Son Has Problem Listening

It's totally the age. My 4 1/2 year old is the same way sometimes. Remind him that he wants you to listen to him when he talks, right?...
Also, maybe try to loosen up a bit with rules and things. I find that ds is most uncooperative when he feels super-controlled, and most sweet and obedient when he feels overall pretty free to do his own thing.

My son who JUST turned 5 yestrday is constantly being told by us to use his listening skills. We are constantly putting him in the corner for not doing so and when asked why he was put in the corner he calmly replies - as if no big deal - "I wasn't listening."
We feel your pain, everyone says he'll grow out of it , at least until he's a teenager. Yet that doesn't help now. So when there is something really important that he needs to hear we say, "please put your LISTENING ears on." then he pretends to do so and pays attention.
Same with his manners, we ask where his manners are and he replies simple " I left them, ______. " Which makes us want to laugh at his highness smarty pants.
So basically just TRY to find unique ways to get his attention and tell yourself "IT'S JUST ANOTHER PHASE!!!!"

N.,

The problems your son is having may be beyond his control. My son behaves in much the same way. He is very high functioning autistic. I'm not saying your son is autistic because I obviously have no way of knowing that but what you say in your post are some red flags for autism spectrum disorders (not responding to his name, having difficulty making or maintaining eye contact, inability to follow simple commands, covering his ears at loud noises, obsession with the TV & computer). I don't know if you are in Las Vegas but if you are, you should contact Child Find ###-###-#### and ask for an evaluation. Child Find is part of the Clark County School District. The evaluation is free and if he qualifies for services those are free also. If your child is on the spectrum the sooner you have him evaluated and the sooner you start services, the better. The program has made a world of difference for my son. If you are sitting there thinking "there is no way my son could be autistic, he's really social" well, so is my son yet he's still autistic - he is so different from "classic" "rainman" autistic that it is amazing. But he's still autistic. But I understand that is the last thing you ever want to hear as a possibility for your child. If you aren't in Las Vegas, call your local school district. They should be able to direct you to a similar program in your area. Oh, and they don't just test for autism. They do hearing tests and all sorts of developmental testing. If your son does have some sort of an issue, they should be able to help no matter what it is.

If your son does have a developmental problem, it really is critical that you identify it and start to deal with it now. The primary window of opportunity for retraining the brain is birth to age 5. Kids with issues who don't receive services until they start grade school are at a serious disadvantage and have a much harder time.

T.

Hello N.,
Your son sounds a lot like our son who just turned 6. He is a very bright little boy, who is also sensitive to loud sounds and seems to ignore requests. He was having trouble listening in class as well so we enlisted the help of a child psychologist. He said he is too young to test and did not suggest medication. Limiting tv and computer has helped us as well - I've even started using the computer as a reward for using listening skills and good manners. I keep track with a chart and use a timer when he is on the computer. Our son lives very much in his head and can get lost in play, etc. In order to get his attention, I will often say his name, touch him on the shoulder so he knows I am waiting for his response and then make my request when I have his attention - this gives him a moment to make the mental transition from his play to our interaction. Having him repeat what I say helps as well. It may sound unrelated, but making time for extra physical activity as well as interactive games with my husband and myself have helped, too. Hang in there - it is frustrating but you are on top of it and this will get better with time.
Best regards,
C.

Hi N.! :)

Don't worry! That is very normal for that age. My son is the same way a lot of the time. His listening skills will get better in time. ;)
Some ways you can get him to listen to what you're saying is to turn off any distractions (mute tv etc)and have him sit down on the floor with you--both facing each other. Have him hold your hands with his and look at you---then tell him what he needs to hear. Having him repeat it back to you is a good idea too.

Best of wishes!
M.

I know the feeling and frustration than comes with when I expect my child to respond, what worked for me is to be more enthusiastic about the request that is being asked of, 4 out 5 times I get a good response...when your are enthusiastic, so will the response, 4 out of 5 has worked for me...sometimes I forget and don't get the results...

Hi N.. It 100% is his age. Sometimes I just want to scream "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???"...probably won't be too effective. It drives us crazy because it makes us feel completly desrespected by our 3 (almost 4) year old child. They want independance. We have control over their entire life. "Mommy, can I have milk?", "Daddy, can I play outback?", "Mommy, can I take a bath?" etc. They hardly even have control over their emotions most of the time. The only things they may have control over are their scences, and our emotions most of the time ;) Giving our son consequenses works, sometimes. Trying to explain why he needs to listen, (dangerous situations), works sometimes. Carrying him to his mess to clean it up may do the trick. There is ususally a list of things we must try to get him to listen. I hear school will help, I'm hoping. If you feel he is getting distracted by TV, turn it off. Tell him when he is done doing what you've asked, the TV will come back on. The more often he ignores you, the longer the TV stays off. Just keep him updated on what his consequenses will be. He's intitled. Just try to stay calm in those moments. Save your energy for the fun stuff. Lord knows mothers of toddlers need as much energy as possible. Good luck N..

Dear N.,

Yes, it probably is his age, and it is time for him to learn to respond and be respectful when he hears your voices. It is just a matter of making sure that if he does not respond the first time that a consequence will happen immediately. Nothing violent,but you WILL turn off the computer, the tv or whatever it is that he is paying attention to.

Now, remember, in school - paying attention is an important skill. So now we know that he can focus on a subject, he has to learn to obey.

