Am I a Bad Mom for Not Wanting to Breastfeed Anymore?

I breastfed my son for the first 4 weeks and I hated it! Not only was it extremely painful, but everytime I would try to feed him he would only last a minute and then fall asleep. It frustrated me a lot, so I started pumping without the knowledge that if you don't pump as often as you would breastfed, you will dry up, and then I was just done and so happy to be done! I will say it is not for everyone, but I also didn't have enough knowledge about breasfeeding beforehand, and never tried to contact anyone for help or advice. I probably gave up too soon, but I don't beat myself up over it or anything. My son is 2 now and perfectly fine! I always worried about him getting sick more often because he was formula fed, but he actually has only had 2 minor colds in his life, while my friends breastfed daughter was sick constantly! I am pregnant again and I am going to give it a go again! This time I am more informed about breastfeeding and will seek out help if I need it! Good luck! If you decide to stop you are NOT a horrible mother, like I said, it is not for everyone!

Do what you want. I tried breastfeeding my first and we hung in there-miserable- for the first 6 weeks. I finally gave him some formula and he looked at me, said "Thanks, you're excused now." and never looked back. Ok, maybe he didn't exactly say that but that was the look on his face. I had not been making enough milk, I had tried doing everything I was supposed to do-it wasn't working. He was happy, I was happy. He's 18 now, graduating from high school next week and truly I cannot say that he would be any smarter, healthier, taller, or more handsome if he had breastfed. Do what works for you!

Don't feel bad, I to had some trouble with my daughter not latching on properly (she was tiny and my nipples did not stick out enough) and I was really stressed out over breast feeding and could not relax and she probably sensed this as well. I stopped after about 5 1/2 weeks and I developed mastitis which was very painful and made me physically ill, so hopefully that will not happen to you. You breast fed for the most important time so don't worry about it, she will thrive on formula and you will be more relaxed to enjoy feeding her.

Put that baby on the bottle and enjoy being a mother. You know what's best. Don't feel guilty.

Yes. Indeed. You are a horrible mother. NOT!

Seriously, I have seen many BF moms looking for their BF award on this site, but I formula fed my son entirely.
As soon as the nurse said "if you breast feed, it will be about every hour or two, and if you formula feed, it will be every 3-4 hours" I signed up for formula. LOL
My son is 7. Extremely healthy, O. ear infection in his life, very bright (straight A's), and fine in every way. As O. poster put it: formula is NOT poison! Do what your gut says to do. Put your mind to rest.

And let go of the guilt brought about by the tunnel-visioned "Breast Is Best" mantra-repeating contingency.
Best of luck to you!

***Added*** Sorry you have received some harsh responses "like 'it's OK, as long as you've really, really tried' and 'not because you don't WANT to, but because you physically are not able to' Let me tell you something, this is exactly the type of LACK of support from mom-to-mom that I said you would see in your responses. Ignore it and do what YOU need to do to feed your baby. That's what it's all about.

No you are definitely NOT being a bad mother! =-)

Let me tell you about my story because I'm sure you will get some Moms saying that their kids never get sick BECAUSE they were BF...I didn't BF my first child because of medical reason I will not get into. She is now a teenager. She rarely if ever got sick as a baby, she rarely ever got sick once she started school, and now as a teenager she is NEVER sick. In fact, she never missed a day of school K-5 (seriously! She got a special award for that). In 6th grade she came down with the flu. When I took her to the Dr. & he was reviewing her chart, he was amazed that the only time he ever saw her was for well checks. He looked at me and said "Obviously she was BF! How long did you BF her?" I said I didn't, not even 1 day =-)

Please don't ever think you are a bad Mom! That you are writing in about this just says to me that you are a phenomenal Mom!

Urggg! I get so irritated when people (Brianne) try to tell others that the US is behind the rest of the world when it comes to breastfeeding and therefore we are lazy and don't care about what is best for our children. While it is statistically accurate that a lower percentage of US women breastfeed compared to several other countries, it could also be said that we as Americans are truely blessed to have more viable options and choices available to us than other mothers in other countries. So much research and developement has been put forth in the successful efforts to create exceptional formulas for our infants. And there is a wide spectrum of options when it comes to formulas, so I would say that similar to breastmilk, formula CAN change to meet your infants needs.

Sometimes we, as mothers, need to look at the BIG picture. Is formula going to make your child unhealthy? NO! Can it actually make your child healthy? YES! Your child will benefit greatly from being around a happy, mentally healthy mother as opposed to a mother who is overwhelmed, in pain, and generally unhappy.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide and just try to keep in mind the BIG PICTURE, a happy, healthy child!

Moms choose breast or bottle for their own reasons. Neither makes you a bad mom. I highly doubt she will resent you later in life because you decided to bottle feed. You need to do what is best for you and your situation.

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and what if someone said, BAD, no, but doing what's best for the child, no. people often ask questions on here to get sympathy and encouragement for what they want to do, right or wrong. breastfeeding is completely natural, and gets much easier. eventually taking about 5 minutes. we, in this country are pretty quick to give up something that seems tough for a minute. it is selfish. we are a country that has become so wealthy that we do not consider what is natural and best as long as we can get someone to do something for us and it's quick. breastfeeding is best and natural and always will be. man cannot generally improve on nature, likely why most of the rest of the world breatfeeds nearly exclusively. example, milk changes as babies grow, formula does not. that being said, it is obviously your choice, but first get real information, make an informed choice rather than a choice based on what YOU want and sympathy of others.

First don't totally fall for the lines that your baby will miss out on benefits and resent you later. I swear so many people beat new mothers over the head with some of the most insane things just to make them feel guilty about not doing things a certain way.
My first son REFUSED to breast feed. After a couple of nurses upset both me and my sweet baby I had my dr tell them to back off.
My second son I decided from the word go that I wasn't even going to try to breast feed. Both my boys have turned out wonderful. They are rarely and I mean rarely sick. My first DS has never had an ear infection and I can count on one hand how often he has been sick. He is 14 yrs old. My second DS is almost 10 and with him I can count on one hand how often he has been sick. He has had one ear infection and shockingly that didn't happen til he was 8 yrs old. They are both very smart kids.
So please don't feel guilty over this. Yes there are benefits to breast feeding but those that aren't breast fed don't suffer the way people are lead to believe.

