Stay at Home Mom Advice - Portland,OR

We have all been there, and fall back there from time to time! At one point I even had to get a part time job for a few months to get my sanity back (after 5 years of being a stay at home). For the most part the most important thing is to not be at home all day. Find things to do, play groups, a zoo, the library, anything to get out of the house and give you a reason to get dressed and face the world!

Enroll her in a Co-op preschool. Develop a hobby you can do while she is little. (I made bread, sewed clothes, took up gardening, took art classes at a community college) Develop friends with children her age. Find things that interest you that you can take her to--museums, art fairs, train rides, things like that.

If you really want to work part time do it and don't feel guilty about it. Lots of women do it. You could work from home?

I know exactly how you feel. I left a medical sales career to be a SAHM with my son when he was born, and stayed home with him for 18 months. I was ready to tear my hair out! I would find myself stalking other moms in the supermarket on an almost daily basis, just to find someone to talk to for 30 seconds.

I found a good balance by going back to work 3 days per week. I did that for a year before switching back to full time med sales. Those 3 days were just perfect...I was still able to spend the majority of my time being mommy, but I had adult interaction and intillectual stimulation when I really needed it.

Hello A.,

You didn't mention how old your daughter is. I have a very similar story to your, work since 16, left a very successful job to be a stay at home mom. At first it was tough for me. I'd be breast feeding, thinking about all house work I wanted to get done. During one of those moments - it hit me, she will not be breast feeding forever, she will NOT be little forever. And sure enough 7 years later, she is a walking, talking, growing little girl.

In my limited 7 year experience of being a stay at home mom, the first years were the hardest. I didn't know any other moms in my area, I was not used to not being a money earning individual. I think that was the hardest part for me, not earning money. I am not a big spender, but I enjoyed contributing to the family expenses. That was my first hurdle to get over, it was okay to spend money wisely even though I wasn't earning it.

My second hurdler was figuring out ways to be with other moms. I researched mommy groups. At the time I was in CA and I found the best parenting classes ever. Look for these through local hospitals or state agency if you can - parenting classes. They not only got me out and about with my daughter, I was inspired to be a better parent because of the information I learned. Some of the best advice I got in those early years I received through those parenting classes. Highly recommend you search some out if you can.

When preschool time came, I enrolled my daughter in a mommy and me class. I wanted to be with her, but at the same time, she was needing the social avenue that she would require later in school. These classes were through the local recreation center. There were art classes, mommy and me classes, exercise with mommy classes. Lots of movement time for my growing girl.

This was followed by actual school - preschool and then grade school. My daughter is now in her 3rd year of school and I find myself volunteering for PTA stuff left and right. It is my new job. It keeps my mind going, it keeps my days full AND it not only benefits hundreds of children, it can eventually - if I'd like it to, go on my future resume. PTA was created for moms like me, I want to be involved in my child's education, I was to keep my own brain busy and I want flexibility so that I can be there when my child needs me most.

A last little tidbit on this much too long post - I took the opportunities with my daughter to introduce her to things that I LOVED as a kid. Instead of heading to the park each time I needed out, I'd drove to a stable and we'd walk the isle looking and petting the horses. I'd pull over to the side of the road and we'd go pick wild flowers. I even pulled over to a massive series of mud puddles and let her go to town in them - I was seemingly prepared with towels and a fresh set of clothes. I took my daughter to dog shows (agility to be specific) and today she joins me in my favorite hobby - my old profession - dog training - we attend and compete in dog agility shows together - which has been one of the more rewarding hobbies I've ever had.

Most important realize that today my be the last day your breast feed, the last day you change her diaper, the last day you help her out of bed. Today my be the last day you make her lunch or pick her up. She is going to grow, change and become her own special person. Reach out to help yourself grow and change too.

Positively,
M.

You can always go back to work! Some of us do because we have to and some because we want to! I was home for 4 years, and it was time for me to go back. You could even find something part time or put her in a Mother's Morning Out preschool for a few half days a week or something. Just like anything else -the time you spend with your daughter should be measured in quality over quantity.

When I was at home, we did something almost every day -the pool, the Y, children's museum, zoo, aquarium, botanical gardens, art museum, parks and playgrounds, jumpy house places, playdates, etc. That, and a half-day preschool several times a week kept me sane.

