Our son has been banging on the door of his room for about 4 months (maybe longer now). Sometimes, he says that he is scared, other times, he won't answer us. He is incredibly stubborn about it and still not completely verbal, so we don't really know what the problem is. Sometimes, he will bang 10-15 times a night. It is so loud and hard that we are afraid he will actually break the door. We are at our wits end...any advice?
Sounds like it's time to put him back in the crib (and maybe open the door). I read an article yesterday that some kids aren't ready to move to a big bed until 3 or 3.5 years old. I always thought it was 2 or 2.5. But I guess it depends on the child. And if my child climbed out of bed every night, you bet I would be afraid of more than just banging on a door.
try sitting down with him during the day to talk about it. not to scold him, but to get information from him. ask him what makes him feel safe at night and what makes him feel scared. i'm assuming he can at least answer yes/no questions. or you can ask him to show you. my oldest can't stand the door shut, but was willing to have it open a crack. he also woke every time the heater or air conditioner turned on for about the first year we lived here. as far as things that might help him stay in the bed once the door is open, books on tape/cd have been helpful with my kids. good luck!
Open the door!! I am assuming that he is doing more than just banging on the door,he is
probably crying too!!! It wasn't clear in your question why the door is closed and if you are locking him in or not. I am hoping that you are not. There are so many ways to help your child feel safe at night. Have you tried laying with him, reading books, singing songs, a night light, soft music? It sounds like he is scared and obviously if he is only almost 3 years old he wouldn't be able to be completely verbal. I would suggest to try some other softer methods. It's not easy, it takes extra time and especially patience! I know from experience if you are consistent and loving it will eventually work out for you. Good luck
Take off the door. Remove the pins, and take it off. Put it back later...
We put a baby gate across our son's doorway at night. That way he can't get out, but he doesn't feel trapped, either. Plus, we can hear him if he calls for us. We ignore the whining and tell him to go back to bed, but sometimes he really does need to be comforted.
Our friends had to put two baby gates in their daughter's doorway because she could climb over one!
Eventually, they stop trying to get out at night when they realize they won't get attention and that they really aren't missing out on anything!
my daughter kinda did something like this. It wasn't all night long but it was just at bedtime. I tired everything like spanking, bribing, pleading...nothing worked. Then i realized that all she wanted was the attention whether it was good or bad. she just didn't want to go to bed and she wanted to get our attention. So this is how I got her to stop. Every time she would bang on the door I would open it and without saying a word just point to her bed. She would get back in and I shut her door and leave. The first night i lost track of how many times she got out of bed but I did it for a whole hour. It was really hard to not get mad or say anything to her. she finally gave in and when to sleep. The next night same thing only this time she only got out of bed a few times and now she never gets out of bed. She knows that even if she gets out of bed and screams and cries nothing is going to happen. so she doesn't get up. So the key is no attention. you can not say one word to him no matter what and after a while will realize that it doesn't matter how hard he bangs on that door all you are going to do is put him back in bed. Good luck.
You may try a child gate at his door, so he can see, but not get out and roam the house during the night.
I also like the comment on not giving undue attention. Just point and go back to what you were doing.
Make sure you have a good bed time routine down then let them know it is time for sleep, and treat the environment as such.
Sleep is good.
S.
Mother to Kai
www.HomeWithKai.info
Boy, that sure must be tough - you can't get rested! I had a daughter who had a thing about slamming her door. We gave her a couple of warnings, then ended up taking the door off the hinges until she could better deal with her anger. I know this is different, but maybe something like this would help? Or, even leave the door open?
take the door off the hinges. explain that when he learns to not make noise with the door then you will allow it back.
My first thought was a baby gate at the door, too. My second son is NOT okay with being trapped inside a room, especially if he can't get to Mom, or at least see me. It's a huge punishment for him when I (rarely) put a doorknob lock on his door when he's being an absolute bear (kicking and biting and screaming). there's no way we could do that every night!
On the other hand, we did that with our first son just fine, and he didn't freak out. It really just depends on the kid. It sounds like your kid doesn't like a shut door, either.
Why is his door shut? This might be frightening to him. He may need the comfort of knowing he is not isolated from you. On the other hand, if it is necessary to shut him in to keep him there, perhaps you could put up a see through barrier--like a net or something.