You are not a bad Mom. You need to do what is best for you and best for baby, those two things go hand in hand.

I will offer this perspective though... your baby is only 4 weeks old. The first 6 weeks of nursing can be really hard, and if you stop now, you will never know how much easier it gets when the baby is 3 months old. Then you will be committed to purchasing expensive formula for a whole year. You say you enjoyed it at first, you need to get over the hump I think. Babies really change a TON in how the nurse in the first 2 months. They go from nursing nearly constantly to going 2-3 hours between feedings. It really does get so much easier.

I suggest you try to stick it out a few more weeks and see how it goes.

Pumping only works for some people to make more milk. If you really want to see if it will work, switch back to the breast and do not supplement. Baby should help make your supply better.

Good luck, and know that you are the only one who can decide what is best for you and your baby.

Jessica

No, you're not a horrible mother by any means. Obviously, breastfeeding has so many advantages to you AND your child, so if you can, then keep it up. But, many children come out just fine having only been formula fed. I breastfed my son exclusively for 3 months and then had to return to work so I tried pumping. I couldn't pump enough to sustain him, so I wound up giving him formula during the day and then nursing him at night and in the morning. I did that up until he was 10 months old and started biting. My advice, because of the known benefits, look some more into it and give it your all, but if it just isn't working, go formula. Being a stressed out mom isn't going to help your daughter either, so do what's best and works for both of you. Good luck!

It's a personal choice but I think there is a difference between not breastfeeding because you CAN'T (you are taking medicines the baby can't have for example) vs. you "just don't want to". I almost gave up breastfeeding my first the first month too (he was a sleepy eater and had trouble figuring out what to do) but I sought help and nursed him for 13 1/2 months. I nursed my next two for an average of 2 years. With my 4th, my goal is to have him weaned closer to 1 to 1 1/2 years but seeing what my friends go through with bottles and knowing it's best for them, I have no problem nursing.

Yes it might not mean your child is never sick but it's interesting, I once heard a doctor say Similac was called that because it is "lacking the important vitamins and minerals babies need". He said the feed often given to farm animals sometimes has more than infant formula does. There was a time when Nestle was supposed to be the "new and improved formual" back when my oldest was a baby...it was recalled at one point during his first year. At least with me, I know my baby is getting good nutrition especially since I stay on the prenatals while I nurse.

If you give it an honest effort and seek help and still can't do it, then stop knowing you TRIED but to just give up because it's a pain or you don't want to be bothered? I hate to tell you but there are going to be things you don't WANT to do being a parent. You have a baby now though and you mentioned wanting to do what is best for her.

Hate to tell you too, she might still just play with the bottle at 4 am when you are tired...

Like I said, if you seek help and are still stressed, then quit knowing you tried. I know moms who gave up without trying though and they still 2 years later keep making excuses for "why they 'couldn't' breastfeed" purely out of guilt...and no, I don't say anything to them one way or the other but I have no doubt had they given it an HONEST effort they would feel better about how things turned out even if they HAD switched to formula in the end.

Nope - you're not a bad mom and it isn't a bad decision if you decide to exclusively bottle feed.

At the end of the day, your child needs a physically and emotionally healthy mama. Do what you need to do to be the best parent you can for your child.

And...your child will not resent you for not breastfeeding her. Chances are this topic will only come up one time later in her life and that is if/when she gets pregnant with her own kids.

When I had my daughter, my goal was to BF for a year..........ha! I made it 6 weeks!

I was doing ok with it at first, but I was stressed with it being the middle of my last semester of college, and pressure of teachers wanting me back in class, worried about money, etc.. I was a mess! Somewhere around 4-6 weeks BFing became painful. It hurt every time she latched on, and then she kept letting go & latching on thru the whole process! ugh! And yeah, it took an hour or so to feed her. I didn't do as much research as you did (looking to la leche league for help), and now I wish I had.

But you know what? My daughter is now 4 years old. Very smart, very active, VERY healthy! (She hasn't been sick w/ a need to go to a dr in over a year - just her yearly checkups!)

So, your daughter will be just fine! You sound like a great mom! :)

PS. My mom didn't BF me at all and I'm fine too :)

No, it does not make you a bad mom. There is a lot more to being a mom than feeding, so do what's best for your family.

If you stop breastfeeding, you'll still have to feed your baby a bottle, so you're still "tied down" so to speak. That said, I am totally with you on how it can be frustrating and time consuming. My daughter is 10 months old and I still nurse her. There are lots of times when I have a zillion things to do and I don't want to be in the chair nursing. When I have moments like that, I try to look at the bigger picture. I'm spending time with my baby that I might miss out on otherwise, I'm taking a much needed break from my crazy life, I get a chance to read a bit of a book. It's nice to have a little downtime during the day. I am a big advocate of breastfeeding and I truly believe breast is best. There are times when your baby is going to nurse more often and for longer periods of time. When they go through growth spurts it's normal for them to nurse every few hours. It passes as they get older.
But, that said...if you start resenting your baby for breastfeeding, then it's time to stop. It will turn into an unhealthy thing for both of you. Feeding your baby formula does not make you a bad mom. I doubt that she's going to resent you later in life for not breastfeeding her (and whoever told you that..well...don't listen to them anymore).
Good luck with your choice!

You are definitely going to have a whole range of responses here, that's for sure. Of course breastfeeding is better. It's ideal. It's made by the human body, for the human body. Formula absolutely cannot match breastmilk and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Have you googled the subject? Very enlightening.

