13 answers

12 Year Old Wants to Know What "SEX" Is

HELP!!! My beautiful 12 year old boy wants to know what sexual intercourse is. After browsing the the history on my computer I see that my son is googling what is sexual intercourse? He admited to it after being comfronted, but says he is too embarrassed to ask his dad or myself about it. I'm freaking out, it's more than the fact that he's actually interested in that stuff, and more so that he doesn't feel he can come to me with questions about anything. I've been honest with my kids and have always told them that they can come to me with anything they want to talk about, ANYTHING!! I'm easy to talk to, I think. He learned a bit in health and human developement but apparently only the difference between men and women, not what they do together when they love eachother. I don't want to push the issue but I don't want him to turn to the wrong person for answers. Should I leave it alone or buy him some books or....? I knew this day would come..why can't they just stay babies?

What can I do next?

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12 is a tough age- I would sit him down and explain as much as you want and if he is embarrased oh well- better to be embarrased and have knowledge than no knowledge and end up with pregnant girlfriend or STD.

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I've already had the sex talk with my daughter. I used the dog as an example and only showed her 'her' parts online. I have a 12 year old in my daycare and she learned about sex from her friends... God only knows what they told her. If you don't tell him his friends will!

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DON'T leave it alone. at 12 he needs to know. Esp in today's world. I'd have you or your husband sit down with him -- maybe have a special outing and talk to him about everything -- including context of when it is appropriate. If he's been googling about it, there probably is not anything he does not know about it so "holding back" information will just confirm that he should not come to you. Instead sitting down and talking to him and answering his questions will be able to answer the things he can't figure out how to answer from the computer. Internet/google gives answer in value neutral ways -- its just the facts. Parents put those answers in context.

Knowing about sex does not make a child grow up. Back in the days, kids knew an awful lot more about it than our children do because they lived on farms and watched the entire life cycle in their animals. It is what is done with the information that matters.

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Yes,mom your kid is growing up. Time to tell him the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth or he will get some wild and foolish ideas from someone else.
Kids do have sex young these days. Be real and give him condoms to save his life. I have given 100 condoms many times to 14 and 16 year old teenagers who needed them and were grateful while their mothers were in denial.

How did I tell my daughters about sex. Truthfully from about age 4 on adding a little more as they requested. I told them about their periods and how to chart them. I found a book that explained sexuality. And, our oldest asked her Dad about blow jobs when she was 9 years old. His answer was better and kinder than any I might have given her.
The children knew couples made love. Their friends told them and repeated the sounds so they asked us if it was true. We said it was and that the sounds made in a loving relationship were from deep inside us. We told them about the commitment in sexual relationships and not to be casual about it as it is not emotionally satisfying to sleep around.
I also sent my 14 year old to the doctor for a bit of information on drugs when she was buying pills on the street. He showed her the PDR and how to indentify safely made ones. We were lucky she decided against street drugs.
From my point of view face life head on and what you think are troubles will be whittled down to a size you can handle.

1 mom found this helpful

12 is a tough age- I would sit him down and explain as much as you want and if he is embarrased oh well- better to be embarrased and have knowledge than no knowledge and end up with pregnant girlfriend or STD.

1 mom found this helpful

If he's 12 years old, he absolutely deserves to know. I have already talked to my 6 year old about this. My sister is a child psychologist and informs me if you talk openly and honestly to your children from a young age about sex, they are less likely to engage in risky behavior and have teenage pregnancies. Let go of what this means to you personally (ie, my baby is growing up) and hold on to what it means to HIM (ie. knowledge, empowerment). After all, where would you prefer he get his information, you or the internet? Let his dad do it if he feels more comfortable. Good for you for loving him so much. Now you can just lovingly tell him the truth. He is so ready.

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HI C.,
I know this was a little while ago that you asked this question, but I thought that I could share with you my expirence growning up. My parents were always open and honest about sex. Sex is a scary word at times, but truthfully it is the most wonderful thing between a husband and a wife. My parents were very liberal in their views, but they also told me that this was my body and that you don't just share it with anyone. They always help me learn to respect myself and told me about the consequences of actions. My parents never ever thought that I would wait until I got married to have sex, but I did. I waited almost 28 years before I got married and had sex! I never had to wonder what is was or about and I did not get my info from school or elsewhere. I know most people do not wait till marriage in our society, but, for me, it was well worth the wait! Hope all is well.

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OMG C. u do have yourself a handful, but i do have one thing 2 share w/u, my daughter had asked me once when she was about maybe 7 r 8years old, mommy how do babies get into mommies tummies OH MAN was i shocked to hear my daughter ask me that well her dad stepped up n says we well tell u when u get older... i was still shocked of her ? she had asked me i started asking several of my friends & family what would u do if a 7year old came up 2 u n aske u how do babies get in mommies tummies? n alot of my friends were stumpped at this ? as well... n then one of my friends tells me (IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS OLD ENOUGH TO ASK THE ? THEN SHES OLD ENOUGH TO HEAR THE TRUTH...) i totally agreed w/this answer, n i was also told if u dont b honest w/her when she askes u something its going to b harder 4 her 2 come to u as she gets older n older n u r going 2 lose her honesty/trust... so one day me n my daughter was driving along n i had a talk w/her n i tells her babe member that ? u asked me n dad told u when u got older we would tell u, n she remembered n she says oh am i old enough now, n i asked her if she member the ? n she says yeah n she tells me, so i was honest w/her n i told her, n she made all kinds of faces n saying thats gross n sayin eewww, n i thank god 4 being honest w/her cause 2 this day my daugher can ask me anything n im not affraid r ashamed 2 talk 2 her about it, n plus i would rather she learn from me, than from someone else who would tell her something different n wrong..... SO MY SUGGESTION TO U IS TO PLEASE BE HONEST W/HIM... n in the process of being honest w/him tell him the good n bad of the issue... cause my daugher is now going to be 18 years old in december, n im so thankful that she can still come to me at her age....
GOOD LUCK.....

