It's my daughter's party actually but moms have always in the past stayed and chatted while the kids were making their ornaments. One of the moms there is my husband's ex girlfriend, like high school sweetheart first love, it's weird I know things about her from him I shouldn't know about a person. Also another mom who will be there and I had a stupid facebook tiff which is so awkward because I haven't seen or talked to her. since. She used to post all kinds of very pointed political and religious posts that I found offensive I don't even remember what it was but after ignoring evry one and they were hundreds, one day I commented on one just pointing out the other point of view(I think it was about abortion, it was probably about anti abortion and I might have commented something like, pro choice) no biggie that time but a few weeks or months later idk she posted a very scathing hateful post about Michele Obama after her appearance on the Oscars, and I simply commented "don't be a hater, well, she went off on me a defensive attack as if I had attacked her first twice. blah blah blah we are still friends on fb but I blocked her posts from appearing on my wall anymore. Anyway tonight is this party while the mom who is having is my friend and I would like to stay and chat. These other two women are going to be there and I already feel so insecure and scared. How about if you have anything to tell me to build my confidence up for this, so I can go in and act confident and try to enjoy myself or would you just drop your daughter off and pick her up when it's over?
Thank you , I needed to hear all of that, and keep the comments coming! I will post tomorrow "So what happened?"
Thank you for all your comments they really helped me get a handle on how I was feeling and put it in perspective. Because of all of your input I was able to attend the party without being nervous, I had my head back in the right place, held high that is! The Facebook mom was not there. I was actually disappointed in a way because I was so ready to confront that situation with
Confidence and kindness. My husband's ex was there and I actually ended up talking with her quite a bit, about the kids and the shared experiences we had through superstorm sandy last year. I actually like her we get along fine. The hostess of the party took out her camera at one point and was says lets get a picture of the moms right then we happened to be next to each other in the group photo She had her arm around me! I showed my husband the photo when I got home and he was like omg that's just sooo weird! He like couldn't believe it, it was awkward for him just seeing that picture, so I guess we won't become besties
anytime soon but I'm over feeling awkward around her so that's good! Thank you all again! The important thing was my daughter had a great time with her friends and I was there to experience her joy , it was an ornament making party. I had fun making the ornaments along with the kids, and the ones I made were for the daughter of the Facebook mom since she couldn't be there she was sick. By the time I do see that mom again, the whole tiff will be ancient history. Like one mom said, even if there is some talking about me behind my back I'm not letting that get to me. Thanks again and Happy Holidays to all! Ps sorry for terrible lack of grammar or punctuation
Look gorgeous and treat them like you don't know them. Be cordial--maybe even a little friendly--but you don't owe either of them any face time. They put their panties on one leg at a time just like you do, and they'll likely feel a little awkward, too.
I will forever remember the election of 2008 as the moment when it became socially acceptable (to some) to publicly call the first lady of the US a smug b#$%^.
As to your situation, just be the bigger person this evening. Take the high road and present yourself as a gracious host. You can never go wrong when you conduct yourself with class.
You are all grown ups. I do not carry stuff like this around.
I am friends with girls/ ladies that my husband went out with... But I am the one that gift him..
And as adults, we can and should be civil, we never know what may come of our remarks and behaviors. But own your beliefs and allow others to have theirs.
I am going to a brunch tomorrow with some moms I normally would never spend time with, but the majority are lovely, so I will put my energy into them.
This isn't quite the same, but hopefully you find it relatable and helpful.
A few years ago my husband went to a highly recommended dental practice in our area. Things didn't go so well, and the dentist that worked on him majorly messed up. Long story short, after getting no resolution from the owner of the practice, a very prestigious dentist (not the same one who actually did the work), I threatened legal action.
Fast forward 1 year later at my son's Kindergarten round-up. At the check-in table I see the dentist's last name on the class list. I thought it was just a coincidence, but then I saw him walk in! His son ended up in my son's class for Kindergarten, and our paths have crossed so many times since then. Later on we ended up parked next to each other at the circus, in downtown Chicago -- really, of the hundreds of cars in the parking lot, how the heck did we end up together? Then when we went inside we were sitting 2 rows behind them during the circus! The next month my son went to their son's birthday party. This year they were on the same football team, and again in the same classroom. Guess who has become my husband's good buddy and has invited us over for dinner? The dentist that I threatened to sue!
So, the point of me saying this is to give you hope that you CAN get past awkwardness and act like adults. It is totally within your power to just put on a happy and welcoming face.
I would think they would feel as awkward as you. Just be friendly and enjoy yourself. I think you will be pleasantly surprised.
My brother-in-law married my husband's first love, who he dated for 3.5 years and about whom I know waaaaayyyyyy too much because of course he never thought he'd see her again, never mind have her join the family. Yeah. Can you say awkward? So I go through what you're feeling Every. Freaking. Holiday. Only I then get to watch my husband painfully and awkwardly also try to avoid her without being rude. Good times!
And...had a FB tiff with my husband's cousin almost 2 years ago that has never been addressed. She's friends with my BIL's wife and cornered me at a *memorial service for my husband's late mother* and basically whined that we're being petty and are ruining the family and why can't we all just get along. I later told my husband about it, he called her a told her to MYOB, she sent me a FB message that just went on and on and on and I totally ignored it.
