Still Not Sleeping!

Updated on April 13, 2008
M.N. asks from Salem, OR
7 answers

I have a 21 month old little girl who has never been a good sleeper. Recently, in the process of moving her crib we broke a very crucial part of it, rendering it not usable. Needless to say, we had to start her in the toddler bed many months before we were ready to. She was still not sleeping through the night and is quite a mover and shaker while she sleeps.
So, the problem... the first night she slept in the toddler bed just fine. The second night she woke up a couple times at night and cried until I went in and rocked her back to sleep. The next two nights were horrible! She slept till 12 or 1 AM and then proceeded to wake up every 30 minutes all the rest of the night! Then she had a fairly good few days where she slept until about 3 or 4 and after rocking her, slept again for about 3 more hours. Then we hit a snag again. The last week or so she has been playing a game with us. She gets up an average of 8 times after we put her down at night. We literally will not even be out her door yet and she's up. The second we see her she runs helter skelter back into her room and jumps in bed, unless we don't follow her. Then she stops and says, "C'mon mama (or dada)" and waits for us to follow. I thought last night was going to be a good night because she NEVER got up. She slept till 12:30 then woke up anywhere between every 20 minutes to every hour. She finally came into my room about 3:30 and, probably due to exhaustion, I never heard her until she was up on my bed. At that point I was so tired I let her climb into our bed (which she has NEVER done before) and she slept there till about 20 minutes ago (6:30 AM). I've never co-slept with her, never brought her into our bed when she woke, except maybe in the first few weeks of her life. I learned that lesson the hard way with my now 3 1/2 year old who still wants to sleep in mama's bed.
I don't know what to do with her anymore. I am so exhausted and fed up. I dread bedtime, or the lack of bedtime! Please, any suggestions will help. Believe me when I say though that I've pretty much tried it all! Short of barricading her into her room! That of course will not solve the matter because she's not a Cry It Out kind of baby (discovered that early on too- she'll just cry for hours if you let her!) and barricading her in would force her into a cry it out mode! HELP!

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E.L.

answers from Seattle on

When we switched our daughter to a toddler bed she stayed there at first (like she couldn't get out, like the crib) but then figured out her new freedom.

We tried the "Silent Return". I don't remember whose book it's from. You just take the child back to bed without ANY talking to them and little, if any, eye contact. Sometimes you may do it one after the other after the other. She'll hate it. Eventually our daughter stayed there. It also works best to have just one parent doing the "Return", so that they don't "test" the other parent.

You daughter is old enough to stay there on her own. You can help her learn how to do it.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.D.

answers from Seattle on

The quiet return mode is a good technique, but you have to be consistant. We have our toddler bed pushed up against a wall, and then put a bed rail on the other side, because our daugter kept rolling out of bed, she's a snuggler, and she'll toss and turn until she finds a snuggle spot. We also took the door off her room, and put up a baby gate, that way she wasn't closed off but kept in. She could call for us but couldn't get out of her room,you never know what a kid will do in the middle of the night.
As she got older we told her if she woke up she could look at books but couldn't wake mommy and Daddy up, unless it was an emergency
The trick I used with my son was a timer that ticked, and soft music and a red night light(it's better for sleeping than white or blue). I turned on the night light and music, did the story and kisses, then set the timer and told him he had to lay in bed until the timer rang. I usually set it for 30-40 minutes. Most of the time he was fast asleep. before it rang, and I just took the timer out of the room so it wouldn't ring and wake him up.

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R.S.

answers from Portland on

She's probably lonely. Can she sleep with an older sibling? My sisters kids all have done that, and both kids sleep better. Also, is she dressed warm enough? If she's a thrasher, her blankets likely don't stay on and she may be getting cold often. Maybe staying in her room until she's asleep would be adviseable for a while (to police the getting up and raise her confidence sleeping on her own). I have 2 bad sleepers, who have tried every trick in the book, so feel for you.

M.B.

answers from Seattle on

M.,

You could try putting a baby gate in her doorway to keep her in her room. A couple other thoughts I have are from Super Nanny.

The first one is oh I forget. But it goes like this. 1) Do your usual nighttime routine and put her in bed. 2) When she gets out of bed tell her "it's bet time <insert endearment here>" and put her back in bed. 3) the second time she gets up tell her "it's bed time" and put her back in bed. 4) the third and consecutive times she gets up put her back in bed without saying anything. If that doesn't work there's another one you can try.

Do your usual bed time routine and put her in bed. Then YOU sit on the floor next to her bed with your head down. That way she knows that you are there, but that you WILL NOT engage her in any way. Stay there until she falls asleep. Every night slowly move farther and farther away from her bed until you're sitting in the hallway/she doesn't need you anymore.

Both of these techniques take some time investments, but they do work. We had to do the back to bed one with my son several times, and it works like a charm.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

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L.S.

answers from Seattle on

get another crib or put a super yard gate around her toddler bed.... we had very similiar issues with our 18month old when we moved her to her toddler bed.... we ended up puttng a super yard gate around her bed.... Thought she would be ready as both her brothers tansitioned with no problems at 18 months.... anyway - in the en, she neededthe security of the crib walls around her and we put her back in a crib.... she sleeps wonderfully now and we will try the toddler bed again nextfall when she is 2 1/2

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D.M.

answers from Anchorage on

I used to sit and read my own book. When my little one did something, without looking up, I gave a stern "no" until they went to sleep. Ensure you have a bedtime routine. You may want a morning routine too so she knows when to get up. It takes time don't give up!

E.B.

answers from Seattle on

I would do the barricade idea. Thats just my opinion.We moved from a two bedroom we shared with a room mate so we had to share our room with our two year old into our own place and althought he at first took to sleeping in his own big boy bed alone in his room he would also wake at night and i didnt want him wandering the house alone getting into stuff and i didnt want him to get comfortable coming into our room whenever he wanted to we put a gate up across his room at night. He would come to the gate and cry we would go back in and put him to sleep. It worked for us. It may not work for you and yours but it is worth a shot. Right now she knows she has the bedtime control and she is mocking you with it in her own way. You need to lay down the law explain to her what she is doing is a no no and that if she wants to get big girl privelages she needs to do big girl things like sleep in her own bed. Does she go to daycare? Where does she nap? I would gove the barricade a try on like the week end so that if it doesnt work you dont go to school exhausted. Good Luck. Just stick to your guns and it will work out.

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