60 answers

Showering with Dad

Hi-
I was wondering, what age is it no longer ok for a female child to shower with their father? I should add, I am the mother, we are divorcing and live in separate homes

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Maybe 6 or so. If you don't make a big issue of it, I think it's fine until that age. So many of the women on here think men should never shower with their daughters or give them baths. What's wrong with you people? Fathers have close relationships with kids too and if it means helping with bath time, then so be it. It's bonding time. They can teach them how to clean themselves. It's a good thing. It's not like Dad will be washing her private parts when she's 6, but an occasional shower at that time is normal and as long as there is nothing inappropriate, then who cares!

1 mom found this helpful

I agree with everyone else, when you or the children start to feel uncomfortable. My husband will take a shower with his son who is seven, but he has always made both of them wear underwear when they are in the shower together. That is always an option...

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Things are so differeint from how I grew up, but if you don't see a problem with it, then I'll say until they are toddlers.

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Our society is WAY too uptight. Don't get me wrong, I am not an exibitionist, but seriously....everyone has a body. Our society just seems to sexualize EVRYTHING. Breastfeeding is somehow inappropriate to some people. (Don't get me started.)

I have 2 sons and a daughter....they ALL shower with Daddy. It's like an assembly line for us. I use to shower with our first son and at some point, he didn't want to shower with me anymore...ok, so now he showers with Daddy and sometimes by himself - now that he'll be 6 this month. Son #2 prefers to shower with Daddy, but will shower with me and he's almost 2.5 years old. Our daughter is only 6 months old...so we'll see how that goes.

I remembering showering with my parents and I remember seeing my dad's genitals. It didn't scar me for life. They didn't make a big deal out of it, but what did hurt me was when I was 12, my dad didn't allow me to sit on his lap anymore on the couch. I didn't understand. It was about his comfort level and what other people might think, but I thoguht it was me - that there was something suddenly wrong with me. It was an abrupt decision that shocked me. Sounds strange, but as a child watching your younger brother still allowed on his lap was hurtful. Now that I'm an adult, I don't blame him.

No matter how you handle it, be comfortable with your decisions and I'm pretty sure the girls will let you know when they are done showering with dad.

7 moms found this helpful

HI D., Let me start by saying that I am the mother of 2 boys ages 7 and 5 and we all shower together. Sometimes Dad joins us or sometimes he is the one who showers with them then I do the toweling off, etc. It has always been a part of our normal family routine and there is NOTHING sexual about it. I know the time is coming that I will no longer be able to do this with my boys but I don't feel the time has come yet. So, in my opinion, if YOU or DAD feel that it is time to stop, then it is time to stop. (Hopefully you are at a place where you can talk about this together) But if this is a normal part of your family and there hasn't been any issue with it then I don't see the problem. In fact it could be more harmful to yank away a comfortable routine with dad right in the middle of all the other changes you probably have going on right now. Unless of course you suspect any wrong-doing going on, I think there is nothing wrong with this style of bonding with our children. I hope this doesn't become a BIG divorce issue and bring you girl in the middle. Good luck.

5 moms found this helpful

Good question! My DH and I and my best friend and her DH were wondering the same thing. Both Dads will shower with their kids. My DS is 3.5 and DD is 1.5. There kids are 5(DD), 3 (DS), and 4 months (DD). My friend and I were just talking about this the other day.

We figure that it's a good thing as long as no one is uncomfortable with it. So if one day DH gets uncomfortable with it, then he will stop. If one day DD gets weirded out by it, then it will stop. Until then I do think it's a very healthy and natural thing for both of my kids to see DH and myself naked. How else are they going to learn about the human body. And if we are teaching them to be ashamed or embarassed about their bodies by being ashamed of showing them ours, isn't that unhealthy toward their overall body image? We as their parents are their role models and I want my children to grow up being comfortable with who they are on the inside and on the outside.

Plus it's another good time for my kids to spend quality, bonding time with their Dad. My son totally loves taking showers with his Daddy. He compares his "peenie" with Daddy's, gets to shower in the Big Boy Shower, gets to use Daddy's Big Boy Shampoo, and they have fun making up silly songs and jokes.