I BF my daughter for 21 months. My first goal was 6 months. When I reached that, I said, "I can do this and it's important to me." When we reached the year mark, I again thought, "Let's keep it up." My goal was then two years, based on the World Health Organizations recommendations. By 21 months, it all wound down rather naturally.

I won't lie to you; it's not easy at first and baby eats every two hours, sometimes once an hour when they go through growth spurts. We did the family bed to compensate for the nighttime feedings and that totally worked for us. Of course it is your choice, but I was determined to do what was best for our daughter and I did it. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Sidenote: my daughter is now 5 years old, has never had an ear infection, has never been on antibiotics. She's had a handful of colds and THAT'S IT. Do I think this is a direct correlation to breastfeeding? Of course I do!!! :)

No you are not a bad mom. I did not breast feed, I couldn't, does that make me a bad mom?

Hi Teddy,

I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with breastfeeding. I was in your boat 8 yrs. ago with my twins. I loved it when times went right but it really hurt me at times. My breasts got really engorged at times. What helped me was talking to a woman who had experience with la leche league. I felt she had ideas and she had compassion. I hope someone can provide you with a number for you to call. (I have to "run" right now and get my kids at school since they are coming home for lunch today.)
You are not a bad mom if you stop breastfeeding. I was able to get through a tough spot in breastfeeding and it became a J.. I am so glad I didn't stop after just a few months. I stopped a bit after their first birthday. It became a wonderful experience just to stop and relax and feed my babies from my breasts. BTW- my nephew who is in middle school and my niece who is in HS were only bottle feed and they are in honor classes and they didn't get sick more than the next kid. Enjoy your baby and we are here for you if you have any more questions or concerns.

NOPE! We all know breastfeeding is great and I think some people have better-suited lives than others to do it. I personally didn't enjoy it after the initial few weeks, pumped like a mad woman trying to increase my supply -never had much of one and personally HATED how much time it took! I honestly don't know where women get the time to do this for months on end, especially when they have other small children running around!

Formula is FINE. Most of us were raised on it as infants. My two boys have thrived after being mostly formula babies. I think the MOST important thing for a new baby is to have a mother and parents who are in a good mental place. If you feel like it's a hassle -your baby will pick up on it. You're NOT a bad mom -you obviously care!

And a note on sickness -both of my boys are RARELY if ever sick. One is 4 and the other 19m and they're exposed to plenty of other kids, preschool,etc. People comment on how they're never sick. I was never a sickly child either -100% formula fed (and before formula was as good as it is now). Again -don't beat yourself up!

And another thing -it may take SOME mothers who have a gushing milk supply 5-10 min to breastfeed, but for some of us it took 20-30 minutes and the baby wanted to feed again really soon because there wasn't enough there. Personally, my sleep, sanity and not devoting HOURS of my time to breastfeeding was a FAR better choice for everyone!

You are a great mom for trying. The best thing you can do for your daughter right now is to be a loving, nurturing, involved mom.

I was fortunate to breastfeed my son for the first 12 months. 6 months was my goal, and my only reasons for stopping were selfish, so I kept at it. I didn't love it, and I hated pumping in my car during work hours. I started nursing my daughter, got diagnosed with cancer, and had to stop to do chemo. It was better for her to have Mommy than Mommy's milk.

Nursing is a very personal thing. If it works for you, great. Evaluate the reasons you want to vs. the reasons you don't. I personally felt guilty for thinking about giving it up, but it probably stemmed from being a working mom as well - breastfeeding is right up there with SAHM vs. working mom in terms of people being opinionated.

The great thing about her being your daughter is that you get to make the decisions based upon what you think is best.

If you think you'll have regrets and guilt, stick with it a little longer, but if you need validation that you're not a bad mom for wanting to stop, I think you got a lot of it here.

Good luck, and enjoy every moment with your baby.

If you can stick it out, it gets easier! I breastfed my son for 15 months. It was very hard in the beginning, I would say the first two months. I never pumped, I couldn't get the hang of it and I also stay at home with my son so I didn't really see a point.

If you do quit, don't make yourself feel guilty! Being a first time mom is hard enough work and we all do the best we can. Do what's right for you and your family.

Good luck!

You are not a bad mom for wanting to quit breastfeeding! You did it for a while and it just didn't end up working out. There are a ton of reasons why people will tell you that you should continue, there are a ton of benefits to doing it too, but you also have to think about your wellbeing and if breastfeeding isnt' right for you and your daughter, you are better off feeding her formula in my opinion! A happy mom = a happy baby (some/most of the time!) Don't get yourself down!! You will find out over time that being a mom comes with a lot of guilt - about leaving her alone so you can get your nails or hair done or to take a nap! About not giving her the right formula or breastfeeding, about her not getting enough sleep or about you letting her sleep too much. This will go on and on! I never knew or thought about mother's guilt (guess it is parenting guilt in general) but I still have it to this day when I wake up crabby and am short tempered with my daughter, or my son won't fall back asleep at night and I am frustrated or I dont' see my kids each evening for as long as I'd like to.

Enjoy being with her and feeding her even with a bottle. Make eye contact with her and watch you fill her up with love as well as milk. As long as she's close to you and you are cuddling/nurturing her, she will be totally fine!

By the way, I don't know anyone who resents his/her mom for not breastfeeding or not breastfeeding them long enough. It's much more of a parenting thing, I assure you!

A lady at WIC said this to me when I expressed remorse at stopping.. "Try not to look at what you could have done, but rather look at what you have done because that is important too." My son never would latch and we aren't sure why. I pumped for about 8 weeks and the pump tore up my breasts so badly. Towards the end my supply was just dwindling to nothing as well. You're not a bad mother at all for wanting to bottle feed instead of breastfeed. With that in mind, if you want to build up your supply to keep feeding, look into things like fennugreek, mother's milk tea, lactation cookies (brewers yeast helps from the cookies), oatmeal, drink lots of water and make sure you're getting adequate calories. You can certainly do both bottle and breast if you choose, but its just that.. a choice! Which ever decision you make will still give your baby the nutrition they need. You also have to look at your stress levels etc. Happy and healthy mommy/daddy = happy and healthy baby as well.

