!
Please sit down and talk to them and let them know how much their comments hurt. Maybe they don't realize how insensitive they are being :(

As far as how often your daughter gets sick, that does seem a bit high, if I'm reading it right, especially recurring ear infections. I would talk to your doctor about that, but again, there's no reason to blame it all on a lack of breast milk. Plenty of formula fed babies never get an ear infection, perhaps your daughter is just prone to these, and maybe there's something you can do to help prevent them from happening so often (?)

Maybe it's time to ask these so called loved ones what they are driving at. The next time they want to help you pack your bags for another guilt trip, stand up for yourself and look them in the eye, asking what their flipping point is. Personally I would leave my bags unpacked and would refuse to go on another guilt trip, especially when someone else is attempting to conduct the train. You did the best you could as the mother of your daughter. Period. Full stop. End of discussion. The topic is officially closed and off limits.

My own personal foray into breastfeeding devolved into a nightmare and I chose to move to formula for the sake my sanity. End of discussion. My formula fed son is quite fine, healthy and happy. The whole point of child rearing the last I checked.

Forgive me for being blunt but your sisters are sanctimonious bitches. Really. What a terrible thing to do and say to someone! Not only that, but yeah...breastfed kids get sick too.

If you haven't called them out on their comments, do so. Maybe they are just proud and clueless. I would definitely just stop them the next time they make a comment and say "think about what you just said. How do you think that makes me feel?" and see what they say. Hopefully they'll be mortified and apologetic. If you're already done that and they still engage in this kind of commenting, then I think you're going to have to come up with something else (rude, and sarcastic and condescending would be my recommendation, but that's just me and probably not productive).

Please rest easy knowing that you did what you had to do to keep yourself and your child alive. Thank goodness we do have safe, quality formula readily available here - this is exactly what it's for!

If your child had a GI problem and needed to be tube fed Pediasure for a while (which has happened to a friend's child) would you feel guilty that you weren't feeding your daughter organic fresh vegetables and farm-raised chicken and whole grains all day? No...you would do what you needed to do to get her the nutrition she needed at that time and would be grateful that it's available, right? Would actual food be "better"? - of course, but it wouldn't be possible for your child to eat it at that time so you would go along with synthetic nutrition while you needed to. Same thing with formula feeding in a scenario like yours. Please release yourself from your guilt and stand up to your sisters - you have nothing to feel bad about!

ETA: Did you ever have counseling after your birth experience? You experienced a major trauma - if you haven't really been able to work through that in an emotionally safe way, you may benefit from a few sessions with someone who is experienced with this. Sometimes just having a place to work through the emotions (fear, grief that you didn't get the experience you expected, jealousy over women and babies who do get the traditional birth experience that we take for granted, etc.) can help you to put them behind you in a way that you always remember, but it doesn't haunt you. Just something to consider - it may be that these insensitive comments are triggering some unresolved feelings about your delivery.

Please don't feel guilty, you did you're best!!! I breastfed my daughter for 16 months exclusively, not one drop of formula. She has asthma for which she is on a daily medicine. Do not blame yourself or let others blame you for your daughter's asthma. That is not right- it is awful. Tell your sisters that it is hurtful to you, even after 1. years it is still hurtful. If they have a heart at all, they will never mention it again.

People suck! I'm sorry they're being so rude. My mom breastfed me till I was four & I have asthma & allergies. I breastfed my daughter for two years & she also has asthma. Its genetics! Not just environmental.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this story. I'm very glad for you that you lived. Your daughter having a mother who loves her and would do anything for her is worth more than a little breast milk!!!

While I believe that breast is best I had to supplement formula with my son, so he got both formula and breast milk. At 9 months it was ALL formula b/c of health needs that required a very high calorie diet for him. Even with all that "terrible formula" (insert sarcastic tone) he is rarely sick. My friend's son was exclusively nursed for 18 months and he is sick all the time. My brothers were formula and I was nursed and we all are perfectly healthy.

I said this in another post, but I was sad about my limited nursing and my doctor told me, "I was exclusively formula fed and I grew up to be a doctor." It comforted me.

Don't let them bring you down. I can't believe at the age of 12 they even still remember who was nursed or not! Perhaps they are jealous b/c you sound like a great mom!!! Best Wishes!!!

