Son to Start Kindergarten at 5 or 6? - Fairview Heights,IL

I know it is hard to convey all your factors in a post like this so I may be off base with this. It seems to me you are making this decision based on what is easiest for you. I mean you seem to say things like if we sell the house he will go to kindergarten at 5 but if we don't it would be better he go at 6. Then you talk about how it would be easier for you to take him on campus till you graduate. Sorry but raising kids is not about what is easy for you.

My oldest daughter's birthday is March 15. She came from an exceptional preschool. She went to kindergarten at 5 and all I kept hearing was how bored she is because she is being taught everything her preschool already taught her. I can't even imagine how bored she would have been if we held her back a year. She is now 19 and and carries a 3.9 at Exavier University, seems to me March b-days do just fine not being held back.

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This is something that you will have to decide for yourselves what is really best for your son...you know him best. Generally, I believe it's based on the needs of the child, so if he is ready, I don't know if that's in his best interest to hold him. And, there are pro's and con's to both sides. I know a lot of families who have boys with summer birthdays, who have held their kids back and are glad they did...helps their maturity and not struggling at times. Plus, thinking long term - they will be one of the first and not one of the last in their grade to drive - this can be a positive or negative - depending on how you look at it.:)

The one thing I've witnessed as a bit of a negative - is some sports, especially soccer is based on almost a school year calendar for birhtdays...so, he would have to "play up" with kids that aren't in his grade.

But, something else that I also think you should consider - is if you hold him back - when would your youngest son start? You didn't mention when his birthday month was. I think you might want to just consider and be cautious that what you do for one, you do for the other, if the same situation is there. I had a friend who really wanted to keep her oldest back a year, but because of when their birthdays feel, her boys would have ben in the same grade. She did not feel (and I agree) that would have been in the best interest of either child.

Good luck with your decision...it is an important one that will impact your child the rest of his life.

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There are pros and cons to both situations. My brother was always one of the youngest in his class (he is 5 years older than I) and I was always one of the oldest. I remember my mother (she has been an elementary educator all her life and for the past 14 years has been the elementary school principal) saying that she didn't want to send me to school early like she did my brother because she noticed how hard it was for him. In the end he and I did just fine although he usually befriended the students in the year before his graduating class and I had more friends in the class above me (not sure if that's a correlation or not).

Now with my son, I wouldn't hold him back because I want to give him as much tools to succeed in his education as possible. My concern was education and I felt that maturity would eventually catch up with knowledge. Either way, it will turn out in the end. The decision you make will be the best for your child. Make a pros and cons list and see which worst case scenario you can live with now and later.

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I had the same issue with my son. He has a June birthday so he was either going to be a really old kindergartner or a really young kindergartner. I took him to kindergarten round up when he was almost five. The teachers assessed him and said that he was ready for the fall (5) but that most of the mothers in the neighborhood sent their boys when they are 6. I went back and forth with this every day and finally sent him to a private kindergarten for when he was 5. After that, he was able to either go on to 1st or go to kindergarten at his regular school. I ended up keeping him in K. He is small for his age (10th percentile) and he is self conscious about it. Although his behavior, maturity and intellect could have placed him in 1st grade, I wanted him to also feel confident in his ability. Confidence is such a huge part of wanting and feeling successful. He's doing fine now in K. He's one of the smartest and well behaved in his class. I don't regret it. But I might have regretted it if he ended up having trouble and having to hold him back while his other friends moved on to 1st grade. It think it's totally a personal decision. So, I would say, have him assessed at kind. round up and ask lots of questions. Bring up your concerns and listen to what the teachers have to say. Good luck!

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I just wanted to clear up a point someone else (I think Emily) made - she said kindergarten is mandatory in MO, and that is not accurate. I can't say that kids shouldn't "do" kindergarten, but you do not have to enroll him. Education is not compulsory in MO until age 7, so you are not legally required to have him in school (public, private or home) till then. If his preschool is good, I don't see that it would hurt him to stay there, work with him at home to cover kindergarten skills (homeschool), then enroll him in first grade in the new district.

Just my 2 cents, and I wanted to be sure no one thought you HAD to enroll your 5 year old in school :)

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o.k....usually my response is geared towards waiting until 6- which is what I "had" to do with my oldest (bd was 1 month past the cutoff) & is what I "chose" to do with my youngest (bd 3 days before the cutoff).