If you choose to dry out, avoid heat. Heat will feel good, but can encourage production. Unless you are allergic to cabbage, get some green cabbage and put it in the crisper. Take a few leaves, cut the spines out and put them in your bra against your skin. There is something in cabbage that is an anti-inflamatory so not only will that help, but the cold will feel good as well. When they wilt, replace them. Wear a sports bra or something for a few days as well. For me, the extreme leaking stopped after about a week (go figure, I produced more milk weaning than when I pumped) and then it was pretty much all done by the end of week 2.

I can understand completely. Breastfeeding is extrememly hard!! However think not about nutrition but about the health benefits for your child. The main reason to BF is to give your child antibodies and other things they needs for their immune system and healthy growth. Formula can never give you that! Nutrition wise, its close enough I wouldnt even worry, but try to BF at least another month or so. Everytime you dont BF you will drop in production that is why your drying up. Your not a bad mom in anyway!!! first 4 months of BF was tasking then it was easy peasy!

I didn't post this question and my youngest is now 4...But Teddy S - If you don't mind - I am going to steal a bit of the support you're getting on your post. = )

I didn't find BFing emotionally or physically burdensome w/either of my children. I enjoyed it. But I only BF my oldest for 5 months and my youngest for 7 months...And I still feel a smidgen of guilt and regret about not making it longer. And I am pragmatic enough to know this guilt is not internal...It is sub-consciously imposed on me by others who subtly insinuate that anyone who doesn't do it for 1 year is a bad mom.

My oldest was simply hungry. I have never seen a baby eat so much and my supply just never caught up. Similar to another mama below, when I gave him a bottle he just gazed up and in pure adoration and relief. Today he is a happy, healthy, smart, tall and skinny athelete and scholar. Rarely gets the sniffles.

With my youngest, my supply was a bit better but still presented quite a challenge. And with both kids, the struggle to pump at work when my employer was not over-supportive was kinda hellish. However, with both kids, I felt emotionally and physically happy with BFing and wished all the other pieces could've fallen into place so I could have gone longer - Simply so I could avoid the guilt from the cult-of-motherhood mamas out there.

Don't we get beat up enough from the non-mama world? Do we have to also do it to our own sister-mamas?

Well, here's an angle that seems to escape this converstation most of the time...pump.
Now, I never breastfed my son - and I won't with my daughter on the way. To me, it's a pain and I'm not interested in trying. I will pump. And I will supplement with formula (I used to mix the 2). What I will NOT do is pump excessively to keep up my supply. When I dry up, I dry up. It took 3 weeks with DS. We'll see with this one on the way.
Breastfeeding is not the only way to get your milk to your baby. People seem to forget that. If you don't mind pumping, give that a try. And if you don't want to, don't! You're not a bad mom either way! You're not selfish, negligent or anything. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Your child will be FINE no matter what you give her.

I have 2 children. When my son was born he was so good at breastfeeding, so I did it for 1 year no problem. So when my daughter came along, I thought, breastfeeding would be what I would do, no questions asked. But my daughter had other ideas. She was what I call a grazer, she would breastfeed a few minutes here, play and then want to breastfeed again 30min later and my breast and I just could not do it. I thought I was being a bad mom, especially since I had breastfed my son. She just turned 1 on May 15 and she is great. I started formula when she was about 2 months old and I want you to know there is nothing wrong with a formula fed baby. But if you have more kids, you might try breastfeeding again....each child is different and that is something I am learning each day with my kids.

Thank God you have the option to formula feed!! The fact you are even thinking you might be a bad mom tells me you are a great mom.

Don't worry about it...feed her the formula she loves and get as much rest as you can!
HUGS!!

You're not a bad mom.
I always thought nursing was the most natural thing in the world, but my first baby just really never took to it much. She was tiny and I tried to supplement with formula and she loved it. I lasted 4 months and she was done with the breast and happy with formula. She is a perfectly healthy adult now.
I've known many women who knew ahead of time they didn't want to nurse. The decision was theirs to make and their kids are fine and healthy.
Many babies who are adopted don't nurse and they grow up to be healthy as well.
Breast milk is always best and it sounds like she was able to nurse for the first couple of weeks.
If you just aren't comfortable with nursing, it's not the end of the world. As long as your baby is getting the nutrition she needs and she's happy, I think it's okay. You can continue pumping at regular intervals to get as much milk for her as you can. Even if she gets it in a bottle, it will help. If you quit pumping all together, your milk will dry up.

But, I just wanted to say you're not a bad mom.

Yes and No. It doesn't make you a bad [person, but your baby will stay more healthy if you nurse. You are less likely to have to deal with colds, ear infections, doctor visits, mediaction. Your baby will not resent you for not breastfeeding, but the longer you nurse, the more you and your baby will bond, and chances are the more secure your child will grow up feeling, less acting our in adolescence and fewer problems in general. So, you pay now or you pay later. Also, if you gained weight during pregnancy, nursing will take it right off. You'll be in your normal size in six to eight months. The first month or nursing definitely is the hardest, and you have just done that, so why stop now when it's about to get easier. Good luck with your baby.
N

SO totally a personal choice - if you are resenting it then stop! I actually nursed until my daughter was almost 2 years old. WHen I went though periods like you are feeling I tried to find something I could do while she was nursing. You do not have to stay in a rocker - you can read a book / magazine / news paper or go on-line or even sit on the sofa and watch TV while she's young (of course as she gets older and starts noticing the TV switch to reading a book etc.).

At 4 am it is tough - but I used to just let my thoughts wander... it got to a point where I enjoyed it becuase it was a time just for me to relax think etc. without the distraction of day time (telephone, house cleaning etc.).

As far as weaning it would be easiest on your body if you switched to pumping and then gradually increase the time between pumping and decrease the time spent pumping...

