Stressed Out Parents?

You need to hire someone to help you out in some capacity or find a mom's morning out program for a few, half-days a week to send the kids to (or as many as you can afford). If you can't do that, then hire a house cleaning service to come in twice a month. You'll still need to straighten up and do dishes, but they'll at least mop, vacuum, clean bathrooms, dust and change sheets, so it will take all of that off of you!

Okay first things first. Did you attend the predeployment thing that all spouses must attend before your husband left? There should be some important phone numbers in there for the Child Development Center and Family Readiness. There is all kinds of support on base, you just need to make some phone calls. I know the newspaper on base prints the upcomming parent's night out programs for families of the deployed. I would start by calling their first. They can help you find the help you need. Good luck.

Oh goodness L., you do need help, but that's not always available when you need it, so what do you do.

I would suggest you make use of gadgets.

Meals: Since you are alone in this, select quick meals that you can use a slow cooker. It cooks while you do stuff.

Attention/Family time: You know the 6yr old is severely handicapped, so once you make him/her comfortable, you can have her in the room watching while you play with both of the other small kids, or you all can do the peekaboo, jumping, painting games together..

Chores: Make use of high chairs, booster seats, crib, playpen, etc to keep the younger ones secured while you do laundry, dishes, or whatever.

You time: Sleep when they are sleeping, sit in a sofa bed if you have one with the 7mo old while you have the 2yr old watching an age appropriate DVD,etc.

Wish I could offer you some more solutions, but try to make it easier on yourself by taking it one day at a time. Don't be too concerned about the mess, you cannot help it right now. Find a space you can make YOUR getaway space and do the other chores when you get a chance to do so.

Just wanted to give a quick "atta girl" to you - you are doing a great job mama, even if your house is a mess and you are losing your cool with the kids. This is normal every day stuff for ALL of us, and most of us mom's aren't raising handicapped children OR dealing with the stress of our spouse being deployed. Do you have a local USO, are you close enough to base that you could access their family sevices? Maybe they have names and numbers of other group you could attend and maybe you'll find a better niche. A preteen girl would probably be thrilled to come hang out at your house and entertain the two younger (or at least your toddler) for a couple hours which would give you a little break to vaccuum and wipe down counters real quick. I can't believe your family is so unsupportive! My husband is going on deployment soon and my mom is gladly coming to stay with me for the summer, just so I won't be alone! I'm sorry you haven't had that needed support, maybe if you can find a couple of moms you click with you can start hanging out at other houses, or have them over to yours. I konw that it sounds like it will add work (cleaning to entertain or feeding extra kids) but in my experience the work is outweighed by the support other moms give me, and they usually don't care if my house is a mess cause theirs is too! :) My family moved a year and a half ago and since then I haven't made friends, not good ones like I had back home, and that has been the HARDEST part of the move, not having other moms to connect with, not having a person I can call and say "I need to get out of the house, I'm coming over to yours!" So try try try to get out and just leave the mess behind for a bit!

You get help, odd your family is unwilling to be supportive!

Put your 2 year old and 7 month old in a double stroller when you go out and to the craft things... so much easier!

For the age appropriate games, do simple things like bingo with m&ms, or just gluing pieces pf paper and glitter to a colorful paper, or finger painting, or just reading a story or rolling a ball back and forth to each other or tossing a bean bag to music like how you play 'hot potato'.

Do you have any friends or military moms group? If you can maybe get together and rotate watching kids one day a week, everyone will get a day off.

Also, maybe you can hire a babysitter to come one day a week for a few hours to sit with the kid while you do laundry, do cooking? Maybe do large batches of spaghetti sauce and such so you can freeze it for quick dinners.

you certainly need help and a break. local churches, moms groups, someone is bond to lead you in the right direction. you should not be alone dealing with that.

Don't stress about the housework. Some of it has to be done, but skip others. I started cleaning in ernest this month with the youngest being 2+, finally seem like I have the time to start tackling dusting, floors, behind the couch!! gasp. Keep them healthy. Don't go crazy with projects yet...they just want to have fun time with you...movies will give you some piece. Cuddle with the 7 mos old while the other two are playing for 5 minutes. After the 7 mos old goes to bed, spend some time reading a couple of books, or story time with the 2 older ones. You sound overwhelmed, and your family could/should be willing to help. Ask for a specific thing...(will you watch the kids while I go grocery shopping each week or can you have a neighbor kid come over to play with the kids while you get some laundry done. (Great babysitting resume building for a 8-10 year old that may not be ready to stay solo). Good luck.

