Teen Pregnancy - Avinger,TX

Updated on January 26, 2010
A.R. asks from Avinger, TX
21 answers

My little brother who is 17 got his 16 year old girlfriend pregnant. Of course it wasn't something we were happy about but it happened. He is doing everything he can to take care of the baby. Her parents are trying to keep him from his girlfriend and keep telling him that he will not be apart of the baby's life. He had to sneak to the doctor office and he paid the bill up front the part that her parents insurance didn't pay. Over 800 dollars. He really wants to be apart of this baby's life. Her parents continue to be rude and not willing to allow him to be apart of the doctor visits etc. He cant call or text his girlfriend. They do it secretly but they are not allowed. Her mom is being very rude and really upsetting him about it. In Texas are her parents allowed to keep him from his baby? I don't think they are. He wants to be on the birth certificate but they are not going to let him know when she is having the baby. Does anyone have any advice for me. He really wants to be apart of this baby's life. As well as his girlfriend. Can her parents really keep him from the baby since his girlfriend is a minor? Help.

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S.S.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I agree that an attorney might be in order, so that his rights as a parent are protected. He might not be "allowed" to see his underage girlfriend, but he will be designated specific times to see his child.

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T.M.

answers from Orlando on

The sooner he contacts a lawyer, the sooner his rights will be protected. Until then, the parents can do whatever they are able to get away with.

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D.B.

answers from Detroit on

At the very least, now would be a good time for your parents and her parents to sit down and have a very open discussion about this. Maybe your parents involvement will be all it takes to drive home the point that he WILL be involved and will back them off a bit.
As well, it lets them know he's not going to be pushed around or have to deal with their behavior alone. Her parents are being very narrow minded and should be grateful that he's being so supportive, especially since most young men wouldn't be. I'm most certain that he does have rights as the father of the child. In the most extreme of cases, I would suggest he contact a lawyer regarding his rights as the father for visitation, etc. He can also ask if there would be any legal issues for him since she may still be deemed a minor.

Good luck to your family with this situation. I commend your brother for being so willing to take responsibility for this and to your for caring enough to ask. I hope your family will be able to get some sort of resolution because this baby is related to (and will be loved by) all of you.

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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

I don't know anything about the legal stuff, but I can offer you a point of view of the girlfriend in this situation. I wasn't a teenager, but at the last year of college. I got pregnant, and my parents were not too happy. They couldn't stop me from seeing my boyfriend since I wasn't living at home, but they did try everything they could think of to make me believe that my boyfriend was planning on leaving me! It was horrible for me, all through my pregnancy! It certainly was NOT the stress I needed on top of having a baby! I know they were trying to do what they thought was best for me, but they took it way too far. They had my brother hack into my boyfriend's email. Had my aunt send me an anonymous email with copies of emails from _before_ I even met my boyfriend, trying to twist things around. It was crazy!

Well, here we are almost 5 years later, married for two years next month, with a beautiful almost 4 year old daughter :)

I would think that he has legal rights with the baby, whether her parents like it or not. Are you able to talk to her or her parents? If you can, I would talk to them both about how their actions make her feel. They may think they are doing what's best, but this can damage their relationship with their daughter, and push her to be with him more. My husband to this day still fears being around my parents, worried that they will say something more to him (which does happen occasionally).

What I don't understand, with my parents and your brother's gf's parents, is why do they want to push him away when he wants to be there & help??? Would they rather him have run away and never spoken to her again & just left her with a baby on her own???

He is part of their daughter's life whether they like it or not!

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V.P.

answers from College Station on

They cannot keep him from seeing his child. I suggest he seek legal council immediately to find out his options. It sounds like he is being the mature one here. I cannot tell you how many young moms have to deal with their baby's father not wanting to be a part of the child's life or support them and it sounds like he truly wants to do both. Best of luck to you and him.

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

Good for your brother. If he cant afford to get a lawyer right now the department of health and human services should be able to help out. Or whatever you have in your state. There is no way they can keep the baby away from him in any state. If this does make it to a judge or mediator they will not deny him anything if he is showing he wants to be part of the baby's life. Make sure he keeps a record of everything he is doing now like paying for the doctors visit.

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M.G.

answers from Austin on

Since you live in TX, as the father of the child he DOES have rights to see the child. Also, assuming his girlfriend also lives in TX, then unless the laws have changed, she is now considered an emancipated minor, and her parents can't FORCE her to do anything. They can make her (and his) life misery, but they legally can't make her do anything at all. They can, however, kick her out of the house, so even though she might have the rights of an adult, she probably doesn't have the resources of one. So going along with her parents, at least to a degree, is probably in her best interests right now.

