Staying in Bed

I tried to transition my 18 mo. It didn't work. Lots of screeching at the door. So I put him back in the crib. I also put a safety tent up to prevent climbing and falling. He's started sleeping better over the last few weeks and if his night routine continues to improve we'll transition to the toddler bed again.

I was just going to say what Maureen already said. Put the cribs back up it won't take that long to do & in the long run will be better for everyone! Use the mesh tents so they cannot climb out. The twins are probably having issues with the move and this is why they are doing what they are doing.

The mother-in-law was WAY out of line! Shame on her, she needs to be the grandparent not the PARENT. Sorry but some mother-in-laws are great and other are just a plain pain in the butt buttinsky! I don't care if it is her house or not, she made the wrong decision and your daughters husband needs to stand up to his mother not your daughter (he should be standing up for your daughter as well).

Also sorry if this offends you or anyone else. Spanking is POINTLESS! It solves nothing and just upsets the kids more and does not teach a lesson & just puts fear into them.
Good luck to your daughter and son-in-law I feel bad that they have to live with a witch of a woman.

Hi R.. I recently transitioned my 2 year old into a toddler bed and did it cold-turkey, too. She was climbing out of her crib and I was afraid she would break her arm (or worse!)...The first few nap times were hellish as she just popped out of bed whenever she felt like it--I threatened her with all sorts of things like no book time after nap, no dessert after dinner...I also offered positive consequences for staying in bed, all to no avail. Finally I sat down and did an inventory of what she REALLY LOVES and realized that if I took away her blankie when she got out of bed it would mean something. I only had to do it once (that was hellish, too, of course) and then had to remind her once or twice but she has been fantastic about staying in bed ever since.

So, my advice (yes, I'm a teacher, can you tell?) is to have your daughter figure out what really matters to her son, be it a toy, activity, whatever, and be prepared to take it away from him if the behavior continues. If she finds the right thing, it will work :)

Good luck!

Its only been a week, I would go back to cribs. I moved my 19 mo (she's 22 mo now) into a toddler bed and now I'm really regretting it. We did it because we have a baby coming any day now and didn't want to buy another crib. But she tears her room apart daily and its too much temptation for her to get up and play with toys. We put a gate on her door, or else we would be bringing her back upstairs repeatedly after she was put to bed.

I've also been reading (now that it seems too late for us) in "Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child" that its not a good idea to move toddlers out of the crib until around 3, because of a lot of the problems we're having now because a 2 yo is not mature enough to chose sleep over play, which cause fragmented sleep among other problems. That author thinks it should be the child's idea. He also suggests leaving the crib up as a sort of threat for getting out of bed. Wish I had read that part 2 or 3 months ago...

Anyway, a week or two is not too late. Move them back, if that's what your daughter wants to do! Who cares what the MIL thinks, she's not the one who has to live with the headaches afterward.

on the show the nanny, mom or dad is suppose to put the child back into bed without a word, and keep doing that until he stays in bed. Just pick up the child, put them to bed. over and over again until they stay. They will stay. A quick swatt on the butt is just giving the child the attention he was trying to get in the first place.

If my children weren't ready for a toddler bed, and my Mil did that, I would have set the crib back up immediately after finding out about the switch.

It sounds like your daughter has a hard time parenting around her MIL and her other inlaws. Tell her about the wonder of 'guilt free parenting' those children are hers, and she has the last word when it comes to making decisions about them. She is thier mother and knows their needs before they even ask. She just needs to trust herself. Her boys NEED to know that mom is strong and will protect them, set boundries for them and keep them safe from confusion, & harm. MIL's role should only be to enjoy her grandchildren. She should be told to divert all discipline matters to mom and dad and/or the methods should be discussed and agreed upon ahead of time.
anyway - god bless and good luck.

Set the cribs back up! It was totally out of line for the mother-in-law to take things into her own hands and take the cribs down in the first place. I see no problem with setting the cribs up and putting the little mesh tents up over them so the boys can't get out and do harm to themselves. Give it a few months, then start the process of changing to a bed. As far as a quick swat to the butt, I don't have a clue as to how that will teach the boys anything. They are far too young to understand the ramifications of their actions. Shame on the mother-in-law for causing all this mayhem. I feel for your daughter.

if he's climbing out, the mil was right to do that (although she should have discussed it with mom and dad first and let THEM do it).. anyway.. Supernanny 's approach. just keep walking them back to bed if they get out over and over.. if they destroy stuff in the room, then get rid of the stuff for a while.. secure the bureau's to the wall and put a gate up in the door. good luck

I can only imagine what it is like with 2.....I had alot of problems with transition from crib to bed but I resorted to tv. I am ashmaned to admit it but it worked for me. "Get out of bed tv goes off" Give them 1 hour to unwind with a movie and do the "5 more minutes" countedown to prepare them...hopefully if all works well they'll be calm enough to go to sleep and too tired to get up. I know alot of parents are against the tv in the room but if you set limits you can control it. I personally think it is worth it ..If I can avoid unnecessary tension between me and my kids (and me and my husband) it is worth it.

