Sister in Law

My grandmother favored my brother and hated me since the day I was born. It didn't help me that she lived with us and cared for us. Er... she kept us alive and loved my brother. Anyway, I always blamed my mom, not her. My mom was supposed to defend me. SHe did tell her mom to be nicer to me, but there were no DIRE concequences for my gma so she never bothered to change. Every now and then my mom would have a stern talk with her but I always felt like my mom should have put me first above any kind of conflict with her mom. My mom was the only person in the world who could have saved me from that hell and she didn't. She only tried in ways that felt safe to her, but that did not make me safe. The person who suffered (besides me) was her because I ended up blaming and hating her for many many many years. It is only in the last 2 (and I am in my mid thirties) that I've been able to let it go and release all that anger. Don't set yourself up for that. Protect your daughter or risk losing her trust.

Good luck.

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I would ask her what the problem is and if she doesn't elaborate do not take your children around her. I am sure it would be tough since your husbands family is the closest but you need to protect the children. If she is holding a grudge against you for any reason and taking out on your child, she is a coward and it needs to be dealt with before it escalates into harming your baby.

you are the parent and as the parent your childrens feelings come first, put etiquette aside. I had the same thing happen and it all comes down to how you approach the conversation. Try doing it alone when no one else is around so she doesnt feel as if your embaressing her(sister in-law). Tell her your feelings and concerns.

Has your husband also noticed this behavior on his sister's part? Maybe he can address his sister about it, and try to figure out what is going on. If not, then I would definitely say that YOU need to address it with her, but NOT with the girls around. Have their Daddy take them out to play or go get something from the store (a treat for them) or something, so that the 2 of you can have some time to talk about the issue. Or better yet, take your SIL out for some coffee or a light lunch so you can discuss it. That puts you on "neutral" turf, and being in public, she is (hopefully) going to be a lot less defensive or confrontational about it. She may not even realize she's doing it! (Or that one of your twins is more sensitive and shy than the other.) If the issue IS about you rather than your daughter, this will be a great time to get the air cleared over whatever the issue is, or is perceived to be.

To start the conversation, I would say something like, "I've noticed that you treat (daughter) differently than you do her sister, and I'd like to talk with you about it. Is there something going on that I should be aware of?" Then you can explain that the twin who is "scared" to be around her aunt is more sensitive/shy than her sister, and maybe the 2 of you can work out a plan.

Hope this helps! Let me know.

~J.~
____@____.com

P.,
I would usually read everyone elses responses but I have this horrible feeling in my heart thinking how a person could do that to someone she is suppose to be an aunt. I would confront her with the issue. I would make it known to your husband and possible make him confront her. If a solution can't be found then definitely she is not a person I would want my children around. Remember we are suppose to keep them safe even around family.
S.

P.,

That is just plain odd... A little creepy too...

I think I would ask my husband to do the talking in that situation. Then, depending on what he says his sister said, talk to her about your relationship with her on a different day.

Who on earth would DO something like that?! She is crazy.

Definitely address the issue. Those are your daughters and although you can't protect them all the time as us mothers wish we can, you can definitely protect them from negativity within the family. You do not want your daughter growing up emotional because your SIL has issues. If she has an issue with you fine, you're a grown woman you can take up for yourself. But your child is a defenseless child and at that age very impressionable. I would definitely address her and whatever her problem is.

I would discuss the issue with your husband first since it is his family. Next depending how that goes and how comfortable you feel maybe you can talk to her with your husband there. If you chose to do this just you and her, she might say well you said this and that....start a he said kind of thing. I know it can be rough dealing with family and the way we view things for our children...chin up and say something

Sister in laws are just not my favorite people right now. Maybe I just have too many of them, but mine are ALL hard to get along with. Maybe you can just not take the twins around her anymore for awhile. I try not to take my kids to visit my in laws....or should I say outlaws, unless I have to. At least, now, my kids are old enough to walk out and go do something else if they are not happy, but when they were little, it would get really hair raising at times. My 8 year old still gets very upset, but my twelve year old will just grab her little hand and whisk her away to the nearby park or to visit friends that live close by. I'm sure by now, that the outlaws have decided that my kids are rude or anti-social, but my older daughter has so many friends, that she doesn't really care what the outlaws think. Hopefully your girls will grow up with the same attitude.

I have twin 1 year olds and if I felt like someone in my family had a favourite I would deffinitely address the issue. It;s just not fair to the kids.

This sounds very odd. I think you should address but you may need to take a "tread lightly" approach since she is your sister in law. Have you talked to your husband about this? If not, I'd start there first to ensure you are both on the same page. Then I'd set aside some time to approach your sister in-law. You might mention what you have noticed and let her know how you feel it may be affecting your one daughter. I think anytime you have a concern about your chlidren's self-esteem you need to speak up. And if your sister in law does have some issue with you, she needs to take it up with you directly and not your children. For a grown adult to be making ugly faces at a 2year old - sounds just childish and/or unstable. It makes me wonder how healthy it is for you to spend a lot of time with her and her family. I don't know your exact sitation, but if I were you, if her hostile behaviors do not change, I'd minimize your time there, and when do have to visit under some family obligation, I'd be sure that during any visits you have with your sister in law, that you are closely monitoring her interactions with your children.

i would address the problem because you dont want what your SIL to shape what your daughter thinks of women outside of her immdiate family.

Have you tried talking with the young lady. If not, how will she know what effect she is having. Also, talk it out with your husband to see what he thinks, if needed.

i think if it's your husband's sister, he needs to be the one to address the issue

You are probably very right with your feelings that she favors one over the other. But, I just wanted to play devils advocate for just a second, HOPING that this woman is not really that cruel. The faces that she makes - could she be acting like she's making bad faces at her? Maybe it's her way of trying to draw out the shy twin, trying to make her laugh or something?

Have you confronted her with this issue. The favorite daughter could pick up on the sister-in-laws behavior and either defend her sister or go along with the adult thinking this is fun..
Sounds as if your sister-in-law has severe issues maybe your husband should talk to her If you have already.
I personally would not subject my daughter if it doesn't stop. No matter who's feelings got hurt. My children would and did always come first. Even in dealing with family.

I would definitely ask your sil if something is up... my inlaws are my only close family, too - but my kids are my everything.

Hi P.,
Wow! First of all.. what a weird, interesting, but ultimately disturbing story! Is your other twin a fraternal boy or girl? Or is it an identical twin? And you say that the sister in law is nice to that twin? To make ugly faces at a 2 year is beyond weird. It sounds like she has some problems.. maybe you can have your husband talk to her? If not, I would just tell her that it scares your daughter and makes her feel bad when a grown up makes ugly faces at her. I would also limit time around her so that your daughter doesn't have to feel that way. 2 years old is too young to explain an inappropriate in law!
Lots of luck!

A.-mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (7)

Ok, this would just piss me off! How dare she make ugly mean faces to a little child. I would address it with her, and let her know that its extremely childish of her and if she wants the "privilige" of being around her niece/nephew she needs to shape up and shape up quickly. How immature. And what an aweosme role model she is being! ugh...I would also give her the opportunity to get whatever beef she has with you off of her chest and hopefully clear the air and move on. I doubt you will be that lucky because obviously you are not dealing with a mature level headed person. Remind her that you do not have to like each other or be the best of friends but you are part of the same family and when around one another and the kids she should treat them with love and respect. Good Luck!!