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I am sure if he is Googleing it then he knows more about it then you think he might but what the important thing is here is that he gets CORRECT information not just what he sees on the computer or what his "friends" are telling him. The more edjucated he is the better off he will be when it comes to a decision he is faced with when it comes to sex. Peole in general dont seem to worry about boys and sex its kind of like a right of passage and this is a practice that needs to stop and it starts with you! I mean who are these 12 and 13 year old girls having sex with? I have a 12 year old daughter I have been talking quite frankly about sex and what it all means since she was 10 she was slightly curious at that age and I figured I better inform her now because you hear horror stories of 12 and 13 year old girls getting pregnant. I feel that because she understands what constitutes a sexual act whether it be oral sex or whatever she is better infromed Sex isnt just intercourse as we as adults know (except Bill Clinton lol) Children who have limited information think that some sexual acts are ok because there is no risk of pregnancy. I watched a documentery on HBO one time and it was all about middle school aged children and the sexual things that they do and dont think are bad things. I was kind of the same way as a child I was 14 when I lost my virginity one thing just lead to another. I was not well informed my parents were very scared about talking to me about sex I mean we couldnt even say chicken breast at home. I didnt know the things that I was doing with boys wasnt wrong but boy was I wrong peer pressure is HUGE. I was pretty much guilted into having intercourse. I figured at the time that there wasnt really all that much difference in what I was already doing with boys and full blown intercourse. I really wish I would have been better informed. the one good thing I did get out of this was that I knew that I would be more open with my children when the time came. I am glad that I have great communication with my daughter and although she gets red in the face when we talk about the more "sensitive" aspects of sex she is glad that I am so honest with her.

Knowledge is power!

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Do not leave it alone. That will only send him searching in other places or from other kids with wrong information. You need to let him know how natural it is and that he shouldn't think it in any way demeaning to himself or a girl. Teach him respect along with it so that he doesn't think that's all that boy's want with girls. There are great books out there for kids. My kids were given "Where did I come from" when they were in grade school. It has a easy understanding way to teach them and they don't ask questions anymore. If you are too uncomfortable, get him one of those and hand it to him or read it together.

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Go on a website such as discovery.com. Find GOOD information before you sit down and talk to him. Include your 8 yr old boy.
I believe that kids who aren't informed of the "good" things, will experiment and find the "bad" things. We as parents want them to come to us with everything, be prepared for their questions. Talk to your daughters at a different time. You will say things differently to your daughters than you do your sons. Be glad that he wants to know things because you can teach him what you want him to know and how you want to know it.
I dealt with finding things on the computer with my 12 year old son also. When I confronted him I made sure that he knew he wasn't in trouble that I just wanted to talk to him. Once he knew he wasn't in trouble we had a good talk. I explained to him that the stuff on the internet was not about "love", you want relationships to be about love and trust and all that good stuff.
Just remember to be honest and answer their questions, be prepared. It's better they find out from you than experimentation at too early of an age.

1 mom found this helpful

My daughter 15 and son 12 have had very open discussions about anatomy and have always been very matter of fact and not made a big deal out of sex, puberty, etc. My son wanted to know "what the white stuff that comes out of a man is, when that happens and if it hurts?" He has been around when my daughter and I have openly talked about girls bodies, periods and such and the three of us sat and had a chat asking, answering and discussing anatomy, appropriate circumstances, such as sex belongs only within marriage, and the responsibilities and risks. He asked if he could have a girlfriend and I explained the responsibilities and potential of how she could be hurt and that if he cares about her then he needs to think about potential consequenses, hurt feelings, her reputation, is she emotionally ready for a relationship? etc... If those things are not important to him... he should not be dating her. How it is presented makes a difference. If you are embarrassed and it feels like forbidden fruit, it will make them more curious and often lead them to seek information and maybe experimentation. Long and short we discuss all aspects, and responsibilities, and risks and they are very good, responsible educated kids. I am really proud of them. God in our lives and our supportive church family has been wonderful in helping us develop and close and healthy family. :)

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What a wonderful year for the 12 yr old. Its time mom to sit down with him, you and your husband and have the good old talk. If he is asking, he is ready. Im sure kids these days at school might feel him in on what they percieve it to be. And if he is not clear from that he goes else where, and why not the computer... and you know what the computer could pop out. But there are a few ways to handle it, one be straight up front. They do have videos on education of sexual intercourse at the public library. But the important thing is comfert for the parents, too. So you may want to watch it first, get some in put, and then have a casual talk. Most important that he respects the morals that come with the "sexual intercourse". Good luck.. if your embarressed of the talk or feel uncomfertable... so will he. I have 2 boys, both men now,,, but I remember quite well that time in there life. Its not as hard as it may seem, and quite a relief when it comes out in the open. For both the parents and the child/ pre-teen.

1 mom found this helpful

hi im sydney,
if your son doesnt know what sex is at the age of twelve your not a very good parent! you needed to tell him little by little at a younger agee! wow

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