Sick and Tired of the Rudeness....

Hi H.:
It would appear nothing has changed,since your last request.I'd recommend you read on what to expect from a three year old,however,if you aren't willing to take the time to read some of the advice given you here,you certainly aren't going to take the time to read A chapter out of a book. Your three year old's actions are normal for his age.You have set your expectations to high for him. Because of this, he's going to continue to disappoint and frustrate you. Your going to wind up with A teenager,that feels no matter how hard he tries to please you or make you proud,its never enough.Until you realize,that he is only A toddler,with minimal skills,and till which time you stop taking everything he says quite literaly,your going to continue to be frustrated,and your son miserable. In your last request,you said you got very angry,when you asked your son who he thought he was talking to,and he said "You" It's as though you were setting him up for an argument.You knew what his reply was going to be. Now, you are frustrated and mad,because when you asked him if he had a good time,he replied with an honest "NO" You took this as an insult. You got angry at him for being honest in his reply to you.You know better. You know he had a wonderful time.He thought it important,and he felt comfortable enough to let you know his disappointment in not getting to throw the darts.If he can't feel the freedom to convey his sincere feelings to his mother,(Good or bad)who does he talk to? You could have brushed off his little complaint and said well,maybe when your a little bigger,or maybe dad and you could do it together next time.If you continue to react negatively to his truthfulness,he will soon begin lying to you,simply to keep YOU happy,or to keep the peace.As he grows he'll lie to everyone else around him,to keep them happy. You see where this is going?Everyone is entitled to an opinion,just because he doesn't think the way you do,doesn't make him wrong.If you think the sky is blue,and he thinks it looks purple....Well then that's how he sees it.Stop making everything an issue or debate,and simply enjoy these young years with your son. You only get one go around.I wish you and your son the best.

Just some things to ponder...
Are you rude to your child as well? Do you ignore him when he needs you because you're busy doing something else? How many times does he have to say something before you actually hear him and respond? Do you make promises you don't keep? Do you tell him one thing, and do something completely different?

Personally, I find, that if you truly give your kids the time of day, they will behave better. If you promise them something or say you're going to do something and really follow through, they will have no reason to be frustrated with you or have any reason to doubt your word.

I'm NOT judging you by any means. I've been guilty of these things before (and they are easily done and without a thought), but I make an effort and a conscious decision to HEAR my children as best as I can. Maybe this can make the difference.

Just because our children are young, it doesn't mean that they don't deserve to have their feelings and opinions respected. They are PEOPLE just like you and me, except little-er :) Remember, you can't expect something out of someone unless you're willing to give it yourself.

Best of luck to you!

My son just turned 3 YO and right away I thought okay here comes the terrible 3's like a friend of mine was experiencing. But, nada...just the same old routine. Sometimes we get along, other times we don't and more often then not we talk about stuff before it explodes.

I agree with the last poster, respect begets respect, and while he might love his baby sister you brought this new person into your lives and why? You didn't ask me if it was okay and I was the boss until recenlty.

While your planned outing seemed to be going well, he is still harboring some kind of resentment/issue that was not addressed...so back to square one.

From a very young age I have taught my son to recognize his feelings and to express himself in a way that is safe and helpful. So, this weekend something was bugging him and when we were getting ready for nap he said, 'Mommy you gotta talk to me'...so we talked about how confused he is about his stuff being gone or split between our house and his Dad's house after his birthday. He wanted all his presents in one place and it was frustrating him. So, we talked about it and came up with a plan together.

It's amazing what goes on in those little heads and how tough it is for them to express it. Your son might not know that he is mad or how to tell you, but by saying things he does know will make his point he's expressing himself in the best way he can.

Keep up planning things for just the two of you, but also get down on his level and think about how he must feel with all the change and development things he's going through. Help him understand that no matter how much things change he's still a big part of life for everyone.

I know you wrote here before regarding your son.

Is your son this same way with your Husband as well????
Or, is he just this way with you?????

If it is just with you... then the dynamic there needs adjustment.

My sister was very much like your son. My sister basically had TONS of resentment/negativity toward my Mom. But, my Mom was not exactly June Cleaver... nor was she ignorant... she was just not what my sister imagined a "Mommy" was supposed to be. But my Mom expected SO much from my sister... and my sister HATED it and her for that. They butted heads SO much....and it didn't have to be. And they are both very bright people... so it was constantly like 2 Attorneys going off at each other....even though my sister was ONLY a child. But it meant NO progress for their relationship. ULTIMATELY... it is the Parent, who has to be the 'leader.' A child cannot be expected to be responsible for all problems or solutions or causes. It is a 2-way dynamic....like a rubber-band.

