Son Wont Sleep Alone

My son was the same way--
I am a single mother and he wanted to sleep with me in my bed.
He is now 6 yrs old and I broke him it by letting him fall to sleep next to me then taking him and putting him in his bed so that he was waking up in his bed.
Eventually I started trying to let him lay in his bed first and he started falling asleep in his own bed..

good luck..
J.

Hi, It sounds to me that he is used to you being around him everytime he sleeps. I have a ten month old and lately she has been doing the same thing everytime i put her in her crib and leave the room she starts crying..i hate to tell you this but you should let him cry it out. Eventually he will get used to the fact that he has to sleep in his crib. I read a book called healthy sleep habits happy child by dr. weissbluth. It is a lifesaver..i hope thats helpful. Goodluck!!!

When he screams at the top of his lungs, he knows that is what gets your there, so he keeps on doing it. It is up to you to break that pattern. If after all other methods have failed, let him cry it out. Make plans for everyone else to be sleeping somewhere else for a night or 2, and yes, let him cry it out. The first night is the worst, the second much better, and the 3rd should be all better. If you wait months later, it will be that much harder. Sometimes other methods work, sometimes they don't and this is the last resort. Your choices are having him be miserable for a night or two, or you miserable every night. Babies learn and adapt, and yours will also. If you don't, you will soon be suffering from real sleep deprivation that will affect every other area of your life and needs to be corrected.

There is a reason that it bothers us moms to hear our children cry - we are there to meet their needs! Your heart is feeling that. You are teaching your son to trust the world and that you will be there for him. If you truly want to, there are more gentle ways of getting some sleep than letting him cry it out, because you are right, sleep is important!!
As another mom suggested, you could bring him into bed with you. That is what we ended up doing with our kids, just so we were not walking into walls the next day. If this is not a feasible solution for you - perhaps you could pick up a copy of the "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. She has some good ideas that might be helpful. There is another book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth that a friend of mine used. It promotes gradual separation rather than cry it out. I think you could probably get either of these at the library or on amazon. com
Seems that once you become a parent sleepless nights are a part of the the job description. Whether it is a hungry infant or a toddler with bad dreams or a teenager up late at night or college kids coming in and out at all hours....

This will not stop until you make it stop. YOu're going to have to let him cry it out. Send the 3 year old to stay with grandparents or something and set aside a few days to make the transition. This is the best thing for him in the long run. Don't make him into my nephew who is 5 years old and still sleeps with mom and dad! This is an early form of manipulation, so nip it in the bud early.

Best wishes, this will be hard for a little while, but he'll acclimate and do fine! 5 months was when I started doing this with my daughter for both naps and night time. It didn't take too long and she has been the best napper ever! You can do this!

Hi M.,

I see you got alot of responses but I would like to add my two cents...lol Anyway, in my opinion don't let the baby cry it out if you are not comfortable with it. Babies cry for a reason I believe. I never, never let my son cry. They are only this small for a very short time and we want to comfort and love our children. I did alllow my son to sleep with us forever and I guess the one down fall is he is 9 years old now and still likes to sleep with us sometimes, again only this age for a short time, then he won't want anything to do with us...lol I didn't start making him stay in his room until about 6-7 yrs. old. Some, well alot of people thought I was crazy and still but he is my son and I enjoyed every minute of it. Do what your heart tells you to do. Will he sleep in a bassinet or pack in play in your room with you. Some how attach it to your side of the bed tightly and let him sleep away..lol Especially if no one else can get any sleep.

Take Care,
S.

M.,
Take control. This is a widespread parental violation, letting kids sleep with you. Major no-no.

Put him in his crib or playpen. If it's inanother room, all the better. He needs to learn to sleep and do it without you. If he has a favorite toy put that in with him for security.
But don't let this continue. You'll have bigger problems later if you do.

I don't know your situation but your bed sounds a whole lot safer than the couch. A lot of children sleep with their mamas but you do have to be sure they're safe and roll them onto their backs aftr they nurse.

Have you read any books by Dr. Sears? His son is on "The Doctors" My son co-slept with me, and no it is not a "No-No" or a "widespread parenting violation". Saying that is a little extreme and somewhat offensive to many AP moms on this site. You just have to be safe in how you do things. Have you tried a co-sleeper or one of the wedges that sit in the middle of your bed? A pack and play pulled up right next to your side of the bed would work too. I would let my son lay on my arm in my bed and when he got a little older I would let him sleep in between my husband and I. We gave him plenty of room and made sure there were no pillows or lose sheets around him. I eventually transitioned him to a crib in our room. At 12 months we moved him to his own big boy bed and he was perfectly fine with it. No crying, and he has yet to fall off the bed (he's four now).

