So I have this friend who has a 6yr old daughter and a 3.5yr old son. She just let me know she is seriously upset that when I take her 6yr old girl for a play date with my daughter I dont also invite her son. Her hubby works nights and she works days so I usually take her daughter so her hubby can nap with their son. She says he is always left out and it isn't fair to him. A while ago we had a talk about how he needs to be included and I agreed that while kids are at her house they do need to include him, I had a talk with my daughter about playing with him over there, which she tried only to be hit, kicked and have toys thrown at her. I honestly can't believe she expects me to take him, 6 yr olds can play in the room alone, he can't be alone. Last time he was in my daughters room alone he emptied her toy boxes all over, broke her tinker bell lamp and a toy. He pulls pictures out of frames, gets into the garbage and is just starting potty training.
She just left me a message of things that have been bothering her, I haven't been able to even listen to all of them yet. This is just one. I play with him whenever I see him and bring little gifts for him. She is convinced I am being rude by not taking him though, is she right?
No not at all! My son goes on playdates weekly and I would never expect his little sister to go too. That would ruin their fun. He and his friends like to play "spies" or legos or even do their homework together. She would get in the way and create extra work for those other parents. I would never think to invite a much younger sibling over when my son has a friend over here.
First of all, you're not being rude. I can't believe she would expect you to also have her son along! And I can't believe she would leave you a message basically listing things that have been bothering her. She sounds like a high maintenance, difficult friend.
Nope, when they're playing at HER house or when SHE takes your daughter, your daughter needs to be nice to the little boy. But Mom and Dad need to find the little boy some little friends his own age. What does she think he's going to DO at your house? If all you have is a little girl I bet you don't have dinosaurs, or toy trucks, or cars or any of the other things little boys get obsessed with....
She's gone round the bend, a bit, that one has.
You're not an aunt or grandmother showing favoritism... nor are you a daycare provider, babysitter, nor even family nor respite worker come with the purpose to give mom a break.
You're the parent of one of her 6yo's friends.
This mom has you confused with family or a pro. Wrong relationship status.
You are not being rude. It is unreasonable to expect to include a 3.5 yo in a play date for 6 year olds. Their development level is so different that they would have difficulty playing. I suggest that you've been more than reasonable by including him when the play date is at their house.
I suggest she is looking for free babysitting. I wonder if she is stressed out or perhaps pressured by her husband who does need to sleep in the day time.
Not knowing what her other complaints are I suggest that she's upset about a variety of things and this one hits home with you. I would work at being open minded and allow, as much as possible, her complaints to go over your shoulder. Suggest that you're willing to talk about them in person as long as the conversation can be calm and non accusatory.
Be confident that you're doing the best that you can and have good reason to not include the 3.5 yo in your daughter's play date with the 6 yo. It's another thing if the mother is with them but you should not be expected to watch the toddler just so your daughter can play with the sister.
Just tell her you and she aren't seeing eye to eye on the children's get togethers. The playdate is for the girls, not an offer to babysit. Tell her she should get her son involved in some kind of playgroup for kids his own age, plan some playdates with other boys his age just for him, so that he and his sister will have their own friendships independent of each other. If she expects the will always have playdate invitations, birthday party invites, and other special outings with friends together, that is unrealistic. And if she keeps insisting he tag along, it is her daughter that will begin being left out of opportunities to socialize with girls her own age.
I would tell her that play dates are not free babysitting. She could hire a babysitter so she can have some free time in the evenings. I have always expected my friends to take the kids they have kids in common with unless it was babysitting. That is what this is. I would offer to babysit once in a while if it was equitable. Not just her always getting free babysitting. I would want equal time kid free.
I am astounded that someone would respond to your hospitality that way! Let's see - someone does something nice for my child and I'm going to get miffed because I want even more?
I agree with Riley J. - she's got you confused with other roles.
I'm not saying that you should engage in a conversation with her (where do you start?), but if you do you might want to warn her that this is not the best way to facilitate friendships for her daughter.
