My son is 10 weeks old and until about 2 weeks ago we were averaging about 5 hours of straight sleep at night. Recently we are at around 3 hours for the first go and after that he'll sleep for a while but only on my chest. My doctor only recommends the ferber method after 4 months. Every book we read is different. Do we hang out until that 4 month point and let him cry it out?
T.
Well, my little man is now 6 months old and we are sleeping more consistantly, not all night but we are getting better sleep. I've read the Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child book several times with my last 2 children (i think i just cried with the first child) and every time I get something different out of. We are sticking to a schedule more and paying close attention to those sleepy signs and that has helped. I thank everyone for there responses regarding my question. I do want to note that many come to this site looking for answers and may be pushed away from blogging after reading some of the responses they receive. Some responses that I've read on my question and others are very rude and may make a new mother feel even more emotional than she was already. We are asking for advice on what works for you so be kind in your responses.
My son is now 9, so I don't remember the exact month, but... he slept through the night right away and after a couple of months started waking up. I know I started giving him plain cerial (thinned) a bit earlier than the 'experts' say. I would give him cerial, as well as his regular milk feeding just before bed and he went right back to sleeping through the night. He was big for his age and I think he was just hungry.
Hi T., It's hard I know! The thing that finally worked for me was "baby wise" it's a method of putting them on a particular schedule that helps them sleep. There's a little crying it out but not nearly as extreme as the ferber method and to be honest once my boys were on a schedule they pretty much just fell in line with the book. Hope that helps!
If you were to hang out, letting your child sleep on your chest until he was 4 months old it would be a habit - and a lot harder one to break than teaching him to sleep on his own. I'm not a big fan of crying it out (although did use it compared to the alternative of co-sleeping or sleeping on my chest) but it might be what you have to do. I know some people have said there are other methods - you might find those and try them. However, I would not go another night with a child sleeping on my chest. That just sets you up for worse sleep habits later one.
Hi T.,
I am the Mom of three and I know all about sleepless nights too :)
I am a CIO Mom, but I think 10 weeks is too young. I wouldn't start that until atleast 4 months. To be honest, I didn't start until more like 6 months. It worked well for all three of my kids, they started sleeping through the night and they didn't spend hours crying.
For those who say that your kid will feel abandoned and grow up having no trust and blah, blah, blah...talk about garbage. My kids are 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and 2 and they are fine. They love their parents and they know we love them.
I am not a co-sleeper either, I just don't think it is the best choice and it's certainly not right for my family. I would be worried about rolling on the baby or something, so the sleeping on the chest thing would worry me. You may find you are better off with 2 hours of sleep without him on your chest than having 3 or 4 with him on your chest. I can't imagine you are getting good sleep like that.
I hope things get better for you! These days go by so quickly, so know that it won't last forever. Good luck!!
T.,
Frist let me say, I will probably be the in the minority on this one. I am NOT a fan of the ferber method. Frankly, all it teaches your child is that you will not come and help them and they have to fend for themselves. This is not a nurturing environment.
Second, up until the age of about 6 months, babies cry for a reason. It isn't until around 6 months that they start to 'test' mamma and daddy. At this point they will cry in protest of going to bed and try 'different' cries to get you to come more quickly. Then you can start letting them cry for short periods and then going in, reassuring, making sure everything is ok and patting the back or whatever to help them settle down. I have even picked my daughter up (gasp!)to really help her calm down if she is quite worked up. But that hardly ever happens. Seriously... almost never. Typically she will fuss, we go in, rearrange her and then off to sleep she goes.
Before 6 months they cry because something is wrong. They are hungry, they are bored, they are scared, they are wet/soiled, they are hot/cold, they just need mamma (and this is a legitimate reason frankly... they are just BABIES!). Whatever, there is a reason and it is our job to figure out what that reason is.
Third, often times babies will get restless in the night when they go through a growth spurt or are learning something new. It's just the way it is. My daughter now sleeps very well through the night. Waking once around 2am to go to the potty. (yes, she is 8 months old and she goes to the potty. We EC.) However, recently she learned how to sit up from a laying down position. We went through a couple of nights where she hardly slept at all. Consequently mommy didn't sleep either! But, now it is a mastered skill and we are back to normal.
Since your son sleeps on your chest, it sounds like he has a need to be close to you. He is 10 weeks old. There is NOTHING wrong with a 10 week old WANTING to be close to his mamma! It was just 10 weeks ago he was with you CONSTANTLY! 24 hours a day, 7 days a week he was cuddled, held, rocked, fed whenever he needed it (no fussing) and kept safe and secure in a warm, tender environment.
