Should I Stay (Home) or Should I Go (Back to Work)?

Well I have 3 kids. 12 9 and 6 and I have been a stay at home mom for the last 13 years. I just recently went back to work. I have only been on the job a week and a half and my family is already yelling for me to quit. We are military and we are barley making it however my husband says he would rather barley make it then for me to not be here when I am needed. So my advice to you is stay home. That little they do need social but there are play groups. Daycares are not always the best enviroment. Good Luck!

I think it all depends on your thoughts of staying home vs working. I stay home with my children. I went back to school to receive my associates when my older two started school. Now I'm finishing but with an additional 16 month old and baby due in december. I would like to work, but I want to be home with my children more. I love staying home and being there for the kids if they need me. My pediatrician praises me for staying home because she feels that children should be with their parents. I do know alot of moms that would rather work. My mother in law said that she could never stay home with her 4 children because she was loved working and cherished her sanity. Everyone is different.
If a household can financially support one parent staying home, I think it is best for kids. As for social interaction, there are always mommy groups where all the mommies bring their kids together to play a couple mornings a week. I was apart of one and I saw children ages newborn to 5 years. For other things, I have heard that parents are the best teachers....so there are lots of things children can learn from home.
With your degree, maybe there is something you can do from home. I know I am looking into that option for myself, because I do not want my 2 years of hard work to go to waste.
It's all what you comfortable doing....I wish the best of luck to you.

I feel like we all agonize over our decision work/stay at home. It is so much more than just the money. You have to dig really deep and decide where you are meant to be. And the biggest thing is to have your husbands support.

I am in the Ga. Air National guard and I work one weekend a month, two weeks a year. THis is for my retirement,as I contribute most of my pay to an IRA.

I have been home for nearly 7 years and I don't think that I could have made it these last 7 years not having my one weekend a month to be SOMEBODY. To talk adult talk, to have a MISSION other than diapers and nursing.

I sometimes felt like I was losing ME. I am more than a cleaner upper, child entertainer. My oldest is in 1st grade and the little one is at my church's preschool. I do teach at my church's preschool again the cleaner upper and child entertainer but, I plan to do this maybe one more year and then I hope to spread my wings.

The one thing I would suggest is to try to find another part-time situation that will give you that fullfillment and the time to be involved while the kids are little.

I wish you the best of luck in your decisions, I really do feel like this "debate" is so emotionally charged and I feel like every mom agonizes over their decision. You have to make your own destiny and do what makes you and your family the happiest.

Good luck

M.--

I totally understand where you are coming from. I was in that exact place 6 years ago, then I started nannying 3 extras for a year, and boy that was a challenge. Then Mary Kay Cosmetics was suggested and I very straightforwardly told the lady, I will Never sell MK, but long story short, after I sat down and listened to the amount of money being made and the potential, I signed up, now 5 years later, I stay home with my 3 boys, 6,2 and 10 months, drive a free car, and I pay the mortgage on our brand new 2800 sq ft house. I would love to show you how you can have the best of both worlds! My website is www.marykay.com/kristy4u

I am a SAHM of two. A 3 year old boy and a 4 month old boy. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love staying home with my boys. My oldest son goes to preschool on Tues, Wed, and Thurs from 9am-12pm and it is a wonderful thing. It gives him the structure he needs and lets me have a little free time away and to spend with my infant. This might be something to look into if you would like to go to work part time or if you would like to stay home too. It will give you time to get things done and have some "free" time to do whatever you like to do. Some parents like to work and don't want to stay at home with there kids. That doesn't mean that they don't love them any less it is just that is what they are used to and the changes that comes with having kids are overwhelming. I believe that if you can afford not to work then stay at home. You shouldn't work just to pay for daycare, but if you need that away time then go for it. Your children are all that you have and they need you. You'll look back on this when they are older and say, "Why didn't I stay at home with them?" (if you decide to go back to work). They grow up too fast and I say if your husband makes enough money to support your family, raise your girls. No one can do a better job than mommy!

You and your husband have to talk without your children around about your family choices. Hire a babysitter if you have to and get out of the house to talk. Remember your joint decision should be what is best for your family, you didn't just have a baby, both you and your husband have a family. If you jointly decide for you to stay at home make the most of it for both you and your girls.

How to keep your sanity and feel like there is more to life than your kids?? I am an extrovert who gave up an 11 1/2 year career (with a Master's degree in Engineering) to stay at home and make a difference in my kids life. Last year my oldest son's Kindergarten teacher told me I was her most overqualified volunteer!!

Volunteer--and make sure you put it on your resume to keep it up-to-date. It will help 'fill in' those gaps until you go back to the full-time workforce!

Military posts (Ft Stewart/Hunter Army Air Field) provide opportunities to volunteer and pay for childcare while you volunteer if your spouse is military (active duty, national guard, or reserves).

Local schools--they need volunteers in all sorts of things and some of them will let you bring younger kids with you. Your kids get used to being in a school environment and there are other volunteers around for adult conversation.