I wish you luck whatever your choice!

I am a highly educated, super involved mom of 2 great and healthy kids. I read all of the same articles. And, I HATED breastfeeding. I tried it. It didn't work for me or my family. And I stopped. As, my extremely wonderful lactation consultant put it, "if you grow to dread feeding time, and it is keeping you from enjoying this very short and precious time, then STOP." They were the kindest words I had ever heard.

We moms are so terribly h*** o* ourselves. You are not a bad mom. Formula is good stuff. I used tight sports bras and ace bandages for a few days and dried up very quickly. Make sure to call your doc if you get splotch spots or hot and painful areas on your breast.

Good luck, and have a great time with that baby!

Teddy you are a wonderful Mother!!! I am so tired of women making women feel bad because they don't or can't breatfeed. Its a choice! I look back and if I had it to do all over again, I would bottle feed my kids. Well, actually I did with my son, he was kiddo #2. This little boy would eat and eat and eat. It took about 45 minutes on each side and then he wanted to eat again in about an hour! I felt like he was permanently attached to me!!! I finally started giving him formula and he was so much more happy and so was I!! As for healthly, I don't think so. My daughter was sick all the time with ear infections! So, I don't completely prescribe to the notion that breastfeed kids are healthier. That wasn't my experience. What is great in all this, is YOUR the MOM! You know what is best for your little one and if yummy formula is it, then go for it!

Don't let ANYONE ever make you feel bad or doubt yourself as your baby's mama! Good lucky and congrats. My kids are now 21 and 17 and they are smart, happy, well adjusted young adults.

Wow, you've received a lot of vitriolic answers (from both sides!) so far. Let me throw in my two cents worth:
1. You're not a bad mother. All mothers have ambivalence about their babies on some issue or another. You do need to do what works best for you and your family. Of course, with that said, you would do well to get as much information (rather than opinions) as possisble when making that choice.

2. Breast milk is far superior to formula, hands down. Even with the improvements to formula, it doesn't even come close to breast milk. Baby humans do best on human milk, and baby cows do best on cow milk. The benefits of breastfeeding are huge, but that doesn't mean you're a bad mother for WANTING to stop something that is frustrating for you. It really comes down to what your priorities are; what do you want for you and your child.

3. Some babies are easier to nurse than others, but remember they are as new to it as you are. Who has more resources, intelligence, experience, coping mechanisms? Who can hire lactation consultants, or contact La Leche League, or even google for more information? Yes, the initial few weeks of nursing can be challenging, but every new activity can have a learning curve. You can expect a newborn to want to eat every 1-2 hours or so, but what else do you have to do? If it's more important, then do it, and give the baby a bottle if she's still hungry. You can nurse and supplement with formula if you want to.

4. Speaking of other things you need to do, take it from someone who's been there five times, a new mom needs REST. Nursing frequently will allow you lots of rest throughout the day, and it will also build your supply of milk. Just a tip: a baby is a far more efficient way to build your supply. Why are you pumping? You're not required to pump, and if you're relying on pumping to build your supply, then you're hoping in vain -- just see all the other moms who pumped and dried out in a couple of weeks. Nurse for as long as you feel you are able at one sitting, then supplement with formula/extra milk you've stored if the baby is still hungry. You are in control of your breasts, even if the baby does need them for awhile.

5. No one has mentioned the most obvious point yet, a 2 week old baby often goes through a growth spurt. That is why the baby is nursing so frequently and for so long. You can expect a similar spurt around week 6 and 12. The best way to meet demand is to put your feet up and nurse the baby. But if you need to do laundry, dishes, floor-scrubbing, chase other kids, then put the baby down, and supplement with a bottle. Baby's appetite will wax and wane, and you as mom get to decide how to satisfy it. Even if you quit now, you'll still need to take time, effort to feed the baby something.

6. Sadly, sleep deprivation is often a part of a new mom's life. I wanted an off switch for my first child, but I never could find it -- LOL! Sleep deprivation will make you feel desperate and hopeless, and it will cloud your thinking. Some people co-sleep to make night feedings easier. Others have dad give the 4 am bottle (either pumped or formula). However you handle night-time parenting (see Williams Sears, pediatrician and father of 8, for books on attachment parenting techniques, if interested), know that you will sleep again someday. This will not last forever! It is very temporary, and you will get through this. Remember, as a new mom, there are not a whole lot of things you need to do to take care of an infant that require your brain to function at its peak. Try "mama-mode" when you've had a tough night sleep-wise -- how awake do you need to be to change a diaper?! {SMILE}

7. Finally, your child will not resent you for nursing or not nursing. Kids love their moms, no matter how many mistakes they might make. All you have to do is the best you can. Relax and enjoy motherhood! This time is brief, and you and your child will get past this too. Feel free to message me if you need any more encouragement. I wish you only the best.

V

You can increase your low milk production through healthy nursing tea by secrets of tea. Don't give up with bfing your baby, because it's the best thing for your baby's life.

You know what is best for You AND Your Baby. Don't feel guilty and don't let others make you feel guilty about your decision. It sounds like you just want to make your time with your daughter enjoyable rather than stressful, and no one should fault you for that (and don't let them, either.) When I weaned my daughter I just took one feeding or pump session out ever 2-3 days and I didn't have any problems with engorgment. It took a couple of weeks, but no problems with the "drying out" process. Good luck, and please don't think of yoruself as a bad mom.

It is so common to have the problems you're having, don't beat yourself up about wanting to quit. There is nothing wrong with formula, millions of babies are raised on it and are perfectly healthy. I can tell you that it does get easier at some point, at least for me it did. The first month was the hardest for both my kids. Right now I am still BF my 6 month old but he also has had formula for the past month. I am on the fence about weaning or continuing to breastfeed, so I'm just sort of doing both. The formula is great for when he's being fussy and doesn't want to nurse, he gets impatient sometimes. Do what's best for you and don't regret it.

