Single Dad Needing Help with Abc's and Numbers.

I do not have a 'magic' answer for you...EXCEPT to say that a 'child's work' is PLAY!

I am NOT a big believer in flash cards...

I AM a believer in allowing...and being 'available' to a relationship (with a child...or others...) in the 'here and now'...

Let your child 'play'...relax...grow to 'know' her...and allow her to 'know' you...

cat/michele

4 moms found this helpful

J.,

Good for you for getting custody of your daughter. I was raised by my dad.

My first reaction is stop!!! stop!! stop!!! forcing her to learn. Like you said yourself she's been secluded from people and none of them have interacted with her the way you are. Take itty bitty baby steps. Play games with her. Show her that you love her unconditionally. Play more games. Give her a strong support base and a safe harbor. Make it absolutely clear to her that she has every right to have a complete and total meltdown at home, that home is safe and she can unload as needed. Love her.

At four years old she should be able to easily identify up to groups of four things. But I wouldn't push learning. Provide the opportunities but let it be her idea to do these things. As a parent of two kids one of the hardest things for my competitive spirit is to let things go. My two year old still speaks mostly in baby babble/toddlerese and not many understand her. It's very hard for me to accept that she's not clearly verbal like many (in my mind all) of her peers can be understood. I have to tell myself often to let it go and that she's excelled in other areas and her speech will come.

Remember too, this little girl has recently been ripped away from everything she's known and placed in a completely unfamiliar environment. Yes she's probably desperate for "education" but she's also desperate to get her feet solidly on the ground again and relearn which way is up.

By the time they finish Kindergarten they can all read and write. My son is six, misses the age cut off here by 6 weeks so is one of the older kids in his class. He's been able to read since he was 4, but his handwriting just wasn't there. He wasn't interested. Since September when school started until now I've seen a huge improvement in his writing. At the district school fair I went to last year I talked to his teacher and she said that they get the whole gamut of abilities.

They're little for such a short amount of time. LET them be little. Adults spell "Love" L-O-V-E. Kids spell love T-I-M-E. I would introduce her to the joys of parks and playgrounds instead of the tedium of learning.

Sorry for the length,
M.

4 moms found this helpful

Hello J.,

Well I am glad you have your daughter and willing to teach her.

I used to tutor children of your daughters age on up and as many have said......Make it fun for her. Personally with such a big change in her life, try not to teach her to much at once. If she is more comfortable with numbers stick with that until she masters that. If she can count to 10 that is good enough. Let her master counting to 10 before you go higher. If I am not mistaken by the "end" of kindergarten they need only master up to 20. When cooking dinner have her help you with getting the potatoes, say something like "Daddy sure could use your help with dinner, would you get me 4 potatoes?" then be there while she is getting them and YOU count them as she is getting them. Then as you wash them you can hand them back to her to put on the table to be wrapped. Saying 1 potato, 2 potato, 3 potato and so on. Then as you wrap them do the same thing. As you put them in the oven again, the same thing and maybe ask her to count along with you. If she doesn't don't worry, just continue counting. Chances are how ever, she will count with you. Later after she is ready for you to introduce her A B C's to her. You can count AND sing the A B C's and when you get to "P" you go P P is for potato and pick up the potato. Do this with EVERYTHING you do. Then later on you can "show" her a "P". get those magnet letters for your fridge, and start showing her the letter that goes with the object. Like if you are getting out "1" Apple, you count 1 Apple and after you get the Apple just go to the letters and point out "A" A is for Apple. But like I said start out with numbers if that is what she is comfortable with and as you feel she is ready add the other stuff. Don't get frustrated if she doesn't take to it. Just go back to numbers and "occasionally" add in the letter. Even if you think she isn't paying attention...just say it once or twice and move on even if she doesn't engage in it. But I think you will find that she will. Also associate it with her name. Some times it isn't as important to keep the alphabet in "alphabetical" order. Teach her her name first. For instance. Put her name on the fridge and say Oh Look! Your name is right here! Say for instance it is "Amanda", Say Amanda, A M A N D A! Amanda! other things you can do is sing the alphabet and as you come across each letter in her name pull it out and place them on the fridge to spell out her name. Soon enough she will start pulling the letters out for you. (arrange the letters in order on the fridge first) You must do things like this every day. Be creative and have "fun" with it. If it starts getting frustrating for either of you, stop, and try again later.
Keep in mind that at her age you will only be able to keep her attention as far as "teaching" her something for only about 15 minutes "if" your lucky. That's why it is important to do this through out the day this way it doesn't seem like you are teaching her where she feels she has to pay attention to just that. It just becomes part of the activities that you do through out the day.