Definitely check out the Dr. Sears books. He also has a website http://www.askdrsears.com/. The site can give you information on how to make a safe transition or how to co-sleep safely.

Also, I could never let my children "cry it out". If you read into attachment parenting you will find that being there for your children when they are younger helps them to be more adjusted when they are older. Both of my children have adjusted very well to their rooms.

This is a very diverse topic with many sides and opinions, but in the end you have to do what works best for you and your family.

Here's a direct link to the co-sleeping article on Dr. Sears: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

Unfortunately thats what you need to do. Set a bed time for him which to make things easy should be the same time your 3 year old goes to bed. So as hes crying himself to sleep your 3 year old is getting seranaded to sleep. Your three year old will be able to fall asleep. I had the same concerns because my one out of 4 children share a room. She shares it with her 20 month sister and has since her sister was born. Her sister has an issue with sleeping with us too. Thats what we have to do. The pediatrician said it will slow down it may take week but eventually she will get it. Just lay the baby down at a certain time close the door and put in some ear plugs, music, or maybe even leave the house if it bothers you that much. Make sure hubbie understands you whats going on so he doesn't pick the baby up. Let the baby get itself to sleep. You can hold it ofr a nap or two but no more try to after the baby gets use to going to bed by itself napping by itself too. Good luck!!

bring him in the bed with you, you'll both get a lot more sleep...

Ok, so of course babies cry for a reason; but for the people telling you not to let him cry - he's crying because he wants to be next to you! It's like anything, switching from bottles, getting rid of pacifiers, etc., it will take time for him to adjust but if you can stand strong he'll be fine. My friend was a co sleeper and let me tell you - they were getting ready to divorce and finally they put him in his own room *he turned 4 years old in February* and they just switched him last week. If you don't do it now it will only get harder! Just think, you could do this for another 3 1/2 years if you don't do it now! Good luck! (Maybe Memorial weekend coming up if you have an extended weekend)

I have the same problem with my 3 year old she stays up all night and still sleeps with me. But we have noticed recently that when we stay in the frontroom and put her to sleep and then put her in her bed the longer she will sleep in her own bed and slowly(I know that is not a comfort) she sleeps through the night in her bed.

I just say nurse or bottle feed him for the last time in the evening and put him in his crib. You have taught him that that's where he sleeps, so it will be unfamiliar with him and he will cry. Just reassure him it's o.k. and eventually he WILL stop. The next night he will probably cry again, but it will be for a shorter length. He will start to realize this is where I need to sleep. By the 3rd or 4th night, I can almost guarantee you, he will go to sleep without crying. They can switch their routine rather easily at that age. You will be very glad you stuck it out. I know the first one or two nights are extremely hard to hear them cry for you. But I assure you, it doesn't hurt them to cry a couple of nights. I did this with all 3 of my kids, and I always got so many comments on how easily they went to bed at night. Just think, in a few short nights, you will be able to feed him and lay him down in his crib and he will go to sleep on his own. And then it's peaceful, comfy sleep for you. It sounds like you definitely need it with having a job and all. Good luck, it works!!!!

Gotta be tough...put him in his crib and if he crys, let him. Start with naps first so the crying won't keep everyone awake...what does he do during his naps?? Ask the caretaker...you might want to start on a Friday night through a week-end and possible your 3 year old can camp with a relative so her sleep is not disturbed. Thing is--once you put him in the crib, he has to stay otherwise how will he learn if you take him out when he cries too much.

To make it easier, we put the pack n play at the farthest end of the house, so that with the bedroom doors shut it was more difficult to hear, and set up the baby monitor. Then we did the bedtime routine and laid him down. He did cry and I had a hard time listening so we turned the monitor way down so all that came through was the lights showing sound but not the actual crying. This way I could turn it up to check on him, but didn't have to hear the constant crying. The first night he cried FOREVER (ok, 20 minutes :) The second night 15 and by the third it was only 5. After that he didn't cry hardly at all - a little fussy some nights, but not screaming! I do recommend starting this on a Friday night so you don't have to get up so early the next morning! Good luck!!

