Talking About Puberty and Sex

Just a few months ago my nearly-8-year-old daughter said: "where do I come from?" and I duly answered, "you know you were born in London at a birth center" and she pushed some more and I said, "you know, from the baby hole" (our word for the vagina; she has seen mine in the tub when I explained periods, briefly) and then the kicker: "how did I get in there?" I took a deep breath and told her I'd get a book. The series we like is by Robie Harris; the first in the series is called "It's not the stork". The first book is for 4+, we started with that. She also has the 7+ version but has decided to wait on the 10+ version. We have read it together and she reads it separately. Works for us! Really, it has been a pleasant transition time, totally not what happened to me when I grew up. Good luck.

Bravo to you for not waiting to tackle this sensitive but important topic with your child! I think 8 years old is the perfect time to open up a conversation about puberty and sex, especially if you have a family history of early periods. At 8 I think kids are old enough to understand a lot of the basic facts, but hopefully haven't yet been exposed to too much misinformation yet. So you have a chance to ensure that she hears about all of this from YOU first, not from a questionable source: a kid you don't know at her school, TV, or an inappropriate web site.

I remember being pretty nervous at the prospect of talking to my 7 year old girl about the birds and the bees, so I went to the bookstore and bought a book - "It's not the Stork" - and used that as a guide. I actually read to her from it, and that helped a lot. It felt familiar to both of us that way, it was almost like our normal bedtime story hour! This book is very age-appropriate, answers a lot of questions simply, and I let her keep it in her room, in case she wants to read it on her own. Sometimes she asks me a question or for clarification about something ("Why do babies have umbilical cords?"), but having started with a book gave me a lot more confidence in talking to her and answering her questions. When she saw that I was comfortable talking to her, I think it made her feel comfortable talking to me and asking questions. I am hoping that this will extend into her teen years! I bet there are other good books like this one in the library and bookstore, too.

Good luck!

It's your discretion. I say, the sooner the better. I was actively talking to my friends about sex and we were secretly reading informational books (that were very detailed and inappropriate) at about 7 or 8. One thing I was jealous about from one of my friends was that her mom got her an Always menstrual training kit. Her mom was nurse and told her everything but this kit also had lots on information and all the things we were going to need.

A., has she shown any signs of puberty yet?? My 9 yr old has (thickening waist, needing showers more). I bought her the AMerican Girl book "The Care and Keeping of YOU". Barnes and Noble has it as do most book stores. It goes through a lot of stuff, so pre read it and bookmark stuff you don't want her to know (like shaving and tampons, tmi in my opinion for this age). But go through the book together. But do this only if you feel she needs to know.. If she knows about periods, then she's ok for what could be happening to her right now. If she doesn't want to know things, then wait. But try to keep an open relationship with her about if she has questions. As far as where babies come from, My daughter knows how they come out, but I don't think she's put it together on how it gets there in the first place. I'll let her ask me on that one. I don't want to offer too much info . Just use your instincts on whether or not she can handle the info.

Hi,

I have 3 children, 2 girls (14 and 12) and an 8 yr old son. I started to talk to my girls around 9-10 yrs old and aslo bought them a book. "What's happening to my body? A book for girls" They have referred to the book often and I have read it (before I gave it to them) and it's quite informative without using words they won't understand.
I'm also a Pediatric nurse and it seems the woman I work with, most talked to their daughters around the same age. (I aksed the question too. :) Hope this helps.
L. D

A., eight is kind of young. I was 11 myself. I guess you have to consider what age was you and look also what age was your Mom. This is what I looked at, and I was pretty much on the money. You do not want to put allot of pressure on yourself and your daughter. Maybe a little more thought before you decide. I would wait until she was a little older maybe 9 or 91/2. JudyB

I don't know the words to tell her, but I would tell her about puberty now. I had my period before I was told about it and I didn't know what was happening. It was scary and embarrassing.
My parents were too embarrassed for the sex talk. All I knew is what I saw on movies and what my friends said and it didn't sound that bad, so I did it, way too young. Well, my parents found out (long story) and I got the talk that should not have been, because I felt dirty and horrible and didn't ever want to have sex again. They acted out of anger and embarrassment, which I understand now. But I had a hard time with my self confidence in sex especially when I was newly married.

With my daughter I plan on telling her about puberty by age 9 and sex no later than age 12. I will tell her it is a beautiful and sacred thing. It may change when it comes time to speak to my daughter but because of how embarrassed my parents were I do not feel that way at all and am ready to tell her like it is and should be.

I do remember that after I started my period my mother bought me the book 'Are you there God, It's me Margret.' It's about a girl going through puberty. I remember really liking this book and finding it helpful to have something to relate to.

Good Luck!

There is a great book called "Period" which gives a nice, easy to understand explanation. I gave my daughter the book to read herself and then we could discuss.

Hi 8 was actually when I started to talk to my daughter. We got a book from the local Christian book store and began reading it together. She already knew about periods also but not all about it and the changes she'd begin to see in her body.
I waited until she was 11 (consequently that is when she got her period) before talking to her about sex and how babies are made. They see so much on TV at this age! We also talked alot about how the 'sex' talk and scenes on TV are just acting.

Puberty is happening younger and younger, partly due to 'better' nutrition, partly due to hormones in milk and meat, and partly due to kids being overweight. So even if your daughter isn't in puberty yet, it's a fair bet she knows someone who is.

One book I REALLY love for taking a gentle approach to the changes girls are going to experience is "THe Care and Keeping of You" http://store.americangirl.com/agshop/html/ProductPage.jsf... It's fun, kid oriented, aimed at a crowd your daughter's age.

Answer is small chunks and stop when your child seems satisfied. We were always very open when our children were asking but never offered more than they could "chew". The real talks come more or less around the age of 12, or what I did with my 17 and 13 year olds. My almost 11 year old, now that I think of it, has had some talks as well. I feel it is our job as parents to be open and answer their questions and even prompt the "talks".

According to my child's Endocrinologist children go through puberty roughly 1 year earlier than their parents partly because of all of the growth hormones in our foods.