Now, he is on the outside. Bright Lights Big City. New noises, some frightening, new smells, new sights, everything is in extremes for him still. AND he isn't held all the time, he isn't rocked all the time. He is craving your touch mommy... and he's trying to tell you so. He misses you.
Our babies will grow up and be independent soon enough. Why push them to it before they are ready. If you hold your baby 24/7 ... he will not grow up to be a wimpy person who can't take care of himself. Providing a nurturing, loving, and attentive atmosphere will foster the feeling that you WILL help him and you are there for him. It will provide an environment where he can grow to be strong and independent.
I would give him the attention he needs. You may also want to see if there is something causing discomfort. How long after he eats does he not sleep well? Is he hungry? Is he in need of a diaper change? There could be another reason why he wakes up even while sleeping on your chest.
First of all, it is hard to figure out what is the "right" thing to do for your baby and for yourself. My son is almost 14 weeks old and I've really struggled with knowing what is "right". What I think I've figured out is, there is NNNOOOO "right" way. All you can do is take one day at a time and try different things. You have to try different things to learn what is best with your baby. You are not going to screw your child up. You have to do what is best for your family. Cry it out or not, no one can tell you what's best because no one really knows. So just relax and love and care for your baby one day at a time. And you will eventually recognize when to let your baby cry it out and when to go to him. Again, no matter what you do decide to do your baby will grow to be happy and healthy as long as you provide a happy home. Don't let people tell you that you are wrong for a decision that you have made, everybody is different, especially when it comes to parenting. God Bless.
Hi T.,
About that age my son started sleeping through the night waking up for only one feeding. I too let him sleep on my chest for the rest of the night. The doctor said I needed to be putting him back in his crib because she was afrad I was going to roll over with him there, but I always knew I wouldn't. We did that for a few months actually. The he got to be a little too heavy to be sleeping on me. He would still wake up for his feeding then I would lay him back down and at first it was hard and he would cry. After a few nights he was fine, slept all night. He is now 1 year old and sleeps in his crib just fine. :)
I would suggest doing what you feel is right. No book can tell you how to raise your child. If you feel your son is okay sleeping on your chest, then let him sleep with you. They enjoy the comfort of being close to mom and I know for me I loved being able to snuggle him at night.
Oh my! He is still SO young. Babies go through different "grows". He is probably hungry for one... and two, I have never been an advocate of letting them cry it out. I believe this only teaches the baby that the one person he needs at the moment is ignoring him. At 10 weeks he has no clue. He just knows that his needs aren't being met. What does it hurt to let him sleep on your chest? If he will sleep and you can sleep, snuggle in and enjoy the time! They grow up way too fast!
T., What do you want to do? How are you handling this emotionally? Look, different strokes for different folks I say. When my daughter was a baby she had to be rocked and rocked and rocked and rocked (you get the idea) to sleep. It was wearing me OUT! I was drained emotionally and physically. Now, I go by the motto "If Mama aint' happy, ain't nobody happy." If you enjoy the time with your son and like the snuggles then continue that way but if it is making you a crazy person (like it did me) then you need to try other methods. It also does depend on the baby. Because your baby is so little I would try maybe swaddling, a white noise or hearbeat sound maker, and a routine. I never used the Ferber method. We didn't get into a routine with my daughter until she was 4 or 5 months and it was harder. We ended up using Dr. Weissbluth's book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. Basically what he recommends is that you put an older baby (I think he says 3 months for babies who did not have colic) on a bedtime routine and then put them to bed -- and you don't go back (obviously you go back in to feed them, but you don't go back to comfort). This is easier than Ferber in that it is less draining and has faster results (well, according to this guy's book, so you know...) but it is hard to hear your baby cry for that long -- she did cry for up to an hour. I know some people would be aghast at this suggestion, but I was drained. I was an emotional wreck and was no good to anybody. And you know what? It worked. My daughter is a great sleeper today and is a happy kid (well, she bullies her brother but other than that she is a happy kid). With my son we put him on a routine from the day he came home from the hospital (Baby Whisperer) and we tried from the beginning to teach him to sleep on his own and so it never really was a problem. My point is that as you can see your fellow moms have a lot of varying and very strong opinions about this but you need to do what is good for you. I am a type A personality who needs sleep and structure. If you can sleep with your baby and enjoy that time and get rest I think that is great, I really do, but it ain't me. Babies aren't books but there are a lot of resources out there and you may find one that better fits your philosophy and style. I know it doesn't feel like it but this too shall pass! I promise!