There is a LOT of guilt put onto mamas for not breastfeeding. I know I felt like SUCH a failure because I couldn't...and I didn't have ANY of the problems you faced! Just tell them that you appreciate the benefits of breastfeeding but you're happy your daughter is alive b/c of the formula!

I was formula fed, and I think I'm a healthy, intelligent adult. My husband, who was BF for like 3 yrs or something is ALWAYS sick. And, btw, 5 - 6 times a year for a cold is not bad. If she has 5 - 6 ear infections in a ear, though, you may want to talk to her ped and/or see an ENT.

Maybe they're just jealous of what a good mama you are and that's the only thing they can think of to comment on! :)

It sounds like they're just being mean. I have a friend who nursed two and formula fed the last one due to massive complications. I am not rude enough to imply that anything "wrong" with her youngest is due to formula. Breastmilk does have a lot of benefits, and I strongly urge people to try because relactating is not always possible. But kids' health is not guaranteed. Period. Sometimes it's just the luck of the draw. Please don't let them make you feel bad. Anybody who needs to sneer at someone else (especially after 11 years!) has issues of their own. I would look at your sisters and say, "What's your problem? You really need to just get past it." Or "You keep saying that. I realize you are proud to have nursed so long, but do you see how you come off? You're being rude and discouraging." I'm proud of my personal accomplishment with nursing DD but I won't be shaking my finger at my sister for supplementing. She's working FT, in school and had a preemie. She's dealing with things I never had to face. You nursed for 3 months after some HUGE hurdles, and some women never even try. You have a kid who's prone to certain infections. Okay, so she drew the "frequent flyer to the ENT" card. It is what it is. They should move on. Don't second guess what you can't change.

Look, I formula feed my first son and his immune system is golden and has an IQ of 135. I breastfeed my second son for 13 months and he has pneumonia as we speak and while is smart, is not as smart as his brother. Is it a bonding experience, sure. But does it determine if our child is a rocket scientist or going to die from measles, absolutely not. You did your best for your child. Don't feel guilty, you are a great mom!

K., your story is amazing! You couldn't breathe on your own? Your daughter is so blessed that you LIVED to raise her! Your sisters sound like they are insecure and need to bring you down so they can feel good about themselves.

So sorry you are having to relive this. The other ladies who responded gave GREAT advice on how to handle your sisters. I hope you can be free of this! Hugs!

Ugh. People can be dolts. It always amazes me that women can be so self-righteous and judgmental about other women's lives/choices/circumstances.

You fed your baby.

You did the best you could at the time with what you had.

Your daughter is healthy and happy and cared for.

I CHOSE not to BF, my son doesn't have asthma or ANY chronic illness. He's a happy, healthy, thriving 8 year old.

These people will eventually get THEIR dose of comeuppance when "the" thing occurs that makes THEM second-guess their own choices and parenting.

But I'm thinking it might just be time to SHUT these people up for good with a few well planned, thought-out responses, don't you?
Get crackin'!

Really, they bring this up to you 12 years later?
Just tell them that you would rather have her here than have had her starve to death, and that if they thought it was so important they should have donated their extra breast milk at the time.

I formula fed/supplemented with breast milk for the first 4 months of my DD's life, and then managed to get my supply up and exclusively breastfed. She would have starved to death without formula, so no, I don't feel bad at all.

Your sisters need to get lives.

I chose to formula feed my kids. I didn't even TRY to bf. I didn't want to. Period.
It's a long, selfish explanation that involves me wanting DH to do his share of the overnight work. That's it. I don't regret it. And I don't wish I'd just tried it see how it would've went.

You know what? I have a 4 yr and 2 yr old that couldn't be more healthy.

You know what else? I've had asthma my WHOLE LIFE. It's well managed. AND my mom BF me.

There's nothing wrong with BF or not BF. You have nothing at all to feel guilty about, and you didn't cause your daughter's health issues any more than your sisters prevented them with BF.
Please, please, please don't let anyone make you feel bad. Especially about a choice that was made for you.
As you said, cherish your daughter and the fact that you're alive to raise her. You sound like a wonderful mom. Don't let anyone else make you feel bad.

I also think that you should tell your sisters in a nice, calm way that it really hurts your feelings when they make those comments. Perhaps a reminder that thanks to medical science, you and your daughter are here and healthy. 100 years ago you both would have died. (Maybe longer, but pre-formula days).

