Teacher Issues, Not Sure What to Do...

Honestly, with so many issues I would consider making an apt with the principal to see if he could change classrooms to a teacher more suited for his needs.

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I was an elementary school teacher for 17 years and I understand both sides of the equation. I am assuming that what your son's teacher is not adequately explaining is that his excessive absences are causing him to get further behind academically. With each and every absence he misses critical material that will ultimately be on the state test at the end of the year. Teachers are graded by their students performances even if the child had excessive absences, no parental support, a lower IQ, is learning a new language, etc. There is far too much importance given to those tests, and this ultimately alters a way a teacher would teach. They all now teach to a test. For many, this new approach has taken away the joy of teaching as the majority of the time is spent in text books and workbooks, not the fun projects and activities that we all remember doing as kids. It takes a lot of time out of the teacher's day to "catch a student up", especially if that child has extensive absences and especially if there is more than one child absent at a time. The workload gets compounded triple that of a day with each child that's absent. Please understand, I do see that you have a legitimate reason to keep your son at home, but there is a LOT of pressure on your child's teacher and there will be no grace for her if your son performs poorly. It will be entirely her fault. This being said, I think it would be wonderful if you homeschooled your child. This will ensure that he gets all the material he needs even if he's under the weather. There are amazing homeschool programs that have two-three day classroom type settings a week where your son can interact with his peers not to mention the great selection of activities outside the academic realm such as: team sports, drama/musicals, music class, foreign language, etc. Additionally, you can add as many field trips as you want. And you have the added bonus of shorter school days and NO homework. It's the best of all worlds. Your child gets a quality education, your values get imparted on your child, and your child's health issues will no longer be an issue in his academic success.

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Your update ~ "The curriculum is advanced (A Beka/private Christian school) and homework heavy because his teacher sends home copies of worksheets and various ditto assignments AND he brings home what he doesn't finish in class. Every night, the expectation is to review math flashcards, current phonics chart, review spelling list and write out sentences, memorize bible verse, reading assignment usually 15 pages long, and special assignments as needed. This is a minimum of one hour"

This is just too much homework for 1st grade, even if it was not a "drill Sergent teacher". These students are going to burn out.. Good lord they are only 6 and 7. I think it is the SCHOOL that is not a good match for your son. Does every first grade class use this same curriculum and homework load?

Our daughter was always very mature and very bright and she did not need this work load in FIRST grade to graduate as a National Merit Scholar.

I would have never placed her in this curriculum at this age. Too much pressure for our child.

I think you need to consider a better match for your child. He needs to not lose his self confidence by being isolated, he needs to be in a classroom and have some successes. I am not sure what your options are, but over all your son sounds like he needs to be able to be a little boy. He needs to learn to love learning and know that it should not be this much of a struggle.

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I am going to guess, because of course we have no idea what he looks like in the classroom.. Here are some thoughts.

If he is ill quite a bit and on lots of medications.. that could be why he cannot focus. Steroids that are many times used for Asthma can make a child very jittery (and I do not mean visible, but feel jittery) And can be hard for the child to focus and be able to concentrate. Even to sit down for a length of time. Some times they make a child super tired. Maybe ask his Doctor about the meds and the side effects your son could be experiencing,

Also if he is missing a lot of school, it can be difficult for any child to come back to school and start all over, getting used to the schedule and the pace that the rest of the class is used to. He will stand out as a the child that is not in the groove.. This obviously makes sense.

He is missing concepts when he is not at school, so until you are able to work on that homework with him, he is not caught up in class. He may space out, because he does not feel good, he is jittery or drowsy from his meds and he is not quite sure what they are working on.

You say "He does a wonderfufl job working with me one on one. " But it takes him an hour each night? Why? Is this how long it takes all of the students to do their homework? Do you have to sit with him the whole time to get him to do the work or can he do it on his own? Can he focus for 10 minutes at a time on his own working on the homework and get it completed?

