Spacing of 3Rd Baby

Hi, I struggled with timing our third also. My first two were 15 months apart, and I agree that first year was a blur, a good blur, but definately not enough sleep! Now I am pregnant with our 3rd, due this fall and my boys will be 3.5 and 4.75 when he is born (3 boys) and I can tell it is going to be so much easier with this much spacing! We are still working with the 3 year old on potty training, he does great at school but more stubborn at home, but I'm hoping to have him out of daytime diapers in the next month or two.

We also contemplate a 4th, and I feel like if we do we should have the last one closer to the 3rd, but maybe not quite as close as the first two, lol. I'm not sure how old you are, I will be 34 a few weeks after #3 is born, but my doctor (a woman with 4 kids and I'm guessing 40ish) told me that as long as I am healthy that 35 isn't really a cutoff, that is just the age that the risk of having a baby with a problem is the same as the risk of a problem from having an amniocentesis.

I don't think there is any perfect answer here, but since your husband just started a new job and your kids are still pretty young I might give it another year. But then again, kids can change a lot in 9-10 months ... Good luck with whatever you decide :-)

We have 5 kids. The first four were born in just under 6 years. 1st and 2nd are 20 months apart, 2nd and 3rd are 20 months apart, 3rd and 4th are 2 1/2 years apart. Our latest addition came 7 years after our 4th. Looking back I can say the good things about having them so close was that I never got out of 'baby mode'. Transitioning from one to another as far as the crib, car seats, etc were smooth. We've only had 1 crib so the older ones were in the beds they have now (14, 12 and 10 year olds) by 18 months. They all pretty much have the same interests now and when they were younger. One's phase wasn't far behind or far ahead of another. We got all of the baby stuff done pretty quickly. Jump ahead 7 years to our latest addition...wow some of the stuff we missed because we were soooo busy with 4 little ones under age 6. We get the chance now to enjoy those 'little things' unlike our first time around. I can't believe some of the stuff I know I noticed but have since forgotten because of the craziness. That said...I wouldn't change a thing about my family. We made a concious decision to have our older kids that close...we were lucky we pretty much conceived when we planned.

My advice, try now for baby #3. If you're not successful and feel the best time for another baby is late spring, wait again until next summer. Our youngest was conceived around July 27, 2008 and was born on April 22, 2009. If you're looking for late spring try for August and September.

Best of luck to you!

Mine are almost 4, 2, 9 months and I am due on Oct with number 4!
I love it! I wouldn't want it any other way!! The way I look at it is, God will never give me anything I can't handle, so we (my husband and I) leave it in His hands. It can be very hard sometimes but they love eachother so much! They play so well togeather and they will always be best friends.
I am 1 of 7, we are 30, 29, 27, 25, 23, 21, and 19, I am SO glad! We all live in the same state and are best friends.

In my opinion...You can't compare our situations and circumstances with what you should do with your life.
I had 3 kids in less than 3 years...not by choice, but looking back I wouldn't have it any other way. It was a really hard first year. Definately a "blur". Now my kids play together so nicely and are best friends (and sometimes worst enemies!)
My point is...you don't have to be such a planner! If it happens it happens and was meant to be...no matter what happens you just can't control everything and every aspect of your and your childrens lives. There will always be reasons to and not to have a child at a certain time!

Edit* I'm just reading other peoples posts and wanted to add my two cents about potty training and sleeping! My kids potty trained so easily. My oldest was 2.2, my middle was 2.1 and my youngest wasn't even two yet when she pottytrained. It got easier with each kid because they saw the older sibling doing it... don't think that will be harder.
Sleeping was easier too! If you have the older children "setting the example" of how you want things done, they younger ones in my experience just follow suite. All 3 of my kids sleep through the night every night and they have been for the past two years and my youngest is only 2 1/2. I realize that this may not be the "norm" but like I said I just feel like you can't compare one families experience to another to help you decide if you should have another now or not!

My kids are 7, 5, and 3...the first two are 22 months apart and the second two are 23 months apart. There were definitely days when I wanted to pull my hair out! At one point we had three in diapers! The oldest was in pull-ups at night, the second was just a later potty trainer, and the youngest is potty trained as of this April. I dont think we slept for at least 4 years straight - and while we are getting to sleep more now, we are still parents and how well to we really sleep? And I think the whole sleep issue gets worse as they get older and start going out, driving, etc. There were days when I did not think we would survive it all, but I am so glad that our kids are closer in age. I tihnk 2 years is fairly "normal", but I'm so glad. They are the best of friends!!! I would never want to have waited any longer. I see friends do it, but their kids arent the good friends that mine are, and that is something that can't be replaced. So I'd say go for it now!!