Your brother should definitely get legal counsel. If nothing else, perhaps it will get her parents' attention and stop some of the bullying that seems to be going on. Her parents are probably devastated by all this...this is almost certainly not the future they envisioned for their little girl. But that does not give them the right to refuse your brother his rights to his child, and perhaps a reality check on just how uncomfortable HE could make THEIR life (visitation, geographic restrictions, etc) might be enough to make them be at least civil. (They should also consider that should your brother and his girlfriend get married someday, this would be laying a poor foundation for future relations.) So encourage your brother to protect his rights NOW, and avoid headache and heartbreak later.

Oh, and even if her parents are somehow able to keep him from the birth, then if I remember correctly, he doesn't HAVE to be present to be named as father on the birth certificate...his girlfriend can have that done. Worst case scenario, once he proves paternity, he can have it changed later on.

HTH,
-M.

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A.W.

answers from Houston on

I don't have the answers for you but I will say that I feel for your Brother and that this saddens me to hear her parents are acting in such a way. We're always teaching children and adults to take responsibility for their actions and in this case that's exactly what's happening and he wants to be a part of the the baby's life. I suggest he keep trying and staying connected as much as he can and if you can keep trying to help him as much as you can. In the end it's her body and their child not her parents and I would think that there are some rights for them regardless if she's a minor and her parents. Good Luck and God's Blessings

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T.H.

answers from Killeen on

Hi A., get him a lawyer TODAY!. He has every right to be apart of his child's life. He doesn't have any rights to the mom because she's a minor but his child is a different story. He will most likely have to get a DNA test as far as the birth certificate is concern but I'm not sure about that. Also I hate to be the one to say this but it is 2010 it would be wise to get a DNA test as soon as the baby is born. I would try getting him and your parents to talk calmly with her and her parents. Lets say it all works out great still GET HIM A LAWYER. He needs to have things in writing, in advance, that he can see his child. Because people argue, she may go to college after high school and move away. His rights as a Daddy really needs to be protected RIGHT NOW before it's too late. I'm very proud of the fact that your 17 yr old brother is stepping up to the plate because there are grown men who won't. I hope this helps!

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C.T.

answers from Houston on

Her parents have the right to keep the two underage kids a part but I am pretty sure anything to do with the child after he/she is born is illegal.

Your brother has parental rights. I suggest consulting a lawyer. There should be some non profit organization available to answer legal questions and provide guidance.

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L.M.

answers from Houston on

I would definitely consult an attorney, and fast. He has a right to be a part of the child's life even if the grandparents don't want him to be. I can just see it now, they don't allow him to see or have anything to do with the child, then years down the road they file back child support charges on him and he ends up having to pay thousands of dollars for a child that he wanted to have a relationship with and support anyway.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

This is a tough question and every state is different. I don't know what your financial situation is, but I would strongly encourage your parents and brother to seek-out a lawyer. As the father, he has rights.

In the meantime, I would also suggest that your parents schedule a meeting with her parents. As both your brother and his girlfriend are minors, they will need parental consent for many things. The girlfriend's parents are angry at your brother and their daughter, but if she intends to keep the baby your brother will have legal rights to his child. The "adults" need to have a conversation about what is going on and what should happen from here.

Are they trying to persuade her into adoption? If this is the case, then I STRONGLY suggest that you seek-out legal help. His name should be on the birth certificate and he should be permitted to be as active as he can in the life of the child.

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K.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Have him run- not walk- run to anyone and everyone who might be able to help him- they do not have rights- I repeat they do not have rights- she has them and he has them- trust me - I am watching my nephew go through the same thing right now- there are attorneys out there that will pick these cases up pro-bono. Tell your brother she has to put his name on the birth certificate- they can't not put it on there- legally she has to or he could take the baby away from her completely for falsifying a legal document. Been there done that (or at least watched a friend make that mistake. Have him contact one of the bigger churches around the area and tell them he is in need of legal assistance and ask if they have any ideas- He can also tell them that it might not hurt to have God be a part of the whole picture and they might be able to help out even more by inviting him in and helping him to become a part of something bigger- God can truly bless this situation. I pray that it all works out for all who are involved!

