Children Witnessed a Man Commit Suicide

E.,
Let me first say, this advice is coming from my husband who is a Chaplain in the Army....so he is a little trained for this.

1 - ask them about it, don't avoid the issue. Let the kids talk and you share your feelings (age appropriate for you kids - you know them best). You don't want to make it an issue if it isn't one already.

2 - Let the teacher or school administration know so they are aware of what happened and they can pick up on cues if something isn't "right" with your children.

3 - The kids may or may not have significant reactions - either is normal at this age. IF there is a reaction that continues for more than a few weeks, or that is hindering their life, seek help for the kids.

Now - from me, I hate this happened on what was supposed to be a great family time.....I have already said a prayer for your family.

T.

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Oh my goodness, E., I'm so sorry to hear that you and your family had to go through that. My only suggestion for you would be to not address it unless/until they do, sometimes we adults make a bigger issue out of it than the children really realize it was and cause the trauma to be worse than it would have been if we had left it alone. When/if it becomes an issue I would sit down and explain what happened and if you or they don't feel like that is sufficient then look into some therapy with a child psychologist. Call your insurance company and make sure they will cover this, explain to them what the children saw and your concerns about the trauma.

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I would contact a counselor and explain the situation and see what they have to say. They may tell you things to look for or to ask these precious girls. And it might help you too. I can not imagine witnessing something like that. It may manifest in ways you wont even associate with this event so I would contact a counselor, psychiatrist or someone about this.

My prayers are with all of you.

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I would make an appointment for them with a child psychologist who is trained in helping kids with traummatic experiences. You may see signs that they are traumatized like nightmare, increased fears, reemerging separation anxiety...or you may not. It might be hard to know how this affecting them or what they are thinking without a professional's help. Get a recommendation from your pediatrician. They may or may not need to see a psychologist long term, it depends a lot on the child and the situation. Usually the psychologist can help you by giving you suggestions for how to react to questions from them or how to react to and understand their behavior at home. I'm so sorry you all are going through this - but it will pass. If you are having trouble getting the image out of your own mind or it's affecting your ability to function in some way, you may also wish to see a therapist too, even just for a little bit.

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E.,
I am sorry you had to witness such a thing. The first thing you need to do is keep the lines of communication open with each other. If you attend a church talk to the minister about what happened. He can help you both work through what you saw. If not I would seek a counselor that can help both. You have to remember that the person who took his life was probably dealing with some other stuff in his life and not thinking clearly. Depression is something that a person can suffer from and commit suicide. Let the kids talk about it and explain to them that it is not normal for people to take their own lives. I will keep you and your family in our prayers as well as the person who committed suicide and his family.

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If you have any religious affiliation, I would take them to talk to someone in the church that they know and trust. If not, find someone - maybe not you - that they feel comfortable opening up to about what they experienced. Answer any and all questions they have. Be honest with them and talk to them about how desperate this person must have felt. Also, be sure to talk about how they can ALWAYS come to you and should never feel as alone as this person must have felt. Communication is the key.

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I don't want to scare you any more than you already are but what you and your family (sister, neice and child) witnessed is very traumatic. I highly recommend you seek the help of a social worker or psychotherapist who specializes in post traumatic stress disorder. No doubt all of you will be effected by what you witnessed. I am so sorry to hear about what happened. I wish you and yours the best in dealing with such a tramatic event. Good luck and God bless.

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Well E.,
this is what I would do if it were my kids who witnessed such a tragic, and disturbing scene like that. If I saw that the "after affects" of that action still affected them in some way, I would set them down together, and explain to them that some people in this life think that there are no solutions to the problems they face, so they feel like they don't want to live. Tell them that this world is full of people without hope, and without the peace of God so much, that they are so tormented in their minds enough, they feel like they don't want to live anymore. Tell them that it isn't the right thing to do, and that isn't the answer to any problem or situation. Tell them, you are sorry for them seeing something like that, and that if they have any questions about it, just to ask you. If you are straightforward about that incident, and take charge, then they will feel like they can come to you if they have a question about it or whatever. I know that it's hard being a parent, but also the sad thing about life is, we won't be able to shield our children from all the bad things in life happening to them, or all the bad things in life somehow or another being seen by them. We live in a world now, that some people don't care what they do, how they do it, or even where they do a list of horrible things. Just tell them if you want, that as long as we are on this earth, we will witness bad things at times, but also tell them that it's good to talk about a certain situation or "accident" if it bothers us. Just take charge as their parent, and try to talk to them about it in a way that they will understand. That is all we can do for our children. I hope this helps!