If you want to stop it's your choice and it doesn't make you good or bad. I would think you would just dry up. If you want to stop I would start by pumping and giving your baby the breast milk in a bottle.

I don't think you are a bad mom at all. Breastfeeding isn't for everyone. Yes, it is the best option for your baby, but I know many people who were exclusively formula fed and they turned out just fine. I breastfed my daughter (now 2 and a half) for the first 2 months and then started giving her formula. I had to use a nipple shield because she was having trouble latching on and it was extremely stressful. For my own sanity, I decided to start her on formula and she is a perfectly smart and healthy little girl today. I had a similar problem with my 1 month old son and he is now on formula. There are many formulas today that are very close to the quality of breastmilk, so I wouldn't worry too much about the nutritional benefits. If you are worried about bonding, don't. I bought one of those slings to increase bonding with my son and he is always snuggled up with me :-) Good luck!

you have nothing to feel guilty for you are not a bad mom. have you tried nursing while laying on your side? thay was how i did all of her late night feedings also when she needed to nap i did it that way. as for drying up you will need to take it slow you will need to express some through out the day to releive the pressure. take a hot shower and do it. then ice packs. it may take up to two weeks. but if you feel any bit of hesitation dont do it her feedings will get faster and more effecient she is going through a growth spurt. suplement with formula and pump that is was i did my dd is not a picky eater in fact she loves eveerthing i have introduced to her. good luck

You know, you need to do what's best for you but I'm not going to lie. Breast milk is better for a baby than a man-made formula. No one knows for certain what might happen down the road. Every person is different. I was only breastfed for 2 weeks as an infant. I have severe allergies as an adult and a crappy immune system. Who knows what caused that. Could the lack of breast milk and mother's antibodies have something to do with it? ...who knows. No one will ever know what the future brings and what caused certain issues. Breastfeeding is really hard and time consuming for the first 2 months. After that, it's becomes easier and easier. By 3 or 4 months, it's a cakewalk. If you can see a lactation consultant and get the baby latching again (and your supply up), I'd give it a try. That's my personal opinion. If you are just over it, just make that decision and make sure you will have no regrets. It sounds like you might have some regret since you posted this. For whatever it's worth, I almost lost my supply when 2nd baby was 3 weeks old. It was a grim situation. I committed to breastfeeding and pumped for 20 minutes after my daughter "fed." Every single time. It was 8-10x/day. I managed to get my supply back after a week of doing this and nursed her for nearly 20 months. Good luck to you. Oh, one last thought....which you are probably already aware of since you've been bottle feeding. Bottle feeding has plenty of drawbacks too. Expense, bottle preparation and cleanings, it's messy and gets all over their neck, and babies spit up A LOT more from bottle feeding. They both have their drawbacks (and positives) but my final comment is to do what you feel is best for you and your baby. I just wanted to offer some words of advice; hopefully it didn't just confuse you more. :)

Not breastfeeding your daughter does not make you a "bad" mom. Where did you come up with that? Would you consider other moms that bottle feed their babies bad moms? Regardless the motivation why moms decide to bottle feed their babies, rather than breastfeed them, there is not a single reason to "label" them as bad moms. In life, the important thing is doing what is best for the subject in question with out harming other in the process. BTW, I breastfed my two boys up until they turned 6 months old and it was a personal decision. However, my mother did not breastfed any of us. We are three girls and have not resentment due to my mom's decision of not breastfeeding us. What a odd assumption, you just made!. Think about it. Would you consider other moms that delivered their babies by a C-Section "bad" moms? What I am trying to tell you is that this is a personal matter that concerns the mother and the baby and as long as the baby is healthy and happy, that is what counts.

It gets so much easier I promise! She will get faster at nursing too. I fell asleep nursing overnight sitting in my glider with a boppy so our son could not fall. Have you tried nursing throughout the day and giving bottles overnight? Perhaps your husband could help then too so you can get some much needed rest. Also call your local La Leche or lactation consultant and ask for advice. They may give you some tips we did not think of.

Good luck

I havebt' read the other posts, so forgive me if I 'm repeating something others have said.

You are a great mom! If you find you can't breast feed any more for ANY reason (and sanity is a good one), then don't. Your baby will bond with you over a bottle simply because you're staring into each other's eyes while you talk to her. She won't resent you for how you feed her now.

Unfortunately, La Leche League feels that breast feeding is the ONLY loving choice and in the past has demanded that moms sign a "contract" promising to only breast feed no matter what. Even if the baby still acts hungry, they are not to give in to formula. They make moms feel as if they have failed if they can't be successful at breast feeding. They tell them that they won't bond with their child using a bottle. That the child will hate them later for "not doing the best for them". So long as you make sure your baby is fed, clean and loved then you are doing it right.

My mom bottle fed me and my sisters. I'm the oldest at almost-40. Only one of us (the youngest) has asthma and allergies. Doctors don't know who will have problems and who won't. My mom actually tried to guilt trip me OUT of breast feeding by always acting embarassed and offering me her bedroom or suggesting I leave my own living room even if she was the only one with us!

I breast fed AND bottle fed both of my kids until each was 4 months old because my supply naturally ended at 4 months with BOTH of them. Then they only received formula, of course.

My milk supply never got up to enough to keep baby #1 filled for long, so she breast fed at certain times, bottle fed at certain times and I also pumped in between to try to up my supply. The pumping didn't work for me, I still only got about 4-6 oz even though I was pumping about 15 minutes each side (about 2.5 oz from one side and 1.5 oz from the other). With baby #2, I HAD to pump because he was a biter from day one. I tried for 2 weeks to let him nurse and he actually drew blood the last time because he ground down so hard. It took me two weeks to get used to it with baby #1, so I knew it wouldn't be comfortable at first with baby #2, but drawing blood was the last straw. It took me a week to heal because I still insisted on pumping! After I healed, I continued to pump for 4 months even though my supply was the same as with baby #1 AND I supplemented with formula. They never had nipple confusion, we bonded extremely well, my husband was able to feed them (pumped breast milk and formula) and we are a loving, well-bonded family.

