Terrible 2'S Temper Tantrums

Let me tell you - you are not alone. My youngest will be 3 in July. Sometimes I think she is evil lol. She is nice one min. having a tantrum the next. I try to ignore her until she is done and they she is on her merry way.

A.-
With my 4 kids I have found that giving choices and time help. Let them know ahead of time what is going to happen and let them make choices when possible to seem in control (for example- Do you want to put on your coat or shoes first? you need him in both anyway... Not put on your coat.) A lot of time its the choice of the words you use that make all the difference. Know this stage will pass!
Good Luck
B.

Dear A.,

I just went through this with my daughter who just turned 2 in Nov. Well I thought of seeing if she could breath in and breath out. I would hold in front of me and tell her to breath in and I would show her. I took about 5 mins the first time. Now she can do it on her own every once in a while. But most days I have to show her. We went from tanturms that lasted hours. Before this I would put her in her room and just let her throw her fits in there. Now I don't have to. I used to get upset and cry because I didn't know how to help her. Now after she takes the deep breaths in and is calmed down I can ask her what happened aand why she is upset.
Good Luck
B.

I would definitely choose your battles. For example, if these tantrums have to do with wanting to put his own shoes on and you're in a hurry...try to remember to ask him to put his shoes on about 20 minutes before you have to leave. By the time it's time to go, he'll give up and ask you to do it. At that time you can praise him for giving it a good try. He'll also get the sense of independence, which may be what he's going through - I know this sort of thing helped with my daughter. We were always having episodes when it came to her and her 'I DO!!!!'.

I just have to tell you that I read this thinking that I wrote it. Mu daughter just turned 2 this month and goes from being a complete sweetheart to a crazy person which in turn makes me feel like I am nuts. My husband also works long hours (24hour shifts) and a side job so I know how you feel. She is an angel for her grandparents. I have been told this will pass...lets hope soon. E-mail me if you need to vent.
Good Luck!

How is his comunications skills? My third son is 2 now and he is having a very hard time. He doesn't talk so he can't express his feelings in words. He can through some big fits. This last one had us leaving a school function in a hurry. Giving choice can be good and bad, if he wants both snacks that can be a problem. But if he wants to wear one shoe and one boot does it really matter? I find timing is everything, when something is really important make sure you time it when he will be well rested. This is the time to teach him that you are the grown up and he is the kid. He wants to be in controll and that is a lot of toddlers frustrations. So stand firm with him so you don't have a 5 year old throughing fits. I remove him from the situation when he is throughing a fit and put him in his room, I don't close the door or put a gate up he has learned he can come out when he has calmed down. Teaching him this took a little time but now he understands, and usually he is back in less than a minute, but his mood is soooooo much better.

Hope this helps, remember you are not a bad mom if your kid is not happy, your job is to raise him into a productive happy adult, this starts from day one.

I was dealing with the tantrums as well and found that the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp has helped me ~ and my daughter ~ in dealing with her frustration. The author explains how it helps to repeat back to the child how they are feeling. At first I felt stupid telling my daughter that she is mad (or sad or frustrated), but if you say it enough it really does work. I guess it helps them to know that you are acknowledging their feelings. You should definitely read the book ~ I think it will help you immensely. Good luck!

I did two things: I cutted pictures from buks or magazines and glued it on the paper(part of the tantrums vere that my girl didn not speaked jet, and she wanted to say something and couldnt),so she started to show me what she wants. And also always You know where the tantrum starts, sometimes helps before it starts give him choises(two type of snack to choose, two type of closes, two type of books...) sometimes they are tired or hungry and do not know that, so think about itwhat the last time he ate or dring(my daughter sometimes drinked some water and calmed down)
most important if his tantrum is without reason- dont panic. with my daugthter I always started thinking maybe something wrong, maybe she has a pain or she is hurt.. but know with my son it looks silly tantrum and i even sometimes smile. it lasts just for few years(maybe if You are lucky for one year)untill he learns other way to expres his feelings.
if Your baby sais some words already teach his say "i'm mad" adn for this and this reason:D
good luck
L.

Hi A.,
I haven't gotten to that age yet, but I went to see a doctor speak a few months ago. He wrote a book called, "1-2-3 Magic" Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. By Thomas Phelan, Ph.D. I don't know if I will implement all of his suggestions, but after hearing him speak and buying his book, it sounds like it could be very effective. He raised a son who had severe ADHD,which helped me believe his points may be right.

His basic points were: 1)controlling obnoxious behavior 2) encourage good behavior 3)strengthen your relationship. He addresses things such as not trying to reason with a 2 year old, because they are not capable of it yet. He does the 'time-outs' after 3 counts. What to do in public sitations or when company is over.

A couple things that really stuck in my head was try to be consistent in what you do, and try not to show too much emotion in front of your child (like yelling back when they're in the middle of a tantrum). Not that either is easy to do or anything, but it's something to think about.

The book was $15. Maybe it would be worth a shot at looking into that.

Hi A.!
I had a similar problem with my 2 year old daughter. I was at the brink myself! I talked to my Mom about what she knew on the subject. She told my one of my siblings threw tantrums also. My Mom got to her last straw also. She talked it over with her Pediatrician and the doctor told her to just ignore the behavior! For example, if your son throws himself on the floor and is kicking and screaming, then just step over him and go about your day. Eventually, they will realize that they are not going to get attention when they have a fit.
Because tantrums are just a way of getting attention. Which is probably why he is good for your mother-in-law and not for you. I tried this method and it worked for me. My daughter started trying to get my attention in more positive ways. I hope it works for you.