Hi , I have 3 kids and they are all 2 1/2 yrs apart (eldest just turned 5 and middle was 2 1/2 when 3rd was born). They are now 7 , 4/12 & 2 , yes some days is hard , but for the most part it is fine , and if I am completely honest I found going from 2 to 3 easier than 1 to 2. When the youngest began to crawl and was getting into every little thing , I did find that stage hard work , but now she is a walker and confident on her feet and comes and goes up and down the stairs and out into the yard playing with the other 2 it is good. The 1 thing that I still struggle with is taking them all to a store with me , I do not enjoy that & would rather wait until my husband is home so I can pop out by myself.

I can't give you advice, because your life experience will be different than everyone else's. But I can give my experience like the rest of these mamas. My daughters' age differences are: 2 years, 2 months apart, 3 1/2 years apart, and I am due at the end of the month with #4, which will put the last two 2 1/2 years apart.

We wanted baby #2 and conceived the month we talked about it and decided we wanted to try. With baby #3 we had moved across country, away from family, and had an adjustment period. When we decided to try for #3 it took me 7 months, which threw me off! (And reminded me Who's really in charge!)

I love that my two older girls are only two years apart. They have a great relationship, play together well, and love each other - along with the normal sibling fights. And I also love that there is a bigger space before our third. It gave me time to breathe and mature as a mom, and both big sisters are so much help! They really love her and want to take good care of her, and even though I do my best not to make them parent her, it is so comforting and helpful to know that when I really need to ask them to watch her or take her potty or read to her, they can do it.

My bigger dilemma with timing was when we were debating about having a fourth. I wanted to stay in baby mode, and have a sibling as close to our third as the first two are with each other, but I also have loved the time and attention I was able to give to my first and third- and thus so many more memories, rather than a "blur" like some mamas speak of. I treasure these first two years and try to soak up every milestone, smile, and personality development. I honestly don't remember as much of those with my second daughter.

Blessings on your deliberations!

As long as you have enough attention, patience, love (and of course money to support) I am a fan of having them close together. My siblings that are close to me are super close even now, but my siblings that are further apart I am not as close with. I think it makes a huge difference. Also, I never wanted to have one kid getting out of a stage (say grade school) and having another entering that stage. If they overlap a little they will ahve more in common and it will be easier on you to have kids with similar needs.

I currently have 3 with # 4 coming in October. I can honestly say life was much easier with 2 (who are 4 yrs apart) BUT I wouldn't change having my 3rd child for the world. I literally cried almost day and night when I was pregnant with him, see I get pregnant VERY easily and missed a few B/C pills which ended up in his pregnancy so he wasn't exaclty planned but now that he's here, I couldn't imagine life any other way.

My second and third are only 2 yrs apart and my 3rd and 4th will be 2 1/2 yrs apart. It is harder on mom and dad I think the first few years having them so close but it's great on them growing up together since they'll be able to play and relate to each other more. Even though it was easier having my first and second 4 yrs apart, they're not close in any way and fight constantly. She's 9 and he's almost 5 but she treats him like he's 9 and doesn't understand that he's still so much younger than her and can't do the same things she can.

This current pregnancy was also not planned and even though I'm not crying night and day about her coming, I am still very stressed about being responsible of 4. Our life changed a lot with our third being born but he is the biggest mamas boy and makes all of us laugh every day so I'm sure you've heard this before but theres a saying that says once the child is here, you'll never regret having him/her but you may always regret not having another.

I also think your "thinking" too far ahead of things and worrying too much about a baby that hasn't been conceived yet. I have to say that things always just work out when you have children and if you and your husband are both wanting more kids and can provide a safe loving nurturing home, then that's all that baby needs. Don't worry about all that other stuff now, it will only make you more scared to ever have another one. Just go with the flow and if you decide to start trying, then try and don't look back, I promise you, you'll be so thankful for a 3rd little miracle once they're here.

Good luck and take care.

I only have two and don't plan on any more, but wanted to address the age issue, yours not theirs.