You gave him your milk for the first couple of weeks. That means he got the colostrum, the part with your antibodies and other special ingredients not in later breast milk. Not everybody is meant to breast feed. To guilt trip anyone into it is just putting unnecessary stress on an already stressful time. I was told that if it hurt THE VERY FIRST TIME the baby latched on then I was doing it wrong! I did everthing right, but it hurt SO BAD the first few weeks with baby #1 that I cried during every feeding with my toes gripping the carpet! My nipples finally toughened up, but I felt like I was a bad mom for wanting to stop.

My sister tried for a couple of days and realized that it wasn't for her. My niece was bottle fed and is a bright, vivacious, loving 10 year old who loves her Mom, no questions asked.

Do what is right for you. Unless you actually see a mom either mix the formula or pump into a bottle, then you will never know if a child is breast fed or not.

Your a great mom. Do what you need to do. :)

I definitely agree with Jess S.

Deciding to bottle-feed instead of breastfeeding does _not_ make you a bad mom. La Leche League promotes breastfeeding for a year and doing so is wonderful. Breastfeeding the first six months, the first six weeks, whatever you _can_ do, is great.

I struggled with a low milk supply and found an answer in using formula at the breast to achieve 1) getting my milk supply to stay up as much as possible and 2) getting my baby all the nutrition he needed.

Don't let commercials convince you that formula is better, or even as good as, breastmilk. But, formula is a _good_ as science can get and plenty of children are alive and well as proof of that.

When you find yourself, like at 4am, try covering up the breast and wait a good minute or two. I found, at times like that, that my baby liked having his back rubbed a bit or some physical touch which gave the signal that I was there, caring, and loving him.

I'm open to questions in a private message, if you want.

Good luck!

P.S. I firmly disagree that drinking from a bottle is easier. It is very different! A bottle will drip into the baby's mouth even when the baby isn't sucking. At the breast, the baby has to knead the glands to get the milk. Some babies can't make the switch or you have to wait until the baby is over 6 weeks old to make a switch from breast to bottle.

Like so many others said, Do What Is BEST for you! I didn't produce enough no matter what I did and both my children were thus bottle fed. You know what, they turned out just fine and they are both Extremly healthy and very smart! Don't beat yourself up it's ok, and don't let anyone guilt you to BF if you don't want to or can't, life's too short and besides, no one can tell who was BF an who was not in the end. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your little one. Best of luck to you!

I don't think that this makes you a bad mom. My sister only breast fed for maybe a month. Some people just can't do it(physically). I also think that it is your choice.

No, you are wonderful Mom, obviously.
I am an advocate for breastfeeding, but if it is causing stress then thats not working. It should be a enjoyable and relaxing. If not , then use formula. You are still doing the BEST thing for your Baby!!

No you are not a bad mom, there are many mom's out there that just can't for one reason or another. Formula has worked for many children for years she has gotten the milk you could give her and that will help her. Keep her up on her care and check-ups and have a good life for the both of you.

I didn't read the other comments, so sorry if I'm repeating stuff that's already been said. Do what works best for you and your family! Some people are never able to breastfeed and their kids turn out fine. Some people breastfeed for years and their kids turn out fine. Some people do both and their kids turn out fine too! I'm the oldest of 3 kids and all of us were bottle-fed. We are all healthy and well. We all have college degrees and I've got a doctorate. Our source of milk is not what made us, our parents did it! My kids were breast and bottle-fed and they are super healthy and pretty damn smart if I do say so myself! ;) You are going to bond with your kiddo regardless of whether you breastfeed or not. No sense in driving yourself insane! Enjoy your feeding time, you have years to stress over plenty of other things! Some people are going to try and guilt you into continuing to breastfeed. If you want to keep trying, go for it! If you don't want to, then don't do it and don't feel guilty about it! Good luck!

Well, I'm glad you're getting so much support. No, you're not a bad mom, but I really wish you wouldn't give up yet. It takes a good month or two to get breastfeeding established. I would highly recommend calling your local La Leche League rep. She will give you some great advice on how to make this a more doable and enjoyable process - free. There are even meetings to talk with other moms about it, if you are interested. Your daughter will not resent you later in life, but you are denying her some significant health benefits including building a solid immune system. Please don't give up yet.

My answer: Do what's right for you and your baby. Reason: I am a Speech-Language Pathologist for the local school district. Being it is the public schools and an urban district, I have seen, heard, and learned more than I ever did in graduate school. When a child comes in for evaluation with parents that are doing everything they can, I don't think: "Breastfeeding until five is the best" or "Chicken nuggets for every meal is the answer." I think: "This family does what is best for them." You'll figure out what's best for your family, too - the only "bad" thing would be not caring for your baby, and you would not be asking this question if you did not love your little one. Good luck!

It is OK to stop! My breast did not make enough milk. I tried very hard for 2 months to try and pump and build up my supply. We were both unhappy. I was really upset about it, but my baby turned out just fine. If your baby is thriving on formula and you are able to spend time with her and cuddle her while she drinks the bottle and enjoy being with her, then it doesn't matter that you are no longer able to breast feed. She got the most important part from the milk the first few times you fed her. Now it is just food and time together. Don't feel guilty!

Teddy,

I felt the same way as you. Everyone kept telling me how I HAD to breastfeed, but my son and I had A LOT of issues doing it. He was never exclusively breastfed (although he did receive breast milk until 6 weeks old), and he is perfectly fine! He is never sick, has zero allergies, and is one of the healthiest kids I know (and to be honest, the ones I know that were exclusively breastfed are pretty sickly children with lots of allergies).