1 2 3 magic is a great discipline method go to the library and suggest reading that. it sounds like the boundraries in the house may need to be re established. hitting or swatting never really works..... they are twins and two that is tough. good luck K. mother of 4 13 11 8 and 1 K.

Hi R.,

I am a divorced single mother of twin four year old boys. My twins were in their cribs until they were three years old and then I changed the cribs to toddler beds. Many of my friends that had twins also kept them in the cribs till three or longer. I would absolutely put the cribs back up! The children will be much safer and your daughter will be sure to get more sleep since she won’t be constantly putting the twins back to bed. It takes a lot more effort to climb out of the crib (BTW – there are screens to go over the crib to stop climbing out) than the toddler bed. I also find it hard to believe that any role playing to teach them to stay in bed would work. Maybe her kids get it but I don’t’ think mine would have understood at that age. I also do not in anyway think spanking would work. Time out and redirection works with most children. She should discuss this with her pediatrician. She will be teaching her children to hit which will be a big issue once they go to school. I have seen kids kicked out of daycare for that behavior. I have had great success with reward posters. I did a bid chart with both boys’ names on them and I would give them BIG stickers to put in their box each morning for staying in bed all night. After they had like three stickers they could pick a reward out of a basket – simple inexpensive items age appropriate i.e., race cars, crayons, stickers etc. It was successful and fun. Good luck! Also, if she hasn’t already done so she might want to join and online group for twins – very helpful. (BTW - I am also a twin so I have been on both sides)

The MIL was way out of line taking this step without your daughter's involvement. Your daughter can consider reassembling the cribs - don't know why she is stuck with it the way it is. HOwever, the kids are in extreme danger if they are climbing on bureaus - particularly if they can open the drawers and use them as steps to work their way to the top. The bureau can tip over easily and many children have been hospitalized or even killed because of this. Your daughter must immediately purchase braces made for this purpose, and bolt the bureaus and bookshelves, anything else, to the walls.

Two year olds don't always do as they are told. Neither do three year olds or 7 year olds or 18 year olds. They have to be safe while they explore and do what kids do.

If your daughter has employed the "modeling" technique to show behavior, she might want to stop the "swat on the butt" method of discipline because the kids will "model" that. Once they think it's acceptable to hit under any circumstances, they will start whacking each other, other kids, and their parents.

Her husband needs to sit hit mother down and tell her to stop parenting those kids instead of him and your daughter. This situation is not going to get better if his mother is empowered to step in just because they live in her house. Otherwise, put the baby monitor in HER bedroom and let her get up when they awaken.

The other posters have listed some great books and techniques. Whatever your daughter decides, it needs to be something she can do consistently.

Good luck.

Hi R.,

It is unfortunate when in-laws have no boundaries. I don't think it is impossible to go back to cribs if your daughter thinks the boys will stay there. If she is willing to ride this out though, I am a firm believer in divide and conquer. I have two little girls who are 21 months apart in age. Together they can be a formidable force. When I am burned out I just keep them in separate rooms. A little alone time can be good for the boys and work wonders for peace in the home.

If momma ain't happy...ain't nobody happy!

Best Wishes!
J. L>

My daughter's dad had faternal twin boys. When they were that age you couldn't tie the oldest one down. He would sit in his highchair to eat and would rock so hard he had the chair scooted accross the living room floor. He was sliding out between the crib bars or climbing out constantly. A baby gate should have helped but he had taught his twin how to climb over that as well. He never really grew out of it and we later found out that he has ADHD. Not sure if there is any thing you can do but to keep an eye on him when possible. Give him toys that are interactive (noisey, blinking lights, etc.). It did help for us but it may not work for her. Also a bean bag chair or a small arobic trampoline has worked as well. He liked to jump off of the top bunk alot. Let me know.