The Ferber Method

I tried the "crying to sleep" with my first child. It did not work, for me or for him. I couldn't bear to hear him cry. I am a firm believer that little babies cry because they need something, even if it's just so their mommy will hold them. Babies need to be held and reassurred. They need to know that when they cry, you will be there for them. Crying is the only way they can call for you. I held all of my children when they were babies. I held them until they fell asleep and then put them in the bed. Or I would lay next to them for a while until they were almost asleep (when they got a little older). They are now 10, 6 and 3 and have no trouble at all going to bed on their own. They get in their beds awake and go to sleep on their own after I tuck them in. They all sleep through the night and only come running to me when bad weather (very loud thunder and bright lightning) wakes them. I don't think your child will be a terrible sleeper if you hold him until he falls asleep or rock him or whatever you do to help him fall asleep. Consider this a bonding time for the two of you. They aren't little babies forever, they grow up so fast. So take advantage of this time and get in all the snuggling you can. You'll be glad you did.

Hi L.,

My son will be a year old in two weeks and he has been sleeping all the way through the night since he was about eight months old. Here is what worked for me:

Pay attention to the times he wakes up. Do you feed him or get him up or rock him or use some other method to get him back to sleep? If so, gradually push that time later and later. For instance, if he always wakes up at 2:00 a.m. for a feeding (or rocking or whatever), make him wait until 2:15 (or 2:30 if you can stand it). After a few nights, he probably won't wake up until the later time. When he has adjusted to that time, make him wait until 3:00 a.m. for a few days, then 3:30, etc., etc.

It was a lengthy process, but in just a few weeks, my son began sleeping all the way through the night. He still occasionally wakes up but he'll cry for one or two minutes and then fall back asleep.

I hope this helps. There are so many good methods out there. It's just a matter of finding one that works for you and your baby. Good luck!

Hi- instead of retyping everything: I wrote a response to a similar question on 1/23/07.

I will say that every child is different. My daughter slept VERY well practically from the beginning; my now almost 17 month old boy still only sleeps 2 out of 3 nights.

Each has their own personality and "issues".

Good luck!

J.

L.~
I agree with Racheal! Babies dont cry for no reason.
because I am used to sleeping with my husband, and I can't imagine letting a baby that young cry himself to sleep! If I cried myself to sleep, I would be a nervous wreck! ...and YES, he is still a baby and you arent going to spoil him. He just knows that he needs his mommy and nothing else matters to him right now. Why don't you try to put him a toddler bed at the end of your bed, instead of just pushing him out all of a sudden and letting him "cry it out".. That just seems too harsh. You can't spoil a child by providing his needs, as a matter of fact, studies by the APA show that maternal deprivation can lead to serious psychological problems, and that's what letting him "cry it out" is...maternal deprivation. When young children cry, they release a stress hormone that can actually slow development. Trust your instincts. Don't deprive him of really the only thing he needs right now...YOU. If he is sleeping through the night in your room, then let him!
Lots of Love,
B.

Some children simply do not respond to the Ferber method. We tried it with our son. It didn't matter how consistent we were, it wouldn't work. We finally blended a few different techniques & found a way to get him to sleep without feeling like we were damaging his emotional wellbeing. Every child is different & won't respond in the same way to the different methods. My suggestion is to try something else b/c it doesn't sound like this method may be what will work for your child. I hope things work out for you!

Ugh! I have no idea how Ferber can do anything but grind on a mother's nerves. Have you tried white noise, night lights, light music- like NPR radio, or maybe you have some classical CD's. We have just started the back ground noise thing, and it seems to be working quite well.

I used a book called the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" I can't remember the author but it worked wonderfully with my daughter. I started with her when she was 4 months old and by the time she was a year old her sleeping was pretty consistant. She is now five and has no problems with going to bed wide awake and being able to put herself to sleep. I will admit it is not a fast process but has lasting results.

A. P.