T. hey there i am not sure what the ferber method is i have five children and with all of them at about ten to twelve week they go threw a major growth spurt so they wake more often to nurse or eat then i kept them in bed with me i was never one to let them cry for more then five min well try that extra feading and then swadel my girls loved it PS do you have one of thoe mommy bear they sound like the hart beat they heard on the inside my three year old still like her some times well good luck
I agree with the other 2 at least on here that don't agree with Cry it Out... babies need touch. They were in a tight space for 9 months and they need to know that mom or dad is going to come when they cry. I don't believe you can spoil a baby. I've know several parents that do not follow the cry it out approach and the ones with older children are independent and happy. The No Cry Sleep Solution is a better way in my opinion. My son slept on my chest for months and now he sleeps just fine on his own.
Hi T., Sometimes keeping their naps short during the second half of the day helps with them being able to sleep through the night. When a child gets overly tired, they have a harder time getting to sleep and staying that way. My oldest daughter was the worst for that. She always got hyper, vocal, and grouchy when tired. The closer she got to falling asleep the harder she fought against it. When they are at that point don't change positions, try something else, etc. HE is almost there, just keep it up and he will fall asleep. Stay consistant on the night time routine. Same time, events, etc. The last hour that they are awake should be calm, soft talking, wind down time. No stimulation of any kind. Warm baths as part of the routine help alot. Snuggle time is great during this last hour also. Good luck. Hope the advice you get helps you find what works.
Your doctor is frighteningly out of date: Dr. Ferber does not recommend the Ferber Method for children under two YEARS of age. Babies have died as a direct result of being uncared for in the night.
It is normal for humans to wake periodically through the night, scanning themselves and their environments to see if they need anything. If they need something they wake more fully and if they need nothing they slip back into sleep without noticing. Babies cannot do anything for themselves, so if they wake and find they need something they have to call for help.
Babies can be taught (quickly in some cases) that no one is coming. But unless you know by remote control or telepathy what need it is you're electing to ignore, you are risking your child's health -- mental and physical.
Babies who 'sleep through the night' haven't stopped waking (or needing food, or to be reassured that they're safe, or whatever it is)... they've just given up on their parents caring enough to help them.
I agree with everything Renee said and will add . . . "who told you a 10-week old is supposed to sleep through the night?" Do you even realize that the stomach of a 10-week old baby is barely the size of a golf ball? He will need to be fed at least every 2-3 hours. You were lucky to get 5 hours straight. Your child will start sleeping through the night until maybe 10 MONTHS old, not 10 weeks old. Your son is crying for a reason, please check on him. Add to that growth spurts, teething, crawling, standing, walking . . . with these milestones you will be up overnight with your child on many more occasions. Do not let your child sleep with you, put him back in his crib after he has settled down as you will later regret letting him sleep with you. If you have to get up 10 times, then that's what you have to do. Welcome to mommyhood!
T.,
Books do not cover all types of children. Your son will not follow every milestone or solution that is published in every book. You need to think about your son and come up with ideas that you and your husband are comfortable with trying.
Our son slept on my husband's chest for 1-2 months after he was born. He was very colicky and needed that physical contact. I was seriously ill after he was born and couldn't sleep with him, so my wonderful husband took care of our son at night.
We slowly transitioned him out of our bed by putting a small bassinet on a coffee table that was the same height as the bed. We put a barrier on the opposite side so the bassinet couldn't slide off and had our son sleep right next to us. He liked hearing us breathing and feeling us touch him through the night when he was fussy.
Then we put the bassinet into his crib and placed that right next to the bed. Over the period of two weeks we moved the crib a bit farther away from the bed until he was sleeping on the other side of the room. Eventually he was moved into the nursery (which happened to be attached to our bedroom), but only when he was ready.
My mom also got one of those mamma bears that has recorded sounds of the womb and a beating heart to put next to him. He liked hearing these sounds and it seemed to sooth him on the nights he was uncomfortable.
Just remember, you were one of the lucky few parents who started off with 5 hours of sleep a night. Most babies do not sleep that long right off the bat. Our son fed every 45 minutes for the first 3-4 months; day and night. Then the feedings started to get a bit longer. Eventually around 9 months he was getting around 5 hours of sleep at a time. We thought we were in heaven! =)
Good luck and hang in there!