You can find play groups, moms' groups in your area by going to
www.meetup.com and typing in your zip code then what you're looking for..

also MOPS.. mothers of preschoolers is a great organization that is Christian based.. www.mops.org to find a local group

www.productiveparenting.com has ideas for activities for ages 1 to 4.. sign up is free and then you have access to all the ideas, games, etc.

good luck!!

Find a hobby you can do with your little girl. Music, art, needlework, beading - making jewelry. Walking together. Riding bikes. Dancing to music. Share your interests with your child. In the summers I take my daughters swimming almost every day. Most pools now have life jackets you can borrow for your child if they can't swim. I used to take them swimming every day in the winter as well before I developed a chlorine intolerance.

Have her help you in cooking! you didn't say how old your little girl was. Go to the library with her! Teach her math, letters. There is a lot of opportunity here!

I've been a working mom for a long time, and my parents didn't really spend time with me, so when I had my daughters I had to find stuff to do with them. I hadn't had any examples growing up, so I became creative. I also purchased a book that talks about activities to do with your child, and how to teach them different things!

Remember, she is learning, and there is SO much you can teach her! There are books about what to do with children in your area. Zoos, Museums, you name it. Portland has a great rose Garden! Start the morning with morning prayers, and end with evening prayers. This should really be a fun time for you! Sports to try that maybe you hadn't done in the past.

Join a MOPS group.

Breaks. You need breaks. We need breaks even from the activities and people we adore. Right now you work 24 hours a day. And you need breaks.

Since your husband's schedule is tough (and so is my husband's), is there a way to find more moms like you right in your neighborhood? Finding some with other babies your own child's age can let you at least have "play dates," which are as much from the moms as they are for the kids. Once you find a mom or two who seems to parent like you do, who shares your values and parenting style, offer to swap time. You'll watch her little one(s) for a few hours, then she'll watch yours. It's free, the kids get to see other kids, and you get time to yourself and time with other nice moms.

I would also suggest dipping back into a few of your old hobbies. Find something fun to do that you can do at home. That way you can give yourself a mental break a few times a day.

I too am a stay at home mom after working for years!! my husband is a truck driver so some days he doesnt even make it home and if he does he has exactly 10 hours until he has to go back to work so he says good night to our daughter and goes to bed. Honestly, find things you can do outside of the house, My daughter and i go to the lake (luckily its part of our apartment complex) I let her crawl around in the grass, we play on the playground and we watch the ducks. its so nice to have that little bit of fresh air and adult interaction. We have also started going to story time at the public library which is free so we go about 2 times a week. You could try joining a mommy and me group, here we have gymboree which is a kids play group. theres also monkey joes and so many other possibilities. Its tough and ive heard millions of people say "youre so lucky to stay at home all day and not work... you have no idea how good you have it" obviously none of them have ever been a stay at home mom, its a lot of work and staring at the same 4 walls all day gets old really fast. Just know that you arnt alone, im sure all of us feel the same.

When I first got to stay at home with my son, it was difficult. I, too, also had planned to stay at home one day, but it was certainly very difficult. My problem had been I was selfish. I'm not saying this is your problem, just letting you know mine. It took a bit for me to realize that I wanted kids so I better stop lamenting all the time they demand. I have four sons and for me the first year of each baby was so difficult because they needed me so much and it always throws off my schedule. By the fourth one, I was a little better at it, but still that first year was difficult.

Staying at home means trusting your husband to provide and that isn't always easy. Also, don't let anyone tell you that you don't have a job cause you stay at home. Your "job" is at home, raising your girl and that is one of the toughest jobs around.

Besides finding a group for your daughter and yourself, you need some me time. I was blessed with a friend who watched my children one day a week for 3 hours. It is alright to let her with a sitter every now and again. During my "ME" time, I cleaned up, read a little or just lazed around and watch a little uninterrupted tv. Whatever.

Also, you need to have a date night with your husband without your daughter. Maybe a family outing every now and again.

Once, I was going NUTS so I took my boys to McDonalds and let them play at the playground and I ate an Ice cream and met another mother and we hit it off and just started talking. Sometimes you just need to get out.

Hope that helps.

Don't feel guilty! Go back to work if you want to. Or put her in a mother's morning out a couple of days a week while you go to the gym or library. Or, get a part time job and work half a day.

