Son Getting Ready to Start Kindergarten

My twins just started all day kindergarten yesterday. I cried more than they did when I left them. They had never been to preschool or daycare. My one daughter cried for a few minutes after I left, then she was fine.

Whenever I am around her and she has to go somewhere new, she cries and cries and clings to me and acts so frightened, but if I leave, she settles down and does fine. I think she was making a display for her mom. I think you should listen to your husband. The teachers know that Kindergarteners are tired in the afternoon. My kids' teachers let them have rest/nap time and snack time in the pm. The teachers don't expect the kids to act like well behaved little robots. I think he will be just fine as soon as he starts. If he is a really active, hyper kid, maybe he should go half days, though.

GL,
M.

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I personally don't agree with all day kindergarten and would GLADLY drive an extra 6 miles for half day. I liked the more gradual changes from 2 or 3 days a week of preschool for a couple hours, then kindergarten every day for a few hours, then first grade every day for 6 hours. First grade comes soon enough believe me! Then they're in school all day for the rest of their childhood. I don't rush growing up. I love half day kindergarten and I think all day is a long time to be away at such a young age.

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J., I am also a mother of 3 and taught elementary school for 10 years. 1st-4th and kindergarten reading intervention. It may be helpful to sit down with your son in a quiet space and just talk to him about why he scared. Come up with suggestions to help him (Draw a heart on his hand, you'll be there to pick him up, have a special breakfast..)also let him know that you are scared to and that together maybe you can help each other. As my brother says, "lift it up!" Ask God to help both of you find the strength you need and ask him to be with you throughout the day. Our school offers back to school night where you meet the teachers, this can also be reassuring. Another suggestion would be to explain his situation to the teacher ( i know you aren't the first!) and have her give him a buddy for the first few days. As for all day kindergarten...not a big fan. I am not sure that they really learn more because they do get tired, overwhelmed, and shut down. I would maybe see if it would be possible to meet the teachers at both schools, walk around the halls and classroom and decide where you think he would feel the most comfortable. Good luck in your journey

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J., You are doing a great job thinking of all the details. My suggestion is to home-school him for kindergarten. It's relatively easy to teach children to read. This boy needs you right now, and he does not need all-day school. We cannot pretend that "he will be fine". We need to deal with reality.

While you're homeschooling, keep him active with other kids & activities. Martial arts generally works wonders with less-confident children.

Anyone who tells you that homeschooling the kindergarten curriculum is difficult is just plain biased against home-schooling. I taught all this stuff to my kids when they were ages 3-5, including reading, and then sent them off to public kindergarten. Yes, they repeated a lot of the info, but the point is, it's a very simply grade-level to teach.

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I have a daughter who is 18 and getting ready to go off to college in another state. I am going to miss her terribly, but the fact that I have raised her to be a very self-sufficient adult makes me very happy and outweighs the other. I also have a little guy who is going to be starting kindergarten this year and I am so pleased to see his independence. I would say to do all you can to encourage the independence in your child. Praise the fact that he goes to school by himself and makes lots of friends. I see children as young as 3 years old stricken with separation anxiety. After a few weeks of going to school they feel more assured in themselves. I know the world is a scary place for the little ones but the more confident we act, the less anxiety they feel. If the all day kindergarten is not working for him after a couple of months then you can change. I can only suggest that you tell the teacher your concerns and he/she can give you many good suggestions. They deal with this same issue with many children every day. Your son has to learn to deal with the outside world and the sooner he does this, the better off he will be. It is sad that our world is such a scary place, but I very seldom let my children see me as anyone except the person who can get the job done. This confident attitude carries over to them and helps them confront life.

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J.,
I taught full day kindergarten for three years. Every year I had students who were tired partway through the day and kids who had separation anxiety and crying when mom left in the morning. But it only lasted a few weeks. The only times I remember crying lasting longer than the first month was when the mom had a hard time saying goodbye and would hover for a long time before leaving. The kids usually made friends quickly and were content to come to school.
We always had a quiet time after lunch to help them relax and rest for a bit and then be ready for the afternoon. As far as your son not being an early riser, I would suggest that you start helping him get up earlier, maybe pushing it up 15 minutes every week or so, whether you opt to go to full day kindergarten or half day. Next year he'll be in first grade and will HAVE to get up early enough. Just make sure he gets to bed early enough. Plan for him to have 9 to 10 hours of sleep.

I would really recommend the full day program. There is so much that kids are expected to learn in Kindergarten, to get them ready for first grade, and it's hard to do that in a half-day program. The extra time in a full day program is not filled with fluff, but with more varied ways to learn the ideas, so that kids can really understand what it is. Most 5-6 year olds are more than ready for a full day of school

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Does he help you with the twins? Does he do chores? Give him more responsibilities to help him feel good about himself. Maybe enroll him in a karate class, or baseball (or some sport).

I think if he has gone to preschool then he should be O.K. in all- day Kindergarten. If you put him in the all-day kindergarten, there may be more issues when you change back to the other school -- no familiar faces, etc.