For my older son, he was socially, academically, & emotionally ready for KG. Waiting one year was a waste for him....but our district does not allow early entry. Sooo we did what we could at home. Until the middle of his school years, he was always happy to be the oldest & the first to get to do many things....including driving....BUT felt so ready to move on & this created a challenge for us. In hindsight, it would have been better to have had him opt out & GED at age 16....but oh, well, we messed up & insisted/encouraged him to ride it out. Huge mistake because he was ready for the "real world" & college. We certainly missed our mark....& did not recognize that he was DONE with H.S. & needed to be out of there. He simply was an adult....at a young age & ready to take on the world.

With our younger son, he was socially & academically ready for KG. He placed high on the KG screening, but had a challenging time getting thru the process due to his inattention. What normally takes <30 minutes...took almost 1 1/2 hours! Due to lower than usual enrollment, we were given the luxury of being able to chose between KG, staying home, or placing him in the district's preK program...which is what we ultimately decided to do. Waiting one year was hugely beneficial for him. He is now in 7th grade & loves being older. We're anxious about the upcoming years of H.S, tho' - anytime you have a brightly, intelligent child who tests out at reading skills - reading college level by age 11 1/2.....hmmm, then you know, as a parent, that challenging times are coming up!

All that said, my concern is that your decisions are based on convenience & preference for you. My next concern would be that by age 5 1/2, your son should really be ready for KG. Waiting that extra year doesn't seem to be a good idea - you are really taking him out of the spectrum agewise, which could cause social issues - not now, but thru the latter years of schooling. & honestly & truthfully, this is the 1st time in 20 years that I've said that to anyone!!

I truly believe that he should start KG at 5 1/2. If your district is really so bad, wouldn't the cost of daycare now be equal to enrollment in a private school? Costwise, I would think this would be the case. If financially a private school is out, then I would just go ahead & send him to your local school. That way, he'll be on track for "if & when" your move does happen & will be able to enjoy the many afterschool activities that are availabe, such as team sports, Scouts, et.....& he won't be bored doing another year of preschool - & that does happen a lot when choosing to repeat another year of preschool. It truly is a case of "been there, done that"...& by mid-year, your son will quite likely be bored - which sets the stage for behavioral issues!

All of my thoughts are based on your son's bd being almost 6 months before the cutoff. If he had been closer to the deadline, then I would have encouraged you to wait! But, I truly believe that you are setting the stage for boredom by repeating the same preK school year. Good Luck!

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First off, let me say that you seem to be doing a great thing by making the best of a really difficult situation. You have a lot on your hands, but good for you for hanging in there!
I don't know what your state and district rules are, so you may want to talk to someone who works for the school district about those policies. I think that typically, they will let parents decide when to start their child if their birthday is close to the cutoff date, but since that is usually at the end of August, your son wouldn't fall into that category.
Even with an average academic record for your current district, kids will generally benefit more from a year in kindergarten rather than a year in preschool. I'm also fairly certain that you have to have a very valid reason to hold him out an extra year, and I don't know that they would consider this as one of those reasons. You may get lucky and sell your house very quickly, but I wouldn't suggest waiting for that to happen before starting him in kindergarten. If it doesn't sell in time, you only have two options: start him in your current district or homeschooling.
If you are certain that you do not want to have him go to the school where you currently live, you may want to consider putting your house on the market sooner and increase your chance of selling it and being settled into a new place in plenty of time before he starts school. It would be a pain with your current schedule, but, as parents, sometimes we have to be inconvenienced for our kids' best interests. (I know that feeling... I had to quit college my junior year to work full time and take care of my oldest two kids on my own.) If you hire a realtor, then you wouldn't have to worry about open houses or showing it. They would take care of that for you, and at times that are convenient for you.
I'm sorry I couldn't have more factual information for you. Basically, my advice would be to determine what you really want for your son, and do whatever you have to do to make it happen. Check what the rules there are when it comes to starting school for him, and go from there. You are giving yourself pleny of time to decide and prepare for what is best for your family. I wish you the best of luck!

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I don't consider Kindergarten to be an important year at all. First of all, they don't do that much more than at preschool. Secondly, too many children start school not knowing anything and the teachers efforts will be directed more toward those children. Next on my list of reasons it's just not that important is because it's half day in so many places.

Because he is in a good school, I would make this as a suggestion. If you can find just 2 hours per week on the weekends, you can sit down and work with him for the next year yourself. Make sure he is learning all that he really needs to know in Kindergarten. Get yourself a book about what they should know at that age. There are many on the market, all sorts of curriculum's etc. I would even suggest to sign him up at www.time4learning.com. It's only 20 per month and he can spend 30 minutes per day on your computer at home and he'll have a log in so the preschool may be willing to let him log in at school and do some of his work. If you follow this track you can home school him during Kindergarten.