My DD is still a little too young to have fun taking showers with Daddy. But when she does, she is laughing at her Daddy making funny faces at her.

More often though I am the one bathing with both kids at the same time. Is that wrong? I don't think so. All three of us enjoy it. We splash, we sing, my son asks why girls have different pee pees than girls, and we catch up on the day.

So I don't see anything sexual or gross or inappropriate about it. Now for those who think that way, maybe they have their own issues with their body or past experiences that they need to work through.

And honestly, if you don't trust your spouse to shower with your kids, you've got much bigger problems.

4 moms found this helpful

Hi there-

I would just like to offer a different perspective. As a toddler, my dad showered with me (I'm female) and my two brothers. We used to take turns and I remember my mom kinda making it fun. She would be waiting with a towel when we jumped out, and it was sorta play time. There was nothing sexual about it at all. It was clean family time- and just because a father showers with his kids doesn't mean that it will turn into something disastrous or inappropriate. I had a wonderful, loving relationship with my dad my whole life, and I never felt wierd for bathing with him. I believe this stopped before I started kindergarten. My mom says that her and my dad just knew the right time. So, like a previous suggestion, you should stop when you're feeling uncomfortable and trust your instincts.

As a parent, I think bathing with your child is a good way to teach them that there is nothing wrong with private parts and that everyone has them. If you are comfortable with your body, you will project this onto your children. Your children will see the difference between men and women in a natural way.

4 moms found this helpful

Hi D.!

Did you ever think that your question would get so many comments? So many different comments at that! Anyway, when my daughter was about 5 years old, we were at my in-laws house. My husband used to shower there on occasion. My daughter asked to shower with him because it was something she did at home. My husband and I NEVER, in our wildest dreams ever thought it was anything other than a shower. Well my mother-in-law had a cow! She went nuts when my husband told our it was okay! Again it took us both by such surprise as we had nothing to hide and thought everything was fine. Sadly, my husband abruptly stopped the showers because someone made it so shameful! I REALLY regret that happening that way. Nonetheless, our daughter showered with him for 5 years and she has grown up to be a beautiful young woman (now 21), independent spirit that is traveling throught Croatia, Serbia, Hungary and a host of many other countries. She adores her father in a healthy way.

In a non-accusatory way, I am wondering if the negative comments on this subject were made by women that have been victimized. Just curious about that. I guess they would have reason to suspect that nudity is a bad thing.

Simply put, I believe that when the child or father shows they want more privacy then it should be respected.

My .02 cents...

A.

4 moms found this helpful

You had to know that you would get the shocked "NEVER!" responses you were probably looking for when you asked this question. You are 35 years old. You must have formed your own opinion on this by now. I showered with my sons until they were about 7-8. Is there a double standard here? What is the difference? DO NOT make this an issue in your divorce unless you seriously feel that your children are being abused sexually. Do not dive into the pit of bitchy, trouble-making vindictiveness in which so many divorced women love to frolic. You will seriously damage your children if you do. Do not lose your personal integrity. Do not lay down ultimatums. The closer the bond between girls and their fathers, the better they do in life. Surely you do not wish to jeopardize the entire future of your daughter over an issue such as this.

3 moms found this helpful

You know i have 2 boys ages 8 and 9. Many moms would diagree with me but we still shower together. I have the opinion that my boys will let me know when they want to stop or if they dont like it. In the world the way it is I really beleive its in our best interest to keep them as young, innocent, and stressfree for as long as possible. They have their entire adult life to listen to society and be told whats right and whats wrong so for now I let them make those decisions int he hopes of bringing up 2 boys that do what their hearts say and not what the world is telling them.
Not sure if this helps, but I am curious to see what type of advice you get.
Take care and good luck
-A.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi, D.,

Different cultures feel different about nudity. In Japan, as well as other countries, whole families containing members of all ages bathe naked together. If you live in the U.S. and have the same cultural background as most people, then I suppose when the kids or the parents start feeling uncomfortable showing naked is the time to stop.

L. E

3 moms found this helpful

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