Hope this helps. Forgive me if I've rambled I just got up about 5 minutes ago! I don't think the birds are awake yet! .......you can always email me if you like.
Good luck

3 moms found this helpful

Hey J. - We are all glad that you have come to join us on here (there are other dads who come on too)! I can tell you one major thing... relax, it is your job to be a loving parent - not the full time teacher. She has and continues to go through adjustment of moving from grandparents to you. This takes time (sometimes years). Encourage her with reading to her and doing more play time, helping cook dinner, etc. These are ways to help get the same thing across but in a less threatening way for her. Check into the Head Start program or preschools in your area. These will help open the door to expose (not demand teach) her socially as well as beginning letters/numbers. Your daughter will have plenty of time in school over the next 12 plus years, let her enjoy being a kid and enjoy spending time with her dad. These are the memories that she will cherish for years to come and they are PRICELESS!!!! Dont stress about it, just enjoy it! God Bless

3 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry that she has obviously been through some hard transitions.

My advice to you is to keep it simple and fun. Get her some preschool games. Nearly all of them are designed for learning numbers and letters. We got one for our son that is put out by Little Einsteins. It's a puzzle, matching, number game and he loves it. Sing silly songs with her and sneak in the ABC's song and "Ten Little Monkeys" and the like. There are sooooooo many kids CD's out there with silly learning songs on them if you don't have a personal arsenal already. Read with her every day and encourage her to make up stories in picture books and with her toys. Engage her imagination and teach her how to use it.

Don't let her get too involved in TV, but let her have a little time with preschool focused programing and watch the programs with her. Dora the Explorer is a good one because Dora asks for help and your little one can "help" Dora solve problems, go places and help others by interacting with the program. Also, Leap toys are great. Each one has a slightly different approach to teaching numbers, letters, colors, sight words, writing, etc. and some are even bi-lingual.

Coloring pretty pictures will help her develop fine-motor skills that are needed for writing. Play is designed to help kids learn. Play with her in everything. This will give her much needed social skills and help her develop a greater sense of self esteem and help the two of you to continue to bond and help her feel safe and loved, which she clearly is.

I will be praying for the two of you. Please give an update on how you are both doing. Kudos to you, Dad.

3 moms found this helpful

I completely agree with the advice to back off on the alphabet and numbers. Your daughter is only 4 1/2, and play is what will teach her the most about how to be a happy person, how to be in relationship with others, how to solve problems.

It's likely that your daughter already knows how to use her imagination, stay curious and engaged. When you notice how her happy mood goes away and she becomes tense and unhappy when you quiz her, you're being given important information.

A focus on learning letters and numbers at this age is only likely to backfire to your daughter's detriment. These skills come early and easily to some kids, and not until much later for others. But those other kids may be way ahead in other developmental areas. Your daughter will get on the educational treadmill soon enough. Please let her enjoy her childhood now.

If you work on anything with her, make it conversation. Help her build her communication skills and learn to express herself, freely and exuberantly. The quality of a child's vocabulary is the single best predictor of success in school.

If you google "the importance of play in early childhood," you'll get links to the latest research. Here's just one: http://www.buzzle.com/articles/importance-of-play-in-earl...

Congratulations on getting custody of your little girl. It sounds like this is still a very new situation. I hope you'll give both of you time to let your relationship blossom. My best to you.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,

I think that one of the questions in your post resonated for me: "is this normal?". From your description of your daughter's life in Montana, I'd say it sounds as though her life has been pretty atypical, but teaching comes in many forms.

It sounds as though your little girl has had some monumental changes in her life; you don't say what's happened with her mother, and she's just left her two primary caregivers. I can't imagine how frightening that must be. I also understand how, as her father, you are trying to get her caught up. Nonetheless, her most primary needs are to be addressed before you can go any further. She needs to feel unconditionally loved and secure and that may take a while for her because of this enormous change for her. One way to get help would be to address this with a counselor who specializes in working with children. Even the most loving parents with the best of intentions can use a hand from time to time, and counselors can often provide an emotionally safe haven for children.

As for education, let me give you some information you might find a huge relief: a recent poll of kindergarten teachers and the corresponding analysis concluded that what these teachers need most from the children is not academic, but largely self-help and social cooperation. Namely, this means that children know how to put on their shoes, coats, operate their zippers and buttons and other skills we adults take for granted, as well as taking turns, being able to follow the teacher's cues, etc. As teachers, ( I teach preschool) it takes far more of our time to teach these skills than it does to teach more academic ones, which seem to come easily when the child is ready.

My advice would be to back up on the flash cards and just get some time together with your little girl. Focus on the fun things around you and read, read, read. Believe me, reading to children is better than flash cards when it comes to sparking interest. If you are concerned about her name recognition, you can use construction paper to cut out big letters of her name for her to color/sticker and then hang her name up where she can see it. You can use letter beads on a cord to make her name and let her add beads on for her own name necklace. You can make nametags for the places she hangs her coat or places her shoes, etc.--in short, a gentle immersion is less likely to be upsetting to her than something as demanding as flash cards. Sing the entire alphabet to her and find toys like puzzles to help. and then, relax. She's got a lot of catching up to do right now, and the alphabet isn't her first priority.

One more thing, and I know you didn't ask for this, but I'd like to suggest a book that may be extremely helpful for your family: "The Good Enough Parent" by Bruno Bettelheim. There are a lot of gray areas in any parent/ child relationship, and this books tends be very, very encouraging as well as enlightening. I do hope you check it out; I've gained so much knowledge through his very pragmatic and thoughtful approach to raising children.

