Son's Last Name - Mom's or Dad's?

I would leave his name the way it is. And you can collect child support no matter what his name is. But I would leave it the way it is and when he gets older and his dad is still a constant in his life. Give him the choice to change it he wants to.

B.,

I would suggests:

Dad's last name
Mom's as middle name
Mond and Dad's hyphenated

Blessings....

Have him keep your last name. If I were you, I would keep the same last name as your son, even when you get remarried. I just think it is simpler and less confusing. Best wishes.

Leave it alone.
He is your son. You are his caregiver.
You will be the one who is dealing with the schools etc. It's far easier if your last name is the same as his...
YMMV
LBC

I agree with ladybug, think of all the forms mom has to fill out in a child's lifetime! when my husband filed for divorce one of his original terms was I change my name back to my maiden name (can you imagine?!) I have no affection for his last name but since it was MY legal name when all my children were born, it's THEIR legal name too, since I'm the person caring for them on a moment to monent basis, you bet we're all gonna have the same last name! now they are older 17, 15, 13, once they are out of school I will consider retaking my maiden name....but it's just a name..btw, your kids are lucky to have a father who shows an interest and visits them often, i hope you're getting enough child support as well....

How about using BOTH?? IE: Jimmy Smith-Jones. There are so many people out there with hyphenated names now, it is really getting to be quite common place. Has your ex mentioned that he would like to have his son carry on his name? If it is important to him, and since it sounds like he has a good relationship with both you and his son, I think you should honor that.

I think he should keep your name. Doesn't matter if he's a boy or a girl. You have custody so he should share your name. When you get married, I think you should keep your name and not change it -- so you and your son will always have the same last name.

My girlfriend had the exact same problem. The dad made her change his name as pressure during a custody/support fight. She really, really regretted it. She was the custodial parent and he only saw her son periodically. Later he dropped out of the picture and her son is still angry that he has his father's last name.

I don't understand. He already has your name, and you are going for sole custody----so why complicate thing? I guess I just don't get why being a boy has anything to do with having his dad's last name.

And just in case anyone else posts and suggests you hyphenate both of the last names, this is my plea to you and other moms who are thinking of doing that---please don't!! Think about when he grows up--what is his wife going to do about HER last name if she wants to marry a man with a hyphenated name?

And one more note.... I grew up with a different last name than my mom because she got remarried when I was young. It was very frustrating for me. It was confusing to the other kids when she'd come and volunteer at school. I'm sure it's more common now than it was when I was little, but please just try to avoid anything like that and just leave things as they are for now.

I would leave his name the way it is. if the father wanted him to have his name then he would have said something right away. My stepson has my husband's name, but his 2 siblings at his mom's have her name. When he was born, my husband insisted on his name being given to his son. I say at this point, your son knows his name, and just leave it. you are doing everything for him, and you are his mom.

I would keep his name as is. The main reason is that when he starts school having the same last name will make things easier for both you and your child. Secondly, it's wonderful that your son's father is a big part of his life, however, you'll have full custody, this may not be the same 10 years from now, but you'll be his custodial parent 10 years from now.

Hi Bernie,

I would keep your last name. Unless the father takes you to court to change it. Hope you have a good Mothers Day!

K.

I am 39 in a few days and I have two children, a daughter and a son(4 and 2), but both children have my last name. I am their primary care taker, and it is easier to have us all with the same last name and I am proud of it. I hope to marry someday and hope my future husband will take on my kids as his own, but none of us will change our names and any more children we would have would have my last name. I think it is just fine to have your son keep your name. His father is on the birth certificate and so you can easily get child support if you are looking for that, but as for the name, if you expect to have primary custody, I would keep his last name the same as yours.

Just keep it the way it is.
There is no "rule" that a boy HAS TO have his Dad's last name just because he is a boy.
Frankly, you and your Ex are not together anymore... and would'nt you want your son to carry on your name/family name, TOO?

In some cultures, if there are no boys to carry on the family's name... the Husband of the female in the family, will take the last name of his wife.
That is what my Grandpa did. So my last name/my maiden name, is actually the last name of my Grandma. And our family is actually very proud of that... both the men and the women in the family.

Nothing wrong with that.

I would, if I were you, leave your son's last name as is: yours. Less complicated that way, for you. AND you will be getting FULL custody, soon.

My friend, has 3 kids... and they ALL have HER last name. She has boys and girls. Her Ex, is NO longer in the picture, and a current total JERK, and she has since re-married.

Also, I would NOT hyphenate your son's name. Looking down the road... it will be more of a hassle than not. AND, what if one day your Ex is not a very nice Ex anymore... or he is not in your son's life as much... or he remarries or just is not a part of your life/your son's life anymore?

YOU are the custodial parent. Leave your son with your last name.

all the best,
Susan

Let him keep your name. It will be less confusing to him when he's at school if you and he have the same last name.

I understand that you want to "include" your son's father's name in your son's name, however I think hypenating is a bit much. I appreciate the idea of it, but I think it's a bit cumbersome to expect a child to be known as "Joseph Andrew Smith-Wilkinson". (Let's say his dad's name is Wilkinson here.)

Why not do what some women do when they get married? Why not legally change your son's name to Joseph Wilkinson Smith? That way, his name reflects his father, by adding Wilkinson to the "new" middle name? Then your son can continue to be identified with you, having the same last name as you.

Then he won't have to go into school with a super long last name, and won't have to explain it his whole life... as in "Who is Wilkinson? Why is your Mom Ms. Smith?" As you've said, YOU have custody and his father visits. Since he isn't going to get sole custody, I think you are "being nice" if you decide to change your son's name. I don't think being a boy has anything to do with it. By using Dad's last name as your son's middle name there will be a recognition of his father's last name too now.

I think this is a very appropriate "middle ground" so to speak, without creating a cubersome new last name for your son.

I agree with Kansasmom - give him both names with your first.

My son has had his dad's last name since birth. We weren't together at birth and never planned to marry but I wanted my son to have that part of his father since I knew he would have me in person 99% of the time. For those people below who say it is a stressful thing and confusing thing to do....it's not. I think maybe once a year I get called Mrs....his last name. Truthfully I don't care, I laugh about it. The different last names have been an issue with the school, the kids at school or the neighbors.
On a side note, I think a son having your last name is perfectly fine. There is no real reason to change it unless dad wants it changed. I wouldn't worry about it so much. I would change it before school starts and he learns to write his last name.
Happy Mothers day to you too!

Since your son has a relationship with both you and his father, wouldn't it be nice if he has both of your last names so it can accurately reflect his connection to both families. You can just hyphenate both of the names if they are not too long. Or, if that would make his name too cumbersome, then maybe one of the last names can be moved to his middle name. Traditionally this is usually the mom's maiden name. Changing his name before he goes to school would be a good idea. Less confusing and less paperwork that way.

Hope this helps. And "Happy Mother's Day" to you!

2 confilicting answers if you change the name you can collect child support. if you dont change the name he cant fight for custody unless he is on the birth certificate. The only one who can anwer this is you. HOW WELL DO YOU TRUST HIS DAD? if you don't trust him don't change the name if you do then it would be ok. but if his name isn't on the birthcertificate you cannot collect child support on him :) or this used to be the law. it may have changed in 20 years. :) good luck with your decision