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I have not read all of the responses, but my initial reaction is that your girls should probably see a therapist just to ensure that they process this properly and do not have lasting trama from this. How horrible for all of you!

Hugs and Prayers go out to your family during this time!

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The police station or the public school system should be able to recommend you to a trauma counselor. I'd make sure a professional gets a chance to talk with them and give you advice. That is really difficult. The kids will want reassurance from you that everything is OK and that they are safe. Don't be afraid to talk to them about it too.

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Ask them to talk to you about what they saw and how it made them feel. Since it is hard to make sense of even as an adult, just listening to their feelings and talking to them about any fears or concerns that may have developed as a result of the incident will probably help them a lot. Not only that but it will give you a feel for how much they really saw and understood about the situation. If they have a lot of trouble dealing with it, consider talking to someone like a pastor (if you go to church) or perhaps a counselor to help them (and maybe you) come to terms with it.

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OMG... church therapy for all of you. How awful! God bless.

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I'm so sorry y'all have to go through this...however, it's very important to keep the communication lines open. Let the kids teachers know that they have seen something that could be displayed in their actions at school. Often teachers can identify different moods or changes in children's activities that can suggest a problem exists. Like the others said, sometimes adults get carried away but make sure your child knows she can talk to you if it bothering her. Watch for signs such as nightmares, decreased appetite, increased fears of things she had no fear of before...things like that. Talking to her may be all you need. Our world is crazy and our kids have to understand that these things happen sometimes. But knowing they can come to you with their fears and concerns is the most important thing. Maybe mom needs to talk to someone too??? Speak to your pastor if you have one and if not, many churches will talk to you even if you don't attend their church. My very best to you and hope everyone gets through this with ease.

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Hi E.,
What an awful thing to have witnessed. I am so sorry.

I know of some therapy that you and your children can go for which helps people deal with traumas that they have seen. I can't remember the name of it, but if you are interested, send me a message and I will call the therapist that I know and ask her what it is called. It is very specific for trauma victims and has the greatest benefit when the therapy is received as soon as possible after the trauma is witnessed.

Whatever you choose to do to help you and your children, I hope that it helps. May God watch over you and your family and heal you all.

Cyndi

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I feel for you that your special time was tainted with this tragedy. It is understandable that you would be emotionally upset by this and concerned about your child. Answer your child's questions as honestly as you can without being too graphic and in a way that is on her level. I have also heard that drawing can be theraputic for children who have witnessed a tragedy. Watch your daughter's behavior for cues to just how this has affected her.

You have received a lot of good advice. If this tragedy has her really upset for more than a few days and you are not able to ease her fears then I would seek help for her. Suicide is always a very upsetting event. Your daughter may not fully grasp what has happened and will probably watch how you handle this to try and figure out how she should deal with this situation. I would try to stay as calm as you can in front of her. You can let her know that it is serious, but not something that she needs to let stress her.

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Whoa.

I think Lara's suggestion was right on and she brought up a good point about how we adults sometimes make situation worse by bringing attention to it.

If you aren't comfortable with saying nothing, then maybe just let the kids know that if they have any questions about what they saw, even if the questions are weeks or months from now, that they can ask you. That acknowledges that they might be confused and gives them an opening to express their concerns and confusion without making a bigger deal out of it.

I personally have no idea how I would handle this situation. My thoughts are with you, the other adults, and the children that witnessed the suicide.

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E., how awful for you all!! I have some mixed feelings about advise. First, my gut is that this was more traumatic for you and your sister rather than the kids. Kids bounce back from trauma much easier than adults do, and particularly at 6yo, I don't know if she understands the finality/reality of it all. (She's witnessed tons of murders on TV already, I am sure).

A good start might be a conversation between you and your daughter (same for your sister and hers). I'd acknowledge that what happened was scary and tell your daughter that the man who fell was sick. I'd see what she said. Particularly with your 6yo, she is not at an age where she hids emotions.

If you have a source for informal counseling (pastor, etc.), I think it might be good for them to talk to a counselor just to get a baseline for how upset they really are by it. I'd also tell people who watch your daughter (out of her earshot) what you saw and just ask them to tell you if she talks about it or seems upset by it.

