Divorce Advise Needed ASAP! Please...

Gather records of all financials that you can. Call three lawyers in the morning, take advantage of any first free consultations, and pick one that you think you can work with.

It is likely that you will need to complete the divorce in IL as you have not yet moved, but a lawyer will know that. And why would you move, now? Let him leave! Contact women's shelters for a place to live, if necessary. Then look for a rental and a jobs. A shelter could direct you to help in those areas, too.

And next time, call the police immediately. Don't keep giving him one more chance.

GET AN ATTORNEY YESTERDAY. An attorney can get emergency injunctions so he can't TOUCH any of the money. ANY of it. While you guys get all this figured out. That's first off.

Second ... unless you have family in the Jersey area ... why would you want to go there with him? He's verbally abusive ... He's PHYSICALLY ABUSIVE TO YOUR CHILDREN ... and he doesn't want you there. That's a big clue to stay where you are or go where your family/support system is. Your kids would probably rather stay where they are.

And while the timing sucks ... a lot can be done in a short amount of time. Get on it .... NOW.

You sound as if you are really freaking out. You need to calm down and breath deeply. And make an appt. to consult with an attorney. That meeting will help you calm down and give you a sense of control. Please call one today. I have a referral for a great divorce attorney in Highland Park if you need it. I, too, have had a turbulent relationship and often consider divorce and have experienced that feeling of calm when making the decision to divorce. (I have not yet followed through with divorce) Do not get a job right now. Too much going on and if you are earning money that will impact alimony (which you are entitled too, since yours is a long term marriage). You currently live in Illinois so you want to get an attorney here. You are also entitled to 50% of his retirement money. He will not get custody so don't worry about that. I know it's hard to deal with this kind of change (divorce) when you already have change happening (the move). Your options are move to NJ and move into the new house with the assumption that you will bide your time and divorce when you are ready. Or you can get a rental in Chicago and pursue a divorce. And, if you are concerned about access to money being cut off, think about opening a checking account in your name only and moving some money into it. It's a lot to figure out but try to focus on the logistics of making sure that your family is safe. Is your husband a drinker or just angry? Re: transferring money into your own name...if you can walk into a bank and cash a check for cash from your account then yes you can take the money. However, it might escalate your husband's anger so you have to be careful. Call an attorney today. Good-luck and know that many of us have been there and understand your panic.

Retain a divorce lawyer in IL asap. As long as the accounts are joint, you can and should withdraw some money ASAP before he has a chace to. Make copies of all the bank records you can get ahold of, and mail or give them to someone you can trust. THEN GET OUT. ONCE HE FINDS OUT YOU TRANSFERED OR WITHDREW MONEY THERE IS NO TELLING WHAT HE WILL DO.

YOU SHOULD NOT GO TO NJ WITH THIS NUT JOB. NOR SHOULD YOUR CHILDREN. Find a shelter for abused women and children ASAP and they can help you with your escape plan. You need to get out now. The lawyer will go after him for the alimony he will need to pay you to support the kids and yourself.

ETA - Don't assume that just because you don't have a job you can't get custody. You have had a job - being a SAHM mom - so he can pursue his international travels while you raise the kids. That is why there is a such thing as alimony. I have a friend who has always been a SAHM, even after she divorced her jet-setting husband. He pays her a lot of alimony now. Court recoginized he wouldn't have the job he has if she hadn't been there to hold the household and children together.

Consult with an attorney where you are now. The attorney will be able to help you with answers to all of your questions as well as tell you how to carry thru with action. What you need to do now, is get started with the separation. Worry about where to actually file for divorce later.

If your name is on a bank account you can move all of it to an account in your name if you do so before he moves the money. I would move only half of it, to be fair to him. Know that once he knows you've moved the money he's going to be even angrier.

People with anger issues are frequently able to control themselves so as to not hurt someone else but once their anger reaches a certain point they will flip and be violent. I'm a retired police officer and have seen this happen over and over. So, don't be so sure he won't hurt you or the children. I'm assuming you're still sharing the same house.

I would consider moving to a shelter until you move to the new city. The shelter will have people who can help you manage this situation. Another option is to get a restraining order. You have at least one incident during which he was physically violent.

I suggest you gather up all of your important papers, put them in a container and give them to a friend to keep for you. Or put them in a safety deposit box. Any valuables that you're concerned about can also be put with a friend for safe keeping. Or you could move things to a storage unit if it's to be awhile before the moving van arrives.

The counselor with whom you've been working could probably help you sort this out too.

Contact an attorney first thing in the morning where you are in IL, where you have residence established. Ask all your questions and set things in motion, that way your husband won't have the upper hand.

As far as transferring money, from my experience working in a bank for years, whomever gets to it first can transfer it, funds can be transferred from account to account online without the bank being open. That being said there's not a hard and fast amount to advise you to transfer, Illinois is an equitable distribution state, meaning that marital property shall be divided equitably, not necessarily equally. For purposes of distribution of property, all property acquired by either spouse after the marriage and before a judgment of dissolution of marriage is presumed to be marital property, regardless of whether title is held individually or by the spouses in some form of co-ownership such as joint tenancy, tenancy in common, tenancy by the entirety, or community property. Marital property shall be divided, without regard to marital misconduct, considering all relevant factors.
Found this here:
http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/usstatedivorcelaws/a/i...

Best wishes to you and your children.

Call an attorney NOW. Get some advice about the accounts. Keep copies of all paperwork pertaining to any money, real estate, etc etc. You need to know where the money is so you can get your half. In Wisconsin you can move half of any money in joint accounts to an account in your name only.

After talking to an attorney start looking for rentals and look for a job. Call your former employer and ask if you can get the old job back. Explain what happened and you will not be moving.

He will likely get full custody until you are working and making enough to support your kids and yourself without any assistance programs. That is happening more and more and more.

You will be ordered to pay child support and ordered to pay spousal support, which is just mean on the judges part in my mind.

I think you need to get a job right now. It sounds like your kids are old enough to be in school or child care so you have no valid reason to not work a full time job. There is no reason a SAHM should not work if she wants to.

You have to start thinking about your kids and yourself.

If your kids are teens then they will be allowed to choose who they live with. If dad is fun and not into rules they will pick him. That's just going to happen. If he's really this mean and they blame him they will have to testify to that in court, in front of dad. They should start writing down every altercation they see or are part of. That will give them credibility in the eyes of the judge.

Get to an attorney's office today and talk to them about the off short accounts and the property. You will need to be very pro-active. Once he decides to do a divorce you will find all the paper work that refers to any and all accounts will suddenly be gone from it's filing place, it will be empty. There will be no records for you to say there is money so that money will be gone.

My friend that just went through a divorce a year or so ago accidentally found her hubby's stash place for all the money records. She also hacked into his computer and found tons of extra credit cards in his name and stashed money all sorts of places. She didn't get much of it in her final settlement. He made over $100K per year and had retirement with his employer where they matched his savings up to a point. He had tons of money in that account.

BUT because she didn't work outside of the home and financially contribute to those accounts the judge decreed that it was "HIS" money and not part of the family assets! Seriously! I read the decree on the online court records for my county. I was totally shocked, she got $30,000 settlement. Since that's not considered to be a stable income HE GOT FULL CUSTODY of the kids and she had to pay a chunk of that money back to him for past due child support.

This country is seriously getting messed up.