If you simply make absolutely sure that he can physically hear you - like don't call from the kitchen to his room or living room, go to a decent distance to him and call. If he does not respond, then turn it off. No threatening, no advance notice, well, you can tell him what the new deal is going to be - that would be polite of you - but do not say over and over that you are going to turn it off, just do it. He will be very upset, so that is fine - but he must realize that you two are his bosses, and that he must respect you. Use that word. It will get into his brain if you are consistent and work together. Do not disagree about what to do with him in his presence. Make your Dad and Mom contract and stick to it.

Happiness will come, really. Sincerely, C. N.

Our dgtr did the same thing at about 4. We were convinced she had a hearing problem. Then we did an experiment. I was in front of her to keep her attention and my husband whispered, very softly, if we should stop for ice cream. Boy, did she hear that! (I could barely hear it). She was just tuning us out. testing her boundaries and how much control she has. Start taking away his toys whenever he ignores you. He can earn them back for listening.

good luck!
V.

Hi N.,
I know this is going to sound silly, but i have a husband that does the same thing! My husband is 21 and at about the same age his parents noticed these same symptoms, but it wasn't until 3rd grade that his teacher actually suggested he get tested. He was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I am not saying this is what your son has...I know doctors can be quick to mis-diagnose this as well. I am saying keep your eyes out for it. The fact that he does not concentrate on what you're saying, that he is quick to change the subject, that he does not seem to hear you when you call his name 3-4 times are all signs of this. It is something that IF DIAGNOSED PROPERLY can be treated with medication very successfully. I know my husband's parents just thought he was a rambuncious, in-attentive little boy, but thankfully his teacher recognized something more. It tends to effect boys more so than girls, and shows up right away once they hit school age, because they have a hard time concentrating on their school work. I don't mean to scare you, but I just thought you might want to keep that in the back of your head, and maybe get tested just to make you feel better. It is so much better to rule it out early, then to waste time with you, your husband, and you son being aggrivated because you don't know what is wrong. Good luck, and please let me know how it turns out.

Here is a link to a website that gives signs and symptoms of ADD/ADHD.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm

I am having the same thing happen with my 4 1/4 year old daughter. I'll say her name 4 or five times, and even walk up to her and put my hand in front of her eyes to break her concentration. Sometimes it's the t.v., or computers, or sometimes, she's just in deep thought. UGH! heheh What we have been doing is actually kneeling in front or next to her and turning her face to us, about 6 or so inches from ours, and pause THEN tell her what we need to say. It seems to work, and by saying her name each time we do this, she seems to be paying more attention at times from across the room... maybe she's getting used to hearing her name in her face so that when she hears me across the room, she breaks her own concentration?? Maybe that will help?
Good luck and let me know if you find something different!! :-)

It's his age. My four year old daughter does the same exact thing. They are testing their boundaries. My 10 1/2 year old son did the same thing at that age as well. Now I just deal with a whole new set of issues (pre-teen), yikes! Just give him choices. We do that with our daughter and it has really seemed to work. For instance, if she wants to play instead of bath we tell her "lets make good choices, either you can make a good choice and take a bath and play for 10 minutes before you go to bed or you can make a bad choice and get a time out for 10 minutes after your bath and then go to bed." If they don't want to respond, then we take out the timer and say, "ok, we give you one minute to make up your mind, if the timer goes off and you haven't make a choice then mom and dad will make it for you and you will have to take a time out." Usually, this works but not all the time. Good luck and be patient, with time things will change.

N., please do not let the ped try and tell you it might be ADD. The meds they have to control that have not been tested throughout many decades of research. I personaly will not put my 2 boys who are ADD and ADHD on man made drugs. There are alternatives to the chemicals, If he suggests ADD. But I would not worry about it unless the teacher has problems when he starts school.
I find that my children have a hard time listening to me if they don't get a break from me once in a while. You might try multivitamins for kids. Make sure it has a good concentration of all things an active kid needs.

Hi N.. Great you are following up with a Dr. My Mom works at Georgetown University Hosp and has been such a fabulous resource for all my mommy questions... one of which is exactly what you are experiencing. What I learned is not only are our kids ears still developing at that young age, but they can't multitask as well. They aren't ignoring us. It's a developmental thing that passes.

Highly recommend this book:

Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: how to help the child that is bright bored and having trouble in school by Lucy Jo Palladino Phd. disregard the title it is awesome.

A few tips: try eliminating food with dyes, and artificial anything. Also limit or remove TV, video games, computer time etc. Try this for more than 2 weeks and see if you get results.

Be sure to always talk in a low calm tone. If you do not get his attention, get down on the floor near him and calmly start with his name. If he looks talk to him, if not touch him lovingly, like rubbing his arm or back.

My son had times where he would not listen, turns out he had chronic ear infections and his hearing was not up to par with all the fluid in the middle ear. Also consider getting his hearing checked just to be sure. Good luck!

T.
Founder
www.theparentpack.org

One other possiblity---If there is a problem during any random time you talk to him (not just getting his attention)he could have an auditory processing problem. Something else to ask the doctor about. It has been described as "hearing dyslexia", meaning they can hear, but sometimes their brain has troubled processing the input they hear and it may seem a little bit garbled to them, at times. It can create difficulty with speech or writing/spelling as they get older, since they cannot clearly distinguish similar sounds. Your son is so young you wouldn't notice these other signs. It's not really so scary, but if you ever suspect it, make sure he gets tested so he can get help (it can create problems in school).