I have 2 sisters and we are all very different people, yet so much alike...make sense? Anyway, I did breastfeed my daughter for the first 4 months, then it was just too hard working a 12 hour shift, trying to pump and I was a new mom and didn't quite know what I was doing yet anyway! W/ my son, he just ate too much so I couldn't do it for long...he was always hungry! I felt bad, but did the best I could and I do not feel bad about it...and SHAME on your sisters for making you feel bad for something you had absolutely NO control over!

My son also had asthma issues when he was younger and has had pneumonia 4 times...he is almost 12 and for the last couple of years has been fairly healthy...no allergy meds, no inhalers and barely a cold! Did not breastfeeding him enough contribute...I don't know, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it and you shouldn't either! I watch 2 kids in my d/c who were both strictly breastfed til 1 yr and both have been sick (one just had croup!) So who knows!

And have your sisters looked around...there are so many different strains of germs/colds/flus going around and it's winter. EVERYONE is getting sick! Handwashing and drinking lots of fluids will help, but come on! Seriously...I have had croup, pneumonia, bronchitis, pukies and RSV go through my daycare...and all I got was a cough that didn't even warrant a trip to the doc...and I wasn't breastfed at all!!!! LOL!

So...like I just told my own sis this am (she was really upset w/ our mom and other sister) just focus on your own family in your own lil world and let what others think and do roll off and not bother you so much! I know how hard that is...I am the queen of letting things bother and upset me! But that is unhealthy!

And I totally understand still being upset about something, even 12 yrs later!!! But try to focus on good things and move forward...it's not good to hang onto the negative! You and your child are alive and healthy...be grateful that things didn't go the other way and next time your sisters want to bring it up, remind them that you and your child are still here and that should be good enough!!!!!! Have a good day!

My father, both his brothers, and his sister were all entirely formula fed. They all went to Harvard ON SCHOLARSHIP, and are healthy and successful, and old enough to have their own children who have children. It doesn't look like the formula hurt them. ^_^

Let it roll right off you like water off a duck's back.

Friends of ours are baby wearing, co sleeping, bfing, green cleaning, all organic parents. While they like to stand on a moral highground about their choices, their children get sick on occassion, just like everyone elses'. I think, just like you said, they are proud of their decisions, and want to crow about it.

People can say what they want, you are the one who can choose to feel angry, guilty, sad, a victim, etc. Choose instead to feel proud to have made it through a difficult delivery, and to have raised a largely healthy daughter.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

It hurts my feelings so much when people tell me I should have breast fed. I have no grand excuse of almost dying to TRY to get people to understand. I tried so very hard, pumped ever two hrs around the clock. tried to get him to nurse, contaced a professional, took meds. Drops I was lucky to make an ounce for the entire day. With the second I took a class and found out why my supply was non existant for the most part. There were a few factors that a woman might not produce milk. It was so very hard even after the instructor told me the reasons for her to believe that I was not able to produce milk. She then promptly ignored me truning her focuse on something else. Like she did not want to be confronted with the fact I tried and couldnt. Why are people so mean. Why does this hurt my feelings so terribly much. Its something I REALLY wanted for my child and could not provide for. With the second I tried to breast feed and did much better with one ounce per pump time! But her suck was extream and after two weeks only making one ounce per pump and it started to deminish quickly I gave up that battle and did not buy into the whole It will come, you have to just keep going it will happen.

What about the women whos babies are allergic to milk too. Come on. My favorite is our friend who dose not have babies said she chooses not to breast feed. Saying that its gross that your breasts leek. We of course all laugh but she is seriouse. Knowing she will change her mind.

Just reply to your sisters " Its no wonder she dosent just shrivel up and vanish into thin air because she only had such little few drops of bm." Or " Your so blessed by the breast milk fairy" " What are you talking about I am still breast feeding her right now....hold on...I have to switch sides"

I can relate to your guilt, I had to stop nursing my 14 month old due to his allergies and I have been unable to nurse my 3 week old. He has latch issues and eating issues and just won't eat, like you we supplement, only i pump and then give him a bottle and use formula when needed. It sucks, I was heartbroken and still fight feeling like I failed. But anyways, it's normal, and not just you.

You did the best you could with the challenges you faced. you gave your little one as much milk as possible and that is more than many choose to do (and that's ok, formula exists for a reason).

