Step Mother Problem?

Where is your mother? Is she still in the picture? My husband had a poor relationship with his step mother for years. We got married and had kids and she didn't know where she stood in relation to the kids. They were her husbands grandkids, but she is not likely to get any blood ones of her own. My husband reached out to her and asked if they could call her Grandma? They don't know the difference,she is the only one they will know (on that side) and the relations between him, her, his dad, and all of us, became a 100% better over night. Really give some thought to the role that she plays in the family, would you want to go away for Christmas if you didn't feel accepted and loved? Then call her and talk about her role. Hopefully you will invite her into your children's lives and request that they be allowed to call her Grandma (children of divorced parents learn to love lots of grandparents) and she will be open and really show you the respect that you deserve as a member of her family.

I agree that if traveling really is a problem for her, and you know that it is about the traveling and nothing else, then you can go to them. I deal with this issue with my parents all the time. They don't travel, and I only live 2 hours away. It hurts my feelings that they don't come to see us, and sometimes it is important enough for me to travel to see them and when I am angry about it, then it isn't important enough and I let them miss out. I don't believe that it's just the kdis that are missing out. It really is my parents that are missing out, but it's their choice, not mine... or yours. Good luck!

Lisa,
Poor thing. I say call him and really have a heart to heart with him and tell him how much it would mean to you and the kids for him to come. He can celebrate with his wife before he comes or after if she chooses not to come. Sounds like he wants to come by his reaction but then she was so quick to say NO but he is your Dad and your kids Grandpa and he deserves to come. Heck say I am buying you a ticket for Christmas we want to be with you.....its her loss. Hang in there and good luck!!

MC has a valid point. Does your step mother feel like a secure part of your family? It may be that she feels she's an outsider. Letting her know that the invitation was for both of them to be involved in your lives and share the holiday may make her feel more included.

If it truly is about traveling, ask if you can come to them, either on or around Christmas. You don't have to stay with them (they may not have the room to accommodate you) - you can always make arrangements to stay at a hotel. Emphasize the importance of family relations (not just between you, your kids and your father - let her belong as she's been part of the family for ten years already).

My family is quite reserved when it comes to newcomers - we sort of hang back which makes us seem a little put-offish. Could it be that either you or her or both fit into this category? If so, make an extra effort to rise above that behavior and put trust in the fact that your father, who you greatly care about, had the judgment to pick her as his wife, so she must be a good woman. This year make an extra effort to prove that theory and you may find that your step mother just needed a little extra encouragement and acceptance from you to fully take part in the family.

WELL ASK HER TO pLS THINK ABOUT COMING TO VISIT. STEP FOLKS SOMETIME ARE SELFISH. tHEN YOU HAVE SOME THAT REALLY ENJOY THE FACT OF A ANOTHER FAMILY. EXCUSE THE TYPING ERROR NOT PROFESSIONAL.

From what I read of your request, it sounds like you invited him, not her. Sounds like she feels left out and angry. Your dad is kind of in the middle here. I feel bad for your kids because it's not fair that they can't see grandpa. Maybe you could somehow relay the message to her that this is all about the grandkids who miss grandpa and really want to see him, not the issues and bad feelings between the adults. I've been in a similar situation. My best advice to you is to try and get the message across to ALL the adults that this is for the grandkids who are the innocent parties here. The adults need to realize that it is for the kids and to put all of their own negative feelings aside. Sometimes, compromise works too. For instance, can you visit them? I will tell you though, that if she continues to be reluctant and continues to be negative, it will take a toll on her relationship with your dad.

By the way, maybe for Christmas, you could get your dad a webcam from the grandkids, that way, they could see grandpa whenever they want to and feel connected.

Good Luck,

MC