Stepson's Mother Not Proactive with Education

Ok this is an outsider looking in but these are my perspectives

He is your "son" regardless of whether you gave birth to him. When you married his father-you chose the whole package-not just a portion of it. He is in your home during the school week so it is your responsibility to him as a parent to lay the ground work for getting a good education. You have to be the proactive parent. If not you could possibly be paying child support until he is out of college.

$700 a month in child support is nothing. I take it that his mom is buying his school clothing and furnishes things like insurance, medical care, etc. I see some frustration that he has all these "gadgets". Is it that you cannot afford those things for your 15 year old and it is have some negativity with that son?

Be careful when you go reporting her to a state agency-it could backfire on you since he is in your care through the week.

I am not trying to be rude or hateful, however, you are coming across as a bitter step parent and that may be the same impression you are giving Beau

Why isn't his father proactive? If he's at your house for the week then if you want to be so negative about EVERYTHING, then shoulder some of the responsibility. Are you allowing him to fail because he is your stepson? Where is his DAD? You don't mention or BLAME anything on him!!! Doesn't sound like he's so proactive!!!
Stop blaming and start helping, but if your attitude about your stepson is anything like your attitude towards him failing he doesn't stand a chance.

If you are in the state of Texas, Children can make up their own minds whom they want to live with at the age of 14 years.

I am very anxious to see any responses you get. I have a soon to be 16 year old stepson in a very simular boat. Failing, and obviously heading down the wrong path. His mom says "boys will be boys" and then takes him out clubbing. Do secondary parents have any rights? Or is our only right to keep writing that child support check ever month, sit back and watch a very nice young man go down the tubes. Good luck.

I don't mean to be snide, but you talk about his mother letting him fail when he is with his father during the week. Is the father not at fault also for allowing him to fail? Sounds like you need to take a step back and look at the entire situation.

No offense, M., but he IS your child. Step or not (titles are hindrances and further separates), he is your responsibility, especially if he is at your house going to school. If education is held in high standard at your residence, then that is the standard, regardless of who is there and when. His mother may be showing that she doesn't care and he may not either, as result of her influence. Your influence can make a difference, too. Let him know that he has choices that he has to make and that there are consequences for his inaction as well. As far as reporting the mother, if the father wants to challenge the child support considering the majority of the time he is with you all, then HE should do that and have it adjusted. If not, then she'll keep getting it for the next 2 yrs.

What would his father, your husband, think of you stepping in to help with this issue after school each day? Perhaps he could discuss this with the mother and see if some of the child-support he sends her might be withheld to pay for tutors or other educational helps.

The schools sometimes offer help in these areas as well. Maybe if she is not capable of this type of decision it has fallen to you - one interested in his well-being - to help him.

I'm sure that even if she is unwilling to change the current $ arrangement that your loving concern may get through to this boy who is most certainly in need of adult direction.

At the very least you should talk to your husband about your concerns for his son. Together I'm sure that you can find a way to meet this boy's needs for purpose and challenge him to achieve more than his current aspirations. We have often resorted to "almost" bribes with our older sons. You have to find the trigger that motivates them to greater things without hitting their "oh, so I can manipulate you this way" button.

He is quickly getting to that more independence seeking stage and will not receive as well from you unless you build that relationship now. He may be sad and discouraged enough with himself to grasp on to your helpful hands. Sometimes it takes a lot of self sacrifice to help them see your advances as loving concern however.

You might find this resource helpful: "You can't make me but I can be persuaded" by Cynthia Tobias. My favorite "strong willed child" book. It doesn't say, "gee I'm sorry you have this problem," as other books on these topics often do. Rather, it gives practical examples of things you can try to motivate and encourage kids. I know you didn't say he was strong willed, but most kids in this age group can seem so when they are unhappy and don't know what to do to change things. He is navigating a tough situation for a kid and might need some encouragement to move ahead.

Be a light and a blessing!