My best to you!

PS--Please don't use rewards...I know it was suggested, but it just makes the situation heartbreaking when kids can't "earn" the treat. And it's a terrible way to develop a teaching relationship.

3 moms found this helpful

I am graduating in June with my degree in Early Childhood Education. You have received some great advice so far. Children learn through PLAY. You can also read books to her to first introduce the love of reading and literacy. Burn those flash cards, because they are worthless. Children learn best and faster through meaningful interactions and play. You are intimidating her with your methods...It sounds like she has been away from you for quite some time....I would work first on building a trusting relationship with her.(through KIND,PATIENT,WARM interactions) She has been removed from her primary caregivers of 4 years, that has got to be devastating for her.

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with all the mothers who say to focus on play with your daughter. She will learn the alphabet and numbers when she's ready to do so. I think it's good to expose her to the idea of letters and numbers but not to quiz her at this age. There are good programs on TV and good videos and CDs that are about letters and numbers. My grandchildren learned letters with the ABC song. My granddaughter's ability to consistently say the alphabet without the song didn't occur until she was 5 or so. She wasn't able to sing all of the alphabet until she was in preschool at 4 or so and by then she'd been exposed to them for 3 or more years.

Several children in her kindergarten class didn't know the alphabet or their numbers. These preschool years are the years in which children learn how to relate to others and their physical world. They're learning how to walk and talk and tell Daddy they love him. These are the years in which a baby develops a sense of security in their world.

Your daughter most likely does not feel secure. She's gone from living with her grandparents to living with you. Did she know you before she came to live with you? Did she spend time every week with you? If not she is not only having to learn who you are but also who she is with you. She is having to adjust to a whole different environment even if she already knew you.

At 4 1/2 her whole life has been different. Say she's been with you for 6 months. That is just 1/9th of her life. The rest of her life, 8/9ths of it were spend somewhere else. Did she spend that part of her life in one place or has she had to move around, perhaps having different caretakers. Was she treated well prior to living with you?

I suggest that there are likely many psychological issues with which to deal long before you focus on academics. You can find good resources at the public library. Her pediatrician could recommend some books and other resources if she needs them. Preschool may be a good choice for her as long as the school's primary focus is on providing for each child's needs as well as a small amount of time on academic education.

I recommend taking parenting classes and reading a good book on child development. Other mother's on this site can most likely give you some suggestions. I like Love and Logic by Foster and Kline for discipline issues.

If you insist that she learn the alphabet and numbers in a classroom style, such as with flash cards, she is likely to develop a dislike for learning. That she now cries tells me that she feels much too much pressure to perform and to please. You want her to say the alphabet. She is already a failure.

Make learning anything fun by doing it in a playful way and as a small part of play. This means no sit down and learn this now. School will provide plenty of that. Now is the time for her to be care free and imaginative. Let her play with the cards without any goal in mind. My grandkids carried them around. Sometimes they'd bring me a card and ask what that letter is. We'd look at the picture and I'd ask what was in the picture and from there identify the letter. They initiated the learning.

You can read billboards to her as you drive. Read to her every day. She'll learn just by looking at the pages as you're reading. And always remember that children learn different things at different times. There is no one right time to have accomplished a certain thing.

Play with her. Be consistent in providing for her physical and emotional needs. Good food and good sleep on a reasonable schedule. Lots of approval and love. Lots of carefree unstructured time doing things with you, other loving adults, and children. Provide lots of satisfying times together. Focus on helping her to be happy while learning and enforcing boundaries that allow you to be a healthy adult and a successful parent. Boundaries are important for both of you.

Caring for a child, even when we greatly love them, is a very rewarding job even tho it is also very difficult. A part of success is knowing and having reasonable expectations. I'm glad that you've written asking this question. I hope that you can relax and let her learn in a gradual and fun way.

3 moms found this helpful

I am sure much of it is emotional strain (not your fault, but that's the way it goes), but perhaps, instead of flash cards, you can just, in your daily walkabout, count things aloud. Consider the Count on Sesame Street. He counts something, and when he finds out how many, he laughs his vampire laugh. If she sees you having fun with it, she will have fun, too.

I would also suggest, for the letters, that you start her off with lots of reading. Read simple books to her so that you can point to the words as you say them (Very Hungry Caterpillar and Goodnight Moon were my kids' favorites), but any book that is silly and simple would work. Be goofy, and let her see that this is play, not school. Even in school (for several years, at least), the "work" is "play," so school will continue that once you put it in place. Flash cards are more helpful, I've found, when kids are older--my daughter is using them for multiplication in third grade, but they are not her favorite thing to do.

I think if you start as the identifier of letters and numbers, and make it into a game every day, she will participate without fear, and will learn more. If she's never encountered this, though, being older will not necessarily make her faster at acquiring the symbols. Just be patient, and make sure she knows this is all fun.

