Should I Have Another Baby

If you love each other so much, what could be a more blessed event? All the existing children seem old enough so there would not be any jelousy.

A good friend of mine and her husband both had 15 year old daughters from a previous marriage. They had a son together and she is so glad that she did. Go for it, if that is what you both want. She was 38 and her husband was about 42 at the time.

If you are both in agreement and financially you can pull it off, why not. If I ever got re-married (I don't plan on it) I would want a child with my spouse! Talk it over with him!

Okay, my FIRST advice...FOR ANYONE GETTING MARRIED...go through the FIRST FOUR SEASONS together (um, a full year) BEFORE you decide if you want a child with this so-called soul mate. Isn't every marriage a soul mate? Not to rain on the parade, but let's be realistic here. Everything changes once you are married....even if you live together.....so just live with him a year (and I dont' even mean get prego in that year..) I think that will give you time to adjust, give the KIDS YOU HAVE NOW TIME TO ADJUST and see what happens.

I am a firm believer that you don't have to have "ONE OF YOUR OWN" to feel like you have a "connection".....the kids you have can be intertwined within your lives.....get to know his, have him get to know yours.....they will be going through so many changes anyway.....I just look at what is fair to them.

Listen, I only say this because I think when we are in emotional euphoria, it's hard to think outside that "box" of what and how our decision will affect others.

My youngest was 10 when I had one with my "soul mate" and it changed all my children's lives. I didn't even know how much until I read an essay he'd written (I found on the computer) that stated he loved his little sister but he missed the times before she was here and how he felt his life changed and not all for the better, etc. I would have never known. He was probably protecting my feelings, but at what expense? Is a 16 yo suppose to protect a mother? Not!

You have a 10 year age difference, a new marriage, 4 children who are mostly TEENS (oh girl, that will be a chore!) and do you REALLY want to add another child to that immediately?

Just think about all the lives...I'd encourage you to just immesh yourselves in each other's children....form a tight bond with the 4 you have....and then, it won't matter if you have your "own". It doesn't take a "blood child" to make him "your own."

Either way, good luck....and slow down.....

K., you have plenty of time to have children still. I would say get married and spend some time together first (a year or two) then if you both still feel like this is what you would want, go for it!

Just my two cents...hope you have a great life together...with or without another child! D. R. :)

That's not something any one of us can answer for you. That's something you two need to decide on yourselves. It sounds like there's some reservations there, though, so I'd have to say maybe not at this time, but in the future?

Well K., I am 38 and my husband is 43, we both have 3 sons between the both of us. The boys are 16,14 and 11. we were content not having anymore. And even started taking the steps on making that a reality. But God had a different plan for us, Our daughter slipped through the cracks! ":-) needless to say we were very upset.But now she is a Joy! But I do have to tell that, It sooo different being older. I dont have the same energy I had with my 11yr old, Im about to pull my hair out! lol

This is something you have to pray about,

Go for it, I have 3 kids, and he has 1 and we still want ours, we're getting married in august and then i have to have a tubal reversal but we are certainly going to try. your children are old enough to understand and not feel upset by a new baby and really there is no good reason not to if it's what you want. if by chance you wait you could end up not being able to concieve, you're both getting older and you don't want to find yourselves in a now or never situation. IMO what's the harm in trying, if it's meant to happen it will and if not it won't. good luck.

I say, if you both want to, then why not? Age really isn't that big of an issue anymore, and as long as you both feel secure in your relationship, then it is a good place to raise a child.

My husband and I have 20 years difference (he is 49) and we have a 15 month old son and plan to have more children. We also have good friends who have a family like yours - they both had children from previous marriages, they got married and wanted to have children together. He had already had a vasectomy, but they saved their money, had it reversed, and they now have 3 healthy, beautiful children that are theirs. He is over 50, and the children are all under 6 at this time.

Good luck!

K.,

Surely, at one point, you must have thought that the father of your children was your soulmate, too. You already have four children to raise. You are 33, and your husband is a decade older. Think of what ages you will be when the baby is done with high school. Surely, you do not need another child. What message does that send your existing kids--that they were not good enough because this new guy was not their father? Do you really need the stress of a house full of teenagers and a newborn at the same time? Be realistic.

Best wishes,
K.

Hello K.!

Your post caught my attention as I just recently had a discussion with my pastor of all people that may interest you. He and his wife were both divorced with children prior to meeting one another. They married and have lived happily merging their four children for decades now. However, now that they are older and nearing retirement they both say that their only regret in life is not having a child together. They were torn also and were worried about how it would affect the children they already had in a blended atmosphere so they eventually decided against it. Looking back though they definitely regret not having faith that it would all work out and creating a child together. Your children are certainly of the age that you both can reason with them about a new addition to the family unlike preschoolers or elementary age children who may be riddled with jealously. Think about this... would you too regret it as you grow older together if you decide against it?