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Do not just ignore this and act like nothing happened at age 6 and 9 they know what happened. with school starting back up soon see if they have a counselor at school for the girls to talk to this is very important they understand what happened and how to show feelings about what happened.

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I agree with the fact that the children do need to talk to someone. Is there a person they trust with a counseling background, teacher, guidance counselor, child counselor, youth leader or minister/priest. Or can you speak to them using open ended questions. If you aren't familiar with that, basically it is a question that needs to be answered with a description and not a "yes or no" answer. Use the words feel, felt, found if they work for the situation. Don't put ideas in their heads; let them come out with what they are thinking. Adults don't see things the same way as children do. You might say, "What was your favorite part of our trip yesterday" and "what was the least favorite?" See what they say. Remember you and your child are on different levels in this situation so don't confide in her about your feelings. They may not even acknowledge it or not in the same way as you are thinking. As for your issues, I would talk to someone ... a trusted friend, parent, counselor, minister/priest to work through it all. I am sure it was a traumatic situation. I hope you can all work through this. I will keep you in my thoughts.

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This incident will be covered by your employee assistance program if you get benefits from work or her father's work. It sounds like you, yourself, need some talk therapy to work through your PTSD.

I have a child therpist on the line for my kids. I found her through my Employee assistance program at work. She evaluated and treated my son following a traumatic medical procedure. I would call her again if something like that happened to us. She'll help us out as we loose grandparents as well. You might want to have one for your daughter just to talk through issues relating to her diabetis.

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My gosh! What a horrible thing to happen to you and your family---I'm so sorry! :(
When I was 7--something very traumatic happened to me and my niece (who was 4 months younger than me) My Mom took us into a therapist who spoke with us about it. I felt determined to tough it out and kept smiling and saying I was fine. Afterward the therapist said to my Mom "Every child is different and every child handles stress differently. Your Grandaughter is handling it very well and I believe she'll be just fine. But in regards to your daughter, I can see that she's a very sensitive person and from my experience, I think it's vital that she continue to get counciling for a while until she works through it. She may say that she's fine now, but she won't be in the years to come. As she gets older, it could get worse for her."

I fought it tho--and my Mom finally gave in and let me stay home. Years later, my Mom and I both regret me not going, because it has gotton worse over the years and continues to effect my life in a negative way (extreme phobias being the major issue that I deal with). Through prayer I'm doing ok, but I still regret not going to counciling when I was young. I hope once the kids are in school, that I can give it another shot.
My advice would be to get her into counciling. They will be able to tell assess her situation and outlook on the event and tell you whether or not she'd benefit from counciling.

My prayers are with you!

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Holy Freakin Crap! I am so sorry you had to see that! and even more sorry that the children did. have they mentioned anything about it or asked any questions? You might consider asking a guidance counselor at their school or maybe a pastor. You could also contact a Psych professor at a local university to ask what to do (therapy, discussion, etc...)

I am so sorry

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Call the Child Advocacy Center in Memphis and ask for Nancy, the Director. Request the names of the three best therapists in Memphis and take your children to a children's therapist to process what they saw. Children can seem fine and not be OK.

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That is horrible!!!! I could not imagine what I would do for my children but I guess I would start by explaining that some ppl are not 'right'....some people are 'sick' and don't think the way we do. Explain that sometimes ppl have issues that they cannot deal with or don't know how to deal with them. I would not let them think this was just some depressed guy b/c then they might think that is what you do when you get depressed. I would make them understand that this person was mentally disabled. I would consider having them talk to a counselor about it. I would also give them the opportunity to sit down with you and your sister and ask any questions that they might have. You never know, they may be so well adjusted that they are not thinking as deeply about this as you are. They truly may not understand what happened. They heard it but do they know that he died? Can you somehow explain that he went to the hospital and 'hopefully' will be ok? Try not to harp on it too much, they truly may forget about it soon. I am sure they will always remember it and tell the story as they age but it may not bother them emotionally as it does you.

If it does, get them counseling. Good luck and God Bless.

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You've gotten a lot of good support, and I just wanted to add mine. This is traumatic for all of you and such a terrible waste of a person's life.
I would think both of the kids are old enough to have an understanding of what happened and counseling would be best. Not just for the kids but for you, too. The best you can do now is to be an example for them on how to handle traumatic events.
Perhaps this time will impress them that you get help when life gets tough. I will say a prayer for peace in your hearts and minds.

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