Do what is best for you and your baby. You will still have a wonderful bond with your little one, and to be honest, I found that my child was more well-adjusted than other ones his age because my husband could share in some of the feeding, as could friends and relatives. My son went to anyone and everyone (but still favored mommy best), and my husband and I were able to actually go out and do something because my child wasn't attached to my breast for the first 12 months.

Good luck and know that bottle-feeding does not make you a bad mom!

Take it from a mom that co-slept and nursed her children for around two years, each:
Do what works best for you, and DON'T feel (or let anyone else make you feel) guilty about it.

Both my girls were preemies, and nursing was really hard in the beginning, so I worked really hard to overcome the issues. The reason: I'm LAZY, and didn't want to have to bother with mixing formula, cleaning bottles, etc. ;-)

It doesn't take breastfeeding to have a great bond with your baby, and it doesn't take breastmilk to raise a happy, healthy child.

Stop beating yourself up, and enjoy motherhood.

Congratulations!
M.

First of all, congrats on your new little bundle!

I'm sure so many people will be upset about your decision to stop. I had major PPD with my 2nd son and most of it was due to sleep deprivation associated with breastfeeding. My OB's first advice was to stop breastfeeding if I felt okay doing that. If I felt strongly about nursing, then we could discuss other options. Her reasoning was the VERY BEST thing was for my baby (and older son) to have a sane mama. Formulas are getting so much better now, too. I gave up nursing, had my MIL help with the baby in the mornings and didn't have to go on meds. I felt SO much better and was able to enjoy my boys again. I felt guilty at first too bc of what people say... it's so much better. Why put him on formula? blah, blah, blah. I made my decision and after realizing what a difference it made for me, I decided to be confident in that decision.

You just need to do what's best for you and not worry about what others think. These types of things will follow you throughout motherhood. You just have to do what's right for you and your child and stand firm on it. What works for one family (or even on child in a family) doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

Best of luck!

It is, of course, your choice. I just thought I would tell you that it does get a lot easier and less time consuming after 3about 3 months.

IFirst off, you are NOT a bad mom. I, personally, don't believe all the talk about if you BF you child will be healthier, less sickness, etc. I have seen too many examples of that not being the case. My mom BF my youngest brother, the longest out of any of us, and he is the one with the most health problems, allergies. My good friend BF her 3 kids, until they were walking and talking and they are always getting sick with this or that, cold, flu, sore throat, etc. I BF my son who is now 10 y/o for approx 4 months he has never had an ear infection, sore throat, or even been sick enough to throw up. He has been on antibiotics once in his entire life.

Certainly not and don't beat yourself up over it. Although there are great benefits to breastfeeding, as long as your baby is getting the nutrition she needs, she will be fine. If you are concerned, maybe speak with your doctor about an infant vitamin. I started mine on PolyVisol early as well even though I breastfed for the first year. A vitamin with Iron is an excellent supplement.

I b fed both of my kids, my first for 10 months and my 2nd for 7, pumping never worked for me, it was a pain in the bum, painful, awkward, i was glad to finish breastfeeding both of my children!, i never really liked doing it that much and i was too lazy to use bottles!

dont feel guilty, some like to breastfeed their kids till their toddlers, others dont, there are other ways to bond

I did all kinds of crazy stuff to try and make BFing work but sometimes it just doesn't. Both my kids did some NICU time and I never had a good supply from pumping exclusively. My son had breathing issues and was on an IV for a while and he never quite took to nursing after that. It was a fight to get him to even take a bottle at first. My daughter has a very small opening between her nose and throat so the first time I tried to BF her she turned blue and needed oxygen! So in spite of consulting with lactation consultants and a doctor who was a BF specialist it just didn't work. I really wanted to breast feed so I pumped for months and gave each of them a little beast milk every day (only one small feeding worth). I think the immunities helped them early on.

In your situation if you don't want to breast feed that is your choice, no need for a guilt trip. If you are unsure and frustrated that ask an expert like lactation consultant or La Leche leader. The first 6 or even 8 weeks you and your baby are still learning to breastfeed. If the baby is just playing and using you as a human pacifier then you can give her 20-30 minutes to eat and then take her off the breast. Give her another chance in 1.5 or 2 hours. She will catch on. ( I read that advise in a baby book , I think The Baby Whisperer) You can also give her formula at some feedings (like 4 am) and let her breast feed at other times (first thing in the morning when you have most milk, bedtime, naptime). Since the best way to switch is drop one feeding at a time you could stretch this switch out as long as you want. Good luck finding the best solution for you and your baby.

I BF'd my son for the firt 5 months. Then I dried up, couldn't pump, work made me stressed, whatever I had to stop. He was also sick the 1st 3 months of his life. Ear issues etc. It is a personal choice. I felt guilty for all of 5 minutes when I realized this is what it is I gave him the best formula I could find and he is a big healthy strong smart boy, no worse for the wear. I will say that as one poster said the first 6 weeks are the hardest. If you do decide to try a little longer I wouldn't supplement with formula. Because if the baby is fussing with your breast now she wil continue as drinking from a bottle is easier sucking then an unwilling breast. Whatever you chose you are not a bad mom. You are seeking the best information to help you and your babe, how can that be bad?

Regardless of what anyone says, you have to do what is right for you! I am a very firm believer in BF, but, it is not right for everyone! You and your daughter are happy with how you are doing things then continue doing it. She got what she needed in the first 2 weeks so her immune system will be good for a while. Then life will take over.

Relax and and enjoy your baby!

Not everyone is into it. My Mom's generation seemed to mostly do formula. When I told her I was breast feeding she looked at me like I was some kind of wild animal. I told her "I hate to tell you this, but humans ARE mammals and by definition we feed milk to our young.". She wasn't against it, but it wasn't anything she wanted to hear anything about. My sister formula fed her daughter right from the beginning. The whole idea of breastfeeding simply turned her off. I breastfed my son for as long as I could, but working and pumping dryed me up by the end of 5 months. From there on we did formula, and my son was fine on it.
You are not a bad Mom. Everyone has their own style, and there is no one right way.