Does he get the answers correct on his own or do you have to go back and help him understand exactly what he is supposed to be doing?

I tutored students at the different schools our daughter attended. Yes, I did speak with the teachers when I was concerned or had made an observation about a student. This was never shared with anyone else. I do not think it was right for the teacher to repeat that the mom said her 4 year old could o better. That does not mean anything and just put you on the defensive. You need information about what your son specifically is struggling with. I only made observations or shared a breakthrough or a communication the student had given about their work.

It is hard as a parent to hear our children are having trouble at school for any reason. We are used to them being so bright, so to hear they are not at the level of others, or that they seem to be struggling.. some parents take it personally rather than taking it as information. Information to help you figure out what is going on.

Remember this is not a reflection on you, this is information to think about and figure out how to solve it for and with your child.

Just breath,. Our daughter grew out of her asthma at about 6th grade.. In the meantime we had an electric air filter in her room.. Got rid of all carpets and drapes.. It changed our lives. Until then , it was so awful to watch her struggle with her health. I know you are frustrated and worried, but this can be worked on. Just stay calm.

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Sounds like your child is not getting what he needs from his teacher. I would immediately request a conference with the principal and discuss your concerns. I would not leave that meeting until your son's teacher is changed.

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Get him out of this woman's class NOW!!! I had a very similar situation with my oldest in 3rd grade and the teacher was an abomination! Ultimately, by the time I pulled my head out and realized how inappropriate she was the damage was done. In 6th grade we are still dealing with confidence issues.

Sounds like this teacher is just picking on him and that is just ridiculous. Teacher/student/parent is a relationship, his teacher is NOT a doctor and obviously is NOT a good teacher either. I ended up pulling my son from public all together and put him in a private Christian school and have never looked back. Home school is a solution that I think a lot of people do very well with. Whatever you choose to do is right for you guys unless you choose to stay with this teacher. Get him out! I cannot stress it enough, you will regret letting this woman have any more influence on you or your son or you for that matter! When you leave, be sure to let the principal know what is going on as well.

Good luck!

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The teacher has it in for him. She probably just doesn't like him. That gets me very angry. Why aren't you confronting her and asking her what the real problem is? I would discuss this with VP or Principal. If he's getting A's and B's then what the heck is the problem with her?
Do you get to catch up with his classwork/homework skills when he's out of school?
I am for home schooling if it is necessary, for your childs safety and well being, but if he's getting along with the other children and isn't being bullied in any way, then keep him there and help him out when he's not in school.
This teacher is outrightly rude, please talk to principal and repeat exactly what she told you. Keep a log of the day-to-day comments she makes with you. She sounds like a burnt out b----.

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If you want to keep him in school, just change his teacher. Simple as that. Dont let that 1 teacher stress you out

3 moms found this helpful

Why not homeschool? It is not like the stereotypes floating out there at all. He will have a full social life, opportunities for classroom time and group learning, and will not fall behind in lessons because he will not be held to an arbitrary standard of academic success.

If you do your homework, find a good co-op or support group and utilize resources in your area such as museums, zoos, your local history society, local community colleges and community education programs, etc. you will have a well rounded education for your son.

Don't let his health slow him down. With homeschooling he can continue to work on lessons...even if he isn't well...because he'll be in the comfort of his home for the basic lessons and can work at his own pace.

He'll make friends (and you will too) through the outlets I mentioned above. Homeschool! It's all good.

As for the teacher, she sounds petty and immature. Is she new in her career? Anyone who relies on a parent volunteer for advice is someone who is very green and misguided indeed. What's worse is it sounds like she's formed her opinions of you and your child and will from now on, right or wrong, act/respond accordingly to her assumptions. This isn't good for your son. Do what you need to do so he won't get far behind. And if his asthma is something that will not improve with medical interventions, seriously start researching and doing what you need to do to homeschool. A good place to start researching is www.hslda.org. Click on the button in the middle of the homepage titled "You can homeschool" and read everything! You can even find a support group in your area here. Good luck.