I remember being in a new place and having just two little children and my hubby away most of the time! Dont know how you handle three! What got me thru..... A mothers helper. She was dying to babysit but too young (maybe 11) so she volunteered to be a mothers helper and play with the kids while I was home. Put up a flyers around the base and maybe you'll find a girl who's bored or wants the experience to help her get better paying jobs when she's older -promise to write her a letter of reference if she does a good job. Pay her a little and have her take the older two outside or play with them in another room while you get stuff done or relax. Take her with you to activities to help the older ones with crafts or to hold the baby while you help.
Also- Several of us (all new to the area) started a babysitting Co-Op. We put up flyers asking for interest, and held our first meeting. Each new members gets three (or four) tickets, each good for an hour of babysitting and a list of each others phone numbers. When you need a babysitter you start calling the people on the list and find someone who is available when you need them. Instead of paying you pay with the tickets now that person has more tickets to pay for babysitting hours. The best part is we had to get to know each other -no one leaves kids with strangers, so we arranged to get together with kids once a month at local playgrounds or fast food place with indoor play as well as our monthly adult meetings-maybe the base has a place where you can meet and hire a teen to babysit while you have a meeting. If so you could use that room to pla a Valentines Party for your little group again a way to all get to know each other. Then you make friends with people whose kids are similar ages to yours or who you just click with! Instant friends AND a way to go shopping all by yourself!
Maybe your family is overwhelmed with all three kids or doesnt know exactly how to help?? Ask them specific questions, "can you come over and babysit while I take the older kids to toddler time?" Or "can you come over at nap time and babysit only the oldest will be awake and I'll run to grocery store?" Good luck and yes we're all stressed!

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My husband was in the navy for 27 years. He was gone for half of our married life. I feel your pain! I didn't have a special needs child, but I know what it's like to feel like you need to be three people. The only advice I can give you is to try to make it a priority to get out by yourself, or maybe with a friend once a week or so. Is there a wive's club? I found that just being with people who are in the same boat helps. Also, maybe you could join ( or start a babysitting co-op.) If it is at all possible for you, financially, please, please consider getting a cleaning service. I know it can be expensive, but if anyone needs one it's you! It would free you up to only take care of your children and yourself and relieve so much stress in your life. Good luck to you. I feel for you, having been there and done that. (((hug)))

Hi L.,
I am so sorry that you are feeling so stressed right now. Be kind to yourself, you are in a difficult situation. Do whatever you can to make life easier for yourself and your children. Paper plates? Frozen meals? make a schedule for laundry? (don't stress about vacuuming - a few dust bunnies never killed anyone - when you are feeling better, you will get it done!) YOu have gotten some good suggestions about support with the handicapped child and some good places to seek support for yourself.

Just be kind to yourself, and do the best you can, even if it is not perfect. Is there a local moms' club in the area? Can you wear the baby in a sling or carrier while you take the toddler to toddler programs? Is there story time at the local library?

I was feeling the same way myself a few weeks ago - I think most of us have been there at one point or another! Good luck to you and know that we are all pulling for you to get the support and help that you need.

I am sorry you are feeling this way - who wouldn't? You have a TON of responsiblility and very little to no "help" with the physical stuff or "emotional" needs that we all have. You are just exhausted I'm sure. Good for you for hanging in there! Can you find some help - even a sitter to get out and do something for you for 1hr or so - walk, just relax and breathe? Or maybe someone to come and clean your house - even a family member - even a kid - you will pay for the help? Do you have any friends nearby that you can do things with - even with kids. Church groups? Hang in there and know you are handling an awful lot on your own... doing great just breathe...

Hi L..

You are doing awesome. Just remember that it's ok to ask for help. If you saw a friend in the same situation, would you encourage her to get help? It doesn't mean that you are weak or not doing a good job. When you ask for help, it means that you are taking care of yourself and your kids. You need some respite. Will the family help you with a couple of hours of time for you? Does your oldest child receive regional center services? If so, do you have access to a case manager or someone who might be able to help you access some respite services?

Hang in there, you're doing great. You have gotten great advice from others, although, not knowing your financial situation, it may not be possible for you to hire help. Some have suggested church, and if you have one that you attend that is a great option, but the suggestions assume that you both have a church, and that you also have a specific faith. In our diverse nation, with such a multitude of beliefs and faiths, you may not fall under the "Christian" umbrella. If that is the case there is a Universal Unitarian church in Exeter, which is not to far from you. These particular churches are inter faith, or no faith at all. They are great for those who just want fellowship and kindness, with no dogma. You can go to this link to find out more about the Unitarian church if your interested at www.uua.org or to find out more about the Exeter location go to www.exeteruu.org. I hope you find the help you need.

Yeah - do not know how to respond to this one. We all have felt overwhelmed with parenting....just keep it simple and do the best ya can. For sure....if you belong to a church....call them up - tell them you need help. Tell someone you know near by...you need some support - you'd be surprised by the people that care! I would recommend getting into a group that has others caring for handicap children - they would know how to relate. Hang in there!!