Give him a good breakfast like oatmeal, and maybe consider giving him vitamins that give him energy, like vitamin B. Maybe reevaluate his bed time. Make sure he is getting 12 hours of sleep. I believe they give them nap time in all-day Kindergarten? Call and ask your school. The office should be opened by now.

Tell your twins that they have such a big brother that gets to go to school--he'll hear you talking about him positively. It works!

From now on, talk only positive to your son, tell him what a big boy he is about everything, make the teachers aware of his situation, do the same routine every morning, and make the goodbye very short (Don't allow his crying to get to you and keep your emotions under control by reacting with positive words. Be matter-of-fact, tell him that you know he can do it, give him a kiss goodbye, turn around and leave).

I was glad my kids had late birthdays because they were more socially ready for school being almost 6 when they started. I really think he'll be just fine after a few weeks. If you and the teacher really feel it's not working then you can take a different plan of action at that time. Maybe even hold him back another year?

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Hi J., It seems like you've gotten some good advice. I'd just like to add that you shouldn't feel any guilt or like this is "your fault." You're a good mama and trying to give your little one what he needs. That's the best way to make him feel secure, it's not babying him. for goodness sake, he's only been in the world less than 6 years. Try to be brave and put on a good front for him by being positive. You can validate his feelings by saying things like, "It sounds like you are worried about..." (or scared or whatever he's expressing to you) and then say, "but it's going to be ok because..." and whatever you need to say to reassure him. Good luck, offering my support.

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The best thing to do is let him be independent. As moms we hover and make them mommas boys and that is ok. Now and then we need to losen that hold and let them grow on their own. School is a great place to grow. And i would suggest that if you had probl;ems before and you feel like the problems may arise again , change schools. Remember that when you drop him off , you make it as quick as possible!!

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My daughter finished full-day kindergarten in the Spring and she LOVED it. She was a little scared at the beginning, but once she settled in, she did great. I think it's important to keep your son in the same school he'll attend for first grade. He'll make friends this year and then first grade will be an easy transition.

Are you able to take a few hours a month and volunteer in his classroom? That helps a lot and he'll feel extra special when you come in.

Finally, it's important to know that he'll take a lot of cues from you. If you can get to the point of feeling good about whatever decision you make, it will make it easier for your son.

There's no wrong answer here.

Good luck.

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I don't know about Idaho, but here in Colorado 1/2 day is all that is required. My children attended full day, but my neighbor did 1/2 day in the fall and then after winter break decided her daughter was ready for full day. It was an amazing transition! Talk to the teacher and decide what is best for your son and have a plan for morning drop offs. The teachers know how to handle seperation for both parent and child.

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My son just finished full day kg and he loved it! From past experience the 1/2 day was way too short to even get in the essentials of kg. When my brother (10yo) was in kg it was 1/2 day and he was home by 10:40am - that was even shorter than preschool! How can they fit in 2 recesses, reading, computers, pe, art, singing, writing, and all the other good stuff in 2.5 hrs?
The school where my son goes is full day and he learned alot! They DO take a "nap" during the afternoon I believe it was about 12. At the beginning of the year almost all the kids napped and at the end they almost all just rested. This was the time the teacher read them a story.
Mayne going to the school where preschool friends will be will make it more exciting to him. I know that the playground equipment and new toys in the classroom were exciting enough for my son to be enticed to "check it out".
Good Luck and honestly...full days school will start to FLY by... you won't have enough time to get everything done that you want to while he is gone!!

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Hello J.!

My daughter was just like this. We couldn't even take her to church, she would get SO upset. I was terrified about leaving her in Kindergarten...more for the teacher having to deal with a screaming child. I was ok leaving her, even at the thought of her crying all day, but I knew she would be a distraction for the other kids. Also, I knew she would be missing out on the fun. She did cry...a lot. She cried everyday for more than a month when I left her. She complained about stomach aches to the teacher and she cried during class when something was new and scary. Her teacher was great with her though. I just explained that I thought she would do that because she always had, she says she missed me and she was scared. So the teacher finally just kind of sat on her about it, and she stopped. She just needed her teacher to be firm. No one treated her like a baby and she got over it and joined the fun! She totally came out of her shell and she was one of the top kids in the class. She is now very excited about first grade. I think you just have to tell yourself that this is just what you have to do. You know your child is safe when you send them. It might be intimidating for him but with time, he should get more comfortable. I would honestly go with full day. I think it's a good idea because he IS having trouble. If you have already done preschool and daycare and had this response, why go backwards and shorten the day for him? I might sound a little harsh and I am not trying to, but think of how the transition will be going to first grade. At least this way, he will become familiar with a full day of school before all the super important teaching begins. Kindergarten is so much about socialization and how to behave and a full day could better prepare him for the following year. Good luck, and know that it does get better!!

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Check out www.k12.com as another option. It sounds like he's been through some pretty traumatic stuff. There's a book called 'Healing Trauma', that may help, but meanwhile give him lots of physical attention - backrubs, massages, hugs and just overall feeling loved. Perhaps come up with a plan so he can contact you if he feels unsafe, and a way to safely remove himself from the situation.

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