I was reading through some of the other responses and it looks like you got a wide variety, which is not that surprising. I, like you, have not been able to let my daughter cry it out. I've lost sleep, sure, but she trusts me and that's way more important. Having said that, the couch doesn't sound like the safest place to sleep together. I'd have to agree with the co-sleeper idea otherwise maybe you could put his crib in your room until he's used to it. If that's not possible, what about setting up an air mattress for you in the nursery for a few nights so you're close but not sleeping "together"? It might be best to start any transition on the weekend when you don't have to work the next day!

I found the book "The Baby Whisperer" helpful, especially her emphasis on a bedtime routine. She also outlines a pick-up/put down NO CRY method for babies older than 4 months, but I never had to try it. Take any advice with a grain of salt and go with your instincts, you know what's right for your baby.

M.

Common sense will tell you that if you do not get control of this situation now when he is already 6 months, you are going to have a near-impossible time getting him to LEARN how to sleep by himself as he keeps getting older. Babies are little sponges, we all know that. They learn a lot of things on their own observation, but NORMAL, HEALTHY sleep patterns often need to be taught and "guided". Of course he is going to cry if you change his current sleep ritual/pattern. He is a baby, and babies cry when they don't like something. Yes, babies also cry when they are hurt/in pain...but a mom can tell when that is the case. Crying because he doesn't want to sleep alone is not a situation you need to protect him from. In fact, you are not helping him (nor your family) if you don't teach him how to sleep on his own (put himself to sleep without you, stay asleep without you, and get back to sleep on his own when he wakes in the middle of night).
I have three children and always HATED letting them cry it out. But I did not have babies that came home from the hospital and then slept through the night naturally at 8 weeks like some incredibly lucky parents. I had to let mine cry it out (first one at 8 months-ugh!, second one at 6 months, and the last one at 5 months). It will take a few days, but if you do it even at nap time, he will get it quick. Just let your three year old know what that she may hear the baby crying for a couple nights but that you will be nearby/not to be worried. Then take a deep breath and stick to it.
Seriously, can you see him finally realizing on his own one day that he should just sleep in his crib by himself? He is a baby and your current situation is the only one he has learned and he likes it!! You will have to teach him.
Good luck, i remember how tough it is, but the payoff will be huge for all of you!

In my experience, I started a very slow gradual transition process and it worked well for us. My daughter is now 18 months, sleeps well, and goes to sleep on her own in her crib.
I started by sneaking her into her bed when she was in a deep (limp-arms and legs) sleep... very carefully with a warm blanket and kept holding my hands on her and very gradually moved away.... This process was at first a 45+ minute proces of getting her into her own bed, but very gradually I would put her in sooner and sooner... as she matured, there were times I let her voice her opposition, but for a limited amount of time until I helped her get to sleepy mode again...
I kept challenging myself to get her in bed in a lighter and lighter sleep... and had to remind myself that sometimes she would surprise me and handle things better than I imagined...
I would try to remember to look at the trend of better and better sleeping rather than stress about one difficult night where she just needed me.
good luck---

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I think you are going to have to let him cry it out. We have gone through it with our daughter and it is hard, but worth it in the end when everyone is sleeping well. There is a book by Dr. Ferber explaining the most effective way to implement this and also very helpful in making you feel better about why it is important for your son to leard to self sooth. I highly recomend it.

Hsve you tried putting him in a swing to sleep? You might also check out the book - The Happiest Baby on the Block. They offer a lot of good advice to getting baby to sleep.

Hello M.,
I know you are getting a lot of responses here but there is something you should really think about...your intuition. If you don't feel right letting YOUR child cry it out then don't let him cry it out. You need to trust what you are feeling. Here is something else to ponder. Babies don't eat like adults, don't speak like adults, don't do anything like adults. Therefore we should not expect them to sleep like adults. They are made to depend on an adult for everything. For my family, it is best to share a bed. We all get the most sleep that way. If you don't feel comfortable doing that and if your room has enough space you could try the side car method. You just take the side of the crib off (the one that moves up and down) and push it up next to your bed. Make sure it is secured to your bed some how. That way you both have your own space to sleep in. I hope this helps you in some way. Just try to remember...YOU are his mother and YOU need to decide what is right for you and your family. Good luck, dear.

My son was the same way. He is now 3. I went out and bought the co-sleeper. You can buy it at Babies R US. This finally worked with my son and is totally worth every penny. (We have a high bed and was able to buy extensions for it so that it was the same height as the bed) It is a bed that attaches to yours so that he is right next to you but is still in his own space so that you get sleep. Then after a little while I was able to put him in his own bed. I hope this works and good luck.