Legally, Kindergarten is entirely optional. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. He does not need to attend school until he is 7 years old. When you start school you tell them he was home schooled for Kindergarten and they can not hold him back. They have no choice. In the past, they would have fought you on this. But even so, throw a fit, stand your ground and they may decide to test him.

Seriously, it's just not that important. I have 3 daycare children that are 4 this year and they are all doing Kindergarten level work and I barely work at it. I am unorganized, like to let them play freely most of the time, run these kids all over town to playgrounds indoor and out and they still have learned as much and maybe more than they would have at formal preschools. Their parents rave about how much they have learned and are still learning. I log them into their time4learning accounts 2-3 days per week. The rest of the time we do learning television, leapsters, and they often watch my daughter when she is doing her time4learning at the 3rd grade level. They've been watching her for the last 3 years. So it's been pretty easy to teach them with very little effort on my part.

You have some valuable reasons why you want to keep your children near you. You can have your cake and eat it too with this one.

S.

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Hi T.,

I hope you are having a good day. This is just my opinion, but as someone who works in a school and has worked with children from kindergarten thru 12 grade, there is nothing wrong in waiting a year and starting him when he is 6. Boys tend to be more immature at this age than girls, which is just a natural thing, and it seems to me that they have a harder time in kindergarten than girls do. if you just wait that extra year, you may find that he'll have an easier time than if you start him at 5. I honestly don't see peers making fun of children who start out in kindergarten with them as much as I see younger children making fun of older ones who are held back a year. My third daughter was held back in kindergarten and it was harder on her because all the children that she started out in kindergarten with and went onto first grade, were the ones that were making fun of her. if your son starts at 6 and has all his classmates with him when he moves on to first, he should be fine. Besides if he is getting the kindergarten basics at pre-school, one more year will just be the icing on the cake when he does start kindergarten. I hope this helps.

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A friend was facing a similar dilemma, but when she realized that her son would be a 19-year old MAN when he graduates from high school, it made her realize he needed to start kinder when he was 5. Think about it--your son will be almost 19 1/2 when he graduates from high school, if you hold him back. Young men and women are NOT meant to be in high school.

I don't see this as a problem at all. I have two children and it seems like a lot of people are holding their kids back and giving them an extra year. My nephew lives in Dallas and is in the 8th grade. He is a May bday and they held him back and it was the best decision for his development. He was just elected Student Council president at his school and it has never been in issue that he is one of the older kids. There are four other boys whose parents did the same thing so it's not that uncommon. I do believe the only time the school district while keep you from not starting Kindergarten is if your child receives services provided by the school district (speech or ot,etc.)
Good luck with your decision!

Hi T.,

Just my 2 cents worth here. My oldest son is 28 so this was a long time ago. His birthday is early May and so we had the choice to start at 5 or 6. We started him at age 5, and I have wished many times that we had waited a year. He was an average student, sometimes much less than average. Not very motivated in school, preferred to be outside, etc. I think if we had waited a year he would have had the opportunity to mature more, and to learn additional things at day care that would have helped him with the transition. Best of luck to all of you!

T.,
I understand your dilemma. I am also a nurse and have a four year old boy. I live in the city and we have been very uneasy about the district and plan on moving to the county. We won't be able to sell our house for another year or two. So, we opted to try the public pre-school which is Mon-Fri all day. So far we have been very pleased. Why don't you go to your district's school and spend some time there. Talk to other parents and teachers. Plus, worst case he's there for a year or two. Kindergarten is not the time they are learning algebra and if you feel the school is lacking, he can easily make up lost time later. I think it is unfair to him to hold him back for convenience. There is nothing convenient about having kids and there will always be time issues or whatever.