I think that the decision to have a baby is a VERY personal one. It really it up to you, if your body can still do it, then you are not too old (if that is a concern,) despite the age difference it would create with the older children.
If you and your husband honestly feel that you are in a good position to raise another child, then more power to the both of you! I'm sure you already know all of the time/energy/money babies require, but they are such a wonderful blessing :)

if you are BOTH COMMITTED, do it! Please don't bring any children into this world and then split up - kids have it hard enough without having their parents divorce.

I think it would be great for you both to have another child that is the product of your love. Pray about it see what He has to say.

Im having this same dilemma; I cant wait to hear the advice people give!!!

Hi K.!
Does your soon to be husband feel the same way as you
about having another child? If he does "go for it" what is
holding you back? let me tell you I can relate to this girl.
My hubby (41) and I(40) have been married for going on 6 yrs. I have 5 of my own children, and he has 4 of his own, we wanted 1 of ours! so we did just that! He will be a yr. old on may 7th.! I only have 2 of my children living at home now, they are 14 & 16, rest are grown and on their own. my husbands boys, 1 is out on his own and the other 3 live with their mom.
I thought for sure I was to old for this, dont get me
wrong sometimes i still feel like im to old.lol but He is hear and I am sooooooo glad we deciced to do this.I wouldnt change anything!
Good luck with what ever decision you make!!
S.

That's a person decision. No one can make it for you. You are still young. They don't check "advanced maternal age" on your prenatal sheet until you turn 35. :)

Well, first of all do you and your new husband both want one? If so, then what is stopping you?

Just remember, since you are 33 years old that you have an increased chance of developing gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and other problems in your pregnancy. They usually say once you hit your 30's problems can arise. Also remember that you will see a OBGYN while pregnant so they will tell you all the problems that you may encounter along the way during your pregnancy.

I say go for it though if you and your husband really want a baby. Nothing should stop you!

Good luck!!

Having a baby is a wonderful and joyful thing especially when it is with soemone you love more than anything. If you choose to have a baby with this wonderful man then that is awesome. However do not underestimate the power of alone time between you. Your children are at the ages where they are less dependant on you therefore allowing the two of you to take a night out or a weekend trip for your anniversary. I am a very happily married mother and foster mother of four wonderful children from 15 to age 2 and there is a newborn coming in May. They are wonderful and my husband and I would never ever trade it for anything. However there are many moments where we would love to be able to go away for our anniversary or just go out for the evening. Sitters are few for us because of the number of children and the 15 year old should not be burdened all of the time. She is paid for any babysitting she does but she is an active teenager and with that comes a social life.

Anyway, no one can make that decision for you except you and your husband. Think about all the pros and cons. Like I said I have a newborn coming in May (the sibling of my foster son) and right now I am using my time to spend with my husband before the the opportunities change with the baby. Good luck and I know whatever decision you make will be the right one for you............Making your man your baby or having a beautiful baby between you........it really is a win win situation.

i think u should if u really want too.

How do your older children feel about it? Sometimes they resent the attention now transfered to a new baby and act rebellious or become difficult. Teenage years are hard. When I married my husband who is 14 years older than me five years ago his 16 year old daughter didn't like it at all. I didnt have any kids so we had planned on having two kids and when I got pregnant with my first son she was soooo jealous. She started sneaking out at nights, having sex, smoking etc and she even ran away from home. We tried everything to make her transition smooth and give her the attention but she needed but she ended up going to live with her mom in another state(my husband had custody). She got pregnant at 18 and now over 5 years later she still isn't close to her dad and has 2 kids now. He has a son who was 18 then but he had moved out and he just acted indifferent. We tried to include him but he just wasn't interested. Anyway the bottom line is it is hard for teenagers to accept their mom or dad getting married again and then having a baby. Are you and your fiance close to your kids? Whom do they live with? Is it possible to discuss it with them? Ultimately though it is your and your fiance's decision but it has to be made with the(all the kids) family's best interest too. My husband is my soulmate too but if I already had kids also, I wouldn't have had anymore especially now in hindsight.

that is something that only you guys can decide. but i have the same situation step kids 18 and 15, a son of mine from a previous marriage 10 and me and my husband have a 23 month old. for us it the best decision we could of made and would not change things for the world. our ages are me 32 and him 40. good luck in whatever you decide.