If being home is making you crazy, then change your life! I think lots of mothers end up with depression and anxiety from staying home when it's against their nature. Being a "good Mom" is not synonymous with being a "stay at home Mom".

It will get SO much easier-I promise. I am taking that you have a baby-babies are HARD! I really struggled at first as well. But then my child got a little older and it became a ton of fun spending the day with him. Some advice:

Get out of the house! You will go stir crazy if you don't. I took my son everywhere from malls to parks to art galleries. There are even movie chains that have a Moms day during the week where they show a current movie (adult) if your child can nap through this maybe give it a try.

Meet some other moms. I joined Gymboree, Music Together, My Gym and playgroups. I did this just as much for my son to have fun as for me to meet people and to put some structure in my days. There are also organized groups like Mops that I hear great things about.

If you have the resources there is NOTHING wrong with taking a couple hours for yourself and leaving your child with a sitter. I never did this but looking back I really should have.

You DO NOT have to be playing with, enriching and overall just paying attention to your child the whole day long. Down time is important. Some moms sound like all they do all day is enrich and that their child never spends a moment in front of the TV. First of all I find that hard to believe and second of all-if true then more power to you. My kids have turned out just fine and yes, I admit it, I let them watch TV during the day.

It is tough when your husband gets home so late. I hated those days-I would be just totally exhausted and want to hand the babe off but then my husband also just put in a full day at the office. But somehow you get through it and that time really does fly. Again, it will be so much easier as your child begins to communicate with you. The very best times of my life were spent as a SAHM with my 2 little buddies. I thank God every day that I was fortunate enough to do that because they are in school now and really starting to get their own lives that do not include me nearly as much. And that time FLEW by so just try to enjoy it while you can. You will blink and they will be in school and then you will have time to re-examine whether or not you want to go back to work.

I am a full time working mom and it is very difficult HOWEVER, I think I would chose this life over being a stay at home mom. I give you so much credit - I'm sure it is not easy. You should not feel guilty at all. We all need a live of our own away from the kids. Can you get a part time job so you have something that is just yours? Or can you get some alone time when your husband comes home from work? Maybe sign up for an exercise class once or twice a week, just to get out. I'm sure you're a great mom!!! Good luck to you.

I am a stay at home mom also- find a play group in your area or a MOPS group(google them) and start a hobby that you can do at home with your daughter or with your daughter around. I paint and draw(when I can!) and I try to do crafts with the kids. When it was just me and our first- I read a lot! Everyone told me that when I had a baby I wouldn't have any time to read- well, I really had nothing else to do when he was asleep or nursing, so I read, read, read. Do a date night with your hubbie, and don't feel bad for handing him the baby when he gets home once a week and getting out for an hour or so. I also took up listening to talk radio!
Just don't put so much on your plate that you are constantly running around everywhere and get frazzled by that, but I know how it is to be home with a baby- or even older kids, and not have any one to talk to or anything to do- I get bored. Set some goals for yourself. Learn something new- I taught myself how to crochet and quilt and sew baby clothes. I don't do this all the time, but I know how to do it- It has given me something to feel proud of. Not that I'm not proud of my kids, but it's harder to take all the credit for every good thing they do!
Best of luck! Hang in there- it will get better!
~C.

You didn't say how old your daughter is. I stay home, with a very part time job for about 8 months after my fourth child was born. I hated it! I absolutely hated being completely dependent on my husband. This was my issue not his. I also enjoyed my working so I felt like a big part of my identity was gone. So I went back to work. Personally I think it's more important that your personality lines up with your choice to work or not. I think mothers who enjoy working and stay at home are just as miserable as those who must work and would rather be at home. The best situation is for those who want to work to work and those who want to stay home to stay home. If you are happy in your situation, it makes you a better mother.
My personal beliefs about sitters are I look for someone who cares about my kids. I think more adults in a child's life is a good thing. I know I learned different things from different adults at different points of my childhood. I don't buy into that parents are everything for their child. No one can be everything to another person. Maybe you want to start by having a few hours a week that you do something you like, maybe volunteer somewhere. Maybe you could find a part time job. These things may help you decide if staying at home is best for you and your family or not. Good luck!

