I have frequently told my dd that social media just adds to the already ramped up drama for teen girls. I'm so tired of hearing about who is doing what with this person or that person and how she wasn't invited. Or the last incident is that her friend posted a picture of an outing to the amusement park but cut my dd out of the picture...it goes on and on. I finally told her that if social media makes her feel bad, stop using it. People tend to glorify their lives and put on the appearance that they live a charmed life surrounded by all the friends in the world. She has a nice group of friends - and yes, occassionally they do things with other people...so does she!
Any suggestions on helping teens get through all this mess? She just turned 15.
Tell her that everyone doesn't always get invited to everything. In addition when someone crops a picture they don't care about anyone but themselves. Remind her that her own pictures and postings could be hurting other people's feelings too although that isn't her intent.
Honestly, if it wasn't this, it would probably be something else, because the teen years are full of insecurity. Keep gently reminding her, but then you have to let it go and let her find a way to deal with it.
Adults have trouble with this concept. That's why there are meme's out there that say, "Don't compare your life with the 'Facebook" version of everyone else's life.'" I need to remind myself of that from time to time. Most people only post the really good stuff on Facebook (or twitter or instagram or whatever).
So just keep loving her and supporting her. Remember, social media is a part of her world. It's better that she develop a healthy use of it than just not use it at all. Not using it is really only going to make her feel even more excluded.
I do think you can limit social media, either by getting her to stop on her own or by deactivating her account.
However, it's important to remember that social media didn't cause this issue. Teens have done this nonsense about who got invited and who wasn't in the photo for decades. It's just more public now, and more instantaneous. And there's even less thinking about what effect words will have.
So a lot of your work is not about limiting screen time but about creating a resilient teen who can see beyond the immediate moment and look at the long term effect. That can mean considering words, choosing better friends vs. the "popular kids" who show off, and understanding that once something is out there (photo, gossip, hurtful words), it's out there forever.
I think we need to work especially hard with our girls to make them less dependent on the approval of others. This went on in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s and 2000-teens too. Technology is new, attitudes and insecurities are not.
I disagree that there is anything inherently wrong with a cropped photo. (I have a photo of my face that I have used in a few random situations where I needed something along the lines of a "headshot" - it was originally a group photo with others cropped out, but it is a nice close-up of my face and my hair looks good, lol!)
I do not think we should jump to assume ill-will on behalf of the cropping.
If your daughter is upset, she can feel free to post the whole photo herself. Or, photoshop out the other girl and replace her with something funny (Luke Skywalker, the MPR raccoon, etc) - as sort of a good-natured but pointed jab.
ETA: About the cropped photo - my point was, I don't think we should guess at her intentions. In my "cropped photo" I have friends who I am very proud to call my friends and have lots of group photos with!! Sometimes one particular photo might just be used for one particular purpose, with no ill will.
I feel your pain..my Dd is only 13 and already there is too much drama..but it's like opting out is even worse. I don't know how to tell her to learn to not care when excluded. It's one thing to hear about somethiing you weren't invited to but to see it seems more harsh.
I'm interested to see how older teens deal
Yes, refuse to allow her to use social media!
well my advice would be to probably plan a schdedule on how long she stays on social medias and electronics and if her friends want to go out make sure you know where there gooing an what tim theyll be back based on my point of view i can get where shes coming from about this and that if you dont want her talking about this and that and how she didnt go or get things then just talk to her about it probably and all and ya
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well my advice would be to probably plan a schdedule on how long she stays on social medias and electronics and if her friends want to go out make sure you know where there gooing an what tim theyll be back based on my point of view i can get where shes coming from about this and that if you dont want her talking about this and that and how she didnt go or get things then just talk to her about it probably and all and ya if she cant handle social media then have her stay off f it a bit or limit it or deactivate her account or talk to her about it and ya other then that seems like normal teen behavior.?
Ditch the social media. It's not worth it.
Your idea is spot on.
If she can't handle social media then she needs to stop using it until such time as she doesn't take it so seriously.