3 moms found this helpful

If I were sitting with you in a conference (I have a Montessori preschool/kindergarten), I would say that it sounds like your little one just isn't quite ready for letters. It sounds as if she's had a lot of transitioning to deal with lately, so letters are probably just not high on her list of priorities :) And actually, the natural "window" for absorbing letter names and sounds, is often closer to 5 years old, or even a little older. Students that I've had in school or for tutoring often need a total break from it for a while if they are not truly ready yet. Otherwise, we run the risk of them hating anything to do with reading, which is the last thing we want. She might prefer just time to snuggle up with you with story books, so she's exposed to the rhythm and habit of reading, without any pressure to memorize letters yet. There are some cute story books that incorporate the names of the letters that she may like: "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" and "Alphabet Adventure" and "Alphabet Mystery." There are tons more, but that's what I can think of right now. A children's librarian could probably point you to more. It sounds like you have a lot going on, so good luck and God bless you and your daughter. I can tell you that when I've had students for Kindergarten who were never in a preschool before, by the end of the year, I couldn't tell the difference between them and the kids who had 2 years of preschool. It almost always evens out! She'll get there!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi J.,

It's hard to know, without a lot more details, what may have been going on with her grandparents. Did they "seclude" her because your daughter has a learning disability or some other issue going on that they thought it would be protective? Or did they seclude her because of something going on with the grandparents themselves?

I strongly suggest you find a counselor or child development specialist who can check out your daughter in a non-threatening way and who can help you find whatever support you and your daughter may need. In the meantime, remember that whatever has developed or not developed in your daughter's first four years of life, it is not necessary to "fix" it all in one go. If it makes her cry to try something like identifying letters then it will not help her learn them. It sounds like there is either fear or frustration going on, and these are not conducive to learning. Just let her spend time with you and developing your relationship. So much is changing for her if she has left her grandparents and has moved to a new home with you. She probably just needs gentle handling while she gets used to all the changes. She will eventually be ready, and I bet she gets this very quickly when she is.

In the meantime, Sesame Street is a great way to develop interest in letters and numbers and is so very fun--she won't know it's "educational". Go Elmo!!!

3 moms found this helpful

She may not understand what an A, B, C or D is, or what it's for. This age has a HUGE variety of what kids can do and what they can understand. I get some students that are ready for piano lessons, for example, know their letters and numbers at this age, and some that aren't ready, and don't know them.

The point is to teach in such a manner that the child doesn't even know they are learning. You want to have fun with her and teach her in a non-threatening up-beat way. Use big fun picture books that have the letters in them, and don't sweat it if you can't drill her on it right away. This is the age for exposure to things, not necessarily for remembering "book learning". This age is VERY active physically - and that may need to be more of your focus for right now than the letters and numbers. There are also books "Activities you can do with your children" that help them learn a LOT.

You can do beadwork where they put beads on a string in patterns - patterns help math development. I picked up a math game a long time ago that had beads, and squares, rectangles with different activities to do with a young child that prepares them for math. The internet is a great resource for books, activities and games for this age.

If I'm teaching piano to a child at this age, I'm using songs, puppets, numbers, 5-10 minutes sit time, then 5-10 minutes active time which can include stomping to the beat, standing up and clapping, then getting back down to the piano. This age doesn't sit very long very well.

You can also use the ABC song - there is "Richard Scarry - The Best Alphabet Video EVER" He also has a "Best Number Video"- which is EXCELLENT for teaching little ones concepts about letters. My children understood very well what an alphabet was for after viewing this multiple times.

2 moms found this helpful

If she's 4, a good preschool program would be ideal. Don't worry about education, worry about playing! She might love preschool, with friends and activities. And, they do learn letters there while they play. The local park district is often inexpensive, and good. 3 days a week is plenty. Look for play-based.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh, how I miss the letter people!

We used colorful magnets on the fridge and on a board the kids played with. Along with the ABC and 123 magnets we had ones that had pictures on them of animals and other things that the kids liked. We used these together in fun and sometimes funny ways.

Reading books about ABC & 123 are also a good snuggly way to go over and over what you are trying to teach. I would put away the flash cards for now and concentrate on making learning fun. Maybe make your own magnets together, cut pictures out of magazines and paste them onto magnets.

Talk about colors and clouds, animals, how many animals do you see in the picture? How many dogs did you see on our walk today? Then find the animal in a book and spell it out together. Learning can be fun. Just make it a normal part of everyday, I did that with my boys and they never even knew they were learning! Their favorite subjects now are Science, History and Reading.

Good luck and enjoy the time learning with your daughter!