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From what you say in "so what happened" there's absolutely nothing wrong with your son (apart from his asthma)! Personally, I'd leave him where he is. The reality of the world we live in is that we are bound to encounter "difficult" people - especially in positions of authority. Believe it or not, time really does fly past and (before you know it) he will have passed the class and be the better for having succeeded. The lesson of having persevered and succeeded despite a "difficult" environment is a priceless one! Good luck :)

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Something like this happened with my son years back. I really wrestled with this. He had the same nasty teacher. Anyway, bottom line is I requested a change of schools in the district and while he had a rocky start and I felt guilty taking him from some of his friends he went on and did okay. I do say okay, because he was discovered to be bipolar two years ago (now twentyone) and that is a different issue altogether. First of all, I wouldn't take what that mother or teacher say too serious, after all we all want to toot our own horns, but next if you have doctors papers or a note saying that he should be at home with his allergies to peanuts (and I have heard how terrible that is) and asthma (how scarey) then this teacher should take you seriously. After going to doctors and spending all the money you did you ought to send the teacher a bill for wasting your time and money. Ok that's off the mark, but I feel angry with you. I'd seriously try to find a way to get another teacher or another school, or something else. Just because someone doesn't do math right-here here I am a college graduate and can't add sometimes, but no one has called me ADD. They are labeling way too many people these days. Your child might be his own person and I am sad to say it, but teachers apparently want quiet zombie like classes.They have killed so much spunk that little children have. For crying out loud he is only in first grade and this woman sounds like a bully. Please document all of this and go to the school board or principal if you do not find a solution.

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I haven't even finished reading this, but am going to start pounding on my keyboard before I go get my bath. She is not allowed to talk about your child to another parent. It is against the school rules. Get in the principal's office and demand that your child be moved to a different classroom. Tell the principal all the nasty and negative things she is saying about your child. Tell the principal that she does not like your son, makes it evident in every exchange with you, and cost you a frickin' ton of money with all her assertions that your son has ADHD. By the way, the TEACHER is NOT supposed to tell you that your child has ADHD. The principal knows that too.

If you choose to homeschool, which might be in his best interests (if you can manage really teaching him), that's a good thing, considering his health. If you aren't ready to pull him out, for whatever reason, DEMAND that he be moved.

By the way, this teacher is just plain LAZY, telling you to come in the class and sit with him. I am disgusted.

D.

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I am a teacher and I usually hate teacher bashing posts, but she should NEVER discuss your son with anyone else!!!! That is so unprofessional and really upsets me. I think you have enough justification to get him switched to a different teacher.

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First, I'd like to address the asthma. Have you Had him checked for food and environmental allergies? Have you tried any alternative therapies to help his body heal from all the meds he's taking? And have you looked into the side effects from these meds? I am a chiropractor and worked with patients from 18mths to 70 years old with asthma. They have been able, through diet changes and adjustments, to get completely off of medication.
As for the teacher, I would request a change. She obviously doesn't know how to work with your son and he shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of her inflexibilty. As for homeschooling, if you have the time and patience, go for it! I'm doing it with my 7 year old and I love it! She comes with me to my office and I lay put her school work that she needs to get done. And when I have a break we go over whatever she doesn't understand. She's learning how to be independent in her studies and, simultaneously, not getting looked over by a teacher who's overwhelmed with large class sizes. Possibly talk to other parents at the school and see what other teachers are like. I personally think this teacher has alot of nerve diagnosing your son with anything. She's overstepped her position!
Best wishes to you and your family for a brighter and healthier future.

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Considering your son's health challenges, the amazing amount of homework he's being given, and the questionable things you're hearing from his teacher, I'd say that if homeschooling feels within your reach, do it. Do some research online to discover what your homeschooling style might be, join a similarly-minded support group, and just do it. My husband and I work in education, and have met many happy and successful home-schooled families over the years. Each finds their own unique blend of style and technique, generally tailored to their children's needs. It's a beautiful thing.