You know what I think if you want to have a baby then go for it you guys are still young. And in all actuality the other children will love to help out. My mom was 39 when she had my lil brother i was 17 at the time...my son was born nine months after my brother lol so now they go to the same school and only a grade apart lol its kinda funny they act more like cousins of course but...do what makes you happy!!!!!!!

My dh has 2 daughters from a previous marriage (ages 12 and 9) and I have 3 boys from a previous marriage (ages 11,9,and 9) and I now share a 15 month old son with my soulmate ~ and I don't regret one moment! Each of the kids are totally in love with their baby brother, and he's almost like the little extra glue that bonds us all together.

And if you read Kathy I's other responses to questions (the woman posted under me) she encouraged another woman in her 40's to have a child.. saying her grandmother had children at 42 and 44... but she's telling you that you and your husband are too old? I'd say you are never too old to love another child!

Best of luck to you and your family!

PRAY ABOUT IT!! God's plan for us is so much better than what we can come up with. Our prayer is "if you want us to have a child put the desire in both of our hearts"... God bless

I can share my story, but you and your husband have to make this decision together and be confident in what you decide. I married a man 13 yrs older, who already has 2 children. I did not have any of my own, and we did want another child. His teenagers are 15 & 16, and my son is 3. He loves the attention when they are around and they both adore him. The only debate I have had now is, do I want another, or is 4 kids too many?? I think we're going to stick with one between the two of us. If you and your husband have thoroughly enjoyed raising the children you have, and you have the financial means, I say go for it. But just remember back to those days of bottles & diapers and no sleep and 3 hour temper tantrums, do you need that in your life, or should you enjoy the kids you have and the freedom you and your husband will soon have!!?? Maybe sit down and jot a little list of pros & cons, then ask him to join you and get his input. You don't have to decide right now, let it sink in a little before you try, and remember you don't have complete control, it might not be your decision in the end anyway!! Good luck, sorry so long.

Hello I am 32 and my husband is 34, we both have children from previous marriages. I did get my tubes tied and that did have something to do with our decision not to have anymore. But we talked about having surgery to untie them. We have 5 between the two of us ranging in age from 8-12. We decided that we wanted to be young enough to enjoy one another when our kids are grown. I still think about it now and again, but I think going back to the car seats and diapers and midnight feedings and all the work that goes into newborns and babies is over for me and not having another one was the right decision. I totally understand wanting one with this man. My first husband was not into the parenting thing and I wanted to share the experience with my current hubby(he's more of a hands on father). Instead we got a dog. (more spoiled than ANY of the kids) I would have loved to have one with my husband, but I believe in the long run when our children are raised that we will have time and energy to enjoy one another and be a couple instead of always just being parents.

Advice from The Heart < My husband, 47 and I, 31 had two children each and then, We had One Together! She was the glue that
bound The Family TOGETHER! Nothing like a Baby to bring
Joy, Laughter and Love> Day to Day ~ to Everyone.
She is The LIGHT of Our Lives and Now, that She is grown
The BEST Daughter, anyone could wish for and We would Never
have wanted to be without Her!!! She is a little bit of me
and a little bit of him and a Reminder of our Love. You would always Wonder, about "The ONE" ... Who never WAS???
Had We been Younger and starting out< The First Time around,
Probably, would have had, at least, a Dozen but had to Stop
sometime! LOL! So, our Bonus Baby was Our >>> ALL THAT!!!
GOOD LUCK and HAPPY CHOICE!

Hi K.!

Thoughts that came to mind after reading your question:

Are you two "Baby people" or "Kid people"? In other words, are you each, and both, the kind who always want kids, with their noise, they mess, their fun, excitement and LOVE around your house? If it's quiet and clean and orderly at home, do you feel that something's missing? You know there are people whose lives revolve around raising kids. They're always adding another to the brood, or their kids always hang out at their home with all their friends in tow. Guests are comfortable putting their (clean) shoes up on the coffee table in the family room. Their vacations are always family vacations. Their hobbies are hanging out with their kids at sporting events, dance recitals, swim team practice, and their social friends can all be found in those same scenarios. Or do each or either of you feel like you've put in your time with Cub Scouts and soccer leagues and cake sales, and are ready for a change. More adult company. More adult social pursuits. Vacations where there are just the two of you, and plenty of time to focus on each other. Having a baby is not a requirement to cementing a loving relationship with your soul mate. Maybe a couple sessions with a family counselor can help you sort it out. You're both in a place where you can orchestrate just about any life plan that you want. Explore your options fully and then make your decision confidently. Best of luck to you both!

If you have to bring this question to us...then you and your partner should really search your souls and try to pinpoint exactly what it is that is holding you back. If nothing was holding you back, you wouldn't ask us, right? :)

If you enjoyed raising your children, can financially, physically, and emotionally support them, and a baby will enhance the family's quality of life then I say go for it!