As for health issues, i have to laugh. I didn't nurse my 3 oldest kids. DS1 is sick all the time, DS2 and DD are NEVER sick, DS4, was breastfed, and did well, but he has severe eczema and food allergies, and is simply miserable most of the time, we stopped nursing at 4-5 months and it helped but he's by far the sickest of the bunch (and I thought bf'd babies had fewer allergies, lol).

The point is you never know, so give yourself a break.

I had for formula feed both my children at some point. My son (first born) was breast fed for 3 months dried up ( i was pregnant again) and then on formula till 1 year. My daughter was another story. She never really breastfed no matter how hard i tried, first had trouble getting my milk to come in (she was in NIICU for 3 days before i even got to see her much less try to feed her) then once it finally did come in she was diagnosed with severe acid reflux, then a milk protien allergy (she still struggles with this at 2.5). After trying everything i could to change my diet to allow her to breastfeed i gave up and she ended up on a specialty soy based formula for acid reflux until she was 16 months (she was not able to eat solids until this point).

The point is there is no reason to feel bad about not breastfeeding as it was out of your control and even if it wasnt there are many moms who just choose not to breastfeed and there is nothing wrong with that. Sit down and have a talk with your sisters and tell them how much it bothers you when they make those comments, even if they are not trying to be mean it is hurting you and they should know that.

I breastfed my second son for 18 months. He is the only one out of my three that is allergic to cats and has asthma. ha!
Next time your sisters say something I would say..."You remember when I had (daughter)? They were trying to save my life? Remember that? YEAH! THAT'S why I didn't breastfeed. Please shut up about it, I don't want to hear it anymore!" Be firm, be pissed, and then walk away.
With my first we were in a horrible car accident and I pumped for TWO MONTHS while he was on life support. When he finally was able to nurse again my supply had gone way down and we had to formula feed as well as nurse. Whatever. The boy lived, that's all I cared about. If someone said anything to me they would have seen my wrath.
It's okay to be angry and it's okay to let them know how much it hurts/pisses you off.
L.

For the first 4 months of my baby's life I had to formula feed and then supplement because I got shingles right after leaving the hospital. I was told to pump&dump, and didn't realize I didn't need to because I didn't have an LC at the time. She helped me get back on track and we BF'd for 2.5 years. I would never give a mom a hard time for formula feeding, especially when it was health related.

Maybe chat with your pediatrician and also call a lactation consultant and tell them about this ridiculous dynamic - maybe they can give you some ammo for the next stupid attack and you can tell them to back off. My LC was very pro-breastfeeding, but when you aren't able to and your baby needs to eat, formula is FINE. They need to STFU. Go ahead and MAKE them aware of how their comments hurt.

a) I only breastfeed my first for 3 months, she barely gets sick, ever. I breastfeed my second, she doesn't get sick all the time but more then her sister has.
b)I haven't look back but also nobody has being so directly making me feel guilty for it, your sisters may (or not) not be awful but they have a close mind/ open mouth combo, not a good one =*)
c) You did what you needed and what work for you, and obviously worked damn well because both of you are alive!
If that was me, I would just smile and hope their kids never get sick because they are sooo sure that breastfeeding their kids was the salvation for any bad that they would suffer so deeply when things prove them wrong.

Don't let your sister ignorance and lack of acceptance bother you, is not you, is them.

I think you did great ! I didn't breastfeed - my choice. I have one child that has allergies & asthma and has had tubes in his ears. Other than that - very healthy. One child that had tubes in his ears but other than seasonal allergies is great. I will never know if my not breastfeeding caused the one's asthma or not. I really don't care. It was the right choice for my family and that's what I look at. Your sisters need to back off and realize that this is a personal choice. Their children may end up being sick all the time, with allergies, and everything else. They don't know what the future holds. While I agree breastfeeding is the best for the most part and is great, it is not the only choice and sometimes not the best choice for whatever reason. Continue to be thankful you are alive and your child is alive and healthy.

I was a formula fed baby, and I turned out fine. I rarely get sick. In my married life (10 1/2 years) my hubby has been sick more than me and he was a breastfed baby.
I formula fed my daughter and breast fed my son. It just didn't work out with her, between being a new mom, postpartum, her colick I was a wreck and bottles saved a little of my sanity.
my son latched on the first time and it was fine.
I love both my kids the same. They are both healthy. Mom daughter has been sick more, but she is in school and exposed to more.
I say there is nothing wrong with formula, especially considering what you went through. Ignore (as much as possible) what they say and be greatful for your daughter and the joy she brings you. Just say, "I am so greatful they made formula, or else my baby would have starved to death." I am sure you are a great mom and using formula does not lessen that in any way. And when the time comes, encourage your daughter to use whatever method she is comfortable with when she has kids.