Nationally-known educator Alfie Kohn has a great deal to say about homework. Some of the best schools don't assign homework, and many schools and teachers who employ it as a means of "furthering" a child's education are running on outdated information. Here's a link to many of the articles Mr. Kohn has written: www.alfiekohn.org/articles.htm

I hope you come up with a solution that suits your son and you.

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If she is a drill sergeant , I would hope she is organized. Get an extra set of books to have at home and have her email lessons when he is home sick so he doesn't fall as far behind. I would see if you can implementthis solution immediately as a stopgap while pursuing whatever permanent solution you decide upon. My vote is for homeschool. Just as an observation, the worst teacher I ever had was the oldest. She was nearing retirement and it couldn't have come soon enough!

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Sounds like the problem isn't your son--it's the teacher.
Get him moved into another class right away!
This teacher is acting in an extremely unprofessional manner.
Talk to the principal immediately.
Good luck.
Poor kid. :(

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I don't know the guidelines where you live, but I would look up the school board guidelines on homework. Here in MD it is supposed to be 10 minutes each night per grade level. An hour for a 6 or 7 year old is too much.
The next thing I would do would be to invest in a small digital recorder. I would tape each and every conversation I had with that woman, as well as find a way to put it in your sons backpack so that you can hear what goes on when he is at school. There are way too many teachers out there who go too far, and you need to protect your baby.
As for homeschooling, I would look into it for sure. If you are a SAHM and can invest in the time, why not? I would make certain that he was involved in some activities in the community so that he stays in touch with kids his age, and get in touch with the homeschooling community in your area. Lots of children are homeschooled and have AMAZING scores on national tests.
Good luck, and do not let her bully you!

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Oh, Mama. That teacher needs to be brought up short. I'd begin with the principal. If that doesn't resolve issues (which should be addressed through an actual apology, as well as your son's assignment to a different class), then I'd move on to district level administration. The teacher's behavior does not meet the minimal standards of professional behavior. If she cannot control herself on her own regarding gossiping and bad-mouthing her students, *she* is the one who needs direct support and supervision.

As for your son's medical needs, see if he qualifies for home teaching during extended illnesses.

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I believe that homeschooling is wonderful and the fears of social problems are very unwarranted. I homeschooled all my girls and none of them have issues dealing with people, all are leaders, in management on the jobs, doing well in college, and we did send them to a public highschool. It's OKAY, and we didn't even spent ANY time seeking social activities. They did some swim team in the summer and a few other things. But during the year we did not belong to any groups. Just to illisturate how well it went, my oldest did not start in public school until she was 17 years old. She did FINE.

However, if you want to keep him in school, make a huge stink with the teacher and the principal and find out who this other parent is. Give her what for and make it clear to everyone involved, she's not to work with your child or even talk to him. There is absolutely no excuse for them acting this way.

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That teacher sounds very immature. I would be in the principles office Monday morning telling them my attorney is talking about confidentiality issues.

The school system is responsible for the testing procedures and the costs. I am sorry they made you do this and it cost you so much. I think being in the classroom is a good idea, as your husband said. I don't like the idea of homeschooling. The kids don't really know how to act in group situations and they seem to be overwhelmed with all the chaos.

I think you are doing a good job and she needs to shut up.

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Is this a public school or private? If its a public school you need to ask for a complete case study. It will be done in the classroom. your son will be observed by all or at least most of the following people.
teacher
councelor
school nurse
principal
special ed coordinator for your district

I don't know you or your son but I can tell you that comments like "adult syndrome, unique personality" etc mean he wants to act like an adult not a kid and he is a pain in the butt in class. unique personality means he doesn't get along with other kids. If he is having as much trouble as you say he is in the classroom he may have a learning disability that a case study can ferret out. He will be much happier learning in an environment that suits him. He absolutely should not be in school if he is sick. However it sounds like you are setting him up to be ok with missing school. I would ask for the case study and then they may be right about a different eval. One with a child oriented doctor. FYI the case study will be free provided thru the school district if your in a public school

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I'm running out the door, or this would be longer. If you think homeschool would be a good fit, try it!! We have never been sorry we did. Yes, there are a lot of groups you can join for group classes, field trips, etc. As far as learning how to behave, go to ANY school, ANYWHERE, and look at the kids. Do you see mostly behaviors that you want your child(ren) to emulate, or do you see a lot of behavior that you want your child(ren) to avoid?

