13 answers

12 Year Old Wants to Know What "SEX" Is

HELP!!! My beautiful 12 year old boy wants to know what sexual intercourse is. After browsing the the history on my computer I see that my son is googling what is sexual intercourse? He admited to it after being comfronted, but says he is too embarrassed to ask his dad or myself about it. I'm freaking out, it's more than the fact that he's actually interested in that stuff, and more so that he doesn't feel he can come to me with questions about anything. I've been honest with my kids and have always told them that they can come to me with anything they want to talk about, ANYTHING!! I'm easy to talk to, I think. He learned a bit in health and human developement but apparently only the difference between men and women, not what they do together when they love eachother. I don't want to push the issue but I don't want him to turn to the wrong person for answers. Should I leave it alone or buy him some books or....? I knew this day would come..why can't they just stay babies?

What can I do next?

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12 is a tough age- I would sit him down and explain as much as you want and if he is embarrased oh well- better to be embarrased and have knowledge than no knowledge and end up with pregnant girlfriend or STD.

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I've already had the sex talk with my daughter. I used the dog as an example and only showed her 'her' parts online. I have a 12 year old in my daycare and she learned about sex from her friends... God only knows what they told her. If you don't tell him his friends will!

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DON'T leave it alone. at 12 he needs to know. Esp in today's world. I'd have you or your husband sit down with him -- maybe have a special outing and talk to him about everything -- including context of when it is appropriate. If he's been googling about it, there probably is not anything he does not know about it so "holding back" information will just confirm that he should not come to you. Instead sitting down and talking to him and answering his questions will be able to answer the things he can't figure out how to answer from the computer. Internet/google gives answer in value neutral ways -- its just the facts. Parents put those answers in context.

Knowing about sex does not make a child grow up. Back in the days, kids knew an awful lot more about it than our children do because they lived on farms and watched the entire life cycle in their animals. It is what is done with the information that matters.

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Yes,mom your kid is growing up. Time to tell him the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth or he will get some wild and foolish ideas from someone else.
Kids do have sex young these days. Be real and give him condoms to save his life. I have given 100 condoms many times to 14 and 16 year old teenagers who needed them and were grateful while their mothers were in denial.

How did I tell my daughters about sex. Truthfully from about age 4 on adding a little more as they requested. I told them about their periods and how to chart them. I found a book that explained sexuality. And, our oldest asked her Dad about blow jobs when she was 9 years old. His answer was better and kinder than any I might have given her.
The children knew couples made love. Their friends told them and repeated the sounds so they asked us if it was true. We said it was and that the sounds made in a loving relationship were from deep inside us. We told them about the commitment in sexual relationships and not to be casual about it as it is not emotionally satisfying to sleep around.
I also sent my 14 year old to the doctor for a bit of information on drugs when she was buying pills on the street. He showed her the PDR and how to indentify safely made ones. We were lucky she decided against street drugs.
From my point of view face life head on and what you think are troubles will be whittled down to a size you can handle.

1 mom found this helpful

12 is a tough age- I would sit him down and explain as much as you want and if he is embarrased oh well- better to be embarrased and have knowledge than no knowledge and end up with pregnant girlfriend or STD.

1 mom found this helpful

If he's 12 years old, he absolutely deserves to know. I have already talked to my 6 year old about this. My sister is a child psychologist and informs me if you talk openly and honestly to your children from a young age about sex, they are less likely to engage in risky behavior and have teenage pregnancies. Let go of what this means to you personally (ie, my baby is growing up) and hold on to what it means to HIM (ie. knowledge, empowerment). After all, where would you prefer he get his information, you or the internet? Let his dad do it if he feels more comfortable. Good for you for loving him so much. Now you can just lovingly tell him the truth. He is so ready.

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HI C.,
I know this was a little while ago that you asked this question, but I thought that I could share with you my expirence growning up. My parents were always open and honest about sex. Sex is a scary word at times, but truthfully it is the most wonderful thing between a husband and a wife. My parents were very liberal in their views, but they also told me that this was my body and that you don't just share it with anyone. They always help me learn to respect myself and told me about the consequences of actions. My parents never ever thought that I would wait until I got married to have sex, but I did. I waited almost 28 years before I got married and had sex! I never had to wonder what is was or about and I did not get my info from school or elsewhere. I know most people do not wait till marriage in our society, but, for me, it was well worth the wait! Hope all is well.

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OMG C. u do have yourself a handful, but i do have one thing 2 share w/u, my daughter had asked me once when she was about maybe 7 r 8years old, mommy how do babies get into mommies tummies OH MAN was i shocked to hear my daughter ask me that well her dad stepped up n says we well tell u when u get older... i was still shocked of her ? she had asked me i started asking several of my friends & family what would u do if a 7year old came up 2 u n aske u how do babies get in mommies tummies? n alot of my friends were stumpped at this ? as well... n then one of my friends tells me (IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS OLD ENOUGH TO ASK THE ? THEN SHES OLD ENOUGH TO HEAR THE TRUTH...) i totally agreed w/this answer, n i was also told if u dont b honest w/her when she askes u something its going to b harder 4 her 2 come to u as she gets older n older n u r going 2 lose her honesty/trust... so one day me n my daughter was driving along n i had a talk w/her n i tells her babe member that ? u asked me n dad told u when u got older we would tell u, n she remembered n she says oh am i old enough now, n i asked her if she member the ? n she says yeah n she tells me, so i was honest w/her n i told her, n she made all kinds of faces n saying thats gross n sayin eewww, n i thank god 4 being honest w/her cause 2 this day my daugher can ask me anything n im not affraid r ashamed 2 talk 2 her about it, n plus i would rather she learn from me, than from someone else who would tell her something different n wrong..... SO MY SUGGESTION TO U IS TO PLEASE BE HONEST W/HIM... n in the process of being honest w/him tell him the good n bad of the issue... cause my daugher is now going to be 18 years old in december, n im so thankful that she can still come to me at her age....
GOOD LUCK.....

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I am sure if he is Googleing it then he knows more about it then you think he might but what the important thing is here is that he gets CORRECT information not just what he sees on the computer or what his "friends" are telling him. The more edjucated he is the better off he will be when it comes to a decision he is faced with when it comes to sex. Peole in general dont seem to worry about boys and sex its kind of like a right of passage and this is a practice that needs to stop and it starts with you! I mean who are these 12 and 13 year old girls having sex with? I have a 12 year old daughter I have been talking quite frankly about sex and what it all means since she was 10 she was slightly curious at that age and I figured I better inform her now because you hear horror stories of 12 and 13 year old girls getting pregnant. I feel that because she understands what constitutes a sexual act whether it be oral sex or whatever she is better infromed Sex isnt just intercourse as we as adults know (except Bill Clinton lol) Children who have limited information think that some sexual acts are ok because there is no risk of pregnancy. I watched a documentery on HBO one time and it was all about middle school aged children and the sexual things that they do and dont think are bad things. I was kind of the same way as a child I was 14 when I lost my virginity one thing just lead to another. I was not well informed my parents were very scared about talking to me about sex I mean we couldnt even say chicken breast at home. I didnt know the things that I was doing with boys wasnt wrong but boy was I wrong peer pressure is HUGE. I was pretty much guilted into having intercourse. I figured at the time that there wasnt really all that much difference in what I was already doing with boys and full blown intercourse. I really wish I would have been better informed. the one good thing I did get out of this was that I knew that I would be more open with my children when the time came. I am glad that I have great communication with my daughter and although she gets red in the face when we talk about the more "sensitive" aspects of sex she is glad that I am so honest with her.

Knowledge is power!

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