Once in awhile, on my bad-hair days... I have 'argued' with my oldest child. And my Husband would calmly remind ME "Honey, YOU are the Parent, SHE is the CHILD.... don't act like a child yourself." Nuf' said.

Problems like this are growing-pains... for the Parent too. Not only the child. The child needs US to navigate them. Not the other way around.

All the best,
Susan

Well i hate to say it but this does not go away. i have found it gets better at times but kids will test the "disrespect issue" over and over. don't take it personally it is part of their brain development. You know your doing the best you can for now, things will change and you will do even better as time continues.
I have found a couple of things have helped in my home.

never justify why you have a rule or make a decision. you can EXPLAIN the reason once then that is it. the next time they ask -i said i would never say this but- because mommy said so has been the best answer. i have very smart and children who like to argue issues and find ways around reasons so i just don't go there anymore. arguing is counterproductive. i do listen to their opinions and take them into account but i am the Mom.

reinforce how much that child means to me and our whole family. teaching respect through love is much more powerful then than trying to just control behaviors in my experience. Example- my child was destroying the house not on purpose but he is mischievous for sure. he had broken all kinds of things over a 6 week period. my husband and i kept telling him to be careful, using time outs and even taking money out of his piggy bank to repair some of the damage. this was totally ineffective and he seemed unfazed by it. one day i sat him down and explained we all live in this home, dad works to pay for it mom works to clean it we all love living here and we need to show how much we love our home by respecting it and not slamming doors or being careless with it. that was it we have never had another problem and i have even over heard him giving the same speech to his brother.

the next is money doesn't buy love. I know everyone knows this but i find i forget it. i will buy my children things or take them fun expensive places and they are left still wanting more. this frustrating to say the least. the times i find we bond the most is when we read a story all together or we snuggle on the couch and i rub their backs make their favorite breakfast without them knowing. the simple gestures mean a lot and doing them without expecting reciprocation goes a long way. i also find they bond to each other this way too and are more eager to do their chores and help me with tasks when they are asked to.

I also share my feelings with my kids. i want them to know it is OK to feel things. i will tell them when they hurt my feelings or when i need a moment because i am frustrated. when they have been given these tools they use them as well, telling me the same things. my oldest is going through a stage where he is always on the verge of tears so it is very helpful he will say ...mom i feel like i want to cry but i don't know why. wow what an opportunity to get to talk it out before we have a big blow up.

the last one is don't underestimate the power of Dad!
no matter what there are times you are out of ideas. my husband has sat down with my boys and said- i love your mom very much she works very hard to take care of all of us so you will not be rude to her. it has made quite an impact. knowing you are a united front goes a long way with children.

Your son sounds very intelligent and he seems to know how to push your buttons already so again don't take it personal or think this behavior is unusual he loves you he is just having a hard time figuring out the new situation. i have been told we hurt the ones closest to us because we know they will love us no matter what. so he probably knows how much you love him. don't give in to the drama be the strong and steady force that keeps your children grounded. parenting is an endurance race.
good luck and congrats on the new arrival!!

ALL OF THE ABOVE...you are raising a 3 year old who is 3 and if it gets better, it probably won't be long.

My three year old brat does all of the same things. Cocks her head, takes one step forward, hands on hips, tells me off and then cocks the head back the other direction.

When she is done with that puts her two sets of teeth forward, twists her upper lip and just says GRRRRRR.

Two minutes later says, sorry mommy, I love you.

Nice, huh?

They are trying us and as well, they are phases. Before we know it, they will be telling us off because they are in teen adolescence.

Hang in there.

same issue with my 2 yr old after birth of brother 4 months ago....interesting. he is so loving to brother but mad as hell and mean to me. didn't help that he was a "mama's boy" before brother came along, either, i suppose. anyways, i just send him to time out in his room EVERY time he is not pleasant. i let him know his behavior is not okay (for example, "its not okay to hit, yell, etc") and put him in time out. its making a vast improvement in his demeanor because there is a consistent punishment each and every time he misbehaves, no matter how small or large the infraction. it sucks sending him there 10 times a day (sometimes more, most times less, especially lately), but having that time out really works. your son is older, you can attempt to reason with him. i would definitely let him know that he won't be having any more outings until that attitude of his changes, though. speaking to you like that is completely inappropriate and shouldn't be tolerated in the least. also, by being extra nice, you're reinforcing that negative behavior, so its actually having the opposite effect of what you're after. good luck! just be consistent, and get your husband on board too, or it won't help if you're the "bad guy" and daddy lets him get away with talking to you like that. also, maybe dad can correct him on his attitude also in front of you so your son sees that your husband sees what is going on and won't tolerate the rudeness, either.