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As the mom of teenagers I can tell that this is a horrible teacher. You've spoken with her and given her a chance to do her job. Now you need to speak with the principal. Is it possible to chance teachers? Good luck.

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Talk to the principal. Also talk to other parents to see how they are doing with her. She is giving him As and Bs so she just might be a complainer/whiner. If you pick up this is the case, then it is time to make sure this isn't messing with your son's confidence. Even in 1st grade he is old enough to understand that some people like to complain and that his teacher is one of those people. I spent the last few months letting 2 misdiagnoses from 2 idiot doctors negatively rock my world, and let's just say I learned the hard way, 2nd opinions are sometimes the best idea - whether dealing with a doctor or a teacher!

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Hi there,
I'm so sorry to read of your situation. There is nothing worse than feeling like your child is struggling in school. It is where they spend and will spend a majority of their time for 13 years and we want it to be productive and happy!
It sounds to me like a discussion with your son's teacher and the principal of the school is in order. The teacher is not the last stop for your son's education. And you have spent enough time trying to work with her, now it's time to bring in a third party to help you maneuver through the issues. Hopefully by having the principal in the loop you will get more support for your son in the classroom, an additional professional perspective and possibly the opportunity to move to another more conducive class within the school. If the teacher continues to feel strongly that your son has learning issues and that more testing is necessary the principal should be able to help you arrange testing through the school system at no charge. This is one of the advantages to public schools; special diagnostic and support services are in place for varied styles of learning and or learning challenges children. Moreover, if your son's teacher believes he needs that much attention each day then there are ways that THEY are required to provide it without you giving up your life or teaching your child that he cannot function without you present! The whole idea of school is to teach independence and it seems to me that she is advocating against that for your son. Hopefully this won;t be the case but if the principal is not helpful keep going up the ladder by seeing someone in the school district office. There are options for every child and they will and are required by law to help you if your home school is not. Additionally, I would begin looking into other schools in your area: charters and privates--there are many that offer financial aid. There are so many different kinds of schools these days that truly are committed to teaching children as individuals and meeting them where and how they learn. Your son deserves to be taught in a way that works best for him and not to be forced into some teachers plan. I hope this helps and best of luck. S.

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I didn't even finish the whole post but my first instinct was to pull him out of that classroom. He sounds like a smart cookie (124 IQ) but he has a different learning style that his teacher can't be bothered with. That snide remark from that mom was totally unacceptable. I went throughout this in 2nd grade with my son and by 4th grade he was in a new school and had started ADD medication. He is now in 7th and off meds by his own will and doing fine. He is also in the gifted classes at school. If you don't want to change right now just humor her and finish out the year. Think of other options for him in the summer. We spent 2700 on testing with NO definitive diagnosis either. Goodluck.

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I think all these moms have given you wonderful advice. I just wanted to add that it is against the law for the teacher to tell you to have your son tested for ADD. There are particular channels for this kind of advice, and teacher to parent is totally illegal.

It does not sound like your son has attention issues, it sounds like she has teaching issues. BUT, in case the problem continues, investigate auditory processing disorder. It can look exactly like ADD and it's situational -- kid's attention will fluctuate depending on where they are, how noisy it is and who they are interacting with. A psychologist -- even a neuropsychologist -- cannot diagnose this. Only an audiologist.

good luck!
B.

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I would homeschool before putting him on more drugs. I know my husband won't agree to it for social reasons either.

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