Wow.
You are right, period.
You do NOT have to take the younger sibling.
You are NOT being rude.
She needs to find friends for him.
LBC
Okay... ALL of my friends and my daughter's friends and my son's friends... have siblings.
When I have a play-date for my daughter, it is for her and her friend.
When I have a play-date for my son, it is for him and his friend.
Then, When or if, I invite a whole bunch of friends over, they and their siblings come. I state that. But it is up to ME. I am the Host.
At no time, do my friends, ASSUME, that the sibling is invited too or can tag along... IF it is for either of my kids.
And they make no drama about it.
It is understood.
What your friend needs to do, is to have or get friends for her younger son.
You, are NOT OBLIGATED, to invite your friend's son... to your play-dates for your daughter.
She is making you feel guilty and like the bad guy... and making you responsible for her life. ie: her husband works nights and her son is left out.
No. She is wanting you to be her BABYSITTER.
That is not right.
Do not let her, bully you into this.
Also, the age differences, is a lot.
I know... I have a daughter who is older, and a younger son.
And per your friend's son, she does not seem able to handle him.
She is, DUMPING all of her problems, onto you. And is using you as a way to dump her son onto someone else. Using guilt, and the play-dates you have for your daughter and her daughter.
Sure, you can be 'nice' and invite both her kids... but, she sounds to be really.... noxious. Gosh she left you SEVERAL rants... about yourself and your not 'babysitting' her son too and how it all bothers her.
She sounds... so full of drama.
NO YOU ARE NOT RUDE.
SHE IS.
She is off her rocker.
If that were me... I would NOT be friends, with her. At all.
Please, do not let her, manipulate you.
Unless you want her to dump her entire sink full of gripes, on your lap.
You definitely do not have to take a sibling on a playdate. If this friend means a lot to you, I would try to meet sometime for a face to face discussion about what is bothering her. Her 3 yr old needs to have some of his own friends at this point. Even when the girls are at your friends house, they should have some time to themselves. The younger one may feel left out, but it is up to mom to figure out something else that can be special for him. Just yesterday, my oldest (6) had her friend over. I didn't invite her friend's 3 yr old brother and I tried (not always successfully) to keep my 3 yr old daughter out of their hair. When we meet at the park, I definitely expect siblings to be there, but not when I have a friend over to our house.
Don't do it. We had several moms in our group pull this, trying to get free babysitting. Here is my post about it
No, she'd dead wrong! She's looking for a break from the boy. Who wouldn't? He sounds like he needs discipline and she isn't providing any. I have two boys who are 4 years apart. The oldest goes on playdates without his little brother. I do not expect other parents to take care of my little guy just because my oldest is at their house for a playdate---that's insane. When her oldest is in school, does she expect the school to also take her son? When her 6 year old gets to be a teen and goes to spend the night at a friend's house or on a date, is she going to send the boy too? I'd ask her those questions. If she cannot be reasonable, it's time for you to cut ties and find other friends.
You have no obligation whatsoever to have her younger son. ESPECIALLY since he is not fully potty trained.
Personally, I would take offense to the message. And it would affect the relationship between us. Is this a best friend? Someone you see every week? Do you have a younger child for the 3 yr old to play with? I can't understand why she would insist you take him. I am guessing it's purely for her husband. He probably said something about needing to sleep. None the less, say NO! Let your daughter enjoy her play time without the little "bother".
Just wanted to add my vote. I agree with the other posters. And I wouldn't listen to the rest of the message either. If she has something to tell you, it should be to your face so you can have an adult conversation.
Uh - NO! My answer might be something like "it seems that our two girls get along just fine on their play dates. I think your son's age makes it a mis-match for him to be included. Last time he was here, he must have been bored out of his mind because he broke my daughter's X, Y, Z and he wasn't able to control his emotions or body. My daughter didn't like being hit, kicked, etc. I think he might benefit from playing with children his own age so he can learn how to better socialize."