I didn't start the whole baby process until I was in my 40's and I have 2 very healthy kids. Getting pregnant was easy, pregnancy was easy, and giving birth was easy. With the second way too easy (1.5 hrs total time).

Since you have already given birth twice, possibly third and thinking about a 4th if that arises, you most likely won't have any difficulties. Just don't let the doctors talk you into all of the genetic testing. You know when things are right and you don't need all of the extra worry waiting for test results that can often be false positive. Try not to let your age determine if you want another child. If you really want one, do it.

Be ready for the 3 yr old to regress if you do get him potty trained and baby comes along. It happens all of the time.

My two cents, I like kids a little closer in age. I was 4 yrs younger and I always felt left out. My brother and sister were only a year apart.

I have a 2, 5 and 6 year old. My first two are 13 mos apart and then there is 3 years and 2 mos in between my second and third. Your first concern on the "3 years apart" list is what I constantly worry about with mine and I WISH so much that I would have had her to be closer to my second. If I were you I would go with the closer spacing... it may be more hectic for the first few years but after that I think it will be way better. There are a few perks to having older ones when you are dealing with an infant or newborn but like I said, those things are temporary. Good luck and happy trying! :)

Oh goodness, I would say to wait as I have with two so young and a lot on your plate. I have an 8, 6 and 1 year old. I didn't wait long after the first as I desperately wanted a second, and then it was hell, for me as my son, then 2 was developmentally delayed and functioning at a one year old level and I had a baby, and was also working. I was going out of my mind and said to my hubby, never again will it be that close. I'll wait awhile for the third and I'm soooo glad I did. Now, my older are in school so when the baby came along a year ago, my younger, then 5 started Kindergarten and my older, 7 was in second grade and it was pure bliss to be at home, not working this year, and enjoy my new baby, my third without having the older two to worry about until they came home from school and are fairly independent with homework, etc. They are wonderful and loving, helpful with their baby brother and yes, I've also thought about the age difference, 5 years to the youngest of the two, 7 to the older and was thinking I should have one more for him, but I don't think I have enough energy for another one and besides I'm almost 40. I personally am 5 years older than my brother and we're very close. So, in my humble opinion, I would say, WAIT if you want to keep your sanity unless you have a TON of help, full-time, and from your mother, and hubby, but even then it'll be tough for a few years. But ultimately, it depends on your energy level and what you feel you can cope with.

The baby, my one year old boy, shares a room with my daughter since they're both heavy sleepers. Since I wanted to be able to move his crib around, I didn't put in the regularly sized big crib which couldn't be moved once set up. I went on-line and bought a smaller crib, 2/3rds the size of a regular one, so definiltey big enough for any baby, but is small enough to fit through the door which we did until we could figure out which room he was going to be in. Anyway, it works great and they are happy in the same room- sleeping perfectly at night.

No matter how far apart your children are spaced, there are going to be challenges. There is no perfect situation, but you'll figure out a way to make it work for your family. We didn't have a choice in the spacing of our first kids, since they're twins. :) But, we're hoping to add baby #3 when they're between 2-3 years of age.

I have three children and they are spaced ten years apart. After the first one was born, I really wanted the next one to be two years younger. That did not happen because I had a hard time getting pregnant the second time. He is three and a half years younger. Our next child was born six years later. I am 41.

I would not stress so much over their spacing. My kids do play with each other and they are able to help me and one another. I actually find that taking the older kids to school is great with my third. It provides a little structure to the day and she loves the other mothers and kids giving her attention. She actually squeals in delight when I put her in her stroller and push her onto the school grounds.

Good luck..enjoy your family in whatever timing they are given to you.

My forst two are 13 months apart, my second and third are about 3 1/2 years apart, and my third and fourth are 4 years apart.

I had the first two too close together and needed a break. I am sure glad I waited. And strangely that doesn't stop two and three from playing together just fine. Number four is only 5 months, so we will see how the spacing works, but the fact is my oldest two go to school, and so I am totoally able to get out and do things with a pre-schooler, and a baby. I LOVE the longer length between the last three, and since they are all boys, it helps to keep things a tiny bit calmer!
Oh and none of mine took naps after 3, or potty trained before 3, especially the boys!