2 moms found this helpful

Hey J.! No need to freak out. She is fine, she just needs time and encouragement/patience. If you have a computer, you can go to starfall.com which is a wonderful learning website, that you can go through with your daughter. They have each letter separate, and it guides the child through the letter sound and how it is used and it is fun! Check it out! pbskids.org is also a great learning resource! If you don't have a computer, you can go to the library, or get/make some flashcards that have the letter and a picture of something on the back. C - Cat etc. And go through them once a day, so as not not overwhelm her! Hang in there. You are a good daddy to be working so hard with her! It will pay off :)

2 moms found this helpful

You should try to singing the ABC's and when she does say a letter right make a big deal out of it. You said she really hasn't had much attention like this so you do not want it to be negative. When I sit down with my 3 1/2 yr old to work on her writing skills she loves it when I yell 'you did it' or 'yeah' then give her a high five. I also reward her.. nothing big... my daughter really likes stickers and fake tattoos so if she learns something new I give her one. Remember it is very difficult and new for her already so be patient.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi J. - don't give up! You are doing the right thing in wanting to help her...just maybe take a break on trying to get her to tell you the letters/numbers. Focus more right now on reading fun, engaging stories to her and spending time with her. When you are driving around point out a stop sign and say "stop - s, t, o, p" and other things like that at random without making her repeat it or asking anything of her. If you spend enough time showing her that letters are fun, she will want to join in. Besides, she will still be absorbing everything you say and do.

2 moms found this helpful

Hello J.,

As adults we take things very literally. We see things as separate situations, when really things are not separate.

She has to get to know you, to know her whole new life. Patience is a virtue that our child teaches us.

Let her unwind it sounds like everyone has been through a lot already.

I would take her to the pediatrician and make sure that she is healthy, Also, the eye doctor is often overlooked in these situations. A good eye doctor could let you know if she is seeing things properly, which in some cases is the issue.

Reading to her is the Best way of getting her interested in letters.

Take your time. She is not a machine. There are some learning systems that say kids don't need to learn to read until they are seven.

Find the space and love in your heart and settle into things with her. Relax, enjoy her, we all develop at our own rate...My son amazes me with what he learns when I relax and let him find his way to learn.

2 moms found this helpful

If she is just 4.5 years old I think you have much more important issues to worry about than her numbers and letters. I would be addressing the emotional things first and just spending time with her. I would make some of that time reading to her in books that feature numbers and letters. ( and there are lots and lots of good number and alphabet books)

I have 4 children between the ages of 12 and 5 months and I have let each of them show interest in learning these things before I did anything formal with them. I did read to them in counting books and I did count in front of them for math, and discuss numbers and of course have them cook with me since that is great for learning reading and math and several other things all @ one time. I read to all of them from prior to birth, but let them express interest in reading themselves before I did much with teaching lettes to them.

I started with most of them not only reading the alphabet books, but when they began to draw and so on I would incorporate the drawing with letters buy drawing for them and then labeling the things and people. They also showed interest in their own name and GOD's name early on. Each of them however had interest at differing ages. I let them lead.

You might try reading a couple of books on education and child development. For child development I would suggest the books by Dr. Williams Sears. For education one of my favorite is called "Better Late than Early" and also anything that explains the Montessori method.

I am glad your daughter is in a loving home and has some one who really cares. Have fun with and enjoy her, this is such a special age!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,

Part of it is normal. My oldest son (now 6) had the hardest time remembering visually the letter and their sounds (teach them at the same time....) I tried many different things but worked best for him was a reward. "For every letter you get right, you get a skittle" or whatever your daughter likes. If she enjoys videos, I strongly suggest the Leapfrog Letter Factory ($10/Target). My 4 and 2 year old love it. It's something we turn on daily at our house for the repitition. It doesn't replace the time we spend with them going over it also, but it helps.
Don't stress too much about her not getting it yet. She will eventually. Right now she's still probably transitioning. By the way - GOOD FOR YOU for stepping up and being what a dad is all about :)

1 mom found this helpful

I totally agree with the responses saying do not pressure. She needs emotional support much more. With all the changes in her short life, she is probably overwhelmed. Take it slow. Feeling secure will help her learn when she is ready. As previously recommended, reading is a great way to promote a love of books and bonding at the same time. Something I did with my son is I bought Sesame Street cookies at Whole Foods. Each cookie has a letter. At first I would hold the cookie and say the letter, then give it to him. So letters are "good" because they taste good. After a while, we moved on to him telling me the letter. He always gets the cookie even if he is wrong, I just tell him the correct letter and have him say it. The important thing is, no pressure. Make it fun. I feel it is much more important to promote a love of learning which will last a life time, than a race to beat the neighors kid which only serves to make the parent feel good, not the child. It is the journey, not the destination. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

J.,
You have great intentions and you want your daughter to learn--great! But you can take a step back and relax a bit. Kids have an innate desire to learn (we all do, if it's not drilled out of us!) so you can teach her without her ever having to know. Read to her. Let her enjoy to books--if she points out a letter or a word on a sign when you're out and about take the opportunity to talk about those letters and what kinds of sounds they make and how they blend together to make a word. If you push too hard she's going to feel your frustration and disappointment and worry and she's going to worry about that. It might make her afraid to try--or stressed out about these lessons. I know you're just trying to make up for lost time, but take a deep breath and trust that if you spend quality time with her (not teaching time, but together time) you will have opportunities to work on these things as they come up. Four and a half is still young--give her the space and she'll totally get it.

