My son is turning 4 this month. He was going to the same school/daycare since he was one year old. He was always well-behaved at school and happy over the years. Then starting in November, he started having anxiety over going to school. He would cry each morning when we dropped him off. Then at nap time, he would cry and sometimes get so upset that he would throw up. He expresses that he is upset because his teacher takes her break at that time. He doesn't want her to leave and he gets so worked up. The month of January was a good month...he stopped throwing up at school and only cried a little bit in the mornings. He still would express being afraid of school and not wanting to go. We broke the pattern by rewarding him for days that he did not get upset and sick; and also allowed him to take a "comfort" item to school with him.
We just switched him to a new school for many reasons. We actually thought he might like going to this one. Today is Day 2 at the new school. Yesterday he threw up at naptime because they had a change of staff. Then this morning he got so upset when my husband went to drop him off that he threw up in the morning.
My husband thinks we should take him to a psychologist and possibly put him on anti-anxiety meds, but I just want to try to work through it like we did at his last school. He is a sensitive boy and otherwise exceptional....very smart, loving, friendly, social, well-behaved. This is our only issue. We want him to love school and be less afraid and anxious. Anyone have advice or similar experiences? Thank you!
If I were you, I'd try Bach's Rescue Remedy which is a flower essence safe for everyone, children, and pets. See http://www.bachflower.com/ I worked in a health food store and heard a lot of amazing reports about how much it helped -- even dogs who always threw up on the way to the vet were calm.
Hi C.,
Sorry you are going through this rough patch with your son. I can tell you only want the best for him.
I haven't gone through anything like this myself, however I think if this was happening to my daughter I would talk to my pediatrician about what was going on and see what he/she says.
It honestly can't hurt to take your son to meet with a psychologist for an evaluation. Talking to a pro can really ease your mind.
Best case, there is nothing wrong and this is just a phase he is going through. The ped can probably give you suggestions on how to help him get past this. Worst case, there is something wrong, but now you are on the road to getting him the help that he may really need. If there is something wrong, worry about treatment, etc.... day by day. You haven't even gotten to see a doc yet. You are in control of your sons well-being and if you aren't comfortable with giving him meds, you don't have to! There are PLENTY of other options out there. You will just need to find a doctor that works with you and that you are comfortable with.
GOOD LUCK!!
Hi C.,
Just something that jumped out at me while reading your post is that I would suggest determining if he has or is being abused at school. In some way-either mild or severe.
Is seems very abnormal for him to fear a teacher leaving the room or being away from him, unless she represents protection from something or someone. I'm not trying to scare you and I'm not an expert, however I do have a minor in psychology and its worth looking into at least. Maybe a professional is the only one that could help with that-but it would be worth it to me.
good luck and give that little guy extra hugs right now-I'm sure you are. :0)
I agree that counseling is definetly an option you should explore first before any meds even herbal. There are so many techniques to help your son. If he struggles with change it may bne advisable for you an your husband to seek out a few different couslelors/pshycologists and decide which one is best for your son. Consider if he responds to males or females better, upbeat personalities or more placid ones. Ask tehm about their methods for treating these kinds of disorders and what kind of therapy they do. Remember there are bad therapists out there as well as the good ones. You need to do your homework.
Your doctor may know a good therepaist too.
Just a word of caution for herbal things. You have to be careful what brand and what ehrbs you give. Just becuase its supposed to be 'natural' does not mean its better than chemcial meds. Both can be just as dnagerous as the other. I would onl;y do meds of any kind as a super last resort. Therapy can take up to a year or so to be effective in children but he should take small steps forward as the months pass. Good luck and give your son plenty of positive reinforcement for all the couragous steps he takes.
ok i know it sounds silly - but go to the dr and have him tested for having the strep virus. my 7yo starting having anxiety and panic attacks this year - out of the blue and we even starting taking her to a psyhologist - we took her to our pediatrician and he was knowledable and said that in a "select few children" the strep virus manifests itself into panic attacks, anxiety, and separation anxiety - to the point of making themselves physically sick. also in these kids most of them don't have the "usual" strep symptoms - my daughter complained for 1-2 days of a sore throat - but over the counter stuff took care of it - and then 1-2 weeks later all the drama started - adn then once she was on antibiotics for 10 days it took care of it.
hope that helps!!
S. W
Hi C. - I'm sorry your son is having such a tough time. My daughter went to preschool with a little boy that had a very similar reaction to school. For him it was seperation anxiety. Turns out this child was exceptionally smart. My daughter would often coax him into school by telling him it would be alright and trying to get his mind on something else. Does he have a close friend that maybe can help him cope during the times he's stressing? I'm not a fan of medicating children because I think children ar every resilient and can bounce back quickly. Is there something in particular that's of great interest to him. Maybe that interest or toy could be incorporated into the classroom so he could have something special waiting for him at school.
