Okay, I am having some trouble with this one. Our 10yo has been working up (what is this/what is that questions) to "the big question" (where do babies come from). His dad and I are both in healthcare, so we know all the pretty big words to throw at him, but I dont want "the talk" to be like that. I want him to get the information he needs in a not so clinical way (that is how I got it). I want him to understand and know that we are not withholding information, but he is only 10. How do you encourage him to discuss this with us? How can we avoid embarrasment on both our parts? Should it be a father/son conversation or should I be there too? Just me? HELP (now that is almost a deperate cry there ladies! :>)
First, I would like to say thank you for all te wonderful advise. You ladies are amazing! We have sat our son down and told him everything. I think we started out a bit over his head at first, but he asked tons of questions and got his answers.
We incorporated alot of what you guys said. We told him that this was something that two people that loved eachother shared, but that it was not something that should be taken lightly. We tried to explain that he was going to feel intense feelings for his future little girlfriends and that they too could become parents. We tried to let him know that his future could become more difficult if he became a dad at an early age and that it was best that sex wait until he was married. His dad tried to make him feel as though he could come talk to him about this at any given time.
SO, Now all I can do is hope that he knows that we are going to be open and honest with him. We did address contraception, whenther we should have or not. BUT in my opinion if kids are going to do this...he needs to be safe doing it. Hope I wasnt wrong in that one.
ANYWAY, Thank you all again for your help. I sincerely appreciate it.
I would start by letting him ask you the questions he has ,and explain as simple as you can .Kids today learn about sex very early .I just told mine when you are married and in love you have a special realtionship ,and you can have babys ,That was enough for my sons .in time they learned the rest on there own ,just let him ask and be honest with him .best of luck to you .
Not to freak you out, but kids nowadays are having sex at the age of 12. Which is really scarey, especially know that they really don't know what they are doing. And when I was in 5th grade they had "the talk" in class. The easiest way that I can think to approach this is start by doing some human anatomy (science) and maybe some health lessons during your homeschooling. Then later that night when you and your husband are both home you can start the conversation with something you taught him that day, and go deeper in depth.
Try to make it as comfortable as possible. That way if he has any questions, he won't feel embarrassed to ask. Hope that helps.
I tend to agree with Lisa...He is too young yet for the actual "talk". Just tell him when 2 grown ups love each other and get married, when the time is right God blesses them with a baby.
Ok... this won't help a whole lot with the 10 year old... I don't think 10 is too young - I think it's pretty late to not have started at all! I knew the 'basics' when I was like 4 or 5... and so do my kids. Then again, out in farm country we tend to learn the basics of sex and where babies come from early. I never had "the talk" with my parents... it was a series of short conversations over many years. Even though I live in the city now, my parents are still on the farm so my kids have been around the animals.
I think the best way to have serious talks with boys and get them to open up is to do something else. Even teenage boys will openly talk with their dads while fishing, hiking, painting a fence or doing something where they don't have to have eye contact. Ask the questions non-chalantly and give plenty of time for a response and never ever be judgemental or they'll clam up.
IMO, you need to have this talk right now! I have neices/nephews this age and they are always talking about so-in-so having sex with you-know-who. In this area, the schools don't start sex-ed classes until 8th grade.... a recent national poll I saw stated that almost a third of 11 year olds "have experimented sexually". That includes both oral sex and intercourse... many kids know intercourse is "bad" but do not consider oral sex, "sex". At least in the city where an aunt/uncle lives, the number of 10-13 year olds with STDs have risen alarmingly. These kids swear they didn't have sex... they do not see anything wrong with oral sex. Ignorance can be harmful or even deadly in some cases.
trish
not sure if this will help, but i just told my son when he started thouse questions that when a mom and dad love each other, they kiss and hug and baby grows inside the mom, and the baby is a part of both of them...hope it helps...L.
Hi T.-
I am a mother of a 2 1/2 year old....but I have sibblings, younger.
We had a very cool, serious book about the human body , how it works, how I was to have my period, and then how babies are made due to my period and cycles-that way it made sense, and I was 9 when I was told...and with your son, that cuold be read to him as well-they have this edition for boys too. I also think it would be wise to ask him what he might know so far, and how he feels about it. Then you have a platform.
The books were very informative, with pictures, very understandable for me(the books were made for kids-young kids). It made me feel informed more than anything. The great part was that after "the talk," I was allowed to read these books on the body, and I was comfortable doing so.