1 mom found this helpful

Former K-1 teacher here, and I have some advice.

1. Relax, she's four.

2, Go to a party or craft store and get some tiny toys that match the letters you want to teach. Remember vowels have two sounds and i would start with the short sounds-a apple a

3. Remember that she is four and doesn't need to know everything right away. So I would be in a hurry to teach her all of it now. Go to the Science Center, Children's Theater, Zoo, etc. Talk, talk, talk about the world that is new to her. Enriching her world is more important than teaching her letters. If you see letters on the billboards or signs as go, that is a good time to talk about them. Get early reading books that you can point out letters to her.

4. Finally when you start to work with letter, the sounds are more important than names of letters.

Start with one sound at a time. Show one of the letters you haven't shown (new start). Use the toy and go "this is a net, n-net-n," find another letter (not m-to close in sound) do the same. Find three letters in all. Set them in front of you and ask her to show you the ___(sound). Mix them up and do it again. When she has done this once or twice, give her the objects, tell her to give you the "n", or the "___", etc

Repeat this activity until she knows, and can say the sounds. Then add one more sound. Do this gradually.

And do remember enriching her life is more important than just knowing her letters. And don't spend a lot of time on this. She is just four.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I have lots of answers.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Joshus~
I would start with her getting to know her surroundings more. Let her watch tv. Dora the explorer, nick jr and noggin have wonderful programs to help with these skills! Learning is about playing and having fun. It seems that maybe she may have some other things she is trying to work through. I would get her in for her check-up at the dr. and make sure you write down questions you would like answered about her growth and knowlegde about her age group. See if they might be able to help you. I am sure you are a great daddy to her!!! If she has been in a different surrounds for a long time, this change can be very hard. Even if this is better for her. We all deal with change differently and that includes kids! I wish you the best of luck. You have probably had a lot of good advice, this is such a good support for all people! Feel free to email me if you have any more questions.
B.

1 mom found this helpful

How long have you had her? Maybe she is going through a slight depression from being changed from people she knew as her comfort zone to someone she doesn't know or hasn't seen that much. Just be patient. She probably knows more than you think. She just needs some time to adjust. I would quit the teaching for a bit and have some fun times and some daddy and baby girl time. At that age they like to do alot of pretend stuff like pretending she is making you dinner and give it to you and you have to act like it is hot and then you eat it. (Things like that.) Then give her a bown and add some flour to it and give her a spoon and a measuring cup of water and and egg and a stool and let her go to town cooking you something good. Then gradually move in with the teachings. Also if she hasn't been around anyone for yrs, it may do her good to go to a preschool. She needs the social interaction with other kids plus the competition of other's learning stuff, will get her feeling like she needs to get busy and learn too.
Just be patient with her. She has alot going on inside her also.

1 mom found this helpful

This is a huge change for her and my guess is this is adding a lot of pressure. She won't want to let you down and will be wanting to please you and when she is pushed to know an answer she could be scared of failing and you getting mad or sending her back/away or anything, she doesn't know. Such a big change is likely to make her feel insecure and who really knows what happened with the grandparents. She probably knows more than she is letting on right now.

I suggest building up trust. Play, love, laugh and after a couple of months start weaving in education to the play time. Once she is happy and secure she will learn fast. Don't worry about her age. Apparently all kids are equal by age 8 anyway!

Focus on a routine that will make her feel comfortable. Similar schedule each day, outside time, books, play, a little TV, consistent lunch time, dinner time, bath, stories, bed etc. Have her do some things with other kids and make some friends, preschool, gymboree, playdates etc. RELAX! Just love her :) Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

I just want to second what Emily C said. We bought the Leap Frog series of DVDs as a set. It is the best money I have spent. The letters video on particular is wonderful. They set it all to music which is a huge help. They not only teach you the letters but the sounds they make. When my girls were learning their alphabet, I could hear them hum the tune to figure out the sound the letter made. The other videos are in the series are fabulous too. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

First of all I applaud you on stepping up and getting custody of your daughter. My suggestion to you is not to get discouraged. She senses your feelings and in turn get's discouraged herself. Don't push it... instead, look into a pre-school and a counselor as well. There may be more to what she has gone through. Being around other children her age will be a big help. My two yr old son can count to 10, but it's not because of me. It's due to a few good shows on Sprout and being around other kids at his daycare. Again, congrats on getting custody of your daughter! She's lucky to have a caring father like yourself. Give it time and just enjoy each others company. One last thing... try some board games for toddlers. Have her pick out a game and play it with her. :)
Good luck to you both!

1 mom found this helpful

Breath, relax, and slow down. Do not stress it, she will catch up in no time and there is no need to push. Buy some of those letter magnets for the fridge, and read some ABC books at bed time, like the one by Dr. Seuss. Do not do it in a "you have to learn this" way, but in a "I want to read with you way". She will start to pick it up in not time. Kids learn best through natural interaction and play. If she does happen to be a little behind some of the children when she starts school, it is no big deal at all. When kids start Kindergarten they are all at different stages of learning, it is expected, and the teachers work with each child in the areas they need the most help in. It is ok, she is ok, you will be ok! Just love her and give her lots of attention, the rest will fall into place!

