had to respond because I'm sitting here reading the responses, and flashing back to when my step mom came to live with us. Us being me and my dad. did you catch that? he WAS MY DAD... then he just became HER husband. get it? honestly, I WANTED sooooo badly to love her, and have a real mom/daughter relationship with her. I really did. but when I acted out, she ignored me. truthfully all that showed me was that I'll never be her daughter. she'll NEVER love me like she does their children. and it showed me that I didn't belong. I ran away at 14. I did all kinds of things that I pray and try my hardest to make sure my kids never do. My choices were wrong, but I'm sure deep down that had a whole lot to do with it. even running away was to try to get some kind of emotional response from her! HER not him. I think this little girl (she really is still a little girl that does need attention from her daddy!) is just wanting a relationship with YOU! I know I know. she's being a brat, and doesn't deserve it. and after 4 years of her acting this way she must be on your last nerves. well, I'm sure none of us are perfect... but if you truly do care about her. (and you must if your trying to get help... ) please tell me you do care for her, and not just wanting to get her out of your way to have her dad all to your self!!! anyway, you got some good advise. take her to the mall. take her to get ice cream. take her on your jog. take her to the grocery store. take her. take her. take her. I KNOW I would have started acting better if I knew (knew-not just heard) that she wanted me around. give her privileges that the other kids don't have because 'she the oldest'.. You get it? give her HER rightful place in YOUR family. then she will be able to give you YOUR rightful place in HER family. Oh, and don't let her get away with too much. When I first realized that my step-mom didn't love me was when I did bad stuff and she didn't say anything. even as a little girl I realized that if she cared she would have punished me. but try not to push her too far until you've tied some heart strings.
if you need to talk