You don't say how old your daughter is or how long you've been at home, but it is hard for the first year or so or at least it was for me. You have to fill your day with activities and learn to accept the fact that sometimes it's boring staying home as much as we sahm's do. When my oldest was a baby, we would go for walks everyday, storytime at the library, along with the grocery store and other errands I had to run. As your kids get older, you can do so much more with them. It is harder when they're babies. Befriend some other sahm's and get together once a week to talk and let your children play.

go on meetup.com and find a moms group in your area:) It has saved me with questions, activities and just getting out:) It can be nerve racking to venture out to the new world of moms and play groups but if you try one and its not the right group for you you will find one that is:) Or you can start one in your area:)

You are very lucky for sure - that's great!!! I don't know how old your little one is, but you can always do play dates with other moms to get you out of the house. Do you have family near by that can take her for a couple of hours so you can just go and be free? Can your husband take care of her after he gets home so you can go out for coffee with your girlfriends. I wouldn't feel guilty for wanting to go back to work or leaving her with a sitter because you are feeling a little bound and tied to your house with your mama and wifely duties. Sometimes you need to take a moment for yourself if you can. No guilt. No need for that.

I found myself in the same situation right after our first child was born. A friend suggested I join a Moms group on Meetup and it was one of the best things I did for myself. I was fortunate to find a great group of Moms to share time with and without them that first year would have been a much harder transition . It was fantastic for my daughter too.
Hope this helps.

I think you need to find a MOPS group. It stand for Mothers of Preschoolers. You get to meet other moms and talk about child rearing and your daughter will have childcare the whole time. Other ideas are going to the gym, joining a Bible study or just anywhere you can talk with other adults. Maybe even sign up for a continuing education class at a college. Most of them only meet once a week but it will give you something productive to do. I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom but always feel like I need to be a part of something besides my children.

I stayed at home, and now that my youngest is a Junior I just went back to work. Yay!

In hindsight, I think that once they aren't toddlers any more, it's a good thing to work part time, if being a SAM doesn't thrill you. Even if the work only pays for the daycare, it's worth it to have the adult time. I think 15-20 hours a week will still give you plenty of time with the kids.

Couple of thoughts: 1) find a MOPS or other group that you can join for some adult interaction; 2) if there is a church or something with Mom's day out- try that; 3) part time job or 4) there are many opportunities to work from home too.

I was home for 8 months with our first before going back to work part time and then full time at 2 years. I told my husband time for me to go back to work when I was cleaning the baseboards every week. Ha ha. I am now a WAHM (all kids in school) and I really enjoy it. I can have the adult interaction, do things with the kids when I need to be at the schools, have adult interaction, be my own boss and have flexible schedule, but also I am bringing in income to the household. Good luck with what you do. You will be fine.

i've been a stay at home mom with my little guy too. he's 3.5months now. it is very hard being cooped up all day with a little person who doesnt speak english just yet. ive found it helps to make playdates with mommy friends who have babies the same age, go see friends or relatives, take him for walks, basically just get the 2 of you out of the house as much as you can. the fresh air is great for both of you, plus you get to take advantage of the free vitamin d from the sun, and the exercise. i've even just laid a blanket on our lawn and laid outside with him under our shade trees. you gotta get creative and figure out what works for you and her. it's another process of elimination, unfortunately. but it's so worth it :D

You're right, you are fortunate to be able to stay home. I am home with my kids who are now 13 and 15 and you couldn't pay me to go back to work outside of the home. You're also right, it's not easy. In the beginning, I felt that it was tougher because I didn't have a network. I don't know how old your daughter is but have you tried getting into some playgroups? My family's very best friends came from one of our early on playgroups. Take her on trips to museums if she's a little older. Try to start making a schedule for yourself so that you've got things to do. I quickly became so busy I didn't know how I ever did work. Also, make sure you get exercise. If your daughter's young, throw her in the stroller every day so that you get a good walk in - it's tough pushing the stroller up the hills. If she's a little older, find a neighborhood teenager to watch her for an hour after school so that you can go for a walk by yourself. Do your food shopping at Wegman's so you can put her in baby sitting. My kids loved it in there. Try to get connected and have a schedule. If you still feel the need to work, see if you can find something part time to give yourself some time in the grown up world. This will all work out, you'll see.

All I wanted was to Stay at home and raise my Own Children...I was
totally shocked at all the scams on the Internet that were targeting
people like me.