Anyway, I get through these lovely events by making sure that first, I look my best - flattering outfit, makeup, jewelry, hair done, etc. Then I try to find people there who I actually enjoy spending time with, which is everyone but these two. Finally, if there's a glass of wine to be had...I'm having it! Don't let these two get in the way of you enjoying some time with other people, and remember that it will only be for a couple of hours. You can do this - try to have fun!
If things are as awkward as you think between these women and yourself, there's a good chance they'll avoid you as much as you'll avoid them. Just chat with other people. If you find yourself in the same chat circle, be cordial and polite, smile and engage in the meaningless chit-chat. I'm sure there will be enough other people there that you can talk to. Pretend they're not there, smile and have a good time.
There's a good chance those other women are feeling the same way as you right now and trying to figure out a way to either build up THEIR confidence or drop off their daughter. If it's awkward for you, it's gotta be awkward for THEM, too.
Go and enjoy the party.
Be friendly, treat them with kindness, but stand your ground. If you don't feel confident, fake it, 'til you make it! Also, be sure to be looking your best, and stand up straight - good posture helps with confidence!
regarding the ex, remind yourself your husband is probably thinking 'been there, done that.'
as for the FB mom, who cares. everyone is entitled to their opinion. just enjoy yourself.
Honestly, my guess is you are the only one concerned about this.
I'll bet you anything that your husband's ex is either so over him and not even thinking about it or is more nervous than you. The facebook friend is either over it also, or nervous just like you. In both cases, the best thing you can do is think of something you can ask each of them about them - "How is Suzie enjoying her dance class?" Then when you see that person, greet her with a smile and your prepare question. She will be touched you thought of her, and even if you don't end up hanging out together, the rest of the evening will be comfortable.
Relax! These things happen. It might mean you aren't BFF's, but there's really no reason to let these things bother you forever. If they bother the other person, her loss. You have so many more important things going on to let these things get you down.
why don't you just tell them you would just like to forget what happened in the past, and be friends. You need to do this for your daughter's sake, since all these get togethers are likely to happen again. And remember next time, to block their comments instead of instigating arguments. As far as your husbands ex, I'm sure she probably doesn't know, that you know, those things about her. Just put it in the back of your head and forget about it. I don't think you will ever walk into the room with these women feeling confident if you don't iron things out. Good luck.
As for the ex-gf, that shouldn't be a big deal. I am very good friends with my hubs ex-wife and one of his long term ex-gf from high school. Nothing awkward about it. We are adults and have moved on.
As for the other one, I would just act as if nothing happened. You both had your say and it's over - move on.
BTW, you should post things that will make you feel awkward or embarassed. If you do it, own it. If you can't/don't want to own it, don't do it. I suggest you ask yourself if you want to own your comments before you post them.
Go, enjoy yourself, pretend there are no awkward feelings between you and the two women. Assuming that your husband's high school sweetheart has since married and had kids, chances are good that she has moved on with her life and bears you and your husband no ill will. There's no real reason for that to be an awkward situation, really. As for the Facebook lunatic, well, just try to be on the opposite side of the room. If you somehow end up near her, a big smile with a, "Merry Christmas! Hope you and the family are well! Oh, I think I hear little Susie calling me. Excuse me." And then wander off. She will probably do the same. It will be fine.
Your husband married you, not her. So act like it! Smile, chat and be nice! Same thing for the fb friend. Who cares?????? I would ask them how their shopping is going, what their plans are, etc. You don't have to hang out with them one on one ever, just be nice in social events. I do this with some of the women I don't care for at church. If I end up sitting next to them somehow, I will chat with them, but I don't ask them out for coffee. Just play it cool and you'll be fine. Good luck!
let us know how it goes
To the FB tiff lady - just go up to her and give her a big hello and how are you. Be the bigger person.
For the ex - just be friendly and keep some distance if need be. It sounds like you don't want to make her uncomfortable either.
Don't feel insecure at all. Just be yourself. And chances are, if your hubby liked his ex, she's a pretty nice person. Who knows, maybe you'll like each other??
Wow, sounds messy. I have had similar situations with mothers from my daughter's class, one of whom was spreading weird rumors about me (apparently how I hated the teacher and was trying to have her fired, totally untrue). Before the Christmas party I called her up and innocently said "I have heard the rumors about me and someone told me you were spreading them. I told them there was no way you would ever do something like that. I can't even imagine how that got that idea." She agreed, of course she never would, and that was the end of that. I felt great for bearding the dragon in its den, much better than if I had avoided the whole mess. And while I am sure some still talk behind my back, it is no longer that important to me. I think if you go you'll be proud of yourself later, and that is worth a whole lot.
Go hang out with the other people at the party.
First, I would not do a drop off if you would on any other circumstance stay there.
It is likely that both you and your FB friend are a little more feisty with your fingertips than you are in person. At least that is what I am hearing from you.
As for the X, you don't mention what type things you know about her, but it is her business and there is no need to judge her based on the past.
If anything awkward gets brought up, just smile, think through your answer, and answer with as little as possible...next subject.
I am always loaded with smart assed things to say, but I try to keep them to myself and say as little as possible. I let the other person back themselves in the corner if things are ugly in public.
Have fun.
It's your daughter's part or is it a party that your daughter was invited to? I would not invite the. Two ladies if it's your daughter's party. If it's one that you were invited to--I'd make other fun plans and not let on my real reason. But, nope I'd not attend.