My dad was breastfed and he's the least healthy one in the family. He has horrendous asthma and had to go in for weekly allergy shots for years. Breastfeeding guarantees nothing.

Knock on wood, my kids were bottlefed and neither has asthma and I can't recall the last time they were sick ... years ago. They get perfect attendance awards at school. Allergies are minor and seasonal only, but everyone in our area has them, breastfed or not.

Your sisters clearly have issues if they feel the need to make others feel small. Tends to reflect on their own insecurities about their own decisions in life more than anything. It has nothing to do with them being proud ... they're insecure, kind of like bullies.

Feel good that you made the right choice when you did. You have nothing to feel bad about, but clearly they do.

My sister used to introduce me to friends she went to college with by telling them I wanted to go to the same school, but I didn't get in. This went on until I finally sat down and explained to her in detail how bad that made me feel every time she did it. I had told her not to before, but it took having a conversation where I looked her in the eyes and explained why it made me feel so bad before she actually got the message and quit doing it.

Perhaps you could have a similar conversation with your sisters. They need to know how bad that makes you feel. If you need to get a pastor or family counselor involved to impress them with the importance of this conversation, then do it. I hope they're just thoughtless and need to understand the effects of what they're doing. If they're really malicious in their intent, well, you'll figure that out and decide how much you really need them in your life. But personally I'm betting on thoughtless.

My little guy was breastfed for almost 3 year - yes, THREE years! We are in the pediatricians office at least 3 times a month for an ear infection or green snot from allergies.... either way, if what your sisters are saying is true..(we all know it's not), then I would be in the dr's office every day!

OMG that makes me so mad! I also had very difficult deliveries - not as bad as yours but blood transfusions etc. And I think I'm just too skinny to make so I never made much milk either no matter how hard I tried. My kids are fine!! Knock wood I think they're healthier than average... My sister said her friend was a breast feeding nazi and both her kids ended up with tubes in their ears! My friend's 1 year old son has very bad asthma and his son was breast fed! How old are you sister's kids now? Every time they get sick I think I'd say "wow - they're sick again even though you breast fed? DD hasn't had a cold in x months. And she was formula fed since I almost died you might remember...." My husband was pushing me to try even harder to breast feed until his mother said " you were all totally formula fed." He's 6'5" and very healthy as a kid and very smart. My mother said in her day, they encouraged formula and discouraged breast feeding! I guess I was very lucky to have lots of support when I couldn't breast feed.

Why is it always those who should be the most supportive tend to try to bring you down? They need to take the time to actually listen to what they are saying - maybe then they will learn that they are coming across as being very insensitive. If my sister ever made a comment that I thought was hurtful or less than positive, I would call her on it and I have. I am not saying you need to point your finger at them, but have an open and honest conversation that is direct and to the point. Unfortunately some people feel better about themselves when they put others down - even if they know they are doing it or not.

It is true, breast feeding has it rewards but that does't make one child better than another. My milk did not come in enough for my first child and he was almost exclusively fed formula. My youngest was breast fed for several months. My oldest is the healthiest of the two of them. If a cold is going around it is my youngest tends to get it and not my oldest.

Good luck to you and please know that you have done nothing wrong regarding your daughter. All you can do is love her and do the best you can and it seems like that is what you have been doing all along.

I'm sorry, but that is so lame and uneducated.
One of my good friends breastfed her kids til they were 3 YEARS OLD and they are the sickest kids ever. They constantly have bronchitis, ear infections, you name it.
I nursed my oldest until he was 6 months old and then quit because of severe food allergies. He was allergic to so many things I was eating and when I gave those things up my milk supply plummeted. That's when the ear infections started and I felt AWFUL. He had asthma as a toddler, and then , magically, when we moved to a new community (a community WITHout coal-fired power plants) his asthma was instantly gone. What in the world did that have to do with formula? Nothing.