I spent months looking, and did pay some "fees" to find out

about legitimate work from home. None of them were able to offer
anything more than a few surveys for pay, crafts to assemble, or
mystery shopping (all of which were nothing more than some spare
change...not an income).

I am very excited to now Own my own Home Business.

I am working at my own pace and I have met and Teamed up with some
Awesome Mothers and others...that have the same Goals as I DO!

I would love to share this opportunity with you. Just visit my
website, and I will contact you with the details.

Mom's go to www.BeHomeNow.biz

Look for women´s groups in your area, MOPS or similar. Just give them a try and if you don´t like the first one try another, they are not all the same. Also look for parenting classes, they are a great way to make play groups and meet other people for both you and baby. May sound silly but in the lonely world of stay at home mom they rally make a difference. Just knowing there is that ones a week get together with adults can be a life saver!

Good luck,
H

A., I feel like I was reading my mind! My husband also works late and we moved out of state so I have found it hard to make/find friends. I feel like sometimes I could pull my hair out. We are so lucky to be stay at home mommies! I am not sure how old your little girl is-I try to include my son in a mommy/baby date day. We walk around the mall, go grocery shopping, etc. If it is a job you want, then maybe you can get a part time job on the weekends doing retail or something. Or perhaps your husband can watch her once a month on a weekend day and you can do whatever!

Join the club! It isn't easy to be an SAHM - the sense of isolation is one of the most difficult features.

When you're a stay at home mom, it's not that you aren't working. You're working HARD! (You already know that.) It's the balance that's different. When you're in the working world, you may be with people all the time, and it's restful to get home and away from the headaches and the hassle. When you're at home, you need some of the same kind of balance.

Getting a sitter once in a while isn't reneging on your job! When my children were small, there was a "mothers' day out" program down the street, and they went there once a week. That gave me a chance to get some jobs done that went better without little people underfoot - or to do a day's worth of errands - and also to get out for lunch or window-shop for myself (or even stay home all day with my feet up)! Giving yourself a break helps you to be better at your job.

Make sure both you and your daughter get outside every day for fresh air, even if it's just a walk around the block. Work it into your daily plan and don't let the laundry or the cleaning shove it out of the picture. Another idea: I would grab my babies and we would make the obligatory trips to the grocery or the discount store first thing in the morning, when the stores weren't as busy. We'd make it a real adventure, and it did give us a change of environment. The library is another good place to go regularly. What else is near you? Do you have a church home? Take advantage of their programs for children and mothers (i.e., MOPS, etc.). I bet you can find other places good for mamas and daughters. When we came back from our away-from-home work, I felt refreshed and could tackle the jobs at home.

Balance, balance, balance! Plan your day around more than your to-do list. Make your day work for YOU. Can you imagine how pioneer women felt, out on the prairie or in the woods miles from neighbors and with no means of transportation most of the time? If they could raise families and make their homes productive and happy without going stir-crazy, mamas today can! End of lecture. :^)

i'm the same way, its all new to me., sometimes i rather be working. I've been working since i was 17 and worked up until i had my baby, 11 months ago. Anyway, I'm in a town where i know NOBODY, but luckily my gps system takes me wherever i want to go. twice or once a week i leave with my son and we go window shopping or to a book store, park, or the beach. that normally distracts me and on the weekends... its family time so we all go out together. I'm currently looking for mom groups for play dates though. I too am bored and so is my son, i just know it. But maybe you might want to google playdates in your area and see what kind of groups or clubs are out there for SAHM. good luck!!

Keep it in perspective u only have this very short time to bond and really make a strong foundation with your daughter. It will be o er so soon and u will miss this time. In the meantime join a moms club. Go on walks do art projects. Carve out time each day for yourself while she sleeps. Take an online course or take up cooking classes. Start going to women's Bible study midweek they have daycare.

Connect with other moms!! Meetup.com is a great resource for that. Depending how old your daughter is, see if there are classes through your local hospital or pediatrician.

There is no right or wrong decision here, whatever works for you and whatever makes you happy. Some moms are better moms when they get a break and some moms are better full time moms. I have been staying home for over 4 years with my daughter an I'm due any minute with my second child. If it's extremely important to you to work, you should try it pt and see what happens. Honeslty, I don't know how my friends do it all, working Ft and they tell me they don't know how I do it staying home. I will be honest, it was tough on the beginning being sleep deprived without any help and having exclusively breastfed baby every 30 minutes feedings day and night. Things do get better, but I was the happiest to stay home and that's what have made me to be the best mom I could be. I was very fortunate to stay home, because within a blink of an eye the grow up so fast and i knew i could never get the moment back.