My daughter is 9 1/2 weeks old and I had the same problem with her for about the first 6 weeks. I slept on the couch in a sitting position holding her on my chest. It was the only way she would sleep. I was too nervous to lay in bed with her on my chest. But after not getting any sleep for so long I decided to try her bouncy seat. If she won't sleep in her crib I put the bouncy seat next to the couch (I don't want to wake my husband in bed as he works in the morning), that way I'm within arms reach if I need to hit the vibrate button again. She'll sleep 4-6 hours straight like that. And now I only have to do that once or twice a week, she's doing much better in her crib. Personally, I can't let her cry it out. I can't stand listening to her so sad and then see the tears in her eyes. She needs to know that I'm there for her and that if she's upset I'll come to her. It's an attachment issue. If you start letting her cry it out now she won't be able to trust you. Try and be patient with him, things will get better. That's what I keep telling myself!! =)
10 weeks is too soon in my opinion to let him cry it out or expect lots of sleep from. if you get it you are lucky! lol.
just gotta keep getting up with him and in a couple months try to get more sleep out of him.
Sounds like he is going on a growth spurt....thats why I don't like the CIO until they are around 6 months.
Hi T.,
I have had 7 children and it is not uncommon to get less than 5 hours of sleep a night with infants until they are almost 9 months old sometimes even a year. At 10 weeks old your baby's tummy is not large enough to go much more than that without food. While I do not believe in letting a baby that young cry it out mostly because he is too young to understant what is going on and you will only be causing the child to feel he cannot trust his needs will get met. Now that being said I also do not believe you should be sleeping with him on your chest. You could always get a co-sleeper where the baby sleep in his bed next to yours and if he fusses you can touch his back and letting him know you are there (not necessarily picking him up).
I have had babies that slept well and others that did not so I know exactly what you are going through. I have adult children (with 24 grandchildren that I partially raised) and my husband and I have a 2 year old and 1 year old. With the two little ones we ended up having to do shifts. I would go to bed early while he stayed up and got the little ones to sleep and then when they woke up whatever time it was (be it 2 hours later or 6) it was my turn to get up. That way we both got at least 5 or 6 hours sleep. Yes, you do end up dragging but at least it was not just one person losing sleep. I tried to look at it this way - I know you feel as though you will never get enough sleep but I know from experience one day that same little one will be a big person and you will wish for those long nights again. So try to think of it as your special time to just be together like before he was born with no intrusions from the outside world. Because they grow up way too soon. It is a shame we try to get them to the next stage as quick as we can without realizing they will be toddlers and teenagers way too soon as it is. Good luck...
I waited until my son was about 6 months old to let him cry it out. After that I only had to let him for cry for 2 or 3 nights and then it was over and he slept through the night. Just my opinion but I think 10 weeks is a little young to let him cry. Good luck!
T.,
I'm not familiar with the ferber method. But, I don't think you can spoil a 10 week old by giving him too many snuggles, milk, etc. This is his only way of communicating with you at this age.
As parents, I know we will try anything just to get some sleep. When my little boy was a baby I put him to sleep in the infant carseat. We put it on the floor and buckled him in as he got a few weeks older. I think he really liked the snug feeling the seat gave him versus the bassinet.
He was up every three hours until he was nine months old. To him, I was food and pacifier so it was more comfort to him in the middle of the night. We did eventually (at nine months) start letting him cry it out.
Trust your instints as a mother as they won't lead you wrong. You have alot on your plate right now as a new mom. If you have family that can give you help and support take advantage of it asap.
Hang in there as it will get better. Good luck!
I think pediatricians really push parents to force their children to sleep through the night. The turn on a dime, going from "your child has to eat every three hours so wake them up to eat" to "your child should be sleeping through the night by now so let them cry it out." You have to find what works for you and what feels right to you. We wouldn't leave our children to cry during the day if they had a need (for food, for comfort, for nurturing) so why are we encouraged to leave them at night? And it is common for a child who is sleeping through the night to stop doing so for a period because there is something else going on - teething, the child is learning to crawl (with my kids, the urge to move woke them up ). At around 9 months I started to let one of my twins cry (I'd go in and pick him up, tell him it was time for night-nights and put him back down again) simply because I was so exhausted that I was having a hard time functioning. I had a short temper with everyone in the family, was like a zombie trying to get through the day and was having a hard time producing enough milk for the twins because I was so exhausted. So I found that I had to balance my baby's needs with those other needs. The point is, follow your gut.
I should add that people will tell you your child will never learn good sleep habits or that if you let him sleep with you, you'll never get him out of your bed. This is baloney. Do you know of any 18 year-olds that can't sleep through the night or that must still sleep in bed with mom & dad? Of course not. That is obviously an extreme example, but your child will learn to sleep through the night on his own in time. I should also point out that there are many cultures where co-sleeping for an extended length of time is the norm and those kids do just fine.
