The PRE-TEENS

First of all talk to him about why he is doing this distruction and what he is going to do to fix it cause he should fix or work it off to teach him there are consequinces to destroying other peoples property. And go to the school regularly. Stay involved even if he objects. And stand by your words if you don't back down he will know you mean buisness. Don't make him feel negativitly about himself but help him to realize that what he is doing is unexceptable and you will not let him continue this kind of behavior. If dad isn't in the picture find him a mentor GUY he can spend time with like the big brother program or something similar. He is just testing his bounderies but you don't want to lose control. I hope this helps.

Read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. I think it'll help you understand.

I have a 12 year old son too, who is experiencing the very same issues. He is the star of his football team, in honors classes, etc. The behavior issues just started about six weeks ago. His issues have been at school. I have been told so many things, it is the age, it is normal, etc. I disagree. That is not the way he was raised, as goes the same for your son. I really wish I could help you. I don't know what to tell you other than, there is someone else experiencing the same thing. If you find any helpful info or just want to vent, let me know. :-)

Coming from a proud daddy of four kids (2 boys 2 girls) it sounds like he is in need of "guy" time. Boys like to behave like boys and sometimes that means getting into a little trouble (it is my opinion that a LITTLE trouble can be healthy). Maybe a brother (of yours) or your dad or another male figure could take him for "guy time" to act like "men".

JE

I'd volunteer if you thought it were healthy (you could meet my family- up to you)

It is time for the talk. I don't have a child that age, but my little cousin lives with me and at the age of 14 he started acting out...this happen out of nowhere. And my grandma is rasing him, so she turns to me and wanted me to talk to him. I learned that something or someone can push him over the edge at times. Is he your oldest? If so, he needs to understand that everything he does can and will effect the family. Don't put too much pressure on him, but lay it down slowly that its just you three and your doing your best to act as both parents for him, but if you did something wrong (don't place blame on yourself, but see if perhaps something was said, done or not done). Of course, your mom, so some things are not going to be said to you and if you trust someone to talk to him, he may tell them and I hate to say it, but I got lucky because I am a hard core tomboy...so your son may need a male to look up to if his dad isn't around for that part. I don't know if this helps, but you have to remember, your son is older, experiencing more of lifestyle changes and social patterns, so talk to him like your son, but keep it the conversation as if he is an adult almost...not too much. It worked for me and I was just a kid when I did this...my cousin was actually bigger then most kids and he was being made fun of a lot and well, he got pissed off and took it out on other things because he knew hurting people was wrong. It took some time and a lot of talks, but we got through it and he found his group of friends, now in highschool and I still hang out with him. Good Luck.

Ok, I have a 12 year old daughter and a 13 year old son, so I've been through it and still going through it, I've learned if you take away the things they love most works very well, to be rewared you must give reasons, and behavior is on of those reasons

Let him know that he doesn't have to prove himself to his peers and that being smart is enough and being an athletic just adds to it. Let him know if his peers can not like, accept and appreciate him just as he is, then they're not his real friends. Sometimes when people are different from the majority they try to fit in by doing what the crowds does or even more outrageous things. He needs to be reassured.

Also, try to get to the root of the problem. Find out if something life altering happened to him at school or in other areas of his life. Some children really don't know how to deal with stress, anger or disappointment correctly.

Let him know that he will be disciplined if he acts out and you, as the parent, must do what you say and stick to your punishments, don't give in or feel sorry for him because he must learn this lesson at home so when he gets older someone else won't have to teach him this lesson. The world will not have sympathy

I hope this helps.

T.

I think it is a time where they begin to establish new limitations. They are setting new boundaries for newfound inpendence. I honestly think a talk would be in order to determine what is happening at school. Perhaps you need to have him speak with a counselor or perhaps just give some stories of your experiences if you can remember and let him know that you were there. Sometimes our kids need to be reminded that we were not always adults

S.,

I completely understand your frustration. I am a mother of 3, I have one son that is 11yrs old...going on 12 in Feb.
We too are running into some similar issues, however mostly at school. According to the school counselor as well as a few teachers that I have spoken to, "It's the pre-adolescent stage". We can't excuse them for there actions due to the hormonal outrage at this age level, but as parents we must discipline.
The best thing to do is to take away one or two of the things that they love to do the most. (TV, videogames, telephone, etc.) Stick to your guns! They will try to get off groundation early by doing extra chores and being very sweet to you...don't fall for it! As mothers it's very difficult not to ignore the good side of them...just recall as to why you grounded them in the first place.
Best of luck to you w/your son, just know that you are not alone. :)