YMCA--Join the local YMCA. Most have free childcare available for members when you work out or want to just read a book while at the Y. This is a good way to get 'Mommy' time. Be a YMCA coach for your girls. What a great time I've had, and I didn't know a thing about coaching the sport!

Playgroups--There are numerous nationally affiliated playgroups available(MOMs, Mothers & More, or Mommy and Me!) If you don't want to pay national membership fees do a google search of your city on the internet for local playgroups or form your own playgroup. Start with parents/kids that go to your church,your local libraries storytime, or your local parks. I can send you an easy to use template of one that I use if you would like it.

Check out the local churches around you and see if any have an aerobics/exercise bible study available. In Texas there were multiple churches around me that had Wednesday morning sessions that were 1 hour exercise followed by 1 hour of bible/book study (Catholic, Methodist, and Baptist churches). They had child care on site for the kiddos. I had a 2 hour break with other adults and my kids had structured playtime with friends. Win-win.

Although I miss having a paid career for these last 4 years, I've enjoyed going on those field trips and helping with class parties. My son actually likes me volunteering every week for his teacher and I always know what is going on at school.

Good luck with your choice!

Stay at home, there is no replacement for YOU! If you can do it financially, you are a lucky woman. You can always work when they go to school. Pretty soon, you will wonder where the time went and the pays off of having your kids with you, will far outweigh the pays off at work. I'm siding with your hubbie on this one! :)

M.,
I can totally understand what you are going through right now. I have a 4 and a 2 year old daughter. I have been home with them since they were born. I actually have started homeschooling my oldest daughter, but that's another awesome story. I am a teacher and the weirdest thing happened to me just yesterday. I was offered a full time teaching job. Right now we really need the money because we just bought a house. I seriously thought about going back to teaching which I love so much, but, just today I had some answers to my prayers of what to do. I just started a tutoring business and I have already had calls and inquiries. I also started an online travel business which you might be intereted in. You can check out my site if you want www.All4HimTravel.com. I really think this will allow me to be home with my girls, make some much needed extra money and I also get to do something for me.
I will tell you that you will probably continue to struggle over your decision. I did for so long. Just give it some time. I don't know if you are a christian, but if you are, pray about it.
I will tell you though that there is nothing like your children being home with you. Daycare is not all it's cracked up to be. I mean if life allows you to, then you might want to spend this very precious time with your children. This way you know what influences they have. They will only be young for a little bit. This time just flies by. I don't want to miss out on anything.
Maybe a little bit later on, when they start school, then you can follow your career and follow it to it's fullest.
I guess what I'm saying is that I have decided to give these younger very important years to the loves of my life. They deserve at least that from me. After all it is only a few years.
Sorry this was so long. If you want to talk more just tell me. And if you are looking for something to do while you are home, that can keep you busy, and gives you something to do just for you, then check out my biz. I hope this very long post was helpful.

I understand what you are saying, I have 2 degrees and i tried to stay home with my 5 yr old he is in kindergarten and that takes up the day but for me to work i needed to have him in an after school program so now i am working and liking my adult time but i miss him and i know that the other interaction is good for him. and plus when it is our time together it is much more rewarding. so if you want to work then go to work, You have to remember you only get one life and you need to do what is best for your mind. yes you have kids but they also need to have more than just you and your husband in their lives. good luck.

I am a SAHM to 2, ages 4 and 16 months. I have been home since our first daughter was born in 2003. She just started Pre-K this year. Our "plan" was that I would start school outside of the home to prepare for a career and put our youngest in daycare. As school started I had a rough time and just knew I was not ready to send my youngest to daycare. I truly enjoy being able to be with my children and love that I can drop off and pick up from school, saving so much time in my daughters' day. Long story short, I have decided that plan A was not going to work and we have formulated a plan B. I have changed career goals to allow me to complete a distance learning degree from home and plan to work only part-time upon completion. I feel this is really best for us and my husband agrees, if only because it makes me truly happy. The bottom line is, you must do what works for your unique family, keeping in mind what makes YOU truly happy. Communication and compromise are necessary. Find something that will work for all of you and if plan A will not, move toward finding and trying plan B, C, or D. I try to keep in mind what brings me the most joy along the way. In the end, how much does it matter what you have if you did not enjoy life?

It's a hard decision because on one hand you'd rather raise your own kids rather than someone else doing it. Let's face it...speaking from experience, the daycare workers saw my child more than I did during the week. I got my daughter up and ready, took her to daycare around 7am, picked her up around 6pm, fed her and put her to bed. So all of her interaction during the day was with them. THEY taught her to go potty, THEY taught her her ABC's, THEY taught her "yes ma'am, no ma'am." It bothered me that THEY were more of a parent than I was. Soooo, when she was 3 I had twin boys and decided to work on the weekends so that I wouldn't have to put my kids in daycare. Just recently, she started pre-K and it's just me and my boys. I think they're bored with me. They play OK together. But just like you, I think they need that interaction with other kids. So I'm going to take them to mothers-day-out starting at the beginning of the year. But it's a no-win situation. If you take them, you don't see them as much but if you don't, they don't get the interaction with other kids that helps build their character and prepare them for "big school."