My DD is 4 years old. When she was 3 months old, I had serious health issues and spent some time at Mayo Clinic waiting to be diagnosed with a neuro-muscular disease. So, I quit nursing. My daughter is the healthiest kid I know. Even when her older brother gets the flu (which is rare and short-lived) she'll look pale for a day and jump right back in to life. She had RSV as a 7 week old! When I was nursing her! And the doctor told us that because of that, she would have asthma. Not so much as a wheeze.

I really wanted to bf #3. And it wasn't meant to be. I made it 3 months. Green poop shooting out of him bum, screaming, writhing in stomach pains. The poor kid, just like his older brother, had food allergies from birth. (most allergists think this is impossible, but my kids taught a few of them otherwise.) Allerigic to nuts, eggs, dairy, soy and wheat. I cut those things out of my diet, only to have the factory completely shut down. He is 10 months old, has had a few minor colds that he's gotten over so quickly, has never been on any medicines. The kid is healthy as a horse. And he's been on a special formula for the past 7 months.
I am soooo over people judging me for not nursing my kids longer. Yes, it's the best choice for them. But for some of us, that choice comes with consequences that far outweigh others. This sounds lame, but be OK with it, and those comments won't bother you so much. And perhaps a comment needs to be made to remind them, again, that you almost lost your life.

Do they not remember what happened after your DD was born?
Maybe you should remind them....
My SIL chose to formula feed her children and one was in the NICU for a week (the Dr.'s really wanted her to BF her)...because she and my MIL think it's YUCKY.
Her kids are sick every single month (they also pop antibiotics like candy).
I have BFed my babes well into toddlerhood. Healthy as horses.
I don't say that to make you feel bad.
I would never say anything to my SIL. Never. And she just thinks it's yucky.
Sounds like your sisters have some unresolved issues.
Stop letting them guilt you over something you couldn't control.
Hugs.

Seriously? I think they're being totally insensitive! Perhaps they caught some flak for breastfeeding from someone and they feel that they need to defend their position? Dunno.
Either way, next time one (or both) says something out of line about it maybe you should respond with "Wow. I guess I thought you knew it wasn't my choice to formula feed, it was a necessity." and see what the response is.
Possibly there will be a hurt reaction - but if you don't call them on it they'll never know that it bothers you.
Either way, just know that LOTS of mothers formula fed their babies for a multitude of reasons and you made the best decision you could! Good luck!

I understand you feel like you missed out on something that you really wanted to do for your daughter and things come up with your sisters that bring it back. My sister in law had a similar problem right after she had her second baby she had to have emergendy surgery and when she was finally able to nurse the baby wouldn't and she was very sad.
Don't let them make you feel bad or that is why your daughter get's sick and stuff. They said even a little bit is better than nothing. My boys both have allergys and asthma. They get sick a few times a year. No ear infecations usually since I took them off of cows milk. My oldest I had to wean at 6 months cause he got sick and was in the hospital and couldn't nurse, he is not 13, my youngest now 9 never got formula. So don't let anyone let you think fomula had anything to do with her asthma and allergys!!!!!!!!! I know kids that never had any breast milk at all that are healthier than my kids.

I've said it before on here and I will say it again: every mother has to do what's right for the well-being of their baby and their family. I'm sure we can both cite plenty of examples of FF kids who are healthy and BF kiddos who get colds all the time, so go figure.

My seven-year-old daughter is on the autistic spectrum, and I cannot TELL you how many snotty remarks I've gotten from other special needs moms about the choices I've made regarding vaccination, education, diet, et cetera. It's annoying but if that's what they need to do to feel better about themselves, whatever. I usually say, "Well, I'm glad that works for you" and then, like, go talk to someone else.

Drop the self-flagellation stick. You did all right by your child.

How old are your sisters' kids now? Are they planning on home-schooling? If not, their kids will probably get about 8 viruses/year. (This is based on national averages) Since cold and flu season lasts 5 months, it will seem like they are sick every other week. Young children, especially first babies, live in a bubble. They don't get sick often because they're not exposed to much. Of course, kids that are breast fed do get their mothers' immunites, but that is only true while they are breastfeeding. I do believe that breast-fed kids get statistically fewer ear infections, but is this really a valid trade-off considering what your circumstances were? Any sensible person can see you did the very best that you were physically able to do. If you can hold your tongue, I would recommend just letting them see for themselves what will happen once their kids are exposed to germs beyond their control. I breast-fed exclusively for 13 months, but once my son was around other kids frequently, he got sick all the time. I freaked out, thinking I was doing something wrong until I read the statistics and saw that what we were going through was completely normal.

