Stay in House or Move.....

Based on your prior questions, particularly the last one, I think you need to get away from your husband asap. He is manipulative and abusive, he pressures you sexually, and he has bizarre ideas of what your "wifely duties" are. By refusing to leave until he has a piece of paper that says he has to, he keeps you in the same house with him. If a "piece of paper" came, what makes you think he would obey it?

Your attorney says you won't risk losing any stake in the house if you take the kids and leave. But you want to stay because they are next door to your husband's brother and his kids? If the kids are close, they can continue to see each other. Even if your husband isn't talking to that brother, it's hard to know what will happen if you separate and divorce. Sometimes people feel they need to take sides in a divorce, and there's no guarantee that the brother will choose you over your husband.

Take the essentials - your jewelry, any valuables, any sentimental things that your think your husband might destroy (kids' baby pictures, their special drawings, your family photographs, any heirlooms from your family's side, anything comforting to the kids like their special toys or stuffed animals). Take at least 50% of the money in the bank and get things out of the safety deposit box, and open an account in your own name. Use a post office box for bank statements and other communications from financial companies and your lawyer. Stay with a friend, in a short-term rental, or in an extended stay residence hotel while you look for something else.

You are staying next to cousins for your children's sake. But what your children need most of all is a healthy, stable mother and the knowledge that she is strong and will protect them from an erratic, abusive father. Don't let them grow up watching you be a doormat, and with a man who is likely to get even more angry as he loses control over his wife.

On airplanes, the safety instructions tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then take care of your children. That applies in the rest of life as well.

This seems like a no-brainer if he's saying he won't move...then you move. If you proceed with the divorce, your kids will see their cousins during their dads parenting time. Good luck.

If he won't go, I would.

Are you ready to move on and put him behind you?
Then you need a place of your own where you can raise your kids in peace and eventually bring home a boyfriend.
This would be too hard to do if you stay put.

Good Lord B. move out! They can still see their cousins when they visit their dad. I'm going through a divorce now and I can tell you the LAST place I would want to be is in the family house, too depressing. It's so much better to get a fresh new start, not only for you but your kids!!!

The lawyer is not worried about your emotional well being, let alone that of your kids. If you're in a toxic situation, GET OUT. Don't think you can't, don't think "it'll be easier if I stay". Bullsh**. GET OUT.

I say this coming from a situation where my ex was extremely toxic - and I remember begging him to leave more than once because it was "easier". I had our son, I had the full time job, it made sense for me to stay and for him to go. But he wouldn't, and in the end I did and it worked out. It didn't seem like the "easier" way to do it, in fact it seemed quite difficult and inconvenient - but it was the RIGHT thing to do.

When it comes to the point that you and your child's safety (physical and/or emotional) is at stake, then you will know that something like who goes and who stays doesn't matter. When it gets to that point it finally wont matter if he won't go -YOU WILL.

Put aside your feelings of "what's easiest", and look at the situation with honesty. What is the RIGHT thing to do? For you? For your kids? (What's more important, you and your kids safety and emotional health, or them being able to visit cousins?) And then do it. I don't know if you are a spiritual/religious person but I sure became a whole lot more once I made that decision. God makes all things possible. If it's the right thing to do, it will work out in the end. It may not be easy, but what is ever worth having that came easy?

Would I want to live in a house next to my ex's family? So they can tell him what I'm doing and who is coming over? No way! Strange things happen in families when there is a divorce.

Listen to your attorney. If he doesn't think you moving out of the house is an issue, then I would move out with the kids.

So that he can demand more BJ's from you? Okay, for those of you who I woke up with this first sentence, you have to go read her last question in order to know what she's talking about, because she didn't give any back story to help you out.

Go by what your lawyer says. You and the children need to be away from him. I don't know if your lawyer can get a judge to get him to leave, but if not, go ahead and separate from him. You don't want these children to continue to witness his behavior.

If your lawyer is saying the house is not an asset to fight over then get out. My ex's family pretty much hates him but they still stood behind him during the divorce.

Sounds like you have to go since he refuses.

Best of luck!

So is the lawyer saying that the home isn't an asset? Typically people want to stay in the house to retain ownership of the house. Is the lawyer suggesting that you and your STBX sell the home and split the profits (if any)? I've heard that happening, too. If you think that his brother will be more of a hindrance to your life than an asset, then move for a clean break.

ETA: If you or the kids are in any danger, as indicated in someone's answer above, leave. Call a shelter. Safety is more important than possessions and the kids can still be close to their cousins if you facilitate that relationship and if the BIL is willing to put the kids ahead of his brother.

If he's next door to HIS family why in the world would YOU want them right there? Let him live near his family and go find a new place. Unless you're going to demand the house be sold and the profits equally split up there isn't any need to fight over it.

You do need to look out for your interests but he has some too. I wouldn't want anyone living near me that would be reporting back to him as to what I was doing.

With what you have written here....I'd move because it sounds like it's toxic.

Better for the health/well being of you & your kids.

You can always have your kids see their cousins.

Like another poster said....be sure to take all of your valuables (pictures of the kids, important paperwork, legal documents, birth certifs for the kids etc.).

I'd move into a temp situation like an extended stay like another poster
suggested until you can find a proper rental.

You say it would be easier to move. The real question is that it sounds like it would be healthier to move....period.

Your huband isn't going to move so you go with the kids.

Be safe & always be prepared. Wishing you the best.

Think down the road to when/if you move on and your ex-inlaws are still living next door. Time for a clean break so you and your children can start moving forward.

i'm confused by your lawyer's advice. how would moving NOT make a big difference? i'm thinking it would make a WORLD of difference. very weird.
if your husband won't move out, i'm not sure what staying would gain you. it's nice to have people you like living next door, but surely that's not THAT high on your priority list right now, is it?
i really don't understand what's motivating you to stay.
khairete
S.