I bet you would have your answer if you could fast forward 20 years and ask yourself when you look back what your best memories were or what made you the happiest, what you were most proud of.....I know a career is very important to some women, but you are a mommy now and I have a feeling it is and always will be MORE important. You could always get into the mind set that there will always be time to go back to work when the kids are in school, or get in the mid set that these years when they are young fly by and do you really want to miss them for a job? Can't you just have a part time job with part time day care? Then maybe you all will get what you need out of it. Or work a couple of nights so daddy can watch them while you pick up shifts.

I would do want you want to. Ultimately if you do it only because he wants you to you may end up resenting him and not enjoying your time at home because you kind of feel "forced" into being there. I would try to find another part-time position, it sounds as if that suited you best. I currently work 2 days a week and it works out great for my family. Good Luck!

I stay at home with my daughter (14 months) and intend to stay home with all my children until they are at least school age.
You mentioned that you don't feel you can provide the same benefits of day care, but I disagree. As their mother, you can teach them invaluable lessons that they are not learning from a paid staff worker. Only you can teach your children your family's values, and values are difficult to teach in only a few hours a day - values are more likely learned from observing you day in and day out, all the time. If they are not with you, they are learning their values from day care - which is not at all what I would want for my own children. Also, you can provide structure at home as well - you can set certain times for craft time, tv time, snack time, nap time etc. And you can provide social interaction with kids by joining playgroups a couple times a week, or even just going to the park so your kids can see other kids. On top of all this, you will avoid some of the negative aspects of daycare, like germs spread, aggression learned, not as much attention as they would get from you, etc. Daycare is great for those mothers who just cannot stay at home, but I feel that if you have the choice, it's not a hard decision :)
And just remember too, they only stay little for a couple years. You can always go back to work later, but you can't change your mind later and decide to stay home with your little children.
Good luck in your decision!

M.,
I am going through the same exact thing. After having my little boy (now 5) I went back to school. I did not finish with a degree because I got pregnant with my little girl. I have been at home and out of work before I gave birth. Now I have a very promising job offer and am debating on taking it. My husband prefers me to stay home with the kids. Well, I don't know how much more I can take. When you are at home that means less income, more cleaning,no adult conversation, and nothing adult wise to stimulate your brain. But, being able to take them on field trips, to the park, or just picnic in the yard are draw backs. We have to decide what do you want to do based on what will keep you happier? I am just trying to decide what would I reget later down the road. And if your at home and longing to be in the work place your kids are going to read that emotion from you. If you send them to daycare they will love being around other kids, you get a break, and they will be even happier to see you at the end of the day. We only get one chance to raise them right. I pray you can make the right choice for all of you. I told my husband if I go back to work and make more money than he is then he could stay home with the kids and see how that goes.HA! HA! Anyway it is a hard decision to make. Just to let you know studdies have been done on kids where both parents worked to kids that had at least one parent that stayed home. The succes rate and the behavior of the kids all came back to the parents that were most supportive and encouraging throughout thier lives not if their parents work or not. So good luck and keep your sanity.

Well I am a stay at home mother of 2 boys Carter 2 1/2 & Cole 4 1/2. Staying at home has been the best thing I could have done for MY FAMILY. I think that the only way that it works is when THE MOTHER IS 100% HAPPY! If home with the kids is not the place that you want to be than I think that it wont work for anyone in the family! Because a happy family starts with a happy Mother!
Don't let anyone tell you that your are doing the wrong thing by working or staying home,You are the only one who knows the right answer! Just remember you must be HAPPY first then everything else will fall into place!
Best of luck to you and your family!

Hey M.!

I have to say, Wow! You have lots of great advice. I can tell you are a smart women. Ultimately, the decision is yours. You just need to make sure you are happy and can live with the decision you make. I am a stay at home mom of two kids. One 3 1/2 and one 10 months old. I love being at home. I understand that you want some "adult interaction" and for your kids to be social, and maybe daycares can provide that. However, you can also provide it. I am active in a play group that meets on Meetup.com in the Warner Robins area, and the Moms Troop. We get together for our kids and we have MNO! (Mom's night out!) It is important that either way, you get your free time, so you feel like you get away every once in awhile. I wish you luck on making your decision, and let us know what you decide to do. :)

The time we have with our kids is precious! These are such formative years. Congrats! on your degree! I have to side with your hubby on this one...wait until they are school-aged. There is still plenty to do that will give them social interaction;they need structure at home or it won't sit well with them elsewhere. Also,check out DLTK's site for lessons. YOu can be the author of their little minds. Encourage them in art,music, education. When they see those things are important to you,it will be important to them as well. The greatest job you will ever have is being their mother so for the next few years do it well. Hope this helps!