Blessed Be

1 mom found this helpful

I just wanted to throw in another voice encouraging you to have fun with her. Kids learn through fun and exposure at this age. Take her to the Children's Museum; do a class with her (or sign her up for one); take her to storytime at the library; read to her; sing with her; play at the park (or indoor park at the community center) with her; give her love, praise, boundaries, and smiles. Try your best not to get caught up in what she 'should' be doing, as it varies, especially after her past environment. Make her feel safe and loved and expose her to many things, and the rest will fall in line.

Best of luck to you,
L.

1 mom found this helpful

My advice? Don't push it. She's only 4. There was a time when kids weren't pushed to learn anything in the realm of letters and numbers until they were in first grade. Now they want them to learn those things in preschool.

I would say, focus on things she enjoys. Don't do anything that makes her frustrated. She will learn, and with less stress when she's ready. It's okay that she's not.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Josh!

I did not read any of your other responses...us woman can be very long-winded sometimes:) but here is what I think...

Just by wanting to teach her, you are doing enough for now. Read to her once a day to keep it special and if you love the flashcards (like I do) maybe just once a day, fast and be done. Her hearing while seeing is enough. I do my son's core words while he is eating breakfast before school. He could not recognize all his letters before he started K this year but he is right on track. I say leave your daughter alone as far as "testing" or even "counseling" for now. Just enjoy being with her and remember that (this is going to sound so cheesy, cant believe I'm gonna type it) "love conquers all"!

You guys are going to be just fine. It is a newer situation for both of you and you'll feel your way through it...give it some time!

Good Job Daddy!

1 mom found this helpful

First - it is normal not to learn the ABCs in 10 days. Applaud yourself for getting custody and relax a little about it. No kid is going to learn that in a only 10 days.

I would advise you get her in a good preschool - read lots of books to her - don't push her to give you an answer - just wait until she's ready. One day she'll surprise you.

Use the ABC song to sing while washing hands.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J., Wow. Sounds like your little girl has a lot going on....If you're not anti-video, you might try the Leap Frog series. It makes it all really fun and takes the pressure off of you (and your relationship with her). There's one for letters, building words, and math circus. Sounds like at this point she'd enjoy the letters one. Otherwise, we just counted everything - going upstairs, steps to the door, cars on the road etc. etc. We made it fun and we would do the counting - eventually, the kids thought it looked like fun, too, and joined in...but on their own time. Best of luck and please keep us updated!

1 mom found this helpful

You have gotten some great advice and my daughter is the same way. Best thing to do is not pressure at all. I started with the letters in her name and that seemed to work well. She likes to spell her name. Start with the first, then last, then middle. Then move to your name and any family or friends names you would like. Using that method makes it personal and sets small goals. You dont need to learn letters in order at first. The ABC song will help with that. Books like Chicka Chicka Boom Boom are fun too. Good luck, hang in there - no pressure!

1 mom found this helpful

I would try Leapfrog. It was SOOOO easy to use and my son learned his ABC's and how to spell small words within weeks. When I got the Leapfrog reading DVDs, my son was reading within 2 wk. Hope this helps. :D

1 mom found this helpful

Hi J.,
The best to you as you go on the learning adventure with your daughter. Does your daughter like to sing? Read books? Maybe you can start with a fun way of learning the alphabet that doesn't seem so much like learning. I bought a 3 Pack Childrens CD set at Costco. We play this and sing in the car. We also dance around the house to it. The first CD is about letters and sings the alphabet, days of the week, etc. 2nd CD has songs that have numbers in them. Maybe at some point you can introduce looking at the alphabet as you sing. Also, I think if you read to your daugther this will also help with letter recognition. After reading to her for some time, maybe you can point at letters and ask what they are. We also have the foam letters and numbers in the bath tub.
If she has never been exposed to this before it is all probably very new to her and I would imagine intimidating. Sounds like her world has changed quite a bit and I am sure all this creates a level of stress.
I think that if you recognize and acknowledge small successes she will relax and begin to enjoy. With it being so new, she will get there. I wish you the best! :)
God Bless-
L.

1 mom found this helpful

Try shapes and colors first. Does she know her colors. The Montesori method uses these wooden math sticks that show ratio. The longest one uses ten of the smallest. It's a math and color lesson all in one.
Read to her. She may not have been read to much. Interest in letters comes with seeing what they are used for.
Sing songs. Buy a few CD's for children and listen to them with her.
She needs to learn to play and to be with other children.

Good luck because your daughter does not know you yet the process or earning her trust will take a full year and more. Be patient. What has happened to you and her is like coming in cold as a step-parent. It takes three years to become fully her parent.

1 mom found this helpful

My first and best advice is to be patient. It can be "testy" at this age, as I remember trying to teach my twins the alphabet so that they would be ready for kindergarten, and they would get a few and then just get distracted or frustrated and walk away to play with toys. I had another parent tell me not to worry, Kindergarten will get them reading...she was right!