If you are thinking about having a baby to fill a void or strengthen the relationship, I think you should first look inward to figure out what is missing before bringing a baby into a situation that may or may not solve the issue.

I'd say go for it, kids are our future. I have all girls, 17,10 and twins, 2 years old. I would love to have more but my patience is running thin, lol.

If you two want another baby then go for it! As long as your under 35 there shouldn't be any issues. For women 35+ chances of having a baby with disabilities increases. If you want to have another baby do it. Good luck and I wish you both the best!
D.

I am a 31 yr.old married mom of almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4. He works full time as a diesel mechanic and I work part time doing construction work.

K.,
I say go for it. My husband and I are trying to have one together now. We both have twelve yr olds from our first marriage. We were pregnant in November but I miscarried in January so we are trying again. Im 34 he is 40 and we will be married 4 yrs in Oct. Our kids were very excited and our family bonded so much even during the short time I was pregnant. Good luck to you whatever you choose. S.

Of course you should if you can afford it. I have a 17 yr old and a 9 yr old. I love, love, love having the age difference between my kids and wouldn't trade it for the world. I do think the bond between a husband and wife is brought even closer by sharing a child together. I had my 2nd one when I was 36 and it seemed like a perfect age to me. If God blesses you with another child, then be Grateful and enjoy it. Good Luck.

Rather than give you an opinion I thought I would give some pros and cons you might not have thought about:

Pros: your older kids will be helpful, your older kids will develop nurturing skills (my boys will be great dads), you will have this gift to share with your husband, you will get to experience parenting a young child from the perspective of having lived and learned more. You will finally have a child that will not have a sibling rivalry with anyone. You are more patient now, you know what to expect, with that many already one more really doesn't add to the noise or mess.

Cons: you will not be as able at first to be involved in alot of the activities of the older kids, you will have less time with all of them because a baby takes up alot of time and attention, field trips or p/t conferences are difficult to manage, your child will go through most of his growing years as an only child because by the time he is 7 the rest will most likely be gone, you could have less energy with this one.

I can promise you that even though the last one (of 5) was a total shocker and I had to adjust I cannot imagine a world in which she doesn't exsist. She will be a year old and she is already woven into every inch of the fabric of our family. I imagine if you did decide to have another one it would be much the same for you and that is never a bad thing.

How can I, a stranger, tell you to have another baby or not?
What I can do is let you know that I didn't get married until I was 31, (first had a miscarriage), then had our first child at age 33. I had my 4th and last child at age 41. So whatever your decision, please don't let age be the factor.

This is something only the two of you can decide upon. Pray about it and do what you both feel is best for you as a couple.

P. R

Hi K.,

I would definately wait until we're properly married, give the marriage a year or so. I have read studies showing that most marriages or relationships that do not last often have children very early on in the relationship or marriage.

But you're older now and are marrying whom you call your soul mate. I know I would mostly likely want a child if I was still in a good age, financially stable, solid marriage etc.

Yes, definitely. Do it now, so there are no regrets.

Honestly, this is only a decision you can make. I am 32 and my husband (soon to be ex) is 38. We both talked it over quite a bit when before getting pregnant and it seemed like something he REALLY wanted. I'm not so sure he understood the work behind it. Every situation is different. He's an over the road truck driver and would be home every other day. He had 2 children and I had 2. Ages are 16, 14, 11 and 9. Three boys and a girl. Kyler is now 15 months. It really started going downhill when I was about 4 months pregnant. I realized that I couldn't depend on him for even the small things, mowing grass, loading dishwasher, laundry. When we first met he didn't have much contact with his children because of the ex wife. Their mom lost custody of them at the end of last year and even though I told him I could not handle anymore right now, he still went for full custody and informed me he was moving them in. I know this is a pretty long response, but basically I wanted you to think about things that "could" happen. Make sure you really want to start over again. My two absolutely LOVE Kyler to peices and wouldn't change anything. They often tell him how glad they are that he's in their life. They are both into a lot of sports and the lil guy tags along where ever they go. It can be stressful...I don't get to watch much of their games, but the older boys are more worried about "their lucky charm" being there and not me seeing a score or goal.

so what is the question? what's the "but" to it? does there evevn have to be one is there one? the question gets the answer.

I think you should have another baby. You won't regret it though you will regret it if you wait, and then can't have one. I had a friend tell me "Do it, because otherwise you'll regret it the rest of your life." Yes, a baby brings changes to any family especially a blended one but it could also bring all of your children closer together. We ended up having 3 biological and then adopting a 4 yr old from Haiti. Good luck.