If there are books like that out there still, then that's the way I would go. It's a great introduction, plus if there are more questions, it's a reference guide on the human body, how it acts, and how humans act together etc.
Good luck!
A.
It doesn't matter if it's you, your husband or both...tell him medically how and where babies come from only put it in layman's terms as he may not understand all the legal jargon. Besides telling him how babies are made, I would explaine about sex being something that you only do with somebody that he truely loves such as a wife...also while you're at it, go into detail about the diseases that come with having sex with someone that he don't know the background of...that should slow him down some. keep in mind that what we were doing at 17 and 18 years old, a large portion of kids are now doing at his age. My god-daughter is 25 now and when she was 12 there 8 kids in her grade in her school that were pregnant. He's not to young for the talk.
T.
As the mom to four boys, I certainly feel your "pain". We have an extremely open base of conversation in our home. There are no subjects off limits... Regardless of what it may be if the boys want to discuss something, we do. Even if I develope a "twitch" over it :) . Our boys range from 13 to 19 months and trust me, with the exception of the baby, all of the older boys(13,11,9) have really given me a run for my money sometimes. But we always answer their questions as honestly as we can. If they know they can talk to you without being judged, lectured, criticized, they will...
For us, I have found that being totally honest with them is the best approach. They get only slightly censored versions of the truth. This way, they feel like they are not being given the "run around" in my or my husband's answers and they are not embarrassed about having questions. My older two boys already have a full understanding of the "birds and the bees". And they feel very comfortable about vocalizing any questions they may have. They know that we will give them honest answers.
This is not a "one parent" thing. I think that I am actually the one that the boys talk to the most when they have questions; now when they are talking about girlfriends (yeah I know, girlfriends already!)and doing the "bragging" thing my husband gets most of that.
So, my suggestion would be to be open to anything and not dismiss his questions. Let him know that his curiosities are valid and give him an honest if censored answer. I would highly advise that you not tell him "when your older" or make him feel ashamed or embarrassed about his feelings. Just approach it like any other conversation, even if this one is a bit more uncomfortable for you.
Good Luck!
Y.
Hi there. My name is D. and I am a 31 year old STAHM of a 4 month old. My sister had a lot of problems with that question when they told my niece I was expecting a baby. Kirsten is a very precocious 6 year old and feels she has to know everything. She kept asking and asking until they finally told her most all of it. When my sister ended up doing was going to the library and getting an age appropriate book for them to share. She wanted to know so much that they ended up taking her to a dairy farm in the area that gauranteed a birth every 45 minutes. So my niece got to see a calf being born. My sister explained that it wasn't that h*** o* a woman. May have convinced my niece never to have kids. lol Anyway that was how it was navigated. She understands enough to satisfy her. Hope that helps
-D.
when my oldest was about 6 or 7 she asked us the same thing. we just told her in very simple terms.....but we told her the truth ( some parents still wont and i think that is soooo wrong) so my advice is to use simple terms and dont make it like a science lesson either..just like you, thats pretty much how i was taught.....there are also several books at the library that are more focused on a kids understanding. im not sure of the names of any...but if you ask they will help you out. good luck
Hi T.,
I talk to my 6yr old son about this topic in a very short and clear way. What he asks, I answer. He started asking me about this when he was 5 yrs old. He was asking and wondering about it a little more when I was pregnant with his little brother and, now that his brother is an 8 mo old sweet baby, my kid is asking me more questions.
I explained to him that he and his little brother were born from an act of love in which a tiny seed is put by daddy in mom's body, and then mommy's belly starts growing with this little baby inside.
However, I think that you should give the information to your son by explaining him in shorts terms what a male body and a female body are and how they work (a lady has this.....for that...a male has this...for that...to make a baby they have to be together..so on..)
It would have been better if you had explained this to him earlier in life because like other mom said in this forum, things are getting pretty nasty about sex among children rigth now. I speak about children, because those little guys out there who knows about oral sex or just sex are JUST KIDS. They start in this matter at a very early age and to protect your son information is a key to be succesful.
Talk to him and answer any question with the real word and without feeling embarrased (the way you react he will reacts and will faces the topic) Do it before he gets the answers from strangers, friends or from some one else. Usually information about sex from others and not parents is too simple or too complicated and especially wrong and shameful.
Talk to him and repaet, repeat and repeat the do's and don'ts.He will listen..believe me.
Good luck!
Alejandra