Staying at home is not always the best thing for mom and a child. It depends on your lifestyle. I know amaing working moms, who need a break and to work. I also know stay at home moms who are not happy staying home and their kids don't get the best out of them.

Whatever decision you will make, it will be the best one for you. It's nice to have a choice....

Totally normal. I've been a stay-at-home mom for more than three years and I still get bored. I think the key is to get a routine and have a few things planned every week to do outside the house that involves other people. You can meet other moms at playgroups such as PEPs and find out if there are any good playgroups around you from some of your friends. There's always gymboree and little gym and places like that. Not sure if you have a local parenting magazine in Portland, but that's always a good place to look up stuff. Then maybe you can schedule a sitter and do something for yourself one of the days. Also, I take my kids to the gym to play while I workout when I can which gives me some peace of mind and some time to myself.

Hi A., I can totally relate. I've been working since I was pretty young as well and thought finally staying at home with my precious baby would be easy. As much as I love her, I realized I needed an outlet just for me so I went back to work 3 days per week. It's the perfect combination of "me" time and time with her where I can also be challenged a bit. Don't feel guilty - it's healthy for you to have outlets not including your baby to make you a more balanced and better mom. We did get lucky with a great local sitter who loves my child and vice versa - this is important so you feel comfortable while you are away. No one will take as good of care of her as her mom but you can come close! Good luck to you!

I have an idea- something that could potentially fill some of that void! What about working out of your home? It's easy, and I'm honestly,genuinely doing myself too! Selling something that people have to buy ALREADY...electricity, at a lower rate than most other competitors. I have 4 kids, 2 of which I stay home with(2 & 1)-- I was going crazy too. I am working from home, off my couch, whenever I want (or don't want) and it pretty much sells itself if you can just get 15 mins of the "customers" time to listen to you. If you're interested (so I don't seem to pushy) e-mail me @ ____@____.com and I would be ecstatic to fill you in on how you can stay sane, and (honestly) build a financial future for you & your husband, kids, & grandkids even. I look forward to hearing from you.

V. W.
###-###-####
____@____.com
P.S. You can call if you'd like, but seasonal allergies took my voice away for some reason- my voice goes in & out, LOL.

I'm so glad that you appreciate how forunate you are to be able to be home with your baby. While it's such a blessing to be able to be there for your child are craving adult interaction and the kind of satisfaction that you get from doing a good job at work. The feeling of satisfaction from parenting is often fleeting. You can never point to a "project" that's completed and say "well done" - because it's never done!
you need to take your child and get out of the house. If there's a YMCA near you try to connect there. Many lcoal church have Women's Bible Studies that are designed for moms of young kids - with nursery care. While I know that sounds dull you would be surprised to know the topics that are discussed in the studies - building strong marriages, dealing with inlaw probelms, dealing with family member's emotional / substance issues, etc.
Your local churches may also offer volunteer opportunities like visiting elderly shut-ins. You may find such a blessing from going to visit a little old lady with your baby in tow - and you'll certeainly be delivering a blessing to that senior citizen. Or call your local senior citizen center and see if there's any kind of volunteering you can do there. If you stop in with your baby you will be shocked at how many of the seniors will just flock to you.
You need to find an outlet for your adult socialization needs and there are so many ways that a mom and a young child can bring a blessing in to someone life.
BTW - there's nothing wrong with needing some time away from being a mom. It's a very demaning job that doesn't pay well in the short run. ;o) And at the end of the day if you really want to get back to a work situation working P/T may be an option - a saturday afternoon in a retail environment wouldn't be an awful thing would it? and your husband would get a daddy bonding opportunity.

I try to get out at least once a day. Whether to run errands or have a playdate or take the kids to a class at the rec. center. I find this helps all of us from getting so grouchy and bored.

The parks and rec in Pdx and surrounding area have great indoor play parks for our winter season (actually, all year). When it's nice go to a park and get some fresh air. Go for a walk with her in a stroller. Good luck to you.