Has he lost a loved one? Could there be a child that is bullying him?
We had this with my Son. It was like a switch flipped and he was a different kid and force vomitting. It was awful. I kept battling him for year with school and different issues such as thumbsucking, wouldnt sleep in his own bed, ran away from school and obsessing over things such as Time. Finally when he was 10 we took him to doc who finally diagonosed him with Aspergers Syndrome. Once he told us ways to deal with his emotions and anxiety he was much easier to handle. I am not saying this is what your son has but it is worth checking into. Because when you wait so long you think about how many years they have felt misunderstood. My son, is now 15 years old and pretty much as normal as the next kid. Facing the same issues every teen faces. On the flip side though he is an exceptional boy, he has a talent which most autistic kids do he can play music any kind of music on any kind of instrument. Some kids are good at art, or math. I hope this help. Good luck. The vomitting is a scarey thing because they can lose so much nutrition if it gets out of hand.
i have not experienced this but thought maybe you could look for an in home daycare or sitter..or possibley try to plan some play dates with kids in school..maybe if he had a good friend in class he would look forward to going..not sure if it is due to the new baby a new changes but i am sure it is fixable
Anxiety in kids causes real physical reactions. My daughter has always been intense, extremely bright and wonders and thinks about everything. She had strep throat every six months from an infant until we had her tonsils out at 4 1/2. Fear of gagging, throwing up, and stopped eating. Yes she can be dramatic! Once tonsils were out, she was fine until 1st grade. Cried about going on the bus for the first few months. We learned she would work herself up when she did not want to do or go somewhere. But it all tied in to "my throat feels funny, my belly feels funny" then she panics over whether she will throw up. Mind you, she never has thrown up. This year the panic and anxiety started. Real physical feelings that would esculate to "my chest hurts" until she felt she could not breathe. She has stopped eating. Then panics she will die if she does not eat. Nothing logical works . . begging, yelling, pleading, reasoning.
Our Dr. said it is common for some kids, and reccommended for us to see a Lisenced Clinical Social Worker specializing in children. She has only been there three times so far, and they are working on a worry ladder and writing stories about the good and the bad for each of her worries. It seems to be helping, but she still has had a few episodes. I will keep you posted.
Hopefully she will learn skills that she can use the rest of her life. I will keep you posted.
Hi C.,
You sound like a very caring mother. I am so happy and warmed by that. I am sure your son follows after you in that way. My heart and prayers will be with him this Winter, as I imagine the Spring and Summer will surprise him with new found life.
My suggestion is to teach him how to ground his spirit.
There are many written and spoken visualization techniques out there from authors that are a bit better at painting a picture with words than I am, but I will do my best to give you the idea.
Start at bedtime, and sit with him. Ask him if he is comfortable, feeling safe and centered. Help him to know the feeling by asking these questions. Ask him to imagine a happy place all his own-- completely of his own creation. It can be anything!! : ) Ask him to describe it to you. Listen carefully, mom. Tell him that this special place all his own is available anytime he needs to be comforted, safe, centered. He can 'leave' special things there, see you there, grandparents, historical figures, heros, god, angels, nature spirits, the family dog, etc.
Keep the inspiration going with this train of thought.
The next level is to teach him to do this centering in waking time, or conscious hours, with a grounding visualization. Sit facing each other, comfortably with straight spines, breathing, quieting the mind, taking in the moment, recognizing it as safe, knowing peace, etc.
Tell him to sense a special cord of light growing from his navel area, extending down into the center of the earth. Ask him to really feel this. Help him imagine it going through the floor, through the grass and into the soil layers, reaching the warm core of the earth. And just enjoying that sensation. Eventually, feel the energy of the earth rising up into the body.
Practice, patience, imagination....
I am sure this technique will help your son forever. The wisdom he will become will shine on others and your family. Tell dad about this, and ask him to try this first before pharmacueticals. Give the room for your son to find his power.
Love,
C.
Hi C. R, Please,please wait before even considering meds for your little one (I know it was just a thought) I clearly sense your frustration...I am a social worker who works with children and I have a four year old in pre school.Meds should always be a last resort at his age.If his teacher has to take a break during nap time ,maybe she can connect your son with a buddy to set his cot next to and they can buddy up during nap time ( for comfort/support)Also, can his teacher wait to leave once he is asleep, after all you are the client and their should be some added efforts worked out for your sons' comfort and well being at school....keep me informed. A. A.