T.,
I understand you very well, and many moms, like you and I have been in the same situation: struggling with the best decision in sending or not our boy to K at certain age. In my experience, I learned that it would have been better to wait a little bit and hold my boy, at that time, one more year. I sent my little boy (now he is 9 year old) to K at 5 years, he knew everything, he was "ready" for school, knowing lots of things, so excited and happy with his lunchbox and backpak..he was there ..ready! Yes ready academically, but he was not mature enough. He was very social and talkative (he still is!) but he needed more time to mature in social things, obey or follow instructions or simply just being at school. I realized that he would have been more mature and really "ready" for K one year later. Now, with my youngest I will wait and I will make that decision in a different way. Kids are different, so I am going to take my time and be comfortable with the best decision when my little one needs to enter school (or being homeschooling).
T., take your time and think of YOUR KID and HIS NEEDS not others, not yours, just his. Always think in regards of YOUR CHILDREN NEEDS and remember they are both different, and they may need different things at the same age. So, what I am saying is do not rush in sending your little to a place where he won't be happy and healthy (this is also part of being healthy)you have plenty of time, but only you know if he is ready academically, emotionally, socially for school.
Good Luck and just take your time.
A.

my son started kdg this year and he was 6 when he went into it. he turned 6 in Aug.so he was only about 15 days from the cut off. he is fine,for boys I think it is not such a bad idea to wait. Also I dont think they are going to be made fun of for being older,there a lots of kids now a days starting at 6. my sons class out of 23 if I'm gettin this right about 10 kids that were 6 when they started. I think its fine! you will make the best choice for your son.

well think of this then. If he goes to school at 5 he will be 18 by the time he graduates if 6 he will be 19. If you are lucky he will have either a love for an education and friends to keep him in school or if unlucky not like school and have friends that don't like school and drop out. Just something else to think about.

Boys are not as immature in their learning as you may think. He could be at so much of a higher level of learning if you will send him to Kindergarten when he is 5. Kids learn at a faster rate than alot of people give them credit for. Please don't do this to your son. He needs his education. You need to put your priorities in perspective. Whether or not you are going to school to be a nurse, your child's education comes first.

Hi T.,

My sons are very close together as well. One of the biggest challenges I had is trying to get the younger one to see his great qualities and try to get him to find something that interested him. He always wanted to do what the older one did. Now he's 17 and there is nothing that he shows a love for. He could be good at a number of things but never gave it his all. He would always look at his brothers progress and then quit.

I would not let them be in the same grade and hold your oldest back because of your hectic schedule. Find someone you trust to be there in a pinch for your son. (sickness etc...)

Enlist some friends to help you with your open houses and get the house on the market now. Don't wait. (Im a Realtor)

God Bless you on the decision you decide.

L.

So March 2010 he will be 5. I was told by a kindergarten teacher that if the turned in 5 April and started school for the 2010-2011 school year that they consider them young kindergartners. I do not think it will be a huge deal if you wait being his b.day is in March. You could also buy a kindergarten curriculum and teach him yourself. Kindergarten is mandatory in MO. You would just want to make sure he is ready for first grade.

Where do you go? I would love to finish my nursing degree (I currently hold just an LPN) but didn't think it would be possible with my 1yo and 2yo. Sounds like a great situation you have!

Good Morning T., You know your son better then the ones telling you to not keep him back. Corbin is in Pre-K this year, his birthday is march 11, 2005 :) So he will be 5 and a half when he starts kindergarten too.

He was in another pre school here in town but the teacher said they couldn't do anything with him he was to rowdy. They supposedly had to hire another teacher because of him.
They admitted he was very smart little guy, knew everyone's names, plus teachers names and used them correctly. He is very active, polite, intelligent little guy who speaks like an adult. Ok So we worried what he would do in pre-school, if we could find one. So until then I would keep on teaching him. They don't have a pre-K here in our area, so we decided to try and get him in Wichita system where our other gr kids attend in Park City. He is flourishing, still very polite well mannered, active. His teacher really enjoys his enthusiasm, and his language skills. Loves the way he will try to help the other kids if they want him to.
He sits like he is supposed too in circle etc.

But if you ask him what he did in school he will say Nothing...lol Last night he finally told his mom all the kids names in his class and they were learning syllables. Clapping to find the dividing points in the words. He was excited to share that.

You know what is best for your little man and your family.
Best of everything to all of you. Praying your house will sell and you can go where it is you want to be.

God Bless you and yours
K. Nana of 5

He doesn't have to go to kindergarten... You could keep him there and if he is learning everything and seems ready put him in first grade, and if not, put him in kindergarten. I don't know if you see that as an option, but make the system work for YOUR kids.

K.

Trust your instincts. He will be fine. In our area of Kansas, it was only recently that they eliminated preKindergarten courses so now all kids go to kindergarten at age five. Most used to actually begin at 6 so the choice is yours. He will be fine with whatever you decide. If you send him at five and then move, he can always do kindergarten again. If you choose not to send him and then cannot move, you could look into private school options or supplement his learning at home. Best of all, hopefully your house will sell quickly and it will all work out!