On a side-note, your sisters sound like they are being mean and petty. It could, however, be unintended. They might simply be proud that they breast-fed for a year. IMHO, they should feel good about it. It's a huge commitment, especially if they work outside the home. That said, that does not make them better mothers than you. I would bet that they love their kids just as much as you love yours. All of you make the best decisions you can for your children. EVERY parent makes bad decisions once in awhile, even moms who breastfeed! It does not sound like you made a bad decision in deciding to use formula. Congratulations on raising a happy healthy girl!

I'm generally pretty non-confrontational, but I would have a really hard time staying quiet if I was being treated the way you are. Do they talk down to you like this on other topics, or just breast-feeding? If it is only this topic, try to give them the benefit of the doubt an assume they are not malicious, just clueless. You could say, "You might be right. Unfortunately, my medical circumstances made it impossible for me to breast-feed exclusively. I guess we'll never know." You could also just ask them if they're trying to tell you something or simply proud of their accomplishments. Good luck. I know it's no fun to feel judged.

Here's my perspective- It's all up in the air. My kids get sick ALL the time. I have a six year old, and four year old twins. The oldest has asthma and chronic sinus problems. I can hardly count the number of ear infections had between the twins and my oldest has had a few too. Believe it or not, I breastfed all of them just under/just over a year. BFing is no guarantee for stellar health.
I'm sorry you're still dealing with this! Remind your sisters after the next comment(s) that they remember what you went through when your daughter was born and their comments are not helpful. You recognize that they're probably just happy they can BF, tell them that you're happy for them, too, but you'd really appreciate if they could find a different way of patting themselves on the back. It's worth a shot to make them aware; people sometimes just need some help remembering the effect their words have. Good luck!

That sucks your sisters make you feel that way! I never formula fed, but I think it's ridiculous when moms make others feel inferior for using formula. Your daughter is happy and, yes, healthy! That makes you an awesome mom.

Well, I wouldn't be associating with anyone who did their damnedest to put me down about my choices, end of story. I'm guessing you still get upset about it because you're not standing up for yourself. I'm in shock that your own sisters would brag about their nursing, knowing how much trouble you had. I just can't fathom being that inconsiderate & self absorbed.

Nursing doesn't guarantee a healthy kid. I nursed for over 6 months & my DD was still sick as hell as a baby & toddler in daycare. She didn't really seem to reap the benefits that people swear are there. I think it's just another way to guilt moms into nursing over using formula.

If they are your sisters, they should be able to hear the truth from you. That it's hurtful & insensitive when they say these things. Why do they get to go around acting high & mighty, but you have to bite your tongue? Tell them that you'd appreciate if the subject of nursing be taken off the table completely.

Wow - what a journey!! I think it's amazing that you even tried to breastfeed for 3 months, considering you were in ICU for a WEEK!! You fought to be alive for your daughter - enough said!! My oldest is 15, I lived on the road his first year of life and only breastfed for a couple of months - my body needed to take care of me - and he has no major health issues at all! My middle one, he's 10, my milk dried up a few months in, he was underweight, we switched to formula, he has no major health issues at all! Just be more like a duck and let it roll right off - you are the perfect mom for your daughter!!!

I have 3 boys. My oldest did not take to breastfeeding, I don't know why, maybe I didn't know what I was doing but he was exclusively formula fed. My second was born 3 weeks early and nursed for 1 week until I developed a blood clot in my lung and put in the hospital. He was then switched to formula fed as I was in the hospital. My youngest was nursed for 14 months, never on formula. Now, my oldest kid is one of the tallest in his class and super athletic and he hardly ever gets sick, maybe 2 colds a year. My middle son has asthma and catches every cold he passes. My youngest is small for his age and gets sick 2-3 times a year.
My BFF nursed all of her kids for the first year and her second kid has asthma and her kids gets sick often.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't think getting sick or having asthma have anything to do with if you breastfed or not. I know as moms, we beat ourselves up about certain things but there is NO reason you should second guess giving your daughter formula. I DID feel awful about my second son's asthma and worried about what I did to cause it. My doctor assures me that I did absolutely nothing to cause it and I've chosen to let it go. Good luck and sorry your sisters are making you second guess yourself.
Maybe you can talk to them and let them know how their comments are making you fell.