The second best advice I can give now is to just work on your personal relationship, making sure that she knows that you are there for her, and will not harm her, and that you are a sanctuary for her. I would encourage you to really just work on her interpersonal and integrating social skills at this point. I wish you the best!

1 mom found this helpful

Take it slow and make it more play. For example when you are out and about point out a letter on a sign. Have her draw and color and get used to using different materials. She needs time to adjust to a new situation. Also, have you had her seen by a pediatrician?

1 mom found this helpful

Congrats on custody. My four year old daughter is very emotional, so some of the emotions you are seeing are probably due to the age. They don't know how to deal with their feelings yet and are working on being more independent.

My suggestion as to learning her letters, colors, whatever, trips to the library and bookstores. Check out books with alphabets and other picture books. The more she is exposed to words and reading, the more interested she will be in learning. She will begin to initiate the learning aspects. And the nice thing about reading, it is a great time to cuddle and bond together. She will start to feel much safer in her environment.

She is going through a lot of changes right now and needs to focus on feeling safe and secure in her new surroundings. Reading to her exposes her to letters and sounds in a fun way. You might also check out books about kids moving to another parent or just to a new area. Ask a kids librarian to steer you toward books that will help her relate to the characters in some way and adjust to her new situation.

Counseling for her would be a plus. You can have her tested through your local school district for possible learning disabilities and delays. They can also provide for therapy if there are delays.

Someone mentioned being around other kids. That would be great, but you might want to hold off on day care for a bit and check out some classes through the recreation centers near you. She may not like being left at a preschool when her surrounding have just been drastically changed. Classes offer the chance to do structured activities with other children and only for a short amount of time to start. You might go to Meetup.com and see if there is a play group that fits your schedule/needs. This will also give her time to be around other children and you might make some new friends, too.

Good luck in the new parenting role, it can be tough at times, but very rewarding, too. And remember, READ, READ, READ. Oh, check out the story times at the local libraries. If yours doesn't fit your schedule find another near you that might. Go online and google the library for kids activities. It is something the two of you can do together.

D.

1 mom found this helpful

Big hugs!!! Good for you :) :) :)

I didn't read through the rest, so don't know if this is a repeat, but be sure to go to www.starfall.com

Sit with her until she's comfortable using it (it's 100% kid friendly), and then let her use it on her own. 1/2 of how it works so well is that the recorded voices/sounds are just as excited at the 12,000th repetition of "T! "Tuh!" Tiger! Groooooowl. (laughter) Whoa. Look at his teeth! Whoa!" as the first. Trust me, you won't be able to restrain yourself from saying or intmating that you DON'T want to hear the durn tiger one more time if you're sitting with her. Even if you keep your mouth shut, body language will say it.

Just let her play on the site for a 1/2 an hour or hour every day, and do something nearby for yourself (read a book, clean something, whatever... use it as "me" time).

It is the BEST letter recognition/early reading program out there, and it's completely free.

As an elementary school teacher and a mom of a 2 year old, who already knows all of her letters, I would be concerned, as it seems you are. You can have her tested by an early childhood specialist, just ask your local school about how to contact one through the district. At age 4, she should recognize all of the letters at least, maybe not write them, but at least recognize them. They could help you much further than the advice that is given here. Good luck! How wonderful you are getting this going. The earlier the better.

Thats is sad and breaks my heart... poor little girl and poor dad!! That is a really hard thing to try and figure out. I do totally agree with the teacher who said to have her evaluated. Even if she has had no one ever try and teach her, by four and a half she should be willing and should be remembering more than she is. I also agree not to push her. I would get professional help immediately. A pediatritian is a great place to start. I would also get her around other kids as much as I could. Kids help kids learn in big ways. Good luck!!

Have you tried "Your Baby Can Read" series?

N.

You should put her in preschool. It will help her learn and play with others her own age. Also by the magnetic letters. You can get a cookie pan and put the letter on the pan or on the fridge. When my son was in kidergarten he had a problem with his site word list and the first time he took the test for his site word he failed. See in kidergarten the kids are givin a list of words that are called site words and they have to be able to read those words to the teacher and my son couldn't, So his teacher suggested spelling the words with magnetic letters so we did we would pick a word from his list of site
words and spell it out with the letters on the fridge and leave the word there for a week and every day for a week we would see the word and say it as we went by it each time. Buy the end of the week he knew
the word. So when he took the test again at the end of the school year he passed with fling colors. He also had fun with it.

well if you have tried making a game of it and she is still not getting on board with it i might turn to like a head start teacher or the special ed teachers at school but i suspect that this may be a response to being isolated and the a b c's will be the least of her problems if she lacks in social skills when she hits school watch her carefully see if she does things maybe out of order or backwards if you notice this test her to see about dyslexia but mostly i think it is to much to fast (lack of socialization ) hope that helps

First school preschool is a totally free site for preschoolers aa great source that I have used for my 4 year old twins.