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D.S.

answers from Killeen on

Your brother will most likely be 18 by the time the baby is born. He needs to speak with her parents. If her parents shut him out, then send a certified letter to them explaining his wishes for their daughter and his unborn child. I give him compliments for stepping up and being a man. They are young. He does not have to be acting responsible, but he chooses to step up. Everyone has situations that are not the best, but often they turn into the best blessings in life. He needs to seek advice from an attorney. He has rights as a father. You don't know what will transpire over the next few months. Will her parents want custody? Will the mother abandon her child? You never know. What you do know for sure is a baby is on its way. I will keep your entire family in my prayers. I think your brother also needs extra support/love at this time. Perhaps allow him to read our posts.
Take care,
Danabeth

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S.S.

answers from Odessa on

I commend your brother for doing the right thing for his child and girlfriend. It has been a few years since I have had to deal with this issue but I think the laws are probably the same, anyway, have him contact the Attorney General child support division. They work for the child getting child support but also getting visitation worked out. I believe they do not charge for this service. A lot of people believe they only help parents dealing with back child support but they also deal with other aspects of the parent-child relationship.

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D.Y.

answers from Odessa on

I would consult with an attorney, typicaly you can arrange a free consultation. I doubt there is much that can be done before the baby is born. The name on the birth certificate can always be changed later. I'm not sure how long before the birth will occur, but hopefully after the shock and heartache the parents are experiencing right now eases up, the Moms parents will realize that a child can never have to too many people to love them. I'm not sure that sneaking around texting and seeing each other in secret is a very positive way to encourage her parents to accept this situation. I appreciate the fact that this is your brothers child too, but she is thier child and right now they are in protect mode, they have been been her parents for alot longer than he has been in her life, and they need some time to accept this situation; a situation that impacts lots of people, not just your brother and his girlfriend. It would seem to me the most important thing at this point in time would be to create as little possibility for conflict as possible, to keep the expectant Mom as healthy as possible, physically and emotionally.

God Bless

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W.P.

answers from Houston on

We just went through this with my daughter. If the girlfriend puts the fathers name on the birth certificate, then the father can file for the rights to visit the baby. If his name isn't on the birth certificate then the father needs to requesat a paternity test, the younger the baby the cheeper it is. Her parents need to get a life and realise what's done is done and make the best of it for all. I had problems with my daughter doing drugs at 16 called the cops and I was told at 16 if she wanted to leave she could do so without me stopping her as long as she was of sound mind. She'll probably want to bolt soon anyways if there is this much friction with the parents.
When my daughter got pregnant her's and the baby's health was of most importance to me, I saw no reason for anger. It only casues resentment later. Give the parents time to adjust, that might be part of the issue. They are so angry right now there is no room for reasoning. My beautiful grandaughter is now 18 months old and I love her to death, we have an awsome relationship. My daughter did leave her boy friend and filed for custody and child support. The daddy doesn't pay child support (he hasno job) he can't keep a job longer than 2 weeks. She has her own appartment and support herself and the baby. I take care of the baby while she's at work. I know she looks back at how her life has transpired and wished she'd done things differently. When she starts to fuss when she can't go out and party, I kindly remind her of the facts. Just say a prayer for them and leaveitin Gods hands, I think the more people that get involved the more difficult it becomes for them to deal with. GOOD LUCK

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L.M.

answers from San Antonio on

ok first of all, one of these responses stated that your brother needs to earn the right to see his child. That is the most ridiculous thing ive ever heard in my life, it is his child and it is his RIGHT to be in his childs life. just because he is young and not married to the mother doesnt mean he is somehow unworthy of seeing his child. That was the most narrow minded thing ive heard in my life.

Your brother needs a lawyer, but when it comes to your brother vs. girlfriends parents your brother has the upper hand. He just needs to talk to legal council and make sure he is doing what he needs to do and have everything in order by the time the baby comes, in case the grandparents try to pull something.

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S.E.

answers from Cleveland on

I give your brother alot of respect for not running away and trying to step up. I don't know what to tell you other then get an attorney. Maybe her parents are just so upset over the whole thing that they are reacting badly, HOWEVER he has rights and so does that baby! They should be grateful that he wants to be a parent. Especially in this day where so many mothers are left as a single parent. He can absolutely fight not being allowed to be on the birth certificate, although it may be costly. But none of you give up! You all have rights to be that child's family. Her parents need to get over it and realize whats done is done, it's time to move forward and focus on this new life who deserves as much love and support as he?she can get!!

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T.M.

answers from Killeen on

Ok so I work in a Labor and delivery unit and when she became pregnant she is no longer a minor...she will sign her own admission consents and all the baby consents at the hospital...When she goes into labor she has a say so if she wants him there or not...her parents dont have to be in the room when she delivers if she doesnt want them there. As far as his name on the birth certificate thats her call. They arent married so he would have to sign what they call an AOP (acknowledgement of paternity) stating that he is the father of the baby. His name can be put on the birth certificate and there is nothing that her parents can do about that. I hope that I was helpfull if you have any other questions feel free to ask....

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