Hi. I have a three and a half year old and one year old twins - all boys. I was also afraid of my oldest feeling left out. I've read that the sibling of twins might start asking about how Daddy has Mommy and the babies have each other, but who does he have? While he did mention the other day that it's not fair that he has to sleep alone (oh dear, it's starting!), I'm really going to downplay it, as I am definitely NOT going to have anymore children! I love all my boys, but a fourth might just send me over the edge! :-)
I think it will be interesting to see how the dynamics play out later on. Both boys love being with their older brother at the moment and their older brother likes to find a place to play quietly where the babies can't get his toys. It's great, because he was never very good at independent play, so this has taught him to play alone, oddly. It might be that or an age thing, who knows? In any case, I think it's good that the genders of your children are different. When I was pregnant with the twins I thought a lot about our oldest being the odd man out and hoped that the twins would either be two girls or one of each to better the dynamics between the children. Didn't happen, but now we're here and we will work hard to make sure our oldest doesn't feel left out for sure. And in fact, it's not nearly as bad as I thought because I did ask him if he wanted to sleep with his brothers or in his own room at Grandma and Grandpa's house and even though he knew his brothers would be sleeping in with his daddy and me, he still chose to be on his own.
To address your concerns about having three under 4, well, I'm in the thick of it. It isn't easy, but there are some advantages in that you get it all done and over with quickly! I know people who have waited five or more years between children and I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to do it that way. Once you leave the diapers/sleep deprivation stage, I think it's very difficult to go back. My challenges in having three this young, though, are definitely taking them anywhere on my own. It was fine when the babies were content to be in their stroller, but now that they want to be out and crawling around, well, it's gotten more difficult. For instance, I took them all to the park one day and unloaded everything, got a picnic blanket out, put the babies down on it and got some food out, etc., when my oldest ran over from the slide/swing area to inform me that he had to pee ... seconds after I'd just finished unloading everything! So I had to load the stroller all over again, kids and all, and take him to the toilets. He did the same thing leaving (he insists he doesn't have to go when I ask him) and fortunately we were parked beside some trees... I think that when the twins start walking, it might get harder again. I know I can use harnesses, but I'm not sure it's going to work out and if they're like my first (runners), then I won't be able to run in three directions at once, which greatly concerns me. Thus, look into hiring a babysitter if possible if you're going to have a third!
Breastfeeding the twins was also a challenge as if I was by myself, my oldest would look on and get so jealous of their time with me that he would proceed to draw on the walls, take things and make messes, etc., right in front of me and because I was tandem feeding, there was not a lot I could do. A box of toys for nursing time only was suggested, but nothing like that worked for me. I weaned them during the day, then, and only breastfed at night after they were three months old.
As for your age, you don't say how old you are, but I do find that people in the US tend to have children way earlier than we in Canada do. I was 35 when I got married and 41 when I had the twins. Sure I would have liked to have children earlier, but it didn't work out that way. So, if you're in your early 30s, I wouldn't worry about age. There are risks, yes, but honestly, even doctors are finding that women are more able for childbirth at an older age these days. So when they say 40 is the new 30, they mean it! ;-)
A wise friend once told me that you can never be ready for children and it's true ... whether it be your first or your fourth you can always make excuses for putting it off or you can dive right in head first. It just depends on what you really want in the end. Listen to your heart and envision what kind of family you see in the future... two, three, four.... Hope my ramblings help!

Our first two are 2 yrs apart in age and our third is three years younger then our second, We have Girl, Boy, Girl. I happen to love the age differences so far. My youngest is three months old (already wow!!) Our older two play great together and currently love their little sister and can't wait for her to get older. I don't think I could have handled a thirst if my boy (middle child) was just two years old and my daughter was 4 it would have been very tiring, but having my oldest pretty well self sufficient and three year old getting there it has been a breeze! Either way I think each family makes what they have work!

Oh and like an earlier poster 1 to 2 was HARD for me but 2-3 has been way easier!!

When I had my third my oldest were 4 and 2.5(they are 20 mos apart) so we were where you will be. It was really hard at first but the baby is now 1 and everything has settled down alot for us. I think that this was a really good age to add the third and now since my older two are both boys and the baby is a girl it works really well with her being a little farther apart than the boys were. They just take such great care of her and love her to peices. But when she was first born and through the winter i can remember thinking... one more year in between would have been smarter. But they will all be 2 years apart in school(due to birthdays) and that is really neat for us as well. Good Luck. Really there aren't many down sides either way in my opinion. You will either get the baby stage out of the way all at the same time or have two really good helpers...