T.,
I am a mother of three. I nursed all of them and they had periods where they slept more than other times. I do not agree with the Ferber method at all. Eventually the baby will sleep longer and feel more at ease without you. It is all developmental, don't worry they will be out of your bed and into theirs soon enough. At 10 weeks the baby is growing and making major changes. I remember mine sleeping more and more after 16 weeks. Unfortunately my children slept with me until they were about 9 months and sometimes after since I was breastfeeding. I was too tired to get up and sit up while they nursed. It gets better as they grow and can handle longer periods without feeling hungry. Doctors were no help to me except to make me feel like I was failing as a parent. My children are healthy, happy and achieve highly in school. This is nothing to sweat, wait until potty training.
I am not so sure about doing this with a 10 week old but...I have found that letting them cry for 10- to 15 minute intervals works wonders ,They learn to comfort themselves.It is hard to hear them cry, so set your timer & pay attention to the intensity of the cry.If you have comforted that baby after 10-15 min. twice & you lay them back down..usually the 3rd time is the charm !Children need to learn to comfort themselves & everyone in the family fares better if Mom keeps her sanity!
Also ,I know this is controversial among Moms but,I did this with my 3 children & my 2 daughters have added cereal to their children's evening bottles. It helps to make for a goodnights sleep for all.
I went through something like this with my son...he is now 10 1/2 weeks old and JUST started (last week) to sleep in a co-sleeper next to my bed. Up until now, he would only sleep for an hour alone, or for three hours on my chest. I used to stress about it, but I finally came to terms with it. About a week after I stopped being concerned, he decided to sleep on his own. Now he sleeps for a 6-8 hour stretch during the night.
I really believe that every baby is different, and each has his/her own agenda. As my mom put it, "It's not like he'll be sleeping with you when he's 30...maybe 7, but NOT 30 :)" I just decided to give him all the loving he needed, and I think that was what was necessary for him to build trust and security. I figured that I would have started weaning him off sleeping with me when he was able/ready to learn how to self-sooth (they say this happens around four months or so), but I think it's important to listen to your gut and to do what is right for your baby and for yourself. Good luck!!
The best advice I have heard is to do what feels right for you and what you are comfortable with. I too read all of the books with my first (who was not a good sleeper at all!) and was so confused. I have friends who are die-hard BabyWise/schedule/cry-it-out types and others who are attachment/family bed types. I finally learned with my second to do what works. I never thought I would have my infant sleep in bed with me, but for the first few weeks, that was the only way she would sleep. When, out of sheer exhaustion, I fell asleep with her in the bed and woke up frightened that she could have been smothered or fallen out, I decided better to plan on a safe way to have her in the bed and get some sleep than risk falling asleep with her in an unsafe position. All that to say, do what is best for you and your baby. (Also, try to remember that the sleepless nights REALLY do end!)
I would never support any parent letting a child cry it out! These little ones have no sense of time and are only beginning to realize you'll return to them. The panic and terror and abandonment they experience is certainly something you'd never want to go thru or force on anyone you cared about! Parenting is a 24x7 job, and many children do not sleep more than a few hours at a time, some throughout their childhood. Please put yourself in your child's shoes. There are reasons he wants you during the night and children go through stages, which may seem to us like backsliding but really aren't. As they achieve developmental milestones, they may awake more or show a greater need for your comfort during the day. It will improve but he can't talk to you about it. He can only cry, and it is your job to be there for him. He needs to trust you and know he can count on you. Her is still very tiny. He may be metabolizing his food at a faster rate too right now. Hang in there and love your little one. There are so many voices out there telling you that it's all about you, but it's all about him. He's too precious to experiment with. Please try to see this whole thing from his perspective!
I always found that they sleep so much better for a while if they are swaddled up tight (maybe one arm out) and proped on their side. some times a fan or rocking motion of the cradle helps. Check out the book "SmartSleep" or the book or vidio (from the libray) "Happiest Baby on the Block" for ideas. You can simulate the security your baby feels close to you and yet get the space you need to get rest. Now is deffinitly the time to teach your baby how to fall asleep on his own, it will pay off later. But I always felt I could be done in a gentle way. Some times letting them fuss a little and then going in and patting him but not picking him up lets him know that you are there. Each child is differant and it is a leaerning process. I also found that it was helpful when we got up in the night to do as little as possible. Don't turn on the light or talk much to the baby to wake him up. so he learns to just take care of busness and go back to sleep and then morning is play time. Hang in there.
Sometimes people read to much. What do your instincts say is going on with your child. Perhaps your child is changing and needs you a bit more right now - 10 weeks is very young, most babies don't sleep through the night at that point. It will get better as your child gets bigger. The first 3 months are sleep torture. After that every child will go back and forth until they find